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My blog, where I store those thoughts rattling around my brain |
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Welcome to the insanity of my mind! Please excuse the cobwebs and clutter, I've been meaning to clean the place up a bit... Stop in and read some of my nonsense whenever the mood strikes you :) |
| Eyelashes flutter, blurred vision gradually coming into focus. My chest heaves. I wheeze, inhaling oxygen from my nasal cannula. There is nobody here with me. I am alone in this starkly lit room, filled with nothing but the cloying scent of disinfectant and the nonenal odor of decrepit life. And yet, I have company. Picture frames stand on my bedside table. I reach a wizened hand out, wrinkled palm snatching up a wooden square and pulling it towards my eroding eyesight. Frail fingers stroke the glass, resting on familiar faces captured on film, a window into a memory created several lifetimes ago. I was a different person then. Younger, arrogant, naive, full of piss and vinegar. Who would have thought I'd travel the world and visit old friends, hopping from country to country, states and counties, haunting their doorsteps with a cheeky grin? It was a pleasure to see them at long last. Finally, I could put usernames to faces, stories to their creators. I was just a side character in those rollicking tales of theirs, a traveler who went with the wind, carrying nothing but reflections and recollections, sharing contagious laughter and personal anecdotes. I ran my fingertips over those beaming countenances, silently naming each one. I missed them. Where were they now? Did they accomplish those goals, achieve the long dreamt victories we confessed? Are they doing the same thing as I? Sitting at the edge of existence, pondering a life well lived? Tenderly, I replaced the picture frame on my table. Several books lay scattered about, each with my name on them. I smiled, staring at the new editions and updated covers, remembering the days spent struggling over short stories and wondering if I'd ever finish a novel. If this is all I have during the end days, I will be content. For that is all I truly wish to achieve. Day 29: Imagine for a moment that you are near the end of your life. What do you want to have done that would make you feel satisfied? |
| Ah, I missed the previous day's prompt but I had most of this written so why not incorporate it into today's challenge? In terms of vague subjects, let's say that this one is... Power. Namely disingenuous societal power and the problems which arise from it. A few days ago, I saw a movie. It was an old one, filmed in the mid eighties and directed by a member of Monty Python. Brazil - an darkly humorous satire with a heavy dose of surrealism. While I was captivated by it, I confess it was an extremely painful viewing since the themes and biting commentary hit far too close to home. When it was over, I was left in shambles. He got so much right about the future. The twisted morality, the Orwellian surveillance, the police brutality, obsession with superficial appearances, the indifference to carnage and suffering, and so so much more. My head was spinning. I was trying so hard to keep up with the symbolism, the changing plots, the sheer genius of it all. The ending was the final gut punch. No spoilers here but I think that it was a haunting reflection of our times. This pandemic has really shone a spotlight on some of the worst human flaws. It's eye-opening to see the willfully ignorant, the egotistic mentalities, the stubbornness to admit the smallest of wrongs. While it is awful how people refuse to think of others, I can't say I'm surprised. This is a culture of outrage, anger over insignificant things, revealing a widespread contagion which rivals deadly viruses: insecurity. Are we really so soft and spoiled as a nation? Why can't we cover our faces with a piece of fabric? Do you think that you'll lose a chance meeting with your soulmate? Are you that self-absorbed that you can't shield your smoldering looks for a few minutes to get groceries? Ah, we get the complaints about BREATHING from people who smoke or vape, people who will gladly cough in the face of others, but aren't fearful of being put on a ventilator like so many others struggling for oxygen. What is a small inconvenience for the benefit of society? Yet they seriously compare face masks to corporal punishment, often bringing ridiculous similarities to a certain regime that sparked the second world war. Hyperbole is all that's used in rhetoric these days. In fact, I think that public discourse has coarsened and escalated to the degree where there is no middle ground, no mindful compromises. Everything is about extremes. The needle swings back and forth but never rests comfortably in the middle. The issue of someone refusing to comply with wearing a mask is unsurprising if considered from a psychological stand point. It is in our nature to rebel. We will poke, prod, explore and test the limits of the smallest rules we know. Why should it be any different for this one? But if we continue to be crabs in a bucket and prevent others from escaping this proverbial prison, the consequences for that short term satisfaction will be horrifying. I think that poor education, materialistic culture, and mental apathy have culminated in a toxic society of selfishness. We live in a