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372 Public Reviews Given
380 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I mostly use a template that covers different areas of the writing. I look for punctuation, grammar, and other technical writing skills. I will be honest with you in a very respectful manner. I may offer to assist you with making edits. This option depends on the length of the item and whether I believe you need the assistance or not. Some edits may just need to be pointed out as typos or something you overlooked.
I'm good at...
Catching changes of tenses in writing. Often times writers tend to switch from present tense to past tense. I tend to catch grammatical and punctuation errors quite easily as well.
Favorite Genres
All
Least Favorite Genres
Extreme horror or gore
Favorite Item Types
I truly enjoy writing that is from the heart; the innermost emotion that oftentimes can be difficult to share with others. I enjoy knowing how the writer feels or is dealing with what they are writing about.
Least Favorite Item Types
I do not enjoy extreme gore and dislike excessive profanity.
I will not review...
Anything that uses The Lord's name in vain or containing excessive profanity.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Alone  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a story packed into only 300 words. I enjoyed the twist at the end.

I would not have any suggestions for this piece considering the limitations set on the contest.

Great job and Write-On!


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52
52
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am here to review you. I hope you find my review encouraging and helpful.

How the writing made me feel: This is a very heartfelt and emotional piece in regard to spending time with our parents. It really struck a nerve with me because I know both ends of that spectrum.

Can I relate to the writing through a personal experience? I certainly can relate to this item. My dad passed away 5 years ago and my mother walked out on me when I was a teen. I would love to have my parents around to honor; whereas, my kids are like "yea, I called ya."

Did the plot interest me? I did find the topic interesting and I truly believe we need to get young folks to understand their parents are not promised tomorrow, no one is.

Were the characters believable? There really aren't any characters to mention. Just self reflection, but yes, believable.

Did the item flow naturally? - I would encourage reading through and making some corrections. It is not an easily flowing item, but with a little work and time I believe it can be.

What I liked most: Your desire to remind people that we should not be too busy for what truly matters in life.

What I liked least: Format issues (space between paragraphs), feels a little rushed

Did anything stand out? Deep emotion.

Is there anything I would change within the writing? As I mentioned above, I would encourage you to read through this and make some formatting corrections, punctuation, and flow. Maybe try reading out loud, because how you hear yourself read it is how your reader is reading it.

Was the writing memorable? Somewhat.

Please keep in mind these comments are strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Please never change anything that you are not comfortable with changing!!




Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


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53
53
Review of Tomorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am here to review you as a member of: "I am sure a Review Crew will recruit me." LOL

How the writing made me feel: Absolutely drawn in. This poem kept me yearning for more and waiting in expectation!

Can I relate to the writing through a personal experience? Yes, I think we all can and I absolutely love the Shakespearian style.

Did the plot interest me? Yes, I had to read and re-read the end because I got a little lost in the change up but I was very interested.

Were the characters believable? Yes.

Did the item flow naturally? It did until the end, but I do believe the change up is intentional. I see this done from time to time but I am not familiar with the style, as it is not one I use.

What I liked most: Shakespearian style and the way your words held my attention captive.

What I liked least: Lack of punctuation.

Did anything stand out? - Intensity. When I say it draws you in, I was literally leaned in reading in expectation.

Is there anything I would change within the writing? - I would add punctuation, but that is my personal preference.

Was the writing memorable? - Shakespearian style and intensity of word use.

Please keep in mind these comments are strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Please never change anything that you are not comfortable with changing!!




Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
54
54
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing your poem. This is a lovely and direct expression of love. I would encourage you to think of your children and grand-children and add those intense emotions to your poem as well.
For example: Where you say the love for our children is like... describe the feelings of growing. The joy, the hurt, the pains of letting go...

Job well done.. please remember this is simply an opinion.

Keep up the good work and Write-on!

Angela


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55
55
Review of A Plea  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Writing is a wonderful way to get your feelings out. I appreciate that you are expressing yourself and not internalizing everything. Please remember my opinions are only that, opinions.

