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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| I guess this is some of the ludicrous, my work hours through the weekend, I mean. I could find a few other colorful words to describe them as well. One more day, and even though it's just nine working hours, I may be in town for twelve or better before I get back home. Monday is looking a little better, but it's uncertain yet, it could also turn into another ten to twelve hour day. I'm burning out fast, and in desperate need of some time off. At least tomorrow is a later start; I won't have to be up until five. How's that for crazy, five o'clock in the morning is sleeping in. But, it helps, and if next week works out with the schedule, I may just find myself with a little time off. Of course, if I do get the time off, I'm going to need to use some of it to get caught up on paperwork, reports, and other items I'm getting behind on. Being another late day for work, I decided to try a new fast food place for dinner. It's a Taco Bell, new in the area, but I have eaten at other Taco Bells before. Some have been good, some not so good. This one was pretty good, and it was fast. But, they didn't have much of anything for side dishes. They would be good to stop and pick up an order to bring home and have with something else, but not the best for dining in without some side dishes. That about wraps up my day, work all day, fast food after, now home to write this and then off for the night to relax for a little bit before turning in. I do have to get caught up on a few things in here pretty soon, so I'm hoping Monday works according to the schedule. Also, I'm bringing my netbook in with me tomorrow, just in case I get some time to use it after work. There won't be time to come home and then go back in to get Rhonda, so I may just spend a little time in here. |
| A long day, and I'm beat. My feet hurt, and I'm just going to put them up and relax for a little while before going of to bed, since I have to be up at three again, and will put in another ten hour day. Sunday is looking like nine hours, and I'm not sure about Monday. Working so late makes it difficult to eat healthy, and with Rhonda getting done about the same time as me, it was more convenient to just go out for dinner tonight. We both like Chinese foods, and used to go to the local buffet. But, it started getting pretty run down and we kind of lost out appatites for eating there over a year ago. But, a couple people said it had all be redone. I was told it's under the same people, but they completely remodeled and it was a lot nicer now. I was also told they put in a grilling area, and you pick the meats and vegetables you want grilled, along with the seasonings and sauces. I had eaten in Sioux Falls at a place similar to this, and once you had it figured out, it was kind of fun. Of course, the first time through was kind of rough, but they offered suggestions and by the second time around, I had some idea what went with what. I thought this would be just as fun, so after work, Rhonda and I headed over to the redone Chinese buffet. It was a little different, but only in the area where they put the grill in and the area for raw foods to cook on the grill. The rest was the same old buffet, just cleaned up and slightly remodeled. The food wasn't any better, and some of it wasn't very hot, the same old story as before, and why we quit eating there. Being hungry, I stayed and tried a few things, but I was not impressed at all. Rhonda said the same, and I doubt we will ever return, no matter what people are saying. A new manager or something that changes the entire establishment, then yes I would go back but not anything less will convince me to eat there again. I should have known better. In an area where a gas station deli is the preferred eatery, what can you expect? I mean, it's like the majority of the people around here just do not appreciate good food. It makes me think of the movie, The Jerk, when they offer a vintage wine, and he hollers at the waiter to get rid of that old stuff and bring me a new bottle instead. Anyway, I have a full stomach and I'm fighting sleep. |
| Where to even begin? If I wanted to vent about work, I could write volumes. I finally got two days off, yesterday and today. I would up working both, and will have some long hours for the rest for the rest of the week. It only hammers home the point that this job requires more than I am willing to put into it, and more than I get compensated for. There was a good reason why I had to give up my days off again, even if I have not had any this month yet. That's not the problem, it's compensation for the extra that's required, recognition for all that I put in, and a little bit of help from the office so it isn't a whole month of no time off. But, none of this is going to happen. And, even if it did, I would turn it down, it does not supply me with the time I need to pursue my writing, and that is my one true passion. On the flip side, I did get to sleep in yesterday. I also enjoyed a nice morning with Rhonda, before things went haywire. And, even though the afternoon was shot to hell, we did get to enjoy a nice evening with a fire out on the patio. We didn't get to stay out there very late, since I had to get up and go in to work today, but even that was alright, since it turned pretty cold last night. I have also been doing a lot of thinking about things, and it's clear what direction I need to go. I need to reduce my hours and put that time into writing. It's not just reducing the hours I work, it's reducing the amount of interruptions and off site work I'm doing. I'm not sure just how to accomplish this, yet. I can turn my phone off around five-thirty, but that would not leave me much time for writing, since I'm up at three and would be in a vegetative state by then. But, I am determined to follow through with this, I will make the time I need to write. I know it's not going to be something sudden, but over the next few weeks, I'm going to find a way to get my hours cut back and I'm going to figure out a way to get my messages for work, but not while I'm doing my writing. I'm excited about this decision, and eager, and that's going to be the most difficult part, weening myself off from work and back into writing. It's been three years like this, and if I move to suddenly, it's going to have repercussions and cause even more problems, so it's slow and steady... |