capitalist era of maximizing profits over basic human needs, worshiping the almighty dollar and perpetuating the erosion of morals through corruption and wasteful consumption. It is a dreadful machine. Mammoth in size and beastly in nature. With a focus on greed and envy, is it any wonder that we have a narcissistic renaissance on our hands? What could have caused this? Surely not the celebrity worship, the inequality among classes, the insidious advertising, pushing carnal propaganda and concepts of attaining empty dreams? Why have we become simultaneously apathetic and outraged? It's exhausting. Please, I'd like one day without having to suffer the onslaught of human pettiness. So we numb ourselves to it. We hide away in our safe spaces, peaceful bubbles where we refuse to acknowledge the existential dread, the uncomfortable unspoken truths. Is it any wonder that drug use is at all time highs? That includes alcohol abuse, which is rampant. So what can we do with all this hopelessness? What optimism can we have in the face of insurmountable odds? To quote a certain character in Brazil: "We're all in this together." Whenever you can, do an act of random kindness. It costs you nothing but a little of your time and energy, but to make someone smile is priceless. Hold the door for someone who can't. Make someone's day with a few glowing words. Spread joy and warmth through spontaneity and sincerity. And not just because this is Christmas, do it all year round. We don't stop caring about our neighbors just because the TV stops telling us to. Let's come together and start healing as a people, instead of tearing each other down over and over ad nauseum. Can we at least try? Please, I'm begging you... |
| The darkest teachers I ever had weren't found in schools or universities. They didn't practice any formal education, couldn't lecture on complex themes and certainly had no idea what existed beyond their small corner of the universe. But what these people taught, they taught well. It's one thing to be book smart and intelligent, but that will only get you so far in a world of crumbling concrete and watchful eyes. What you need is cunning, savvy knowledge. How to walk, what to say, where to go, who to watch out for. But this all pales next to the most sinister language of all, the one spoken with wordless exchanges and furtive glances. Whispers done in private, chemicals dissolving on tongues, vaporized in smoke, injected in veins and falling into stupors as reality washes away and the blessed numbness returns with full force, just a little weaker than the last time. My shadowy guides led me where I could drown out the pain of existence. But they didn't warn me of hollow need that would replace it, emptying out all other emotions except for greed and sorrow. They showed me how to survive but not how to live. It isn't life. It's a wretched pilgrimage to the shrine of ecstasy, praying for sweet release and discovering it never lasts as long as you'd like and leaves you feeling twice as worse. Eventually the cycle was too much. The never ending spiral descended too deep, long past the point of no return. I didn't see anything in that abyss, no hope, no wishes, no comforting light at the end of the tunnel. I was alone with my thoughts. Used up. Worn out. Emotionally and physically exhausted, at the frayed end of my rope. All those teachers taught me was how to feed my demons, fueling self-hatred until it was too strong for me to overcome. So I didn't. If I was a star pupil, I wouldn't be here right now. I often wonder where that path would have led, what would have awaited me at the end of that journey. But this road took me here today and for that I am grateful. Blog Challenge Day 24: In a previous prompt, I asked you to write about your best, or favorite teacher. Tonight write about your darkest teacher. |
| 30 Day Blog Challenge Numero 23: In your blog today, tell us your favorite joke. It can be long, short, it does not matter. What makes this particular joke your favorite one? C'mon, show us your sense of humor! While I don't have a favorite joke, the humor that tickles my dark funny bone is definitely the morbid variety. Here's a few zingers that make me giggle. “If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions. Priest: “Do you have any last requests?” Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?” The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. You know, I'm not entirely sure why I have this warped sense of amusement. Guess it comes from my demented sensibilities? Ah well. Hope you found something in here to chuckle at. :) |
Mr. Rager   Knocked down, round for roundYou're feeling like you're shot down on the ground When will the fantasy end? When will the heaven begin? Yeah  |
| 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 18: What did you do during the 'Great Shutdown For The Upgrade' of WDC today? Tell us all the 'gory' details! Oh, yay! An easy prompt. I didn't really do much, honestly. Sent some emails, picked away at my current serial, wrote most of a new story, made food, watched a movie and went to bed. Kinda boring. But I've been in this melancholy funk all this week and it's been driving my writing haywire. Either I have no willpower to type, or I doubt each paragraph, or I feel like nobody would want to read it. What can be more crippling to a writer than a poor mental state? When you have to fight yourself, is it any wonder that no work gets done? At least I'm nearing the end of it. Well, I hope that I am. Damn brain cost me the better part of a week. |
