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 |  This is a continuation of my blogging here at WdC |
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This will be a blog for my writing, maybe with (too much) personal thrown in. I am hoping it will be a little more interactive, with me answering questions, helping out and whatnot. If it falls this year (2024), then I may stop the whole blogging thing, but that's all a "wait and see" scenario. An index of topics can be found here: "Writing Blog No.2 Index"  Feel free to comment and interact. |
| Only In America Now, I know a reasonable amount about United Estatian culture, coming from selling my work to the USA for decades, reading MAD magazine for decades, and being inundated with US television, music and movie products… as well as the books. The problem is, in the United States, a lot of people think the way they do things is the way the rest of the world does things. Obviously, that ain't the case. The rest of the world understands there are differences because US pop culture is shoved down our throats like the watery slop you call “beer.” (No, Fosters is not real beer; it’s just the crap we sell to the rest of the world.) So, after having a long discussion with my friend in Florida, here are the things about US culture that confuse me, an Australian who deals with those from the USA on a daily basis.  Using non-metric measurements. The US is one of only 3 countries in the world to still use purely Imperial measurements (if you ignore the increased use of 16mm ammo). Huge serving sizes. I discovered only recently that our ‘Large’ cups sizes are the equivalent of a medium in the US. A Large is plenty, thanks. Especially coffee. And your meal sizes could feed a family of 4! We have a one kilo schnitzel challenge – eat a kilo schnitzel and win a prize. Apparently, in the US, that’s a snack. Talking loud in public. Yes, look, some Australians get loud when they get drunk. But regular conversations are held at a volume much more convenient. Or are loud US people only tourists, the people who have interviewed me, the people on TV and people over here for work? And reading online comments… yeah. Other countries feel the same way. “College.” The rest of the world calls it “University” or “Uni” for short. College is either a sub-school of a university or an elite private school (JP to high school). Homecoming & fraternities/sororities. Sticking with the university theme. Look, this confuses us. We have seen them on TV and in films, and none of us have any idea what any of it means. Censoring swear words and religious terms. I know people say them. But on TV, in books, in music, there are censored versions. The religious words especially confuses us, as these appear in non-religious usage even in our kids TV. Religion everywhere. If you look at graphs of countries’ GDP v those who consider religion important in their lives, as GDP goes up, faith goes down. With one outlier – the USA. In Australia, more than 50% identify as “no religion”; we have had atheist Prime Ministers. In the USA, there are some who want atheists imprisoned. Not including tax in prices. Not only is tax included in the price, but at the end of your shop receipt, how much tax you paid is outlined. The price we see on the shelf is the price we pay. It’s not that hard. The Pledge of Allegiance. Really? Why? Isn’t it just brainwashing? Date order. ONLY the USA uses month-day-year; the rest of the world uses day-month-year, escalating. 9-11 to us is the 9th of November. Holidays and annual leave. How much annual leave do you get? 10 days? We get a month (28 days), and it doesn’t have to be used all at once, either. The huge number of flags everywhere. In Australia, people who fly a flag all year round are seen as far right, neo-N*zis. 99.99% of houses do not even have the capacity to show a flag. On Australia Day you might wear your Aussie flag swimming cozzie or beach towel or apron at the BBQ. But apart from that – nope. The obsession with processed cheese. The world makes really nice cheeses suitable for all palates and United Estatians eat cheese in a freakin’ can! Your attitude towards alcohol. Drinking age of 21? The rest of the world is generally 18. When I told a US friend I had a breakfast beer, it was like he was ready to send me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I know you drink, and I know you get drunk, sure, but alcohol is seen as something that should be hidden and not talked about. Shops that sell everything under one roof. Not a shopping centre (or “mall” as you call them), but, say, Walmart. Food, drink, insurance, pets, clothing, tools, drugs, alcohol, ammunition… all in one place. Red Solo cups are a cultural icon? Seriously? They’re just cups! You can get into university just by being good at sports; college sports in general. Sorry, but sport being the reason for getting into university seems like it diminishes university. And your college