A wonderfully-crafted tale. Although, to be honest, I did not find anything new in your story's cocept, however the presentation has made all the difference - very nice, it is. No grammatical errors notices, however, I suggest you to use line spacing in the peice at appropriate place. Like for instance, after a dailogue or completion of a setence, leave a line and the start the next sentence.
Well, with all honesty and no hard feelings, I have to say that I didnt find the poem to be as intriguing as much as I thought it would be. It appears to be like the othe same mundane and routine less emotive love poems where pain is the main protagnist. I wish I could have given you credit for the intepretation, but that too appears below par.
You have the potiential, but certainly this peice doesnt highlight it.
I was just reminded of my philosophy texts. I dont think I have read such a clean and neat translation of hatred and similar emotions in a poetic language for quite some time! I have congatulate you for achieving such a remark!
Lovely peice of work. Poetry is an intricate job - both for the writer and the reviewer. As a writer you have certainly excelled, no doubt. Your choice of topic is nothing exception, your interpretion however, has taken the poem to a new level. Well done!
Language is fine. I immensely liked the line:
"While in the East they kill for Gods, all different, yet the same;" - A master's stroke!
I am sure the 4.0 is causing you worry. Well the rating doesnt mean you have any loose ends in your work. My ways of reviewing are that the writer should never feel his work is perfect. The 1 less rating is my way of motivating and encouraging you to keep writing!
So enjoy what you write and thanks for posting in my forum.
A very nice and humble effort! I noted no errors of grammatical mistakes. I suggest however, you could develop this into a long version - as a story, perhaps. You could possibly portray the old man's sorrow and pain in a detailed way through the story. Your writing abilities are good. I love the end of the peice, well-thought!
You have the creativity of a poet in you. You have chosen and interesting topic for a poem, but, m friend, your thoughts and lines have gone for toss. The beginning of the peice is fine, but as the reader moves along, confusion dawns, and begins to wonder: what are trying to get to?
You seem to be losing the grip over your poem.
No doubt, you have a good baggage of words, but you havent channelised them well enough.
Very well- written. I llove how you have used the first line " Satin laces and silent kisses" - how very mushy and exotic. The poem flows in almost like some lyrical melody and every line begs for deserving attention. You make a wonderful writer, my friend!
Different. Exceptional. Well, those two words are what exactly flashed in my mind after I finished a good read of your peice. You have been blessed with a writer's hand. Utilize it. You have the potential.
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