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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/2nddaughter
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Review by 2nd daughter Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Your story line has a great theme to it. You need to watch your spelling. There is several areas you need to work on: Try to keep your opening in present tense, the rapids are in the river not just in the middle of the forest(correct?), when they throw her into the deep rapid river she would not drift down but would be tossed by the turbulance water careening her off the rocks trying to submerge her in the churning water, color does not fade into view but becomes sharp and clear, if she could not rub her head how could she grab her necklace?, since he renamed her Emia would he not address her as such instead of Blue Eyed one? AS I stated you have a good opening now just tweek typos and work on your grammer tense and you will be off to a fantasic start.
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