This was quite a well-thought story. The characters were developed and visual to the mind's eye, and it was consistent in that you kept from swaying out of focus on the settings and tone.
I would have to recommend that you try to be a little less descriptive when creating the setting. This may sound counter-intuitive, since you're establishing the scenery in which your story takes place; but it did become quite overloaded with synonyms, similes and onomatopoeias. Sometimes less is more.
Keep it up!
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