Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: It was on the list of "please review" for the Reviewer's Raid, so I wanted to check it out. I am a fan of Liam Neeson as well, so that certainly didn't hurt.
My thoughts on your writing: It is always such a treat to find this kind of humor in writing. I had to laugh out loud and "hooves" antics aboard the airplane. I'm sure that now you are safely on the ground, that you really were in no danger from the circling sharks regardless of how you took Mr. Neeson's message.
I'm curious about: The inspiration for your little adventure. I've flown over the Atlantic twice, and I'm pretty sure I never saw any famous people giving me an "or else" speech of any kind. There was a movie, but I have long forgotten what it was.
Overall: This is a treasure! Not only did it make my day, but to find a gifted comic writer is awesome. Now I have a few that I know of here on the site (the others being Non-Blogger aka Jim Hall and Cinn (akaCinn). I could picture the scenes in my mind with your vivid writing and sharp wit. I think it would only be fair that Mr. Neeson at least acknowledge Hooves' generous contribution! Well Done! And thank you for the laugh!
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: Your poem was listed in the Power Reviewer's Raid line up, so I thought I would check it out.
My thoughts on your writing: What an adorable children's poem. You write with the sweetness and wonder that love in writing for children. Your poetry had a fun and bouncy feel to it and the flow made it easy to read, which is what you've done here. I can picture the fun a little girl is having with the snow and the fast pace with which a child can muster. This scene is easy to see in my mind.
I'm curious about: Does this bring back memories of your own childhood, or from watching your own children? If only I had the energy to run and play like that again. LOL. I found no grammar or typo issues with your writing. I also like the way you colored the words to make them bright and bring focus to your poem.
Overall: A very sweet poem you've created. I also love the way the snowflake gave her a "kiss" and then went on to find perhaps another little girl to play with. What an appropriate ending for your poem. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. Well done!
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: This was on the list of writings to review for the March Power Reviewer's Raid.
My thoughts on your writing: Being a lover of the Nutcracker ballet and all of the music, I couldn't help but smile as I read your poem. I can picture the little girl and her Ol'Dad at the piano time and time again. Music filtering through the love between them, and into the evening again and again. You have beautiful imagery in your writing, and it makes it easy to visualize these scenes.
I'm curious about: What was your inspiration for the poem. Do you and your dad have a connection through music? Someone you know? It felt like you were quite familiar and comfortable with writing this poem.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this poem. The Piano Duo is as much about the two loving the music and having this appreciation more than the two of them really playing together. It struck a chord within me, and made me smile. I also liked the last two lines, as if imprinted on her memory for all time. "If he did, she never noticed, He played like a one-man symphony. I love reading about Daddy/Daughter encounters like this. Especially since I'm a "Daddy's girl" myself
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: You seem to have the "luck of the Irish" with you - winning yet another raffle. Well, on to the review
My thoughts on your writing: Cinn, only you can make an obituary crack me up. I didn't know what the fuss was all about until I got to the end. Home made fireworks, indeed! And a lost and found ad at the end? Freaking hilarious!
I'm curious about: I'd love to get into your mind one day just to see the thought processes that you use, but I'm afraid that would be going down Alice's rabbit hole, and I'd never find my way out again.
Overall: I love reading your work, and this is no exception. I never know what I'll find, but it always seems to be a treasure! Loved it!
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work:Wheww!! finally! I have the number four review for your Auction package. It's going to be hard to decide on my favorite!
My thoughts on your writing:I cannot believe how young you are! Your writing seems to come from somebody much older. I guess that means you have an "old soul". I was completely entranced by this writing, and the sharing of yourself. You put into words the feelings that I have about Writing.com and could never articulate well enough to my satisfaction. You, on the other hand, have done a remarkable job. Each thought was fully formed and written out. The artwork in your piece was eye-catching without overwhelming the writing portion. I am glad to be able to get to know a little bit more about you, and appreciate all of the hard work you do. I have to laugh a bit about your dad "shutting down" the computer at times. I know it can be a bummer, but believe me, there WILL come a time when you wish Dad could do that again !
I'm curious about:On your tributes, you have a couple of "Invalid Items", and I guess that means that the accounts they came from are no longer running. Other than that, your descriptions of your friends and mentors are very, very sweet.