sports! Why? We have leagues and clubs and things. And if you look at the highest paid US state government employees, college sports coaches top the list in 45 of the 50 states! It’s just kids playing games! Only two political parties with no independents; the complete partisanship of politics. Here, minor parties and independents hold the balance of power. And politicians on both sides can both agree on issues. And then there’s the way you treat politicians like they are gods or something. Really? They’re all just lying scumbags. Tipping. See, where I live, minimum wage is minimum wage for everyone, no matter the industry. My daughter earns more as a 16 year old in Target than a US waitress who’s been in the job for 16 years. Your love affair with guns. I know some countries have more guns per capita than the USA, but the USA has the highest amount of gun-related deaths in the developed world. Problem with sex and language, but killing kids is apparently fine. And don’t give me “a good guy with a gun is needed to stop a bad guy with a gun.” Ain’t really worked so far. Schools have security guards and metal detectors. The fact these are needed says a lot more about the USA than I think you realise. Pharmacies that sell alcohol and cigarettes. You know these things are bad for you, right? Cooking with sugar. The amount of added sugar is insane. Here’s an example – Subway in Australia were forced to change the recipe of their bread from the US standard because otherwise it would be considered a “cake” not “bread”, and so have the GST applied to it. The cost of your health care. Even your medicines cost a fortune, let alone an emergency hospital stay. Universal health care can be wonderful, you know. Belief trumps science. In fact, science is seen as less believable than the many and varied faiths, from indigenous beliefs to mainstream and beyond. Referring to the country as “America.” America is the name of two continents. The country is the United States of America. Canadians and Mexicans in North America alone are “Americans” as well. Asking people what they do for a living as an initial question. I’ve known people for years and still don’t know exactly what they do for a job. We also don’t ask what people earn. All we care about is what sporting team you support. Worship of the military. Look, soldiers and vets do and have done a great job, but here, apart from ANZAC Day and maybe Remembrance Day, they don’t want to be reminded of it. It was their job, that was all. Both of my grandfathers refused to march because they felt ANZAC Day glorified war. And getting vets to stand up at sporting events so people can cheer them is never, ever done. They would be embarrassed. Don’t get me started on the aggressive recruiting in the US… Microwaving water? You guys really don’t use kettles? All of the money looks identical. Ours is not only a different colour, but a different size. Oh, and it’s made of polymer plastic, making it harder to forge. Customising your restaurant orders. What’s on the menu is what you get. The options available are those on the menu. Changing things for personal taste don’t happen. You want personalised food? Cook it yourself. Kids trick or treating on Halloween. Shops are trying to make it a “thing” here, but kids and parents alike are not buying in because most households do not care and will not supply snack food. Halloween here is mainly an excuse for a dress-up party; trick-or-treating does not really exist.Any I’ve missed out? Any you want to argue with me about? Oh, and don’t bother trying to explain anything. I’ve given up. |
| Answering Some Questions Some questions I have been asked that don’t need a full blog post to answer. What is your advice for the first-time published authors on how to sell their book? Not being self-published, I can only go from my experiences with small and mid-sized trad publishers. While publishers like social media, in the last 5 years it has stopped working effectively. Facebook has not worked for years, Twitter stopped working when it became ‘X’, Instagram is seen as too niche and TikTok has never worked. Yes, some people have had success that way, but in general, they don’t work. However, a Goodreads page does seem to work. An Amazon authors page can also work if you have more than two things for sale on Amazon. Your own website can work, but then you need to market/publicise that. Be willing to do interviews. Even if only on radio or podcasts or even via email, do them all. Attend conferences, workshops and other places where authors and readers congregate and use the opportunity to sell yourself. Join writers' groups and network. The writing community at a lower level is generally helpful and you'll be surprised what you can learn. The joy of NOT self-publishing is that I don't have to pay for marketing and I let the publishing companies do what they think is best. They will sometimes recommend I do things and that is fine as well. How