While I cannot criticize the style of your poem or the contents, it does speak to the isolation one can feel in this big world of hours. You could be one voice speaking, but if noone hears you...
The starkness this poem implies is unsettling at the very least- for me anyway. This is really good.
This speaks volumes of your devotion to your mom.Mine too has passed and she has not ever seen me as a mother or seen my son. She did attend our wedding and it was one of the last things she did healthy. There is nothing really negative for me to say but that the last couple of lines seemed a tad awkward. Keep writing please.
This is once again a very good example of fine work. I think, you may be trying to say you've built a world around the hurt, pain, and 'evil' that you feel is present in your life and around you.
That being said there are three minor corrections-3 spelling errors. See below.
I really like the cadence of this poem. It's almost lyrical. Each line leads to the next and a wonderful conclusion. I just find this to be an excellent expression of feelings and love and letting go. You have done an admiral job with this. Please keep writing- you do it so well! ID #1221961
This is very expressive of the state of depression which sadly many suffer and they do claim the freedom in various ways. Just knowing someone out there goes through depression as well, will encourage readers of this poem. I see no structural or grammatical errors. This is very well done.
You have skillfully captured how children and many adults deal with feelings. I think this may be more true for males but for females as well. I have tried to teach my now teenage son that tears are cleansing to the heart and soul. If we really admitted to feeling anything, many would be horrified. You are right we have to "play the game."
This poem is artfully done and very clear. There are no errors or structural problems that are apparent. Thank you for sharing.
This poem speaks well to the reality of marraige and divorce. While it appears structurally sound and is a good read; for some reason it just didn't "hit" me. I am a poet as well and even some of my own works end up not really "hitting" me or grabbing my attention. Keep writing. I am not saying its not good because it really is.
Your sister invited me to read these. I am not one to give perfect ratings but this definitely deserves it.
I had and have similar experiences with my own dad but he's buried in NY so the option of visiting his grave is not possible except once a year. His grandchildren at one point or another have been visited by him. In almost every case he came to cover a child whose blankets had fallen off of them.
Your daughter suggested I read this I am so very glad she did. In the early 70's we moved from our home in NY to Connecticut. My father had died a couple of years before in a very serious auto + truck accident. He survived for 36 hours. In the late 70's my mother and one of my sisters moved down south. I wonder if this is how my mother felt the last time she visited his grave. She's since passed but I cannot imagine what she went through. Thank you.
Yet another work that touched my heart. We watched my father-in-law as he succumbed to illnesses.Somehow this gives a glimpse into what a person goes through when they pass. This is emotional, vivid, and very believeable. I appreciate your sharing your works. I think this could actually be instrumental in helping loved ones heal after a death. Keep up the good work!
BarbL,this sounds so real. I mean its very visual and believable. I could almost feel Joseph grabbing my own arm. The twist that the man in the station was a police officer made the story even more real. It's kind of 'ironic' (not sure if that's the word I want), that Joseph was twisting her arm and he is led from the building having his own arms twisted behind him. Do you have other work on the site. I'd like to add you to my favorite authors.
I know what sleepless nights are like. I know what longing for someone feels like and they can be right beside you as you and sleep play hide and seek.
The only lingering question I have is this: Is the person in your slumber state a love who has passed on or a present love who is at a distance.
This poem is very well written. It has consistent rhythm. It is clear and concisely states the depth and reality of the author's fight for his or her son.
I know this battle all to well as I have a teenage son as well. Rebellion magnified by 100 would be my way of saying the depth of the battle we are fighting for our son.
Thank you very much for reminding me that the battle can be won and that no matter what he is our son. It has given me a bit of strength for the road ahead and it is going to be a bumpy road.
This poem has excellent content about a spiritual journey. I was able to grasp your advice about living your faith and not denying it. That being said, I don't know if it was intentional or not and it could be just me but some stanzas had 4 lines while others had five or six. The rhythm of the poem became a bit awkward for me. Keep writing and mine is only one opinion.
This is a very cute story so far. I understand you are still working on it. I like the instance where the children were caught in the black tunnel. Just a note though, you might want to do a spell check in the last line - :So after the conversation Matt sia dgoodbye is perhaps the most obvious one. All in all though you have the start of a good children's story.
This is yet another really good piece of work. I don't really have any criticism about it. Your descriptive ability is wonderful, allowing the reader to form their own mental pictures. I really enjoyed it. I totally believe in angels and have all kinds of figurines and books about them.
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