Overall:This is such a well done writing. You open yourself up and the sincerity and love of writing really shines through. I am glad that you found such a "home" with the Writing.com family.
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: This is number 3 of the reviews I am giving you for your auction package in the Inquiring Minds Raffle/Auction.
My thoughts on your writing: It is hard to tell a story just using dialog, but you've done a very good job here. I could see the characters clearly, and each having their own personalities. I couldn't imagine having to talk to someone who has multiple personalities. I imagine I'd get dizzy trying to keep them all straight. I also feel sorry for the parents having to deal with Romaine's illness. I imagine they feel some blame in not being able to help her, but they are trying, by sending her to a doctor.
I'm curious about: I wonder where you got the inspiration for writing this story? Did you know someone, or did you do research on the subject? Inquiring Minds (also known as nosy) want to know - LOL!
Overall:Well thought out and executed. I was captivated by your story from the beginning. It took me a little bit to understand what was going on, but once I did...I dug right back into the story. I saw no grammar issues or typos in your story (not that I expected any).
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Why I chose this work: This is the second item I am reviewing for your IM Auction package. Thank you for your patience! I am having fun raiding your portfolio. Love the colors you use in your portfolio by the way!
My thoughts on your writing: OMG! this has the makings of a wonderful soap opera. I really enjoyed this story, and I was right there with Monique on the mistaken identity! That twist was so appropriate and had me crazy with anger on her behalf at Grazie at first...LOL. That was quite the hook you had there.
I'm curious about: I always wonder at the inspiration people have when they write - whether it was a prompt, or something out of the blue or based on real life. I saw no typos or grammar issues. Your writing had a lot of detail in it, other than the accident...but I am nosy and greedy that way, never wanting a wonderful story to end.
Overall:This was quite the story. I was drawn in completely. Your writing was spot on for evoking an emotional response from the reader. Well thought out and executed. There was the whole spectrum of emotions...fear, concern, anger, love, relief, sadness...you name it, it was there.
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Thank you for sharing your work. Today I am reviewing on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewer's Group as well as for the Anniversary Reviews.
Why I chose this work: The title caught my eye. There is definitely a difference between freedom of religion and freedom from religion. This is one of my pet peeves, unfortunately.
My thoughts on your writing:It is said that being able to say the pledge of Allegiance is forbidden in schools because it recognizes God in the pledge. I remember being a part of a group of prayer warriors that meet before school; not just around the flagpole, but also in class before school. People are so freaked out about losing their own rights, that they don't mind trampling on the rights of others. Freedom was to be able to practice/not practice for ourselves...not to "chuck" something down others' throats...sigh
Suggestions: You have a good argument written out in poetic form. It's really not an argument, it's a call to common sense! I wonder where the common sense has gone to? I saw no mechanical errors in your writing. You've done a great job here
Overall: Thank you for sharing your faith, even when it's not the "PC" thing to do. I appreciate your stand.
Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid
Why I chose this work: I am doing Anniversary reviews as well as Power Raid for Month of March. Thank you for the opportunity to read your writing.
My thoughts on your writing: No one wants to hear about sickness of this sort. The unknown is a scary place, no matter how much faith you have.
I'm curious about: I realize that it has been a while since you've written this (nine years!) But I have only been on WdC for a few months. I wonder how everything worked out? Did Kitty recover? It has been a long time ago, and I hope I am not being crass .
Overall: I love your writing, and your hopefulness and faith. This is no exception by any means. You have shown a steadfastness in your writing that is a tribute to your faith, and a wonderful testimony.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: I liked how you present your poetry as a prayer. It is full of thankfulness and just a little bit of asking for guidance. It doesn't smack of "gimme, gimme" as some prayers are wont to do. It is humbling and heartening to read.
Other thoughts: I like the way you've centered your poem and how you've colored it. It makes it eye-appealing and also centers the words for focus.
My favorite parts: I really don't have a favorite part; it is all so very good in my opinion. It makes me think that you've had quite the practice in speaking to God. I am envious that your flow doesn't seem rehearsed, but rather a discussion in poetic form.
Some suggestions: Suggestions? I have none. I have been very much touched to the heart by reading your words last night and today. If only it were as easy as you make it out to be. But then again, that is the beauty of it all.
