Hi Cubby! Thanks for rewarding my review! In return, I thought I would pay a visit to your port, where I found this lovely little gem!
What I liked:
You brought the town of Remember to life. I love your descriptions and the way you painted a picture of this homey little town, poor but full of good people who supported each other. A truly lovely place to grow up, I think.
And I enjoyed the first person point of view. It is very effective for drawing me into the story and letting me see things through the main character's eyes.
What did not work for me:
Cubby, I just wanted more! More details of her childhood, more about the neighbors and the town and growing up there. More about her life and the shocks of living with her newly met grandparents in the modernized home of her Aunt May. And more emotions at the end when the her parents and her previous life were lost.
Grammar, spelling, and the odd opinion or two:
I look back on the culture shock I must have had, with all the fine
I'd remove "must have" No "must" about this. She definitely had culture shock, moving from such primitive conditions to a modernized home. And again, I wouldn't mind reading more in depth on the kinds of shocks she received.
And the new dresses I was given were so unusual compared to what I was used to.
A little more description here. The word "unusual" just does not tell me enough. How are are they unusual? How are they different from her old clothes? What were her old clothes like?
Aunt May took me aside, hugging me tighter than usual. At first I was confused [by] all the tear-filled eyes that stabbed my innocent soul.
“There was a fire,” someone began.
“A fire?” I asked.
“Yes, a large fire that spread through the neighborhood,” another person said.
At first, I did not understand.
“A fire?” I repeated, still unaware what was going on.
I am confused as to who "all the tear-filled eyes" belonged to. And who is speaking? You refer to "someone" and "person" But it would be more effective if you used Gramma Jane or Uncle Bob--I know it is not some random stranger, but I still think the names would personalize the story a little more.
And I have a little thing about dialogue tags. I like to cut them when I can. They tend to not be very descriptive. This is just a suggestion, Cubby, and definitely just reflects my personal reading preferences, but here's an example of what I mean:
“There was a fire.” Gramma Jane's voice was so choked with tears that I could barely understand her.
“A fire?” I repeated, still unaware what was going on.
“Yes, a large fire that spread through the neighborhood.” Uncle Bob hugged me close, tears in his eyes.
“A fire where?” I pulled away, looking in confusion at the sad faces surrounding me.
In closing:
This town could be the setting for a wonderful childhood story a la Laura Ingalls Wilder, if you, well, "biggered" it. Have you ever thought of using this story as the genesis of a preteen/young adult novel? I can tell you have the skill to do this, and I think it would be a wonderful story!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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