should I look when I submit? Eager, naïve, bright, foolish, what? Professional. Always professional. If it's somewhere I've submitted to before and been accepted (especially if accepted more than once) then slightly more relaxed, but still professional. Why shouldn’t I just submit my work? I write good stories. All this extra stuff is just making us jump through hoops for no reason apart from control. Because, again, you want to look professional. If you submit something that does not meet the submission guidelines, you will not even get a look in. If your work is filled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, punctuation issues, etc., no editor is going to spend time fixing it (no matter if the story seems good) because they do not have that sort of time and who wants to put the effort in if the author doesn't? It says you do not take writing seriously. You look like you don't care. And remember, a number of the smaller and mid-sized presses talk to one another. Get a bad name in one place, and it becomes really hard to sell anywhere. If you're at the stage where you're talking with a cover artist, how particular do you get? Like do you nitpick every little detail? Do you let the little stuff go? If going the trad route, generally you will be asked for ideas, but the publisher will want it to fit the house style, so nitpicking will give you a bad reputation. If you’re self-publishing, you are paying big money for a cover. You want it to be as perfect as you can. Nitpick away – it’s your money! Agent told me NOT to write my sequel until after book 1 is a proven success. What do you think? And why? Okay, this is an interesting one. If you have the idea, write it anyway, just to get the idea out of your head. If you don’t have the idea, then this advice is spot on. Thing is, if you are looking at a book series/trilogy (etc.) and you write the first one and it sells, and then you can’t finish it because the idea didn’t work, then you’ve let down readers, publishers and, in this case, agents. I own so many first books in obvious trilogies that were never continued it hurts. So, if I know I’m writing a trilogy, I will have all three books done before I try to sell number one. On the other hand, if a standalone book sells well, then I might write a sequel (haven’t done so yet, though). Do you think that self-published books should have professional covers, formatting, and editing done? Editing is vital. Formatting is important. Covers are very important. But editing first. Pay an editor! The amount of books I've read with misused homophones, poor punctuation and shocking grammar is huge. Then again, some authors “know best” and that's why I no longer edit for others. How many times do you let your story get rejected before you stop submitting it/tweak it? I’m not sure if I’m giving up too early, or if I’m being too stubborn! Depends on the story. Some I've given up on after one rejection; I think the most I’ve done is twelve tries out there before acceptance. It comes down to how invested I am in what I've written. I’m finding the Beta read stage kind of hard. My beta readers have been amazing, but I’m struggling with feelings of inadequacy now, despite having a sharp word with myself. How do you combat that? To me, the beta reader stage is a relief. It means the book is at least 75% finished, maybe more. It also means I can get started on the next thing. Once it's out there, it stops me from changing it; someone is actually reading it, the goal of the majority of writers. I like the beta stage. Does a short story collection need to have a theme? I have to say that I enjoy a good themed anthology. Unfortunately, that does mean that sometimes surprises are not surprising because the theme gives it away. So... not good? Then again, the theme could simply be the same writer. However, in general, having similar genres of all stories helps. Having said that, trying to sell a story collection to a publisher is really tough. Do you keep track of your queries? Do you track the rejections or just forget them? What do you do? What recommendations do you have? I keep track of who I've submitted what to through an Excel spreadsheet, including acceptance, rejection or non-response. This covers everything from poems to short stories to longer works. It also makes sure that you do not submit the same thing to the same publisher two years later. Not that I’ve done that by accident…  I have a rookie question. If you have a finished manuscript and are NOT self publishing... What steps need to be taken in between finishing the manuscript and querying for agents? Hiring editing? Beta readers? These are the steps I’m not familiar with. This is not just querying for agents, but also submitting direct to publishers. 1) Get yourself an editor 2) Get at least one beta reader 2) Research who publishes/agents your genre 2a) If going to a small/mid-sized indy publisher, look at their list, buy a couple of books and see if your style matches theirs 3) Look at the company/agent carefully 3a) Make sure you check "preditors & editors" sites so you won't be ripped off 4) Submit (follow their guidelines to a T) 5) Hope for the best! Good luck! |