| I'm enjoying a day off today, but it's been so long, I continue to look at the clock to see if I need to get ready for work. Also, I woke up at three this morning, the time I set the alarm for when I work openings. I didn't get up, but I woke up and told myself I did not need to be up this morning. It took a few minutes to really sink in, then I rolled over, snuggled up to Rhonda and drifted back off into blissful slumber. I woke again, as Rhonda did also, at five this morning. That's the time we get up on Sunday for work, and the time my regular shift starts. This time I did have to get up, but I waited until Rhonda returned to bed. Then I got up to go to the bathroom. I looked at the clock when I came out, since I had the kitchen light on and wanted a drink of water. It was 05:07 and the new guy should already be on duty. Of course, if he didn't show, I would not get called until a quarter after or a little later, and I was tempted to stay up, just in case. I had to tell myself that he did fine, and everything is alright, I won't get called. I even thought about firing up my computer and logging into work, just to make sure he was there. Crazy, but it's just been so long since I had the mornings covered. I had to tell myself to go back to bed, and sleep in. As soon as I was back in bed, Rhonda rolled over and snuggled right up to me. I didn't fall right back to sleep, but instead continued to find my mind wondering back to work. It's become very difficult for me to not think work. In fact, I have become aware that work has taken over and my personal life has been stuffed on a shelf collecting dust for some time now. When I first took the position as supervisor, I knew this was going to be the case, and with all the problems, it was needed. But, I took care of the problems, got everything working smoothly and turned things completely around. We went from getting the lowest scores of any of the sites to the highest. In fact, we surpassed everyone and set new records for our efficiency a few different times. Last month we made another all time high for the month. At 2 for 85 we are meeting the stores expectations, at 2 for 75 we are doing a great job and meet our companies expectations, and at 2 for 65 we are performing above expectations. We usually score about 2 for 62, which is fantastic. Last month we scored 2 for 50. So, I figure I've done my duty for the company, and I feel it's now time to take my life back. things are running smoothly, but we are short on help, so I've been putting in a lot of work hours, and a lot of my own time as well. Now, we are covered for all shifts, but still short one person, so there are some long hours yet. Even so, I'm back to getting a couple days off, and it's time now to enjoy them and spend them on activities other than work. But, here I am, with two days off, and my mind continues to drift to work and what needs to be done, what needs to be covered, and what may come up. It's insanity, I tell you. I know, it's been going like this for two and a half years, it's going to take a while to reprogram my thinking. I know it will take a little while to change this and get my life back to where it should be, work on one side, my personal life on the other. I'm already working at it, and even though it's kind of difficult, I'm determined to have a life outside of work. XXX On a different topic, I seen a link to try the new BETA version for Writing.Com, and I gave it a try. I like the setup, and am actually in here again today. Yesterday was the first time I tried it out, and as is normal -- I think -- I kind of played a bit here and there, even with some settings. Somehow, I managed to make a lot of big changes to my settings here, and things were kind of messed up when I logged in today. I'm not even sure if I have them all set back to what they were before or not. I had to look at the Writing.Com 101 to even figure out what I did. That's what happens when you mess around with things while half a sleep and three quarters out of it. But, as always, the site here has wonderful instructions for finding and doing, and I do believe I have everything set back to normal. I'll give it a little while and see if anything else is messed up, but like I said, I think I'm set back to the same settings I always had. If by chance you find something that's not working, send me an email or something so I can reset it. I just hope I'm not set at some privacy setting and nobody can access my stuff. I looked and it seems they are all back to open for everyone. Thank you. XXX Updated at 16:00, I no longer am having a day off. the phone started ringing at noon, and I had Rhonda go in and cover the rest of the guards shift while I got into the paperwork and faxing. The guard we just hired had to leave early, an emergency situation came up. I almost turned my phone off, but decided to keep it on, just in case. Now, I'm wondering if tomorrow will be a day off or not. I have not heard any updates on the status of his emergency. This only reinforces my resolve to find a way to get my days off. But, that means we need to have another person hired to do fill in at times like this. It also means that the store needs to call my office if they cannot reach me, instead of just calling my phone over and over. Rhonda is going to make sure they have the office phone number, as well as my boss's. |
