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My uncle Cuthbert made a new year's resolution to walk five miles a day to improve his health...

Needless to say, we haven't a clue where he's got to.
  •   4 comments
I hope he's enjoying his walk, and finds the scenery inspirational!
Dave  Author Icon
That's why it's important to tag relatives with gps; it also warns if they are coming to visit.
I'm a little late with this, but it's still January - just about, so here are my New Year's Resolutions:

1. STOP making lists

B. Be MORE consistent.

7. LEARN to count.
  •   4 comments
You are perpetually hilarious and such a joy. I still envision you stalking the forests, Druidically clad, seeking various new Reading Logs and Wands of Decree.
😁
You are already consistently funny. You must lie awake at night thinking of things to write here.
On the bright side, it's lighter.

One of my friends asked me today if I was a vampire.

"No." I replied "Why would you think that?"

This is what they said by way of explanation: "So you can see yourself in a mirror and you walk around looking like that?"

Now there's a joke you can sink your teeth into!
  •   5 comments
*Facepalm*

funny, but a very bad pun.
Dave  Author Icon
This is one of your really good ones! (In a bad way)
Today I started my new career as a door to door salesman.

I have to say, I don’t think it’s going very well.

Most doors I spoke to didn’t want to buy another door, some were outraged at the mere suggestion, and those that did express interest didn’t have any money anyway.
  •   4 comments
Jim  Author Icon
Sometimes I'm shocked that many people have a sense of humor that closely mirrors mine!
I imagine some were offended that you'd ask them to agree to bigamy, and others felt rejected and "just not good enough."



😉
As usual, this post is off the hinges.
Someone has stolen the wheels off my car...

But don't worry, I'll find them....

I'm going to search tirelessly!
  •   6 comments
*FacePalm* bad pun!
I just hope stealing wheels doesn't pickup traction!

Jim  Author Icon
Their Toilet was also stolen. They have nothing to go on.
• Edited
My wife complains that I never listen to a word she says. Just today she said something like "You never listen to me, you only hear what you want to hear."

On reflection it was ill advised to reply, "Yes thank you, I'd love a beer."
  •   1 comment
I take it you didn't get a beer?
Do you keep a reading log?

I do.

Mine's oak!
  •   8 comments
No - I keep mine in Swindon.




Adherennium Author Icon - (Whispers) I've been a Sneaky Snooper in the forest.
So, heavy reading with wooden characters?
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  •   4 comments
I wish those adverts came with the triple asterisk warning.
It's always in the teeny tiny print. Viva the exclaimers! By the by, I consulted good ol' Google to discover that Budleigh Salterton does exist.
Winter Wonderin' Wanderin' Author Icon - You didn't believe me?


I can't imagine why.*Laugh*
I thought I’d give camping a try. Not having a lot of money, I hit up a local ‘Home Bargains’ and managed to pick up a two man tent for just £8.00 as it’s not really camping season and demand can’t be that high. (Less than $10 USA I think.)

So anyway, I took my new tent, a few blankets, some food, something to read, and set off to the local woods. I found a nice quiet place to pitch and the tent was up in about ten minutes, and I was soon ensconced.

What I hadn’t done was checked the weather, and during the night a cold front moved in and it snowed quite heavily. Needless to say, I was frozen, and the blankets weren’t cutting it at all.

To take my mind off the cold, I opened my complete Shakespeare, (just a little light reading you understand, yeah I am that pretentious!).

Imagine my surprise when the first thing I read was,

“Now is the winter of our discount tent.”
  •   7 comments
Spring, summer, and fall, camping is intense. In the winter, camping is in cabins.
NO. Bad punster, bad. No biscuit for you.
Oh my this is HILARIOUS! Thanks so much for the uproarious [rare] laugh!


That reminds me of Reading the Steinbeck title "The Winter of Our Discontent" [I'm sure Shakespeare was the wellspring of the title] as a youngster. Oh, what a depressing novel.
I went to see my doctor today. I told her that I thought I'd caught poetry.

She said not to worry unduly, and that she herself had once suffered from short stories.

"Really?" I asked, "When was that?"

"Oh! Once upon a time."
  •   4 comments
Was it a dark and stormy night?
Huh. I would have thought it was on a "dark and stormy night."



IYKYK


The End!
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with a musical instrument often goes undetected.
  •   9 comments
N.A Miller Author Icon - hmmm, that might be my job.
Musta been a flute. No self-respecting survey could ever post such malfeasance.
What a Saxy statistic! I could read that piano problem!
I used to live in such a nice area, till all the foreigners started moving in! Now it’s ‘Zeus’ Kebabs’; ‘Xiuhtecuhtli’s Fabulous Fireplaces’; ‘Tiānshén Take Away & Grill’; ‘Freya’s Frillies’; and ‘Baron Samedi – Funeral Directors’.

I tell you… The place has gone to the gods!
  •   2 comments
Oh this is precious!😊😁😊
Reminds me of the dyslexic agnostic insomniac. He lays awake at night wondering of there really is a dog.
  •   2 comments
Outstanding,. WELL DONE!
Magnificent.
• Edited
Watership Down meets Doctor Who in, 'Living On Burrowed Time', coming to an alternative universe near you, sooner than you think.
  •   1 comment
I'm a dedicated Whovian who also really enjoyed the Watership Down novel (I listened to the audio book) and have seen both adaptations for the screen and I think such a 'merge' would prove interesting to write.
• Edited


A little treat for you all.

[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This use of the word 'treat' presupposes that you both like music in general, and are not adverse to this music in particular, should this not apply to you, there is no obligation on our part to supply you with an alternative video of a similar or better 'treat' level, say for example one with cats singing, purely for example you understand [LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Cats NOT included in this video selection] so ermm. yeah, that's it - enjoy, or don't I'm a bit past caring at this juncture to be honest, I don't know, work my brain cells to the bone (or is it to the skull? I don't know).]
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