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| There is apparently a new Pope. The new pope is American Robert Prevost. Pope Leo XIV |
| Scary Potato - oh no! Bob the friendly lion! |
Reply| Scary Potato - I'm going to hell. Lol |
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Adherennium  - Wish there was a  option on the NF-reaction board. Humpty Trumpty surely earned it. Very IMPIOUS of him to do that.  |
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FOULMOUTH'S OLD BORES ALMANAC 2025 Featuring our most accurate and extensive tide tables for Atlantis, Lyonesse, and Budleigh Salterton. Our famous annual prediction for Armageddon, and the Second Coming together with invaluable tips for beating the rush during the Rapture! Best times for planting, harvesting and burying bodies in the desert. Inside: Head Gardener Hubert Thelonius Potter's invaluable guide to strangling mandrakes! Matchmaking we tell all. Including where to get those fiddly bits of wood and what to dip them in! How exclamation marks make every statement seem more exciting. Weather Predictions! Which quiet English village is going to be wiped out by a freak hurricane? Snow in hell? We lift the lid on New and Disturbing signs that Global Warming is now effecting the afterlife! A Complete Guide to turning your compost heap into a nuclear shelter for three and a half people! Caution: Possession of Foulmouth's Old Bores Almanac is prohibited under all sane legal systems and thus justifies our hugely inflated price! Full details on receipt of $456 (+ Shipping and Handling) Send the deeds to your soul and to your partner's soul to: KhanFred's Newsagency, 2nd Shelf, FoulmouthsDisgustingPublications!, 2b Whilmslow Ave, Wortlebury, |
| At long last the attention and affirmation the exclamation mark deserves!!! A how-to-make matchsticks. Incendiary solutions for burning issues. Thanks for the laughs!!! This guide seems like top shelf material. |
TheBusmanPoet  - No, but it is sent in a plain cover clearly labelled 'Foulmouth's Old Bores Almanac!' |
I'll take it if there's free shipping and handling and a sale of 10 for $1.  Just kidding! |
| I'm afraid I've reached the end of the road here. I can see no way forwards. There's simply no way out of this. and for that reason, I swear I'm never buying a dodgy GPS system from bargainsmuchcheapness.com ever again.! |
| GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): So you know that Ralph's doing 'Three Guinea Pigs In A Boat (To Say Nothing of a Massive Melon),' now? GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Yes? Toby: That means the massive melon is taking the part of the dog, Montmorency in the original story. Graham: Seems logical. Toby: If the melon were a dog, what sort would it be? Graham: I have no idea. Toby: I think it would be an gloomy collie. Graham [Thinks about this]: Oh good Gweep Toby! |
| I crossed poison ivy with a four leafed clover - and now I've enjoyed such a rash of good luck, that I've been just itching to tell someone about it. Stolen from my favourite blog. |
| The idea for a holiday was mooted whilst we were finishing off filming the 'James Blond' film, which due to numerous re-writes was now titled 'The Hair Raising Adventures of Hercule Toupee.' There was a rumour that it was going to be canned and never released. 'Tax dodge' Graham had declared knowledgeably. Naturally we were all feeling a little despondent. "I'm sure I'm sickening for something." Toby declared, and Graham observed that he was feeling a little peaky too. Now Toby and Graham are two stout fellows, and I'd be the first to admit that they have some sterling qualities, though to be honest, I'd have difficulty in actually naming any of them. They do however have one obvious failing which neither of them seems to recognise in themselves. They are always imagining themselves to be ill. Now for myself, I always enjoy the best of health. Constitutionally I'm as sound as a pound, and I see my doctor barely above once or twice a fortnight. Indeed so infrequently does he see me that he always greets me like a long lost friend on those rare occasions when I do pop my nose around his surgery door. "Ah! Ralph." He will exclaim, "Do come in, now what have you been reading this time?" For some reason I haven't fathomed he seems to be of the opinion that reading is bad for one. Perhaps he once had an ill fated affair with a librarian, who knows. But often as not I have been reading something that would be right in his line, some learned medical tome stuffed full of symptoms. I'm often surprised he doesn't have a copy open on his desk. Anyway he will reassure me that I should stop reading such literature, tells me I'm fit as a fiddle - rather odd phrase that, why should some instruments be medically in better shape than others. Whatever the reason he then charges me a guinea (which to me seems in questionable taste), and tells me he'll see me in a week or so. "What are you reading Ralph?" Toby asked. I told him it was a book all about viruses, and their symptoms, and dashed if I wasn't sure I had some of them. Take this one for instance, one moment you'll be going along absolutely fine, and the next your interrupted by... |
| No, no, no, that's all wrong. Everyone knows that you are supposed to get all of your medical advice and from the internet. Getting it from books is so last century. |