1. Keep writing, get it out. - Spend more time on it doing...

2. Adding punctuation helps the flow and allows the reader to know how you intend it to be read.

Hope this helps. Keep up the good work.

Angela


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56
56
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi. I found your poem by looking under the nature genre. I do my reviews on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.; however, my opinions are mine and mine alone. With having said that, I hope you find my review to be beneficial, encouraging, and respectful.

I noticed you posted this poem in 2005 and did your last edit in 2009. It is a very unique poem about a Tsunami, containing a lot of detailed imagery.

Overall Impression:
I have never seen a poem like this, and I absolutely love it. You have inspired me to attempt this writing style with a different topic. I am amazed at how you pulled the whisper off throughout the poem, and then at the end it is almost as if the tsunami just screams at you. Very powerful and effective wording and breaking down the whispers.

Spelling / Grammar:
I do not see any spelling or grammatical errors - Great job!

Punctuation:
Properly punctuated. Your punctuation truly accents and compliments the flow of the poem. I would even go as far as to say the punctuation is perfect.

Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time. It is rare I find an item I consider to be perfect, but this is an exceptionally well written poem.

Thank you for sharing this and I would like to encourage you to Write-On!!

Ang


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57
57
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi... I found your poem on the shameless plug page, I must say for a person who does not do poetry on a regular basis I think you have done a fabulous job with this. It is intelligent, sincere, well written, and flows well. This is very impressive considering the length and subject matter you have opted to write about. I found this to be very inspiring and encouraging and also as a reminder that the end of a goal is the best place to be. I especially like how you end your poem - gratitude for opened doors although persons may never have even cared to know.

Exceptional Read!!

Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!

Ang

This has been an "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window. review.


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58
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey Joy Author IconMail Icon ,

I stopped by your port to review a purple case for The Challenge, and I am so glad I did. I do my reviews on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window., but my opinions are my own personal opinions. I was quite surprised by the writing tools folder I found in your port. Your list of nouns is quite in depth and I have found that many of your items are excellent reference tools and / or excellent advice or tips for writing. I most definitely will be back to read over more of what you have in the folder I found this item in. I will also be letting others know about helpful and encouraging pieces.

Thanks for taking the time to do all of this and I would like to encourage you to Write-on!!

Ang


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59
59
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sparky Author IconMail Icon !

Your story was listed in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. , which entitles you to a review. I do my reviews in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window..

I had to read your story slowly and carefully, because the change in tense you mention at the bottom were confusing. I would not so much suggest changing the story as I would suggest moving that note to the top of the page. Had I known that going into the story it may have been easier to read and get drawn into from the beginning.

I found this to be very thought provoking. The title immediately drew me in with intrigue. You have a well written story with a great deal of detail and imagery. I especially like the way you describe the hair standing on in. That is a true chill factor I could relate to.

I did not see any grammatical errors; however, I might would suggest using quotation marks to emphasize the conversation better.

Overall, I thought this was a great piece. You never cease to keep the creative mind spinning!!

Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!

Ang


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60
60
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

How the writing made me feel:

Your article brought me comfort. I have had issues with the fact that many people believe children should be babied and pampered all of their lives. I believe children learn and grow from disappointments, losing, etc. I believe in teaching them hard work is for their own personal growth. If at first you don't succeed - try, try again. I posted a blog entry way earlier in the night I would like to share with you. "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window. My own father disagreed with my parenting techniques, but I stuck to them and they have proved to create a thriving and successful teenage girl with a very bright future.


Did the plot interest me?

Yes, I appreciate and respect that fact that although you do not have children of your own, you are concerned about what society is deeming damaging. I agree that society's new view is more damaging.


What I liked most:

Publicly speaking about something on your heart, in the best interest of children.


Did anything stand out?

Emotional impact - You are not a parent; however, you have worked closely with them and you are expressing concern.



Is there anything I would change within the writing?

I would suggest sharing more of your one on one experiences with this.