| A Meeting With A Publisher So, this morning I had my usual Skype call with my friend in Florida, then, as I was doing some work for a local group, remembered I had an invite to a Q&A with a representative of Random House Australia. I logged on, waited 15 minutes, then found I was one of over 100 people listening in. We had all submitted to RHA in the past 2 years and had reached second round, but got no further; that was the idea of this - to help us reach final round, to help those who are close maybe get a Big-5 contract. The two women who spoke to us said we had done the right things - edited before submission, followed the genre dictates, put story first. They then went on to state the things we (in general) may have fallen down on: characterisation being either weak or dominating, pushing an overt message, under-writing. When asked to explain what under-writing is, they said it was using simplistic language. Yes, that meant I felt called out. Then came Q&A. Questions I noted: * If I revise, should I resubmit? No, unless you completely rewrite the work and change the title. * Is any genre off-limits? No, but the extremes of any genre are not appreciated. Additional question: But I don't see a lot of humour in your listings? Answer: Humour is a hard sell universally. What's funny here [Australia] is not necessarily going to translate internationally. But we do have some humour books in our store. * Do you accept collections of works? No, they just don't sell unless you already have a name. * Do you accept books that are chasing current trends? (Example given, Hunger Games and Harry Potter styled works.) Yes, but they have to be amazingly well-written and not just pastiches, and they need to hit different story beats. * Do you accept previously published works? No. What about if it is on Wattpad or something first? Only if it is not visible to the general public at large. She then went on to add:If you have previously self-published a work of fiction, we will be very unlikely to accept any other work except in exceptional circumstances. * Why don't you publish children's books? The cost of picture books and short page count early reader books does not make them financially viable. Specialist companies have a much better system generally. * Do you publish fan fiction? No, and any author worth their salt knows why. (This was genuinely the only time they seemed pissed off with a question.) * Can we have our own covers designed? We encourage input into cover design, but we prefer to work with in-house designers. Of course, this is not a hard and fast rule. * Do you do audiobooks? If so, can we choose our own narrators? Yes, we do. And we prefer the author to be the narrator if at all possible. Otherwise, this is something we are willing to negotiate with the writer. We do not have a list of preferred narrators. * What do you see is the future of books and publishing? Good question. Ten, fifteen years ago, I would have said digital all the way. COVID saw a rise in audiobooks and post-COVID physical books have come back. So, the future? I don't think anyone knows, and we are just going to give all formats equal time. I got bored about then, but there weren't many more questions. Anyway, just thought I'd share. |
| I Or Me? So, this has come about because during my reviewing here on WdC, I have seen this error creep in more and more. When do we use “me” or “I”? So, this involves use of the first person pronoun, indicating the writer is the one the story happens to; this is first person Point of View. (For an explanation of Points of View, see: "20240121 Point Of View" )Speaking in purely technical terms, “I” is the subjective, “me” is the objective. Easy, huh? Okay, “I” comes before a verb. I went to the shops. I was shot by an arrow. “Me” comes after a verb. He gave me a book. The arrow shot me. “Me” also follows prepositions. The cat slept on me. The book was given to me. She winked at me. The confusion comes when the narrator is not the only person being spoken about. Bob and I went to the shops. The dog licked Bob and me. Sue smiled at Bob and me. NOT Bob and me went to the shops. The dog licked Bob and I. Sue smiled at Bob and I So, how can we tell what is what? The simple rule of thumb is, if in doubt, split the sentence and see how it sounds. For example: Bob and I went to the shops. becomes Bob went to the shops. I went to the shops. That is how simple sentences work, so the initial Bob and I went to the shops. is correct. On the other hand, Bob and me went to the shops. becomes Bob went to the shops. Me went to the shops. (not good) So the initial Bob and me went to the shops. is wrong. Let’s look at another example: Sue smiled at Bob and me. This breaks down to: