Hi there, Just want to pass a few comments regarding your piece here called music to the Ears. Please know that these comments are purely my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way. Chuck out the bad and keep whatever is helpful to you.
This poem was delightful to read. There was perfect rhymes and there was an easy flow which leads a poetry perfection. I love how you added all types of music from Jazz to hip hop and had something to say about all. It was a happy poem and made me smile: short and simple.
Just one place, where I think it needs punctuation correction if I'm not mistaken.
But alternative music's quest
Does truly beat its chest. since you're talking about music's quest- it should be it's chest rather than its?
Hi there. I'm reviewing your piece here called Decay and want you to know that all my comments are purely my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way. So please, chuck out what you do not agree with and apply whatever you feel is helpful.
The piece was engaging and built up tension. As a reader, I felt the need to read on to find out what is happening and where the character is.
However, not too much was happening even though the pacing of the story was extremely fast. So, I was rushing somewhere but no where. From the starting I knew the character was surrounded in blood and bodies and till the end, that is all I knew other than the fact that the character did it him/herself.
There are a few punctuation errors you should consider revising. 1. Rip my tongue out.
2. This crater that was once a city and now its a hole full of bodies ----------- was now a hole full of bodies.
3. When it is the same person speaking, you do not need two quotation marks or to switch the line. You can continue in the same paragraph.
4. Your past tenses are a bit confusing. The reader doesn't know when he is reading, is the character right then and there or talking about a past time? I trip on a rock as I was walking backwards and fall into a sea of corpses the blood,the smell and the body parts were making me nauseating. I raise my head and I recognize a face.----- If it's present, this sentence should be: as I walk backwards and fall. There should be a full stop after blood. Nauseating is a verb, nauseate would be the correct word here.
5. My face pales and I feel all the blood leave my body,my mom.. This is very confusing as you suddenly introduce someone new, your mom. Introduce it in the next paragraph and describe what the character sees about its mom.
6. I was expecting something more than it ended into a nightmare. When I was in secondary school, I was taught by my English teachers to never start a story from once upon a time and end by then I woke up. You can review it again and see if you want to change the ending. Perhaps you could turn it into a fantasy horror story. That could turn into something very interesting.
Please take my comments as only my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way.
1st impression: Like your name, this poem is quite twisted too but that is the beauty of it.
Best part: Some say the trick to love
is to never let it find you
How beautiful true and witty is this line. the trick to love is simply to not let it find you for we have all been there before and we know that all it leads to is just heart break.
Errors: None found :)
Overall impression:I love the blunt honesty and hard truth you put in here. Even though its hard to swallow, it is real. Thank you for sharing.
Hope this was helpful,
If you want to appreciate the review, do it by reviewing! :)
Please take my comments as only my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way.
1st impression: This is a poem about a person who is confused and doesn't know where to go in life and what to do.
Best part: Because many of us don’t know we’ve taken a miss step.
Until we trip.
I found this to be quite true because that is how it usually is and thats why its my favourite part.
Errors: i didn't understand what it meant by peanut butter on tracks? also avoid using too many hypothetical questions in a poem because it disrupts the flow.
Overall impressioon: The idea is good but vague. if you go deeper into yourself i'm sure you can find more creative ways of describing your anxiety and unsureness.
Hope this was helpful,
If you want to appreciate the review, do it by reviewing! :)
Please take my comments as only my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way.
1st impression: This is a poem about being scared about loving someone so much you'll lose yourself and therefore it is better to run away than accept or embrace it.
Best part:Watch me stagger off into the distance
after empty words and promises.
Leaving you behind, hoping for the day I will never see you again.
this part gave me imagery and the metaphor used of staggering away like a rabbit really made it vivid.
Errors: I do feel you should add 'want to kiss goodbye' in the first stanza as want kiss goodbye sounds wrong. I think that was by mistake.
and I say what I mean, too, - Starting of each line needs to be capitalized and one comma here would suffice. So, this would sound better as: And i say what i mean too,
The next Paragraph include But with the rest of the stanza. Do not give it a separate line.
Yes, it is love, but
No it is not
You could make this sound like a contradiction by removing the but which would give it more impact. It would show two faces of the same person.Like; Yes, it is love. No, it is not!
Overall impressioon: The concept of this poem is good but some work is needed to sharpen it. With a little work it could be a master piece :)
Hope this was helpful,
If you want to appreciate the review, do it by reviewing! :)
This was so so sweet. Completely described how it probably is to be old. i'm nineteen so i do not know much, yet :) but i'm sure, if life gives me a chance, i'll be at this stage too.
This was my favourite part: And so I'm trapped in-between
and I'm filled with sorrow...
one foot in the past, one in today
with no feet left for tomorrow!
Please take my comments as only my opinion and are not meant to harm or offend you in any way.
1st impression: This is an extremely sweet poem about the relationship between a mother and daughter. Only a parent can understand such a connection. I could understand how important your daughter is to you.
Best part: You are like a colourful rainbow
after a much awaited shower.
As breathtaking as the sight
of endless golden mustard fields,
that soothe my tired longing eyes.
I thought there was great imagery in this stanza. It was actually beautiful. Especially the part about soothing your tired eyes. It's as if your daughter calms you down and makes everything alright.
Errors: None found.
Overall impressioon: This was really sweet and i enjoyed it. Hope to read more from you :)
Hope this was helpful,
If you want to appreciate the review, do it by reviewing! :)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 7:12pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Welcome to WDC from "