| We started our new schedule this week, so today I got to come home from work early. It was sweet to be able to stop for a few groceries and still be home by noon. Yesterday ended up being ten hours, even though I was only on the clock for a couple. But it's an investment in the new guard, and if he works out it's worth it. But, that left me pretty tired today, and of course, I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. So, after eating lunch, a frozen lasagna I had picked up while shopping, I took myself an hour nap. Once again I slept right through the alarm and woke up after an additional hour of sleep, wondering what that irritating noise was. Now, I find myself short on time for the afternoon, and a lot to do. I had intended to get all my paperwork and anything else work related done this afternoon so I wouldn't have to do any work on my two days off. Yes, two days off. Of course, it's not certain, but I think the new guy will pull through just fine. Anyway, I have to get some work done, but just can't push myself to do it. Instead I decided to log in here and write just a little entry, then I have to go make dinner. I'm thinking of chili burgers on grilled Texas Toast, french fries, and a vegetable. I know, it's not fancy, but it's quick. I'll do better for tomorrow when we will start the day with sausage and french toast, then finish it with barbecued pork ribs and jambalaya or red beans and rice. I'm still undecided which box of Zatarain's we will use. I know, it's cheating, but it's faster than from scratch. Also, I don't have any rice and forgot to pick some up today. I'm hoping to get back in here after dinner, but that never seems to work out. For now, it's time to check my mail, then get dinner going, and after -- well we shall see what shall be... |
| First things first, I need to get in here and make an entry, then I want to send out an email and try and keep myself caught up. With limited time, it seems my email is always full, but luckily most of what I get is,[NOTICE] New Notebook Reply. Of course there are the communications from the Reviewers Group and Writing.Com, but these are only a few and usually very short. Once again, I'm feeling exhausted. It's been a long time since I had a day off, I just put in another ten hour day, and the weather just zapped the little bit of reserve energy I had left right out of me. We started out at fifty-six degrees this morning, with northerly winds at twenty miles per hour. By three this afternoon, it was thirty-six degrees, thirty mile per hour winds, gusting as high as fifty. I'm really ready for spring, and not just because it's been such a long winter. It has been a long winter, even though we didn't get much snow. The weather patterns have just repeated over and over since last November, a couple of pretty nice days, then the cold and wind for a week or better. Since winter started early, I think everyone was hoping for an early spring, but it just hasn't arrived. We get a couple of pretty nice days, then right back into the freezing temperatures and strong winds. On top of the unpleasant weather, it's just been a few years since we had a spring. That may sound impossible, but we really haven't had a spring in three or four years. Winter weather hangs on into May or June, then we jump right into the heat of summer. This year is looking like it will be the same, just dryer. We didn't get much for snow, just cold and windy, so it's dry. I mean, very dry. Wetlands and sloughs are drying up rapidly, we are under burning bans, and the fields are powder dry. We may have gotten as much as a half inch of rain over the last two months, maybe three, but the high winds and low humidity sucks it back out of the ground as soon as it stops raining. Kind of a complete reversal of the weather. Of course, South Dakota tends to be a pretty dry stated, but over the last twenty to twenty-five years, it's been very wet and humid. My brother and I have fished in lakes that used to be fields and pastureland. It's not uncommon to boat past a stop sign barely protruding from the water, or see the tops of trees midway across the lake. Now, it looks like the land may soon be open to till again, long lost roads are surfacing, and things are returning to their past state. I digress, though. It's interesting to see the weather patterns, but it's spring I miss. Spring is my favorite season, and I wait anxiously for it from summers end. Sure, autumn is nice, the colors and the cooler nights, but spring is a renewing of life, it's invigorating and motivating. I just love the warm days, the cool nights, blossoms and flowers everywhere. the birds singing as they build their nests and prepare for raising their young is the sweetest sound of all, as the warm sun caresses my skin and chases the early morning chill from the air. |
| I started this before I had to run into town to pick up Rhonda, but I got logged out while I was typing it, then my internet and or computer got real slow. Luckily, I copied it and saved before trying to post it. So, here's a quick paste to finish what I started. Here it is, my first entry in the newly named journal. Along with the change to the name, I want to try and get away from writing about work. It seems my job has kidnapped my life, or at least is trying to, and I need some down time. Why then would I come home, log in, and write about work? But, that's just what I have been doing. I suppose it's because I spend so much time and thought on my job, it's also because it's front and center for attention. It's going to be a bit difficult to put things on the back burner again, and focus on my life outside of work instead. Old habits are hard to break, even unwanted ones. But, the time comes when you have to face up to it, make a decision, and then move with it. That's what this is, a new direction to focus me away from writing about work, thinking about work, and getting burned out from work. Also, as a friend suggested, it may free my thoughts up and generate some ideas to write on. Good suggestions from a very nice lady and a good friend. Thank you. |
