So like extreme anxiety. And he so worried he can't even enjoy the dream in which he's flying. Those of us that can fly are meant to be free must learn to let go. That's when he'll be happiest
First off, I think you.meant inner rage? Change code to law and if it's not part of your body of work then leave your self opinions for the comments
I'm only saying this cause I try contests all the time and I think I have a shot. That would not win. Im open to critical reviews too. It would be appreciated
Ah I laughed when you started with Wal mart. Starts out with reminding us of a classic saying. describes the world perfectly. I only gave it 4.5 bc of you starring out with something said so many times. As strong as it is.
I like it. Not complex. Simple precise to the point. The words are easy but I think that's how it should be. Poetry shouldn't be complicated. The only change I would make if it were mine is the "thank you, thank you, thank you" part. That's too repetitive. Why not "thank you and thanks again". That's all. Have a wonderful night.
Vivid, I could see what you were saying. You painted a perfect picture. The words flowed and I didn't have t reread to catch up on anything I missed. You really miss that home and I can feel it.
That was excellent. I'm not a fan of lengthy poetry. I get bored and stop reading it, due to how they usually drags. But I read on. Mainly because the son and dad relationship. Good holiday piece.
That was excellent. I'm not a fan of lengthy poetry. I get bored and stop reading it, due to how they usually drags. But I read on. Mainly because the son and dad relationship. Good holiday piece.
Your word choice is to simple. You're just rambling. This is your chance to throw in some wit. Look this over and read it again. Emotionless and broken is mundane. I've heard it. Tell me more about how great he was in detail. Then when he flipped, tell me how horrible he was in detail. And one more thing(I'm guessing you're some chick talkin' 'bout some dude.) Don't start out anything with you had a big nose. The way you describe him tells me he wasn't special so you didn't write anything special.
It's hard to write a happy poem. I can once in a while but lets be honest the best things in writing are weird, scary, dark and deep. As I read your free verse I'm able to conjure a scene to every other line. I find it chaotic and unorganized but I like it. I prefer crooked picture frames and catercornered. I hope I spelled that write. You make me worried about you. Which is good that is real emotion I feel for you. Tell me you're alive. Peace.
I liked that. I could easily put a rhythm to it. In fact I just did. I got a website where I upload all my music recordings. It would be awesome to get your permission to record as a song and let me post with name on it of course and I will give you the link to go to hear it.
Ok, very imaginative and it has meanng; you wrote it for your daughter. And I can't critcize you for it being girly cause it's supposed to be. I also like the last line in the second stanza: "...who has your name too", I felt like you were reading to me. You could build on it if you wanted. I just didn't like the last stanza
To be honest with you I think you are rhyming too much. But that's just my personal opinion. I didn't finish it. I got to the third stanza and got a lil' lost and disinterested. It's to epic and innocent for my taste.
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