Overall: Though there is no "rhyme" the flow is smooth and wonderful to read. I am enjoying my reading of your work, and am very glad to have done so. You've given me much to think about, and I am very much thankful for that.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: First, I wanted to say that I really liked the description of this folder - He has a plan; I have a folder...very eye-catching! I am enjoying my perusal of your poetry. I notice some of them are older poems, but still the message is as fresh as when you first wrote them.
Other thoughts: The title of this poem caught my eye. I have been in this particular shadow before, but it has been a long time since I have been there. Sometimes, I feel as though I should go back.
My favorite parts: I like the third verse where you talk about the hope you have in Christ. Being forgiven and knowing that he cares for you no matter what you've done. All he asks for in return is to "follow ME". Amazing the freedom of being in a cross's shadow. But it is HIS cross that gives the freedom.
Some suggestions: Again, a flawless poem. You have a knack for testimony in your writing. I couldn't imagine adding anything to your poetry. It says it all, doesn't it?
Overall: This poem also has a bouncy aabb format that makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The message in your poem is clear, whether you are talking about yourself or to someone else. You have given me much to think about.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: I love this poem. It is amazing how some people are able to articulate their faith through poetry. Your words are inspiring and thought provoking.
Other thoughts: The last verse mirroring the first verse as a reminder of His tender loving care.
My favorite parts: The fourth verse has been echoing thoughts that I have had of late. We never know when our time in this world is over. We can plan and plan, and then *poof* like a puff of smoke. Definitely a stop and think about it kind of verse.
Some suggestions: The flow is smooth and I like the sing song bounciness of your abcb style. It made it quite enjoyable and easy to read. I could see no mechanical issues in your writing. I would love to be able to have a copy of this for my bedroom wall .
Overall: Thank you for sharing your faith and belief through your poetry. Your love and trust are evident in your writing. A great testimony. I am glad that I found your portfolio, and that you are featured in the Anniversary Reviews.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: What a sweet tribute to a beloved pet. Cats are a favorite of mine, and I understand their insanity/adorableness/antics. No matter what the age, they always seem part "kitten".
Other thoughts: Oh to be free from the confines of the house! But I'm pretty sure she would be afraid to venture too far from home and would be scared in that wide open space. Isn't it similar to human nature to want to be free of what we perceive to be "shackles" only to realize how safe we really were?
My favorite parts: The last verse is my favorite...watching the birdwatcher and being amused by her antics as she watches those flying critters through the window. It does make you happy and able to enjoy life to have such entertainment.
Some suggestions: I saw no grammar or typo issues with your writing. The flow was smooth and enjoyable to read. I can think of nothing to improve your sweet poem.
Overall: I hope you are able to enjoy many more antics with your "Jewel". I appreciate the obvious love that you have for your pet. Happy WdC Anniversary!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: Ah, this is what I call "puppy love". Sweet for a time, and wonderful. But when it comes to that "next step"...gone again. I have been guilty of that, but my reasons are that I have been divorced twice, and I don't want to deal with the heartbreak again...so off I go!
Other thoughts: I see by your writing, that you aren't terribly upset by it. You actually seem pragmatic about it. I'm not sure if that's because you are afraid of the next step yourself, or if you just "go with the flow".
My favorite parts: "So let me down, I will survive. at least I know I'm still alive!" This statement comes from a grounded and mature person. I love it!
Some suggestions: I saw no typos or grammar issues with your writing. The flow is smooth and your poem was enjoyable and easy to read.
Overall:Well thought out and executed. I loved how you went from frolicking fun to a sober-minded resolution when the "next step" didn't come.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work.
My first impression: As I read through your poetry about your lost love, it strikes me that you are going through the stages of loss, and it is almost like a story in poetic form. The color is consistent throughout your poetry.
Other thoughts: Here it feels as though you are through the worst of it, perhaps? Not that you are completely over it, but it doesn't incapacitate you as the loss once did. You are able to function again, even though it isn't completely healed.
My favorite parts: Not letting on that you still miss her, but "That just maybe, somehow You miss me too". It is a step in the right direction. I can almost picture a sad little smile as you think that phrase.
Some suggestions: No typos or grammar issues that I could see. I found nothing that I could even think to add to improve your poetry.