🐕GeminiGem🎁  - Looks up mildly from his perusal of 'Three Men In A Boat' by Jerome K Jerome, (1889) Hmm? Century before last actually. |
| A smouldering gamekeeper. Raunchy requited love. Someone named Chatterley. A brutal murder! Coming soon on BBC None.... The Broken Gun Case. Chief Inspector Galbraith plays a reluctant second fiddle to the Belgian Bun himself. Murder has never been so silly. |
| Between 'The Hobbit' and 'Lord of the Rings ', this happened (probably) : Hmm! should I tell them about Nigel and Marmalade? .... Naw! They can find out for themselves. (Well worth it though) |
| Darn, I'm getting [[Embed WritingML not rendered.]] Can someone explain to me what it was? |
Friendly Neighborhood Derg  - If this doesn't work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHwKPFQ-F_s then on YouTube, search for 'Gandalf Builds a Time Machine' it's by Tom Bates. |
So this is the Graham Badge: ![Merit Badge in Graham Guinea Pig
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations on your new merit badge! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We sincerely appreciate it! -SMs](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Graham_Guinea_Pig-2288571.gif) Who wants one? A free merit badge is yours for the asking, and in return all I ask is: Can you think of a guinea pig appropriate one liner? "Read 'em and Gweep!" - that sort of thing. Have a go, I could really do with a chuckle. Can't think of one? Send me an email and ask for a free Graham Merit Badge anyway! Please note there are three guinea pigs - in time there could well be three Guinea Pig merit badges - surely you'll want to have the whole set? |
| prior to watching this, I had not previously thought of S 🤦 as a cat. Now I am not so sure. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ERspXhC7vD8 |
| Remember, the actual lore from the creators is 'Hello Kitty' is not a cat, but a little girl who just happens to look like a cat. And her boyfriend is a cat who just happens to dress in human clothes. And they have been around for 50 years, so you know some inter-species... I just made myself throw up in my mouth a little... No, that just proves everyone hates penguins (and rightfully so). |
| "Is that your melon?" The shopkeeper asked. I thought that I detected something of a challenge in his enquiry. "It may be." I admit my reply was perhaps a little guarded, maybe even a tad evasive, but then one must exercise considerable caution in one's dealings with those of the mercantile classes, lest one find oneself considerable out of pocket. "It isn't a matter that lends itself to ambiguity, it either is or isn't your melon. Which is it?" He was, I could tell, becoming increasingly irate. "May I ask the purpose of your so asking?" "It's been bothering my cantaloupes. And it's been making my greengages distinctly nervous." I stared at the melon, which for it's part contrived to express contrition or even I dare say remorse. 'I am so very sorry', it seemed to say, 'but I simply couldn't help myself. I honestly only came in to look at the brassicas.' The shopkeeper sold me three of the cantaloupes and a large bag of greengages. I very nearly had to buy a pineapple as well, and only my swift exit prevented me from doing so. As we walked back down to the river, and the boat, I reflected that it was just as well that Toby, Graham and myself all love fresh cantaloupe. Toby could be guaranteed to find room for one or two greengages, and I'd get them both to spring a shilling towards my unforeseen purchases. The melon I decided would have to be leashed in future. That was an extract from our forthcoming BBC None adaptation of Ralph GP Guinea Pig's 'Three Guinea Pigs on a Boat Not to mention the Massive Melon' by Angus Brosnigag. Just part of our sparkling Summer line up at BBC None. |
| Cat [Mr. Tiddles] (The Importance of Being Ernest Blowpipe): So Mr. Blond, we meet again. GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Erm! No, I don't think so. Blowpipe: !!! Director (Off): Toby, Sweetie! We aren't filming the scenes in order. This scene is just being filmed before the one where you actually meet. Okay. Go again everyone. Blowpipe: So Mr. Blond, we meet again. Toby: Oh yes, I remember. We met at eight. Blowpipe: We met at nine. Toby: You were late. Blowpipe (Indignant): I was ON TIME! Toby: Ah yes, I remember it well. GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Oh good gweep! |
| Could it be that a merit badge giveaway is in the offing folks? Who would like a free Graham the Guinea Pig badge? What hoops will you have to jump through to get one? Why is his lettuce straightened and not curled? Why so many questions? Where is all this leading? Soon all will be revealed to be clear as mud! |
| N.A Miller - Way back in the day, Christians appropriated loads of pagan holidays and rituals, etc. That is why these crossover traditions are so prevalent. Let people have their fun with rabbits and eggs and the rest of the silliness. There are much more dark and harmful things that could be disrespectful to Christianity than that. Besides, this wasn't meant to be a religious discussion but a light bit of fun. My apologies for bringing more darkness to it. You may return to your discussion of merit badges and guinea pigs. |
| N.A Miller - Just to set the record straight, Good Friday is when Jesus was crucified and Easter is when he was resurrected. |
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