Sue smiled at Bob. Sue smiled at me. All good, so the initial Sue smiled at Bob and me. is the right way to go. On the other hand, Sue smiled at Bob and I breaks down to Sue smiled at Bob. (good) Sue smiled at I (not good) Therefore, the initial Sue smiled at Bob and I is wrong. There is one other time when this is often confused, and that is when the word between is used. “Between” always involves two (or more) options, so there is not singular you can break it down to. However, “between” is a preposition, so it uses me. The ball went between Sue and me and then down the hill. This is correct. The ball went between Sue and I and then down the hill. This is not correct. The reason this is an issue is that the second one sounds perfectly fine. In this case, swap the word “between” out for “into” and see if it makes sense. The ball went into Sue and me and then down the hill. The ball went into Sue and then down the hill. The ball went into me and then down the hill. This is correct. The ball went between Sue and I and then down the hill. The ball went into Sue and then down the hill. The ball went into I and then down the hill. The final sentence means this is not correct. Finally, Plurals The plural of I is we. The plural of me is us Everything I explained above applies here as well. This has been another technical post, but I do hope it helps someone. |
| How Long Does Writing Take? This comes from Elycia Lee ☮ asking me a question after yesterday’s blog post: ”Let's say you are to write a 5k words short story. How long does it take you? My teacher kinda made us outline and write five drafts within a week. Is that doable or I'm just slow? Okay, I know that you said to each our own. Just very curious. It takes me a whole week to write a first draft for a 5k-word.” First, I will say this – five drafts in a week is excessive, and when I was a teacher I would never demand that of any students. It feels like giving work for the sake of giving work. Okay, got that off my chest. Right. To the crux of the question – speed of writing. There is nothing right or wrong. And no two writers are the same. However, in general, it will often come down to if you are a plotter or pantser (see "20240120 Plotting and Pantsing" ).Now, if you are a plotter, then the planning phase generally take the longest , and even for a short story, this can take weeks. But once you have the plan sorted, the writing phase generally can be relatively quick, and edits tend to be less about story and character because you worked it out beforehand. If you are a pantser, then the initial writing phase takes less time because you want to get the idea out before you lose it. However, because of the rush, there is a greater chance of character and plot errors. For the record, I am a chronic pantser, and very, very rarely plot anything. But time. Look, you need to work at what speed suits you. In general, if an idea is there, and either a plan is finished or a pantser is on a role, the average according to many sites seems to be 1000 words a day. However, in my creative writing degree, the lecturers gave us 1000 to 1500 words a day as an average. But averages mean half write more and half write less. Using Elycia Lee ☮’s example, a 5000 word story would take me 1 to 2 days to finish a first draft. My former editor would have taken a week to two weeks. Stephen King would have taken a day. Lionel Fanthorpe would have written three in a day. JD Salinger would have taken a month or more. This brings me to a point I think needs to be made: Do not compare yourself to other writers. Every writer is different. I have found in the past in some writing groups that people feel intimidated by my word count when I am on a roll. Last year during NaNoWriMo I wrote more than 153k words in a month. That averages out to 5000+ words a day. On my local NaNo server, some writers stopped because of how I was going (and one other woman who ended up clearing off 225k words for the month). NaNoWriMo is one of the few times when you are required to write a certain word count in a certain time. Others include entering contests, submitting to open calls, and getting work finished before a life event (surgery, marriage, etc.). In the end, though, you are the writer and you know what is best for you. There was a writer whose name escapes me who wrote a sentence a day, but he would agonise over each word, and sometimes he would rewrite that sentence the next day. In that regard, if you edit as you go, that is going to slow you. If you change your plan as you go, this is going to slow you. If you get into a groove, that is going to speed you up. But pace is individual. How long does it take to write anything? Does it matter? |
