I thought that overall it was a pretty good base for a story. But in some areas it struck me as if you were trying too hard. and it seams a bit too perfectly planned for the situation he was in. Maybe some more unnexpected events, something he didn't want too happen, something he dreaded. but depending on wht your goal was with this story make it a bit more of a comedy as your genre specifies it to be. And you may want add a little more details as well in some parts. for instance: where do his parents live? what makes them consider the US as the south? He lives in the US, where in the US? The city? As a pointer that helps me out alot when i'm writing; I'll usaully read it to another person or read it as if I were such. that way I am in the position to be a better judge as it were and see where I need to correct things.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/14chad17
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 6:34am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
