This is the second short story of yours I've had the pleasure of reading. In this piece, much like the first, I noticed that you really enjoy developing characters, and you do it well. There is a natural variety in the length of your sentences that is effective in keeping the reader moving steady towards the end. Excellent grammar. I enjoyed it!
What I liked most about this piece: The pace. You kept it going at a very steady pace with humor and details that kept the reader interested. It is easy for the reader to relate to the characters. You established their identities very well. Well done!
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