Very delicate, almost an open-weave snowflake flittering down in the sunlight, I'd like to touch it, but touching it would end it's beauty. 'blissful greens' is my favorite part, I look out the window at the new spring growth and understand exactly what you're trying to paint a picture of. Generally I don't tend to enjoy the very sparse writing style which you've used here, but perhaps I've just not seen it done properly before. A lovely piece, thanks for sharing it.
Ellie's frantic search of her bag is a great way to open your story. Her dialogue is spot on for a teenage girl flailing in attempt to craft a clever tale. Very nice twist with the alternate assignment, something only a creative writing writing teacher would propose. A good response to the prompt, best of luck in the contest.
just a couple minor grammatical errors, in the first paragraph "kids always threaten to take of her wig", I believe you mean to say off.
In the sixth paragraph, 'Can anyone here me doing this?' should be hear.
I like the kid's outlandish tale of aliens, he's quite a charming little liar. The teacher's corrections, both grammar and regarding small pox are in perfect tone for the stereotypical witchy-looking tough cookie of a teacher. Overall it's a good effort, keep that pen moving.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/allison_k
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 7:59am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
