Bre's Notebook - Writing.Com

Sep 23, 2022 at 5:56pm

I have to make a decision soon about my future and I am deathly afraid. Irrationally afraid. It's not that I don't want to make a decision, it's that I'm afraid I'll make a mistake by taking the decision, which ever one I'll take. I try to focus on the positives of each. I guess I'm somewhat of a pessimist. I'll never admit that to anyone out loud. I am so afraid, and I hate myself for it. I'm afraid because I am starting over and I am so behind. What will people think of me? Why do I care so much about what other people think? I am also afraid that if I don't take this decision, I'll find myself years down the road stuck in the same spot I am now, but far too old to be able to do anything about it. Everything is so overwhelming, and I don't even know where or how or when to ask for help, there are too many things. I am afraid.

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Nobody’s Home

Sep 23, 2022 at 6:39pm

Afraid is okay, and normal. Hating your self for it isn't worth it, but my words aren't going to show you that. I'll just suggest that you breathe and relax (bath? shower?) to quiet the fear, and try to listen to your heart over the fear. Decide based on what your heart says, not what your fear is warning you about. I find it crazy that I'm writing this, but I don't believe in mistakes. Whichever road you take is the road you're meant to take. You'll learn the lessons you're meant to learn, and hopefully find friends to help you along the way. And life will throw more difficult decisions at you, and hard times, and you'll push through them because you're tougher than you were before. You'll have learned that you can survive the discomfort (or misery) of terrible fear, and the next challenge might not be so scary. At the next challenge, you might be standing next to someone who's paralyzed by their fear, and you can hold their hand and tell them that you've done this before. You've got this.

GeminiGem🐾

Sep 23, 2022 at 9:43pm

Lacking future vision, it is impossible to know if any decision we make is a good one or not. The best we can do is try to figure out what looks like it might be the best decision based on what is known now, and go from there.

Will that work? Maybe, maybe not. We all make mistakes in our lives, it is part of living. Don't worry about what other people think. That can't be part of the equation. Do what is best for you and your life.

Bre

Sep 22, 2022 at 8:06pm

Have you ever had a song that brought back so many old memories? A song that made you so nostalgic that you dropped whatever you were doing and reminisced everything? All of the good, bad, in between memories that you forgot ever existed; you forgot you could ever even remember? Suddenly, you are transported back to a place in your life that you maybe wanted to forget. Or maybe you have grown so much since then, it's not that you wanted to forget, it's just that now you're a different person, making different memories to suddenly remember one September evening five years down the road. It's crazy how much can change in just five years. Who was that person so long ago? Who are you even now? Nostalgia is a funny thing; and so is music.

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Sep 23, 2022 at 4:06am

There is a song that I cannot have in the car when I'm driving because of the influx of memories it pounds me with.

Music has power.