Overall: Even though this is an older set of poems, the feelings are just as real and powerful now as when you first wrote them. I am glad to have reviewed your work today, and I plan on coming back by your portfolio again in the future if that is ok.
I am reviewing your writing because: This is #5 of the reviews required for Once Upon a Jane Austen 3 month Challenge.
What I felt is the tone of your writing: You always bring an upbeat tone to your newsletters. You've done several of them now, and I have yet to find any that are like "rehashing" old news. Your enthusiasm doesn't waver.
I really liked: Looking over your different newsletters, you also have several different Merit Badges. All of them are unique, and I hope to earn all of them eventually! (Gonna try to get the physical ones too!) There are so many colorful characters in the life of Jane Austen and in her writings. She was a splendid author, and I love that her books are available, as well as all of the movies done based on her life and writings.
Questions I had: I would love to be able to knit one of the lacy-styled shawls that I see in the movies that were worn in that time period. Very elegant, as well as practical. I wonder if I can get ahold of a copy of a pattern for one? As far as the P&P&Z movie, I'm not sure I can wrap my head around that...I wonder what our beloved Jane would think of this adaptation? LOL.
Overall: No typos or grammar issues in your writing. Not that I would expect to find any. Thanks so much for sharing your love of Jane, and bringing your enthusiasm to your writing. Looking forward to more and more reading!
Why I chose this work to review: Reviewing your newsletter is part of the Once Upon a Jane Austen challenge. I also enjoy reading your newsletters and plan on reading them til I am up to date!
What I liked about your piece: Once again I marvel at the amount of information that is contained in your newsletters. I just got done watching Mansfield Park on Netflix, and I now want to get the book, as I am sure that like all movies, the book is much better. I also liked how you talked about the Pride and Prejudice Rose, and I Google'd it. The flower is indeed beautifully shaped and a pleasing color. Very "Regency" in style.
How I felt about it: I have no doubt that you are a "super" or "uber" fan, and that your enthusiasm knows no bounds when it comes to our beloved logophile (lover of words) Jane Austen. I also see that the picture that is attached to the Heading is the same shape as your newest Merit Badge available for earning.
Suggestions: Advertise! LOL...I am glad to see some advertisement, but I think that if you did more on the newsfeed (without becoming obnoxious, of course), that others may find their way to enjoying Jane's life story and writings. I also like her poetry as well. Perhaps there can be a newsletter about some of her poetry writings as well. Might make for interesting interaction.
Overall: A well thought out newsletter. Both in information, and eye appeal. I am glad to be a part of this little community within the Writing.com family, and I hope to learn more and come to love Jane's writings even more than the movies I've seen. Cannot wait for the next newsletter!
Why I chose this work to review:I decided to review this as part of March's The Challenge. You had recently reviewed something of mine, and I wanted to return the favor. The title caught my attention, so here goes!
What I liked about your piece: This truly gave me goosebumps. I am not a fan of horror, but I could feel the creepiness of the words that you choose to write your story. The dialog was interesting as well. The same dream over and over made me curious.
How I felt about it: It was a slow, but steady pace. I was hooked from the minute I started reading, and couldn't stop, even with the dread I felt coming from the story. I knew that nothing good could come at the ending, but still I could not turn away. I wonder if the adage "curiosity killed the cat" would be appropriate here.
Suggestions: I saw no grammar issues or typos in your writing. I found nothing to suggest to make this story any better or creepier. The suspense was chilling, and the scar on the man's chest at the end of the story raised several questions that I would want to know more about...the first being: What did the apparition want with Andy's heart? Inquiring minds (aka. nosy) want to know.
Overall: I believe you achieved the effect you wanted. Scary, creepy, suspenseful...you hit all of these with your writing. I plan on looking at more of your work in the future. You certainly know how to hook your readers. No wonder it was a winner of the Supernatural contest.
I also enjoyed reading your biography, and congrats on your writing achievements. I imagine this is only the start of many wonderful things to come for you!
Why I chose this work to review: I wanted to review something in the Spiritual genre for March's The Challenge and your title caught my eye. I was curious, so here goes!
What I liked about your piece: You stated your opinion, and then you proceeded to back up your ideas with examples from observation, from your childhood, and put them into a concise and easy to read order.
