Wow. I don't know where to start. First of all, great use of imagery. I felt like I was walking through the apartment with him. Secondly, you actually made the story believable. The entire time I start there cringing and groaning like I was the one who was destroying their precious apartment and belongings. On a more critical note, it was kind of predictable and I've read things similar to it before but you did a great job elaborating and making it your own. Keep up the good work :)
Just A Simple Format Criticism: I think this would be easier read if the font was smaller and less bold (for me personally at least). Your actual writing was great but just as another small criticism that has nothing to do with your writing itself, I just think that it might be better to have character names that are more easily pronounced in your head. It just helps with the ease of reading. I like your use of literary devices and look forward to reading the next chapter. Good job and keep up the good work! :)
This is a very nice poem and I thought you had a good rhyme scheme. I like that you used imagery and other literary elements but I think you could have easily and successfully continued the poem. That's just my opinion but I still think you conveyed the message at this length. Good job and keep up the good work! :)
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