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| enjoy... |
Never heard of them... but what a great throwback sound! There's something about well executed harmonies that's so appealing!  |
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This was cool.  Reminds of the 1940's singers era of music. |
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| It's October, and that means Horror... Why not get in the mood by entering S🤦♂️  's "Horror Writing Contest"  , tell him Boris sent you... (oldies will get it). |
| Cinderella Rockafella Opening Scene …. Using an alternative version filmed for Reservoir Robin ‘n the Hoods, the late Michael Madsen dances whilst serenading a broom, as he sweeps between two ugly sisters, portrayed by Alan Cumming (Clowns to the left of me), and Stephen Buscemi (Jokers to the right), “Here I am stuck in the middle with you.” GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): This is razor sharp humour isn’t it? GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Cutting edge stuff. GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Stop it you guys… You’re slaying me! Ralph: Wait? So Michael Madsen is Cinderella? Toby: Nooo. He’s Bert the Sweep. He did a great Cockney accent for it. Ralph [Puzzled]: I thought Bert was in Mary Poppins? Graham: It’s a cameo, the film is going to be full of them, apparently. Toby: Yes, Bert gets the old heave ho because there’s a guy who’s actually a cop, only he’s pretending to be a pumpkin salesman and because of him the Banks family raid goes pear shaped. Graham: and because Bert’s out and the floor still needs sweeping the ugly sisters make Cinderella do it. Ralph [Thinks this over a moment]: Sounds logical. So who is playing Cinderella? Graham: Officially Angus and Quentin are keeping her under wraps for the moment. Ralph: Ahh, to build suspense. That’s very clever of them. Toby: No.o! It’s because she’s still playing ‘Mummy Number Three.’ in the ‘Some Time During the Evening at the Museum and Specifically in the Pharaoh's Section’ film. It’s out for Halloween. Ralph: That sounds like one of Angus’ titles? Graham: Got it in one old chap. |
| Quentin Tarantino in association with Angus Brosnigag has finally announced his last film. The deceptively titled ‘Cinderella Rockafella’ is actually a clip show, and is mainly put together using out-takes and alternative scenes from his extensive oeuvre. Starring Ralph, Toby and Graham Guinea Pig as ‘Jules’, ‘Verne’ and ‘Pumpkin’, and Rosie Quokka as international smuggler ‘Kneesup MuvaBr**n’. Unusually Cinderella Rockafella will be a straight to Newsfeed release…. No release date has yet been given, but you can probably expect bits of it to leak out over the following month or so… probably. |
| My son wanted a tattoo. I tried to warn him that the tattooist was useless, but he went anyway, and came back with disapointment written all over his face. The guy can't even spell!!!! |
| SMASH! The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor. A giant of a man was standing in the doorway. His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair. The giant squeezed his way into the hut, and seemed to walk into an invisible wall. Without speaking a word, the giant ran his palms over the ‘wall’ till he seemed to find the edge, then he stepped around it and found himself in front of a very confused Harry. The giant gesticulated and pointed at Harry, then drew out a large birthday cake from within his cloak. Pushing it towards Harry, the giant seemed to encounter difficulties, the cake was stuck in mid-air. The giant tried shoving, and then pulling the recalcitrant cake, but it wouldn't budge. However, eventually he succeeded in handing the cake to an astonished Harry. “Happy 11th Birthday” It proclaimed in bright green icing, then underneath “PS: You’re a Mime Harry!” |
I'm assuming it has something to do with Harry Potter and that hairy wizard fella, but... I apologize for my cultural cluelessness   |
| Don't you dislike recalcitrant cake? Of all the cakes that could be presented as a surprise... |
I was with you all the way... until the end. The pun you missed was in Her-mime-ome.  |
| As mobile phones became ubiquitous, there was a near total decline in the number of telephone call boxes. No one felt this more than Mr. Clark Kent. |
| NARRATOR (Daniel Craig): When not Licensed to Kill, On His Majesty’s Secret Service, British spy supreme James Blond like everyone else has to make ends meet. (Despite earning quite a decent wage, James has a gambling addiction to fund.) Fortunately he is skilled in more than just the art of assassination, and spends his downtime ‘Resting’, working on building his already considerable reputation as a Swiss Chocolatier. [Shots of Blond wearing a apron emblazoned with the message ‘From Switzerland With Love’ and a white chef’s hat, whipping up chocolate in a copper bowl] Working in Gruyères, a stones throw from Maison Cailler in Broc, (please don’t try to ascertain the truth of this statement as avalanches are really not welcome), Blond can turn his hand to Crunchy Frog, (sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose), and Chocolate Frogs (don’t open next to an open train window – you have been warned), but he specialises in hazelnut whirls. Indeed Blond’s hazelnut whirls are so good that he’s recently signed an exclusive five year contract to supply the luxurious moustache trials with his spirited confectionery. [Shots of James standing, creating hazelnut whirls, behind him we can see the Swiss Alps, and a couple of hang gliders swooping about] “Whoooohooo!” JAMES BLOND (Spy and Chocolatier): Right that’s enough for this morning. I fancy a bacon sandwich for lunch. ALESSIO (Fellow Chocolatier and not a spy): We seem to have run out James. |