How I felt about it: I was blown away by the "lies" that you were told, and why you felt that you were indeed lied to. Each point could stand on its own, and each point was also well argued. Each lie was built one upon another. And in each case you had nothing to go on, but the misinformation that your family or church gave you. It is no wonder that you were confused and upset with the ideas of being masculine or feminine.
Suggestions: As I read your article, I saw no typos or grammar issues with your writing. Indeed, this has been well thought out and executed, and you have a lot of emotion in your writing. I saw nothing with which to make this a better paper. Indeed, if I were to even try to suggest something, that would be rather arrogant of me; at least in my opinion.
Overall: You seem to have gone through an ordeal that would leave most people scarred and unwilling to reach out. I believe that you have made yourself stronger for your ordeals, and in writing about them, have possibly given hope to others who have gone through similar circumstances. You've blown my mind with your writing, and I wish you the best in your life, and continued success in your writing career. Keep up the great job!
Why I chose this work to review: Well, a few reasons...One, you are a registered user, and I need to do a review of a registered user for March's The Challenge. Two, I haven't reviewed this contest, third, I am adding to my March list for PDG...Fourth and Most Important, you are my friend, and I wanted to do something nice for you
What I liked about your piece: You have outdone yourself with this "tea party"...not only are the prizes amazing, the names of the goodies are positively mouth-watering...bad for me when I'm trying to be good . Some of the tea names I saw and did not recognize them. I didn't realize there were so many different teas to be had. I love the theme, as I've always liked Alice and Through A Looking Glass.
How I felt about it: I saw no typos or grammar issues with your contest. The pictures are wonderful, and you've chosen a popular set of Characters for your "party".
Suggestions: You've advertised the game pretty well, and it looks to be pretty popular, based on the forum's responses (over 200 at this time). I hope that you you will get the goal you have set for yourself, and that the participants will get what they hope for. I have nothing to suggest to make this any better. Well thought out and executed. I am curious as to how long this took from thought to deed, though
Overall: Great atmosphere, great graphics, easy to read and understand. Fun Theme. You've managed to out-do yourself here with the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. I sincerely hope that we will see this again next spring, or something a lot like it Best wishes to you and your contest!
Why I chose this work to review:One is part of the Jane Austen 3 month Challenge and I also like reviewing for the Paper Doll Gang.
What I liked about your piece:I love the information that you give, and also the amount of information in your newsletters. I can say without hesitation that you are an expert in the field of Jane Austen. The pictures are wonderful, and the newest one, I believe you've taken from the trailer of the Jane Austin/Zombie movie. Completely amazing. I never knew that Bridget Jones Diary and Clueless were adaptations of Jane Austen's writings. Talk about learning something new every day!
How I felt about it: Over the past couple of months I have turned into a Jane Austen fan. While I will never have the knowledge that you have about our wonderful heroine, I have come to appreciate her writing, and the movie adaptations of her works. I do believe my favorite Mr. Darcy is from the 2005 movie Pride and Prejudice starring Keira Knightly and Matthew MacFadyen (of course, that is just my own little opinion on the matter.) And Elizabeth's family is definitely over the top!
Suggestions:I saw no mechanical errors or grammar issues with your writing. I found nothing to suggest for improvement. You do a wonderful job with writing these newsletter. This one was top-notch in my opinion.
Overall:Very eye-appealing, from the color of the lettering, down to the information, and your pictures are quite interesting, as always. I appreciate your sharing your dream with others, and hope that this will be around for a long time to come. Best wishes to you and your group, as well.
Transition (E) My thoughts going through my transition from female to male. #2076041 by Ev
Why I chose this work to review:I was going through the forum for reading a newbie, and your title and description caught my eye.
What I liked about your piece:The depth of feeling you write about. The hints at hope; the despairing depression. The will and the courage to be who you really are, even though your body tries to tell you differently. Having a couple of friends who are transgender, (but male to female), I am familiar with some of what you are talking about. I do not know if your family has come around, but from the sounds of your poem, I am guessing that they have not. My heart aches for you in this situation. I'd like to tell you that all will be better, but I can only hold out hope for you in this matter.
How I felt about it: It takes a lot of courage and determination to go through a transition such as you speak about in your poem. You have to be almost belligerent in your desire, as no one else wants to or will advocate for you. Going ahead alone is a gigantic undertaking.