| Drafts This is possibly going to be one of the more contentious things I write here. Every single writing course I have done – including university – has stated the following: “You must do at least three drafts of any novel before it is ready.” I am here to tell you – the number of drafts you do is up to you. For 90% of my long works – and this includes all that have been accepted by traditional publishers – I do one complete draft, and then I do an edit, and rewrite usually around half. But I very rarely do complete rewrites. I will wait for the booing to stop from the literary teachers. That does not mean I don’t edit. No. Editing is vital; I use external editors. And then getting beta readers and doing what they suggest adds an extra layer of making sure. Thanks to beta readers, I have rewritten passages and chapters. But I have hardly rewritten from scratch. Truth be told, I am more likely to rewrite short stories; I have sold more than 90 and I reckon 10 were complete rewrites from an original. And my poetry I occasionally rewrite, but not that often, as that spurt of emotion that sparks it is often gone when I come back. This is my process when it comes to writing novels and novellae. I complete the first draft. Then I do a functional edit – misspelled words, grammar, punctuation, story inconsistencies, etc. Then I put it away for 3 to 6 months. In that time I will normally have written a dozen or more short stories and poems, a heap of columns, and will have definitely started a new long work, if not finished a new one. Then I read it with fresh eyes. I tend to make lots of changes at this point, but these are edits, clarifications, nothing to do with story or plot. Sometimes it’s a lot of changes, sometimes it’s relatively few. Then it goes to my editor. Whatever she suggests, I do. Finally, I send it to a beta reader or three, then fix whatever they find, Finally, I start the laborious task of trying to sell it if I think it fits into the current market. With a short story, I leave it a week, read it, edit it. I rarely use a beta reader; I might use my editor. Then start looking for anthologies/magazines to publish it. With a poem, I wait a week, read it out loud (always out loud with poetry), maybe makes changes, then let it sit until I am ready to sell it, then I do a final read-through and edit. That is me. My old editor used to write a draft which would tend to take her a couple of years, and then she would rewrite the entire thing. Up to 90 percent I reckon was changed. Only then would it hit beta reader/editor stage. One of my state’s best-selling authors insists she does four complete drafts of each story. She reckons the first is usually a short story in length. Then it becomes a novella. Then it becomes a novel. Then she cuts, she says, as much as 10 percent of the word count in the final draft. Like everything else when it comes to writing processes: It is personal to the writer. For beginner writers, it might be a good idea to rewrite your first attempt at a novel. But maybe not. I certainly rewrote my first three novels, but I was also in my mid-teenaged years when I wrote them, and the rewrites were vital to making them readable. It is up to you. But if you have readers who think there are glaring errors that editing is not fixing, then rewrites might be necessary. So, while I have said that it is up to you, do not think what you have written is perfect first time. I do not know anyone who has written something first time that is absolutely flawless. Edits are always needed. At the moment, I have a novel going through beta reading here on WdC. While it has been edited, the amount of things readers are finding, the amount I will need to correct and re-write in some form, is large. And that’s fine. It is what beta readers are for, and is what it takes to be a successful writer. Don’t be afraid to rewrite, either. It works for the majority of authors. The vast majority of authors. There are huge advantages in rewriting, especially if you use an alpha reader and they are really lost. But… you are the artists. You do you. |
| Comma Basics So… I received a message asking about grammatical help. Apparently, what I wrote about direct speech actually helped someone, and this person asked if I could go over commas. Well, commas are so complex and used so much in so many different occasions, that it would take a book to explain it. As such, I have decided to give just the basics of comma usage. This does not cover direct speech, which can be found here: "20240125 Direct Speech" I can, however, see why I was asked for this. Commas are the next most commonly misused punctuation after direct speech. See the link above for those comma rules! Commas separate items on a list. I bought milk, cake, biscuits and bread. However, some people use what is called an Oxford comma here (before the ‘and’). I bought milk, cake, biscuits, and bread. In some cases the Oxford comma is not needed, but in others it becomes necessary. At the party were two strippers, JFK and Stalin. In this example, it seems JFK and Stalin were the strippers. So an Oxford comma fixes it: At the party were two strippers, JFK, and Stalin. Now we know we have four people