This really makes me think about how much I have and makes me grateful for everything. It must be hard to be adopted! I can't really relate to that but sometimes when I feel stressed I have to tell myself that nothing lasts forever..everything is temporary
"Another family gathering"-a birthday party?
"She's a very happy girl
even though she lost her hearing" so she lost her hearing when she was little?
great poem, really good rhyme scheme! She sounds like a really happy little girl, I think it's great when people with any kind of disability can make the best of it and be happy!
I love how a lot of this rhymes..I could never do that! Very creative. However, I am a little confused as to what this is about. It sounds like a break up and then it sounds like a guy who was dreaming about an ex. It's probably neither of those but I guess it's just how you interpret it! haha.
This is a good poem, but it's sad! I know you're scared of rejection but you never know what will happen until you try. I say give it a shot, maybe more people will understand than you think. It's easier said than done but just be yourself!
Even though I love Facebook, I do agree with all of this! It's actually kind of sad how much the internet is replacing real life interaction. The last paragraph of this really hits home because I know of a ton of people who write happy birthday on peoples' walls right before school and then we get to school and nobody even says anything to the birthday girl/boy. Kind of awkward! I also think that the computer is somewhat of a shield for a lot of people, because people find it really easy to trash talk people over the internet even though they would never say that in real life! Even though I think it's fine in moderation, I totally understand your frustrations with the cyber world.
grosssss, allie! but a very good description of an unfortunate boy dealing with acne. Maybe he should try proactiv? but anywho...I like your simile and refrence to fireworks on the 4th of July. Kind of gross but it's a very good connection!
"His body, so still, motionless like a rat standing perfectly still in front of a cobra, ready to attach at any sudden movement." this is a really good connection!
"but his blood is so cruel and dark it's probably poison." this line is very clever
""Hello daughter," we are finally reunited in the most wonderful world I will ever see. She hugs me "wait a little while, your sister will be with us soon."
Then I realized what that meant... She was left with him. Defenseless..." he killed her? this is a little confusing.
"He jumped up like a cheeta pouncing on a baby zebra." really good simile!
This whole story has a ton of imagery which really helps me feel your pain. Is this really a true story..did it happen to you?
"So you cannot dance upon my bloody muscle" I really like this.
"It once meant only pain" this doesn't make much sense in my mind.
"Until it could – would not – pump for a second longer" I get this now, but I had to re-read it to understand. I think it would've been helpful if you had said could not instead of just could.
"It gave you love when you proved impossible to love" is this saying that you loved her even when she was at her worst? That's a good line!
"Because of you I am dead" this line didn't really click for me..I don't know why.
I really like your use of imagery and exageration. I just wish there were a few more details, I think that would've really added to this poem. I like how you're pouring your heart into this and how your emotion shines through.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ablanch
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 5:13pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