Suggestions:I saw no typos or grammar issues with your writing. The read-through was clear and easy to picture in my mind. I found nothing that I could suggest to make it any better. You know your story better than anyone else could.
Overall:I don't believe that I have read anything like this on Writing.com. You communicate well with your words, and you paint vivid, if not sad pictures of your life before and after. But you also find the courage and the hope that your desire to be HIM will finally manifest, and that the memories of "her" will quietly fade into the background. I applaud your determination. I enjoyed reading your poem.
Why I chose this work to review: It is one of the five reviews required for the Jane Austen Challenge for the Month of March.
What I liked about your piece: You definitely have a broad knowledge of your subject. I believe with all my heart that you are a die-hard fan of Ms. Austen. I also enjoy your pictures, both from the movies, and the created pictures. I love the period costumes as well. You certainly have a lot of different pictures! Do you create them, or have them done?
How I felt about it: Your depth of information, the pictures you use to illustrate your newsletters, the care you use in articulating your enthusiasm all combine to make an engrossing read. I look forward to each month, and am awed by the amount of research that you have done. It is easy to catch your enthusiasm for the young woman and this time period that she writes about.
Suggestions:I saw no typo or grammar issues with your newsletter. It has a nice flow and is very easy to read. I also like how you give links as well for more information. There is really nothing to suggest in order to improve upon your writing that I can think of. Your newsletter is well thought out and nicely executed.
Overall: What's not to love? One of your goals for the newsletter is to bring together those who are a fan of Jane Austen and to even find others to bring "into the fold" of fan-dom. Well, you have succeeded with this reviewer/writer. I find this era intriguing and sometimes hilarious in light of the time period I live in now. Thank you for sharing your love of Jane, and your knowledge of her life and writing with others through your newsletters.
True Love (ASR) A man tormented by a broken relationship gets special divine intervention. #2074945 by brom21
Why I chose this work to review: I am reviewing this in part for judging in the Three Prompts Contest. I wish you luck with your writing.
What I liked about your piece: It is set in modern times. I liked the closeness between Charles and his mom, and how easily she put things in perspective for him. And it was a nice touch that she not only gave him a piece of pie, but then wrapped up the rest for him to take home...ahhh, nothing like comfort food and advice from mom!
How I felt about it: It was an interesting take on how you not only used faith as a basis for your story, but how you added the element of "good angels" and "earth spirits" (the enemy) in an actual fight with faith and the love between Sandra and Charles. The ending was clever, with the lovers deciding to give it another chance, and then finding out the "notes" sent were actually the evil agents trying to keep them apart when they sought out who the delivery people were.
Suggestions: I saw no typos to distract from the story. It was easy to read, and kept my attention all the way through. I don't have anything really to suggest on how to make it better other than I'd love to have a little more background on the faith that Charles and Sandra has. It seems at this point, that it is more the faith that Charles' mom has that "saved the day", and that Charles was just smart enough to listen to mom . But that is my opinion.
Overall: A well thought out story. An interesting plot to be sure, and I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. I am curious as to what your inspiration was for the story, whether it was something that "came to you" or if it was based on actual happenings.
I decided to review your work, after having read your "rant" in the newsfeed.
Here is what I thought about your story as it reads now:
The hero or would he be called an "anti-hero" has lived too long. He has seen too much. Can be problematic being immortal. I would say that he doesn't have any feeling other than the morbid self pity of "no one understands me", if indeed he feels at all. J'on has a huge chip on his shoulder. If he is so uncaring, then why bother with trying to help anyone at all?
The voice that he talks to...a machine? Elsie. Kind of like an evolved "Suri"? This is an interesting concept - an AI that knows how to pause and wait to give a response.
A couple of thoughts come to mind as I continued to read. J'on seems dispassionate, almost clinical. He doesn't even interact with the female that he rescued from the thugs. I am curious to see what event would "rock" his world. You don't state the calendar year for this story, but you do hint at J'on's beginnings in Greece. Is J'on a god, or a very long-lived mortal looking for redemption? I'd like to know what drives him, how he started out, and why he's become so jaded.
I hope you find an out from your writer's block, and would like to continue to read more of this story.
Thank you for sharing.
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