Was the writing memorable?

I think this should be shared with the world and shouted from the roof-tops!! Yes, it will be memorable to me!

Please keep in mind these comments are strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Please never change anything that you are not comfortable with changing!!




Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
61
61
Review of Mockingbirds  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

This is a sweet, yet realistic poem connecting yourself to the mockingbird. I read it multiple times because the bold statement made in such few words was very touching to me. Very poetic and thought provoking.

I do not have any suggestions for editing this piece. Good Work!

Please keep in mind these comments are strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Please never change anything that you are not comfortable with changing!!




Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
62
62
Review of Spamchronicity  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

I found your item as a random review. You truly keep the suspense going strong in your poem. I was reading it captivated by what you had written, scrolling down, and then I reach the last line and was like, Oh my goodness you have got to be kidding me! Great poem, but definitely not what I was expecting. Actually, I was expecting something warped or disgusting....lol

Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work and Write-On!!

*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
63
63
Review of Auld Lang Syne  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

This is impressive. I entered the 200 word challenge a few weeks ago, that was a challenge. I have read 100 word entries I thought were impressive, but really to be able to have a beginning, middle, and end in 55 words is fabulous work. It is well worded, powerful, and perfectly punctuated. I applaud you for this.

Thanks for sharing this and I encourage you to Write-On!

*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
64
64
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

This is a super exciting activity you have going here. I have seen numerous posts in the newsfeed about the blogging competition and I truly could not wait for the new blogging month to come. This is a true way to ensure you do your daily writing and interacting on the site - Develop skills, read different perspectives, get creative... the options are truly endless here. I am hoping to be approved to compete for the month of March... Challenge myself in a way I have not in a long time.

Thank you for creating such a wonderful place to interact and be expressive.... Way to encourage people to Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*
65
65
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is my 200th review here on the site, and I wanted it to be one that would be special to me. First, I would like to say I became a member of the WDC Angel Army over a year ago because so many people in the group reached out to me in a time of great pain and hurt in my life. My father had just passed away and my husband worked most of the time. I was able to escape the pain in my heart and enjoy heartfelt love and emotion when I got involved in conversations about writing, editing, or just anything that came up.

I was even more blessed by my first upgrade through the Angel Army. Kind people working together to make other people smile.

I have learned my time spent here on the site is so much more than giving reviews, getting reviews, or even how many items are posted. It is about friendships that are built. Friendships that truly touch the depths of the heart and soul.

I know 200 reviews is not really a lot of reviews in a over a year, but there have been long periods of time I have not been able to be on the site. Whether it was my own personal medical issues, family issues, or just everyday life. Regardless of how long I am away, which I haven't had to do lately and hope not to anytime soon, my ANGEL ARMY family welcomes me back with open and loving arms.
I am proud to make my reviews in affiliation with such a wonderful group. The WDC Angel Army truly is a group of angels hoping to gain their second wing by reaching out to help those around us.

I thank you and the multitude of other members of this group who make it so wonderful to not only be on WDC but to be part of something so very special!

I love WDC, I love the friendships made and being made, and I love knowing no matter how difficult my day has been I will log on to encouraging and supportive people who truly care without passing judgment.

Thank you for the beautiful pages you have taken the time to create for our group. Thank you for the encouragement you pour out all over the site every single day. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for being YOU!

(Hugs)


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*
66
66
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi. I found your item as a random review and I must say this is beautiful. Your triolet style poem is evenly balanced with 8 lines of 8 syllables. I know how challenging that in and of itself can be. I also appreciate the fact that you put at the bottom of the page what your poem was written for so others who are interested in learning different poetic devices (such as myself) can find these items. Thanks to reading your poem and becoming inspired to grow in my poetry one again, I believe I will search for some projects to guide me in my learning.

Thank you for sharing this.

Keep up the great work and Write-On!!

