This was quite a well-thought story. The characters were developed and visual to the mind's eye, and it was consistent in that you kept from swaying out of focus on the settings and tone.
I would have to recommend that you try to be a little less descriptive when creating the setting. This may sound counter-intuitive, since you're establishing the scenery in which your story takes place; but it did become quite overloaded with synonyms, similes and onomatopoeias. Sometimes less is more.
Keep it up!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/a_stone
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 8:58pm on Dec 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