Why do children's playgrounds often feature monkey bars? I understand that moneys like a drink, many of us do, it's just the placement that seems odd. Perhaps 👻Trick o' Monkee👻  could enlighten us? |
| NARRATOR (Ralph Fiennes): For most people, ‘resting’ is finding work to keep the wolves from the door when you’re not doing what you love best. But, for Dark Lord Toby, resting really is just that. A chance to let his hair down if he had any, and to recharge his batteries. We caught up with him in the Swiss Alps. DARK LORD TOBY (Evil): Well, people seem to imagine that being a dark lord is easy, stereotypes you know. Sit on my throne, make menacing pronouncements, oversee vast armies of evil, easy peasy really. Truth is it’s actually very demanding work, evil armies don’t just magically appear you know, well unless you use the right spells of course, but they need a lot of overseeing, and feeding, ha, have you ever tried sourcing a constant supply chain of fresh virgins for dragons? No? Well I have, and it’s impossible… FORTUNATELY, dragons will happily eat doughnuts instead, and I have this sweet deal with Iflop, only they don’t really like me talking about it. What am I doing? Well I’m getting ready to go hang gliding. Yes, yes I’m actually not too bad at it, I thought I’d look like some sort of deranged bat, what with my dark lord robes flapping about and everything, but life is about compromise, and so I’ve settled for my old college sweatshirt, Mugworts College Salem 192.. ahem anyway – nice and comfy, but my glider does have depictions of the glyph of terror and the glyph of running out of bacon on the wings, so, you know, keeping the side up. What got me into it? Actually it wasn’t a what so much as a who, two really nice people, John and Lisa, that I met whilst volunteering at the Animal Rescue place just down the road from me. They were talking about their plans for the weekend, and I said it sounded exciting, so they were like, ‘why don’t you come along?’, and the rest is history. I joined their group, and we go most fine weekends when I’m not actively trying to take over the world and wreak havoc upon my enemies. This weekend is rather special actually. I’ve just finished a rather successful campaign of evil, and you know, well crime does pay, said it before, will no doubt say it again, because it’s true. Anyway, I had an absolute hoard of gold, jewels the works, and I thought, why not treat the gang to a trip to the Alps, and here we are. We ready, yes? Whoooohoooooo……..! |
| NARRATOR (David Suchet): Murder is sadly all too common an occurrence, and rarely can you visit one of those visually stunning and terribly posh house parties without one or other of the guests being shot, poisoned, or even exterminated. However, despite this, due to there being a quite excessive number of amateur sleuths, (one house party I went to recently had no less than three inquisitive little old ladies with china blue eyes and a deceptively fragile appearance), and a not inconsiderable number of professionals, (a quick glance at the hat stand revealed a deerstalker, small bowler and a dishevelled raincoat). I seem to have forgotten what I was actually talking about. [Muttered aside] Oh yes. Well there are times when a detective is ‘between murders’. One of these detectives, we’ll call him HP (because he’s a saucy boy!) when not exercising his little grey cells, likes nothing better than to exercise his luxurious moustache. HP: I’ve had quite a few moustaches in my time, not a few of them were champions. Now this one is ‘Skip the Light Fandango the Third’ He’s a feisty little chap, loads of potential. I took him out around Hastings last year and he made a very promising showing. I’m expecting big things of him. NARRATOR: Are they hard to train? HP: Oh they can be, they can be, but Skip here has it in his blood. He’s a natural. Put him in a field with a small flock of assorted chocolates, and he’ll be rounding them up and cutting out the hazelnut whirls before you can say Harum Procol. |
| S🤦♂️ - Not sure if you have it, but in the UK we have HP sauce - sold with a picture of the Houses of Parliament on the bottle, but HP = HP = Saucy - also it's an in-joke with my son, and a reference to the Nigel and Marmalade animations. |
| NARRATOR (Ncuti Gatwa): The complete eradication of every other living creature in the universe might seem like a full time job, but with the very common problem of crashing on a backwards planet and having to wait a couple of decades for a repair man to nip over from Alpha Centauri during his lunch break, Daleks , like everyone else, have to find something to do whilst they’re ‘Resting!’ Some of them have tried to be Fashionistas… DALEK: Darrr-ling, you look fabulous in that strapless one man tent, but you’re clearly lacking something. ACCESSORIZE! ACCESSORIZE! You absolutely need a Kate Shovel bag to hang off your sucker. NARRATOR: But strangely most seem to be taken by the lure of the Eternal Bard. DALEK (Not the same Dalek obviously, but another one, it just looks the same): But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE… [Sound of high energy weapon discharging] I am so sorry. I got carried away. Do we have any understudies left? ANGUS BROSNIGAG (A Director): Don’t worry Love, it will be fine, Julie. Julie Lovey, can you call the agency again, get them to send us a few more hopefuls. Ta! Love. MURRAY MINTY (An Agent (also a rat)): Angus old chap, can I have a word, only Ms. Piper is getting a wee bit nervous about the possibility of being exterminated before she can be poisoned. ANGUS: It will be alright on the night Murray, all right on the night. MURRAY: Why do you always cross your fingers, your legs and your eyes when you say that Angus? |
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