Ang


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67
67
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns Author IconMail Icon ! Welcome to WDC, I hope you are enjoying your time here on the site and become a very active member in this wonderful community. I found your story as a random review item this evening. Just so you know, I do my reviews of behalf of WDC Angel Army; however, my opinion are mine alone and not necessarily that of the group. With that being said, below you will find my thoughts about your story.

Overall Impression: This is a well written story about conflicting views all too often seen in society, one sister wanting to reach out to a person in need and one wanting to ignore the situation. It also tells of another issue I deem critical to our society - the sister who is speaking of her Bible study class is the one wanting to turn a blind eye. As Christians we are to love with the love of Christ, we need to ask ourselves would Jesus turn a blind eye? Your story spoke volumes to me....

Grammar / Spelling:
In the beginning of the story you use the words ..... uh uh, he's there
My suggestion uh oh, he's there

I saw him at different supermarkets ....
I have seen

All she needed were bananas, strawberries and blueberries and we proceeded to the cash register in less than ten minutes.
All she needed was... You also have left a part out. You tell what she needed and that you proceeded to the cash register, but you leave out collecting the items...

Quite often you can imply things in stories; however, I do not think that works well here.

the man with the twenty dollar bill and the lady that gave it to him
the lady who gave it to him
Punctuation:
It seems to me you have done an exception job punctuating your story. I do not see any errors to point out. Great job!!

Thank you for sharing a simple exchange between sisters that makes a very bold and powerful statement.

Keep up the great work and Write-On!!

Angela


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68
68
Review of Little Dime  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found your item as a random review. Please remember my comments are strictly my opinion and you should not change anything you are not comfortable with changing. With that being said, I hope my remarks prove to be beneficial to you.

Overall Impression:
This is a cute nursery rhyme type poem I could see preschool aged children enjoying.

Structure / Flow:
The flow is not natural. I believe if you were to add to or take away from your poem to balance it out it would be a much easier read and become something many enjoy sharing with their children.

Technical Skill:
You have only used two question marks and one comma throughout the entire poem. If you were to add more punctuation you give your reader a better idea of how you desire for it to read and flow.

Suggestion:
Read your poem out loud to yourself and try to create something almost musical in nature. Perhaps you could find a young child to practice it with until you get it just the way you want it.

Thanks for sharing this - If my daughter was still little I could see me seeking stuff like this out to play with her.

Keep up the good work and Write-On!!

Angela


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69
69
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This item was submitted in a raffle for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. , which entitles you to a free review. Good Luck in the raffle.

First, i would like to say I applaud you for being such a go-getter and being an over-achiever to make your time, as well as other group members time, more valuable here on WDC. Good Luck in your endeavors to spread more smiles and joy on the site.

Overall Impression:
You have created a page here to raise GP's to award members of the Disability group for the efforts and teamwork on the site. Being disabled myself, I am very pleased to see people, such as yourself, cheering people on regardless of who they are or what may be their situation.

I would like to say, as a person who likes to donate when I can a person may not want you to post how much they donated. I would consider making that an option, rather than automatically doing it. Sometimes I am embarassed by how little I can donate and I am sure there are some who may donate more and might get hounded to donate to causes they may not be interested in donating for. - Just my thoughts...

Thank you for your efforts to put smiles on the faces of your team-mates!!

Keep up the great work and Write-On!!
70
70
Review of The Tokarski Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reading your memory story was quite emotional for me and broke my heart for you. This brought back a lot of memories about my dad because this is almost the same way it happened with him. I am so sorry for your loss. Honey, I know the heartache you feel - I have found the more I write about it and get the emotions out the better I feel. I do find comfort in my writing and sharing my love for my dad in my poetry and stories. I hope this is the case with you, in regard to your mom. (HUG)

In regard to your entry in the 200 word challenge, I would have to say you have done an exquisite job of telling a very emotional and powerful story in the word restricted challenge. I did not see any technical errors in your story. Job very well done.

Thank you for sharing such emotion and personal feelings with us. May God hold you in His loving arms and bring you comfort.

