I really enjoyed this song. I love the personification (or something like it) that you've used with Freedom, Passion, Despair and Wisdom.
The only thing that confused me is the phrase "Dispair and Freedom, you can’t take my soul" But earlier in the song you said that Freedom was your friend. Just a little confusing, but other than that, I love this!
Very well done. I enjoy the rhyme, and the descriptions that you’ve used to make the situation come to life. I feel that this is lacking something though. Your reader isn’t sure why the man is dying or the situation surrounding the death. One or the other would be more than fine, and I think that it would really improve the quality of the poem. I’ve encountered the same sort of problem in the past and I still do when it comes to my own poetry. So don’t worry, and try to add some more details like I mentioned earlier, and best of luck to you!
I truly enjoyed reading about the chocolates! Your varied descriptions of them and the memories that they bring back to the character is incredible! The story has a good flow to it, and it's kept simple while still explaing the complex tastes of the chocolates.
The only thing I would like to see though, is what does the woman look like? I know that it's quite irrelevant to the chocolates and the descriptions of them, but maybe if you provided a vague description of her, that would still provide a mental image of a woman while still concentrating on the chocolates.
No matter what, this was a joy to read!
I love the rhyming and the beat to the poem. I also love the fact that you took this from a dream you had. The simple wording and rhyming (it works very well for this poem) helps me as a reader to become curious to find out what's in the box.
While the poem works great the way it currently is, I would highly recommend adding another stanza or two. The poem is just long enough for the reader to get into it, but then it ends too soon before the reader can fully enjoy and savor it.
Other than that, I really enjoy this poem! Keep up the good work! :)
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