Holy ----- wow! I am just so amazed! The story was a perfect erotica story! The description was amazing! I wanted to be Ellie so bad, I swear I did! I have no words. I am at such a loss. I could read that over and over again. It was just amazing! I am sorry I have no other words!
*Finally exhales* WOW. *Exhales again.* Okay, now that I have gathered my thoughts, I must say that this was definitely captivating. The way you use your words is very strong. I especially love the lines: "to glimpse a shred of a broken soul. To peer down the corridors of heartache." To capture the moment someone realizes that the other person will go on is amazing. At least that's what I assume you mean when you wrote "Just to know he'll be restored." It is heart wrenching to live those moments and you capture it beautifully. I don't know what else to say! There are no real words that describe exactly what I am feeling inside.
The only thing I would say is to make sure you find a different word instead of raptured because raptured isn't a word and ruptured may have been the word you're looking for but when something ruptures it explodes.
Other than that, I was hooked I could feel the pain and I saw the scenes you wanted the reader to see. You're an amazing writer!
- Your repetition of "God please, stay right here, do not disappear" is strong. I like it because you are rhyming A,B,A,B and then it is as though your thoughts stop and all you can say in that one moment is what you mean "God please...."
- The way you worded the poem is also very good! I especially loved "Hands on the clock / My one enemy." I think those two lines were just brilliant.
- Poetry is to make the person feel and picture the scene as it plays out. It is to hold right to the end and your poem does that!
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