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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/amundsen22
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (2.5)
Indeed this is a very colourful piece that speaks rather to the mind of a synesthete than to a meditiative mind though I see your thinking.

Perhaps try the use of enjambment and less full stops to mimic the 'weaving' movement you describe so the reader is manipulated in accordance with the motion in the poem for greater effect.

Your use of colour is very striking but instead of repeating 'purple' for instance, delve into the language for synonyms like violet, lavender or plum. These slightly alter the image and give you a more fantastic, vibrant palette.

Kind regards,

Aurora Lee.
2
2
Review of untitled  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
The content of this piece is really grabbing. You have much material for the development of plot and character already and I find myself wanting more. The only thing to address is the grammar and structure of this piece to make it easier reading. Remember to check your writing.
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