| 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 16: Do you follow a certain regimen/diet when it comes to eating? Other than something you might be allergic to, are there any foods you avoid or limit yourself to? What's your favorite meal to prepare. Share your recipe if you like. I don't really follow a diet plan. While I try to eat as healthy as I can, time and resources are the biggest problems holding back my nutritional standards. Lately I've been making a marked effort to eat as less meat as I can, opting for bigger portions of veggies and grains and limiting the fatty and sugary treats. So far, it's been working well. I feel better and happier but still get cravings for the junk... Such yummy, tasty junk. Favorite meal? That's a hard one. Variety is the spice of my life, I try to keep things unique and fresh instead of eating the same dang thing all the time. Probably something like a soup or a chili. Maybe even a stew. I love to make a lot of something scrumptious and enjoy the leftovers for a day or two. I'll think on my favorite cuisines and get back to ya'll. |
PROMPT November 15th You and your two best friends are going on a month-long road trip. Where are you going? What three items must be in your luggage for this trip to abe a great experience for you. If two of my best friends are coming on a road trip with me, there's only one direction we'll be driving in. And that's west, baby. I've never been to California but from what I hear it's pretty much amazing all around. Aside from the obvious problems, that is. I think both of 'em would be down for an adventure, if I asked them. So what would we need on this cross country trek? First off, we would need some money. Secondly, we would need one sweet RV. And thirdly we would need tons of tobacco leaves for... reasons. So yeah, that's my road trip list. Not very imaginative, but then again I'm not feeling especially whimsical after that wild weekend. |
| Took a personality test and ended up with this! A bit scary how accurate it is... But at least I know more about myself. The Mediator Here's the link if you want to try it out yourself! Let me know what you get :) Sixteen Personalities |
| Last night, I dreamed I was a dragon. My roars shook the forest mountains, sending flocks of indigo birds scattering from perches, darkening the skies as those feathery clouds chased my echoes over the misty valley. I rumbled in amusement, satisfied with my declaration of strength. These lands were my kingdom. This cave was my den. When I hungered, my powerful wings thundered in the air as I prowled in search of wild boar or shaggy bears. No creature could withstand these mighty claws. I swooped down and snatched my prey, bringing it to a grassy knoll large enough for me to feast. When my belly was full, I slept contently among the weeds. On rainy nights, I soared above the thunder as lighting crackled in the fog below me, hazy flashes glinting off my emerald hide. Lizard irises turned to the heavens, delighting in the radiance of the diamond carpet blanketing my celestial vault. Fire rumbled in my belly. I closed scaly eyes as magma erupted from my snout, flames billowing into the chilly atmosphere. I had want for nothing. And yet, a strange compulsion itched at me. A desire to have diamonds of my own, jewels to admire within the comforts of this den. Why should I wait till nightfall to bask in that glittering display? Dragons should not have to bide their time. I was proud and strong. Fall changed the forest colors on my mountain, transforming the broken jade peak into a flaming tower. Flapping my powerful wings, I rustled the burning trees as I swept towards the valley, scattering orange and yellow sparks in my wake. The castle lay in the center, shrouded by fog. I roared, jaws blazing. An inferno ruptured the misty curtain, veil parting before me as I neared the stony fortress. Beside the gates, two armored guards drew swords and shouted at me in a tinny language. I answered with my scorching breath. A boulder flew over the walls and smacked my snout. Pain blossoming over my eyes, I shook my wings and rose into the sky. My belly rumbled in fury. I dove down and unleashed another torrent of dragon-fire. The catapult exploded, metal and wood flying around the castle square as soldiers fled in panic. I roared again and swiped my tail across the battlements, crushing men with savage delight as I exacted revenge. Claws scarred the foundations, shattering granite, powdering mortar as I reached the golden storeroom beneath. Grasping the treasure, I raised my head to declare victory and- I woke up. My head was killing me, throat raspy, tongue dry... "Water," I gasped as I crawled out of bed in search of crystal nectar. Staggering to the kitchen, I poured myself a glass and downed the life-saving liquid almost instantly. "Ah," I sighed and wiped my mouth. My nose wrinkled. "Good god," I wheezed. "That's some terrible dragon breath." 30 Day Blog Challenge Day 9: You are having a very realistic dream. In this dream, you are approaching a castle. What unusual reason do you have to be at this castle? What do you say to the two guards standing outside it to gain entrance? |
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