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If The Hunchback of Notre Dame were written today:

Frollo: You are an ugly monster and everyone will hate you, so for your own protection, you must stay locked up in this tower for the rest of your life and never expose yourself to anyone else's presence.

Quasi-Modo: So what's the wifi password?
So I can either spend my time writing summaries of plaintiffs' medical conditions, which is boring, lifeless, and soul-draining. Or I could work on writing my fiction stories, which is entertaining, fulfilling, purposeful, cathartic, and helps me work through my physical limitations and mental-health struggles.

I get paid to do the first thing. Guess what I'm choosing.
You cannot kill my self esteem, for what has never existed cannot die.
If I owned a baseball team I would totally cut my best players so I can pocket their salaries as "profits," and then complain about how the owners who don't do this are ruining baseball.
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Sneaky
I have a story where one of the characters gets bullied. In my first draft, I didn't really give the bullies a reason to make fun of her, so the bullying dialogue seemed artificial. But now I can create realistic dialogue by using the people who laugh at me and call me names at church as an example.

I can't stop people from making fun of me, but one day I'll finish this novel and make money off of them.
So I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I got a CT scan due to my history of cancer, and that I forgot I had a paperclip in my vest pocket.

Well, I saw my oncologist, and we couldn't find the paperclip on the scans. We looked through all the scans for a couple of minutes, but the paperclip didn't show up.

I mean, I don't have cancer, which...fine. But I wanted to see the paperclip :(
I'm going to start keeping a journal of all the times people make fun of me so I can turn those people into villains in my stories. I fully intend to shatter the line between "creative" and "petty."
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Don't knock it. The second person killed in Sins Of The Fathers was completely based on a former friend of mine who dumped on me after 30+ years of friendship.

It's not "petty"... because it sure beats belting him over the head with a hammer in real life...
Well, I'm faced with another bout of mental health struggles. Time to create a new character, dump all of my problems on him, and watch him figure it out.

I am a bitter god who puts his subjects in unfair situations - but never unwinnable situations.
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And when they finally die a horrible death, your real life problems are finally solved. Sweet.
If I took all the time I spent studying for high school tests (not including the five minutes of studying as the tests are being handed out), and added all that time up, it would be less than the time I am currently spending preparing for the NFL Draft in a 14-year-old video game I'm playing. Staring at spreadsheets should not be this much fun.
So I had to get another quarterly CT scan earlier today, due to my history of cancer (2018, 2024), and they found something on the scan.

I had a paper clip in my vest pocket. I forgot about the paper clip, so I didn't take my vest off before the scan.

Oh yeah, and it's a new year so I need to meet my out-of-pocket maximum again. Hooray!
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Of all questions I'm gonna ask, it's gonna be this: People still use paper clips? *Laugh*

That's great news, buddy!
Elycia Lee ☮ Done for Author Icon - Paper clips and binder clips are treasured commodities at the office. We hoard those things like they're gold, and defend our stashes with our lives.
If I had all the free time in the world, I'd probably still waste most of it complaining about how I don't have enough free time.
I saw a State Farm commercial where Jimmy Fallon made Jake from State Farm appear by speaking the slogan, and it got me thinking:

To anyone who gains the power to summon me at will,

Please do not use this power outside the hours of 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM Central Time, Monday through Friday, for the odds of me wearing pants decrease dramatically outside that time frame.
If I had enough time to devote to writing I would have multiple novels published by now.

(let's also ignore the fact that I would easily have enough time to devote to writing if I stopped spending so many hours watching strangers play video games on the internet)
Is it sad that I'm more emotionally attached to the fictional football players I draft in my Madden NFL 11 franchise mode playthrough than my actual friends? Linval Grissom was some mediocre linebacker I drafted in the middle rounds until I moved him to strong safety, where he's been a multi-year starter. He's got two years left on his rookie deal, and I fully intend to sign him to a long-term contract. I fully expect to be super pissed if I can't afford to keep him, but even if I can't, I have Marcus Roland, another mediocre linebacker I drafted in the second round who can play cornerback and safety.

One of my co-workers likes to make fun of her daughter for being so emotionally attached to the characters she creates in The Sims 4. But I understand.
If I could have dinner with my characters, I wouldn't make it out of that restaurant alive. I'm the one who took away everything they knew and loved and forced them to go on an adventure.
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They don't have to know what you did to them.
I can understand your hesitation. If my muses were allowed to hold me accountable for all the worries I have put them through, OH Holy Blisters, would I be in for a tanning! Well, save for my girl Rainey, she is one of those extremely free spirits and likes that I don't always make her wear clothes.

And then there is another issue... while my wife likes to read about Rainey's adventures. (she, the wife, is sure that many of Rainey's traits and antics are inherited from her.) I am not sure the wife will let me out on a date with my Fairy Princess muse.

Rainey inspires "Two Word Tuesday"
This has to be one of THE best loglines for a novel.
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