Angela


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71
71
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow Jim,

Your lady is going to be a blushing beauty when she reads this. It is truly beautiful token of your love and admiration for not only her but your love and relationship as a couple. I do not see any edits that need to be done. I applaud you immensely for sharing your heartfelt emotion in this beautiful poem. I am sure she will love more than anyone else who will ever read it.

Exquisite work, keep it up and Write-On!

Ang

"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.


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72
72
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Your item was entered in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. . This entry comes with a review to show appreciation for participating.

This is a lovely story. I truly could not help but to laugh as I read this, it made me think of how my grandparent were in the latter years of their lives. I loved them so very much but both of them could be so ornery at times. You brought out some genuine giggles in me. Your story is very realistic, very well written, and full of detail and imagery.

I do have a few minor suggestions; however, these suggestions are my personal opinion. Please do not ever change anything you are not comfortable with changing.

Suggestions:

One could easily imagine them as the perfect Mr. and Mrs. Claus, had it not been for their dexterous talent to revile one another in their current predicament.

I, being a doctor of sublime conscientiousness to my work, was determined to set their problems right.

“The grandchildren love my baking, ”she explained.”Dr.Fox, it’s pure malice Joe won’t let me use that pumpkin.”

I do not think grandchildren needs to be capitalized in your story. Grandchildren is not a proper noun, if I am not mistaken you would only put it in caps at the beginning of a sentence.

“That pumpkin means a lot to me but winning is not the only reason I won’t let her use it. She ticked me off!”

“He went to get the paper, just walked right outside while I was talking to him,” she replied.” I figured he could stay out there awhile.”

“He’s too ornery to get sick,” she flashed.” Last summer he ran over my roses with his new-fangled riding lawn mower.”

The things I have pointed out here continue throughout the story but I think you get the point. You created a wonderful story AND used all of the word prompts required for the contest you entered. Kudos, my dear, kudos!!

Thank you for sharing this with me and I very much encourage you to WRITE-ON!!!


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73
73
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Your item was posted in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., which entitles you to a review to show appreciation for participation.

First, I would like to say I applaud you for so boldly expressing what many have seemingly forgotten. We all are beautiful and the term "ugly" is definitely a man-made insult to boost an ego that is deprived of its own self confidence. I truly like what you have expressed in your poem and I believe it is a message the world needs to be reminded of.

As I read your poem, I notice the meter and rhythm is not balanced. This causes the poem to not flow as naturally is it could. There are also a few places you have left out punctuation. Punctuation also accents poetry and helps the reader to understand how you intend for it to be read.

Below are a few suggestions I have for your poem. Please remember, these suggestions are my personal opinion and you should never change anything you are not comfortable with changing.

The forms are many the understanding is few. 12
Beauty is physical for much of the time. 11
The perception of beauty is what is a crime. 11
Your magazines, your books, role models on tv. 12
They don’t advocate this….6
Physical imperfection is beauty. 10
Battle scars and wrinkles show true grit and character. 13
People who survive through life and come out with a smile. 13
From birth to death and all in between. 9
Beauty shines through in everything we are. 11

Beauty has other forms away from you and I. 12
The winter sun, the lashing rain, the clear blue summer sky. 14
The animals the birds and bees, 8
Rivers, lands and trees ,5
It makes me sad that people don’t see the beauty in you and in me. 17

This world is beautiful if you take the time to notice. 14
You are beautiful if you take the time to care. 12

Beauty is everywhere 7
Ugly is man-made created to put you down. 12
The by-product of ignorance and insecurity of others. 17

You are beautiful.5
Embrace yourself.4

If you look at the number beside each stanza it represents the meter - It is very imbalanced and makes it difficult to get a natural flow while reading.

You have a great item here and I encourage you to work with it more. This is an expression that needs to spread around the world and you just may be the person to do it!!

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

Keep up the great work and I would like to encourage you to Write-On


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74
74
Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi ruwth Author IconMail Icon ,

I saw your post on your newsfeed asking for reviews of this item so I thought I would take a look. This is a very sweet and short sentiment of how I believe many of us feel from time to time.