there. Commas also separate a list of adjectives. He is a strong, healthy person. But if the adjectives could not be said in a different order, then no comma is necessary. I ate a good hot meal. As a rule of thumb, to see if a comma is needed, if it can be replaced by ‘and’, then use a comma. For adjective order, see this: "20240219 Adjective Order" Commas separate a dependent clause. This is where many go wrong. If both clauses are sentences on their own, then use a full stop or a semi-colon. You would not use a comma between these two. She went to the shop. She bought milk. But if one is not a proper sentence, use a comma. When she went to the shop, she bought milk. ‘When she went to the shop’ is not a complete sentence. While contentious in some circles, if you join two complete sentences with an ‘and’, then use a comma at the end of the first. She went to the shop, and she bought milk. If I get rid of the second ‘she’ though, then I don’t need a comma. This is a little confusing and if you make the mistake, it is not the end of the world. She went to the shop and bought milk. Commas are used to separate single words or single phrases that are interjections. No, I won’t go to the shop. Hey, that’s a big shop! My gosh, you are a smart person. Commas separate elements of dates and places. Sunday, July 25 was cold. July 25, 2021, was cold. In this case, there is a comma after the year. If just month and year, no comma is needed. July 2021 was generally cold. Places work the same. I grew up in Adelaide, South Australia, Australia. Adelaide, Australia, is boring. If some-one has a title after their name, then it is separated by a comma. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr Simon Smith, PhD There some other things as well, but these are the main ones. It is quite a lot to remember, but if you think of a full stop as a break and a comma as a breath, then it might help you see these things a little easier. Some-one who has not been taught comma usage from a young age can find it intimidating, so don’t be afraid to sit there with a guidebook open beside you when you are editing your manuscript. |
| External Writerings 2024 pt 4 So, it is time again for a list of my external columns. One I have not included (it was about a local event), but the rest are song lists, album reviews and even a movie list. Quick note: Weekend Notes is a column of being positive. So if I include a song or review something, I like it. That means if you want to read my Taylor Swift review and hope it is trashing her latest album, bad luck. Anyway, here’s April’s columns. There’s only six (I wrote only 7; life does interfere too often), so I hope you find something to enjoy! Songs about the wind. Just the wind. 6 new release albums from January to March, 2024, reviewed. Songs about things being electric. Songs about lightning, following on from the previous column. A review of Taylor Swift’s The Tortured poets Department. Written for ANZAC Day, my favourite films set in World War One. So, some music for you, some songs for you to enjoy. And, remember, clicking on the link helps me in my endeavours to make this writering thing a real job. {/linesapce} |
| Some Handy Latin Phrases So, you have a story set in ancient Rome, and you want them to speak to one another. You can use an online translator… and get vaguely correct translations. But only vaguely. My old Latin teachers and lecturers would have conniptions if they saw some of the translations. I know I do. So… This is from some of my notes from too many years of studying a dead language, now only used on Vatican radio and in Oxbridge. Greetings Salve = Hello (to one person) Salvete = Hello (to more than one person) Vale = Goodbye (one) Valete = Goodbye (more than one) Ave! = Hail (to a superior) Ave! Morituri to salutant! = Hail! Those who are about to die salute you! This was long thought to be the greeting of gladiators to an emperor or person running the show, but there is no actual evidence. Still, good to know. Insults Podex perfectus es. = You are a total arsehole. Stercorem pro cerebro habes. = You have shit for brains. Muliercula = What you call a woman who is not a prostitute, but you want to insuate she is. Pavo absolutus es. = You’re a total turkey. Ecce illa mammeata. = Check out those tits. Ita vero? Tutene? Atque cuius exercitus? = Yeah? You and whose army? Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! = May barbarians invade your personal space! Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant! = May conspirators assassinate you in the mall! Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant! = May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy! Vacca foeda. = Stupid cow Vescere bracis meis. = Eat my shorts. Common Sayings/Quotes Age. Fac ut gaudeam. = Go ahead. Make my day. Potes currere, sed te occulere non potes. = You can run, but you can’t hide. Nox. Modo fac. = Nike. Just do it. Die dulci fruere. = Have a nice day. Rex Mundi sum! = I’m the King of the World! Miscellaneous Credo Elvem ipsum etiam vivere. = I think that Elvis is still alive. Pone ubi sol non lucet. = Put it where the sun don’t shine. Ursus in sylvis cacatne? = Does a bear shit in the woods? Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. = I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head. Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? = Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me? Fac ut vivas. = Get a life. Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi. = Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog. Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de anate debeo congredi. = Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a duck. This one’s for Schnujo Enjoyed Colombia. Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. = I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult. Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo. = Don't call me, I'll call you. Nullo metro compositum est. = It doesn't rhyme. Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema. = I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem. Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? = How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? This one’s for Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness Prehende uxorem meam, sis! = Take my wife, please! Ventis secundis, tene cursum. = Go with the flow. O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem! = Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm! And never forget: Illiud Latine dici non potest. = You can't say that in Latin. Use wisely. (And remember to pronounce V as W, and to pronounce every letter, except AE, which is one letter.) |
| Some Nineteenth Century Slang More trivia! So… you want to write a story set in Victorian times (the era based on the reign of Queen Victoria of England, not the Australian state or Canadian island) or a little earlier, but are having problems getting the dialogue sounding authentic, and not just a Simpsons approximation of said language. As such, here’s a couple of lists of words to help spice up your 1876 romance story between the lady of the manor and the groundskeeper (though maybe Lady Chatterley’s Lover got there first)… Let’s start with British (or originally British) words or phrases: bags o' mystery: sausages balderdash: spoken nonsense barking at a knot: a waste of time (think “flogging a dead horse”) blazes: an expletive, related to “hell" bow wow mutton bad tasting meat (nautical expression that was also found in port towns) butter upon bacon: something that is extremely extravagant chuckaboo: someone who is a good friend. church bell: a woman who talks constantly and loudly and never stops cop a mouse: get a black eye dollymop: a woman who dabbled (only dabbled) in prostitution dratted: equivalent of saying “damn” nowadays fly rink: a bald head foozler: someone who tends to mess things up, or is so clumsy things get damaged. gigglemug: a person who always has a smile on their face. grinning at the daisy roots: died and been buried half rats: tipsy, slightly drunk kill the canary: take a day off by pretending to be sick mutton shunter: a police officer, equivalent of the modern “pig” poked up feeling embarrassed rain napper: umbrella sauce box: person’s mouth sell a dog: tell a lie some pumpkins: if something was some pumpkins, it was quite impressive strumpet’ a prostitute, or someone who dressed/ acted like a prostitute take the egg: win (a prize or an argument) tarnation equivalent of modern "damnation" as an expletive up the pole: so drunk you need a pole to keep you upright whooperup: a person who sings loudly even though they do not have a good singing voice wooden spoon: a stupid person And now let’s look at US words and phrases: absquatulate: take leave, disappear (a person) acknowledge the corn: confess, especially confess to a lie afeared: scared boodle: a crowd of people. bully: well done (by early 20th, used sarcastically) chirk: cheerful conniption: tantrum coot: idiot doggery: cheap drinking establishment, equivalent to a “dive” guttersnipe: homeless child who lived on the streets hornswoggle: cheat (usually a verb, sometimes a noun) mosey: move slowly and/or lazily mudsill: a member of the working class; in some areas, an uneducated person Philadelphia lawyer: a person believed by everyone to be almost inhumanly intelligent picayune: something small or frivolous pony up: pay a debt ramstuginous: rambunctious ride out on a rail: force to leave town tuckered out: exhausted vamoose: leave quickly wake snakes: raise a ruckus And there we go, a quick-fire 50 slang terms from the Victorian era (and before). Now, many of the British ones did find their way across the pond, but very few went the other way. But if you are setting a story in this time frame, maybe some of these words could help you. |
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