Bravo! I have read some of your previous works,and you my friend never fail to amuse and satisfy. I found your short to be both interesting and easy to get absorbed in. The concept of "love" is very illusive in all forms of art and I found the humorous twist to be delightful. Maybe I can simply relate having been married 6 years myself with three children( two of which are girls).Hot water may in fact be more rare a commodity then love. I also loved the bit about reading "War and Peace" and your wife's shower being finished by chapter 15, that had me literally laughing out loud. I am sure should my husband ever chose to read an actual book my showers would be comparably long.
Jay,
This piece was unbelievably astounding. When I finished reading I literally said " Wow" out loud. It was written in almost a poetic style while I was reading I could actually feel the rhythm. In the beginning I felt like he had met the love of his life, Only to get to the twist and find that she simply introduced him to his Love while simultaneously introducing him to his own hell. It was so simple yet complex and real. The fact that in the beginning his mother is pushing him to meet a girl and then he does only to be completely screwed up by her. I feel like he found two loves that night and she was one. I also took with me a little bit of a subtext basically saying " women and temptation will be your downfall" which i felt gave it a much deeper meaning. This was phenomenal and has officially been added to my list of favorites. Keep up the awesome work!!!!
After reading this scene I found that everything was very easy to picture. I can see the relationship between Frankie and Leigh as if I were sitting right there. The question I am left with as a viewers is, Why if Frankie is so happy with Leigh would he react in a way which he clearly knew would hurt her feelings. Not just that he didn't want their baby but he was quite defensive and almost mean about it. And I also am very interested to know more and see where this Story is going.
Okay so here goes nothing I am new to this site and this is my very first written review ever, so i apologize if my topics are jumpy and I seem somewhat all over the place so to speak. I have in the past given some short verbal reviews. So I am just going to jump right into it and tell you how I feel about your work please do not be offended if I say something that you may take the wrong way, although I don't believe that will be the case with this story. I WANT MORE. That is the main point of this review. I found the first paragraph to be slightly on the dull side I feel like it needs something a little more attention grabbing although I don't have a suggestion for you. To be completely honest As I started reading after the first two lines I skipped that first paragraph. :( However from the start of the second paragraph on i was very intrigued. I am interested in finding out what happened to this girl that was so traumatic and what she will do from this point on. I felt the story was very easy to get into and to me that is one of the most important parts of a book. It grabbed my attention and kept it. I hope you have a second chapter on its way because I am anxious to take a look at it. The conversation between mother and daughter was very good easy to follow and picture happening. “You've known me for eighteen years... Guess that makes you a bit of an expert on the subject. You know you scared the crap out of me.” Joven turned to face her mother. “Besides, from here I can see everything that goes on.”
was my favorite line because of the implication that the daughter might be the one looking out for her mother instead of the other way around even though she seems equally as damaged. So in short " YAY please keep writing this!!!!!!!!!!!!" I hope my review was at least a little helpful.
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