I read over the item and I only have a few brief suggestions to make, please remember these are my opinion, do not change anything you are not comfortable with changing.

There are a few unnecessary that's in your story - This is a problem I have had and still struggle with. There are items in my portfolio I need to go back and edit due to this same thing.

You wrote:
I wished that I could just pick up the phone and call God -- I wanted that clear back and forth interaction with Him that would be possible with a phone call.

Suggestion:
I wished I could pick up the phone and call God -- I wanted a clear back and forth interaction .....

The only other thing that truly caught my attention was you seem to change persons in your story. You seem to go from speaking in first person as "I" to speaking as "you." I believe you should keep the entire writing as a first person perspective.

You wrote:
I wished we could dial something like 1-800-JESUS. As I mulled the idea over in my mind, I got to wondering what would happen if you did try to place a phone call to Jesus.

Suggestion:
I wished I could dial something like 1-800-JESUS. As I mulled the idea over in my mind, I got to wondering what would happen if I did try to place a phone call to Jesus.


I truly like the idea behind what you are saying here and it is truly admirable what you do in the end of your story. I do not want to give it away in your review but it was truly heartfelt and respectable.

You have a great item here that can impact a lot of hearts. I encourage you to keep working with your Christian writing, never know, it could be a key to changing someone else's life forever!

Keep up the great work and Write-On!!

Ang


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Review by Angel_Eyes Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your item was sent to my by ruwth Author IconMail Icon. She was very encouraged and uplifted by your entries for "The Christian Writing Contest" Open in new Window. last year.

I am here to review you as a member of: "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.

How the writing made me feel: You have done a wonderful job here of making me feel connected to your devotional. As I read it I could see how what you were saying directly related to my life and the life of anyone who would read or study it. I truly like the "Circle of Life" aspect you applied here. This was a very powerful and effective technique for your devotional.

Can I relate to the writing through a personal experience? Yes, you have encouraged me to continue to strengthen my relationship with God because it is not an earthly reward we are after, it is our heavenly reward of eternal life. Although we can find earthly peace and rest the true joy comes when we pass.

Did the plot interest me? Absolutely. You have done an exceptional job of converting the scripture of Psalms 1 into a daily devotional in which most any reader can understand and be drawn into. You have a true gift with this.

Were the characters believable? Your scene and characters are very real-life and believable. I especially like how the point of your devotional is made in the passing away of Ana.

Did the item flow naturally? Yes. Your sentences are lengthy with great imagery and detail. I did not see any sentences that seemed short or chopped off. In my opinion, your flow and structure are ideal for a devotional item.

What I liked most: The love for Christ that flows from your heart to your pen!

What I liked least: There isn't anything, except a few punctuation errors, that I disliked.

Did anything stand out? Your love for Christ and Christian writing.

Is there anything I would change within the writing? There are a few places where I noticed lack of punctuation in your devotional. I believe these may be mere oversight.

For example:

You wrote:
Anna loved her bible the limited access she had to the outdoors.

Suggestion:
Anna loved her bible, the limited access she had to the outdoors.

You wrote:
Despite her handicapped condition she made the most of every opportunity she had to drink in the bliss that came her way.

Suggestion:
Despite her handicapped condition, she made the most of every opportunity to drink in the bliss that came her way. (Stating she had is redundant being as you have already told us who you are talking about in this sentence.)

There are a few more places where you may like to review punctuation, I hope these two sentences give you a better idea of what to look for.


Was the writing memorable? Yes. This is a devotional style I would buy had I picked it up at a store and read it. It is intellectually stimulating with The Word without diluting it. You have a phenomenal talent in this genre. I hope you will nurture it and allow God to guide your steps to use this talent to glorify Him!!

Please keep in mind these comments are strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Please never change anything that you are not comfortable with changing!


Thank you for sharing and Write-On!!


*Angel**Angel*This has been an Angela Purser Review!
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.! *Angel**Angel*


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