This is an interesting idea. I like the comments from the townspeople and the scraps of the story you can glean from what they say. I don't know if you intend on continuing this, I hope you do, but I think that if the entire story was laid out this way, I would find it distracting. That being said, as a inrto to a longer piece, I find the unusual style and the questions is raises for me really sucks me into the story.
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