My life unraveled suddenly even though I saw it coming like an advancing army against which I had no defenses. It leaves you pretty vulnerable, which is never a good place to be all by yourself with people depending upon you for basic human necessities. I'm just a person - a human person. I made decisions with what information from all my past I had. And, they still turned out wrong. No matter how many nights' sleep you lose over it, no matter how many people you bounce it off of, now matter how ambiguous the difference even it - the choice is on you and so is the result. I chose to let some people in my life that I should never have. It's much, much harder to invite them back out. My soul was here - my portfolio of longing and imagining. I shared this with them, too. And, it seems like one of the few things I have left that I have enough control over to take back. I feel obligated to take it back. So, I did. I erased it all. And, the loss was hard. I have had to step back from all sort of social media because it keeps being used to harass me, reach into what I've been able to start fresh and try to taint it and ruin it. The whole rest of the world can have a Facebook and a Twitter and whatever social platform they want and not have to worry how it might be used to find them so that more unkindnesses can be inflicted. But, not me - not people like me. I find myself wishing to witness some obscenely horrible thing that would force me into true witness protection. But, all I ever have seen is the results of bad choices I made and how they continue to assail my family like tornadoes and thunderstorms. |
So, I came over from Deviant Art, which is great forum but is not specific to writing like this one is. I'm looking forward to the interaction if only I can get it all together. It seems like that how we all do it though--if life is what happens in between moments then this is the recording of it by a million different eyes from every angle possible. As much as I would prefer to post in chronological order, I'll just bring in whatever has been most popular and probably drill down from there. |