| I guess this will be my last entry here, in Abysmal Thoughts. Of course, it won't be my last entry, not by a long shot. Just my last entry in the journal titled Abysmal Thoughts. I'm going to change the name, and of course, that means all my entries in this journal will be under a new title. It was a suggestion that I try a different name, something that would be more likely to draw someone in, instead of turning them away. That was never the intention, and I had never given it much thought after I had come up with the title. I had intended the term Abysmal to indicate some deep thoughts, but in fact, most people do not grasp that meaning and consider it quite the opposite. Along with my image, it does tend to invoke that impression. Therefore, I'm going to find another term to indicate what I intended all along, and will likely try another image. This was taken from the edge of my yard some years back, on a foggy morning. I was looking down the road and across the railroad tracks as the sun rose ever higher in the foggy morning sky. I decided to go back in and get the camera, then returned to capture this image. I think something brighter, or at least, not quite so gloomy looking will fit better with a new title. Now, I have to reply to a few email messages, while I consider various titles, I should make some lunch, and I have a ton of work that's piled up on me. I do plan on returning with another entry for the day, under the new title. |
| What a day! Saturdays are always busy days, and today was also the last day of an 11% rebate sale store wide. This added up to complete chaos in the store and in the yard. In addition to both of these, rain was predicted for the day, but it continued to get set back later and later, so a lot of people rushed in to get their stuff before the rain started. It all added up to one of the busiest days we had in a long time. I opened, and was done work about nine-thirty, but the new trainee was doing his first day of actual work, and was pretty unsure of himself. I understand this, and try and stick around to oversee things until they feel a bit more confident. But today it was so mad, that there was no way he could have kept up. I ended up working, unofficially until noon. Then, another guy showed up with his completed application, so I took a break and talked to him. It's sounds like we may have out temporary summer position filled now, too. Once I was done with everything, I was going to skip out for the rest of the afternoon. My wife, Rhonda, was working now, until three, so I was clear to go. I was giving her a ride home, so I needed to hang out until three, and figured I could work on scheduling and some paperwork. But, it was so busy, I still ended up helping out until one-thirty. Then it was a run to the store to pick up something for dinner. After this, I set up my netbook to do the schedule, and about fell asleep before Excel even opened. I was beat, didn't get as much sleep last night as I should have, and doing anything that required concentration was senseless at this point. I'm glad I don't have to get up until five tomorrow morning, I should be able to relax for a while tonight, get to bed by nine or maybe even sooner. This will be the first night in a month that I will have eight hours of sleep. Now, I just hope I don't wake up around one or two in the morning. I know I'll wake around three, that's the time I normally get up, but hopefully I can recall I don't have to be to work until eight, and can fall right back to sleep. That's my day so far, except for an unknown caller on my work phone. That was around five-thirty. I screen my calls, especially on my work phone, and since it didn't show up on caller id, and was not a number I recognized, I let it go to voice mail. Nothing. But they called back three times, each time letting it ring until it took them into my message center, but they never left anything. I was tempted to answer, but gee-whiz, I guy needs to have a little time away form his job, and since they didn't leave a message, I figure it's nothing important. On the upside of things, I have a new pen-pal. Well, no pens, keypads, but I do have a new friend and see she has returned my email, and left me another. I have not looked at them yet, I wanted to get this written, then go back and read her letters; kind of savoring them. It's always so nice to find mail, and I've been so inactive in here for the last year or so, that I don't usually get anything except the newsletters, updates from the Power Reviewers Group, and notices on new notebook posts. Now, off to my email, and hopefully I have enough energy left to write back. It's kind of doubtful, however, since I'm already started to have to fight to keep my eyes open. I may have to wait until tomorrow to write her back, at least if she wants anything comprehensible and not sounding like the rantings of a lunatic... |
| Again, so little time to spend in here, Writing.com. I have a few minutes to write in my journal, then I have to run back to work and see how the new guard did on his test. I'm sure he did fine, but he was pretty nervous when I got off work and left him to finish his training. This hiring and training takes a lot of time and energy, both of which I must supply after I'm clocked out and what little they pay me above the normal wage does not compensate for the added burden. But, if we get a good worker, someone who will stick around, and someone who won't have to have me coming in all the time during my off time, it's worth it. I think this guy is going to be just that, a wonderful asset to our work site. But, it's not giving me much for time to do anything until he finishes training. And, once we get him tested and passed, it starts all over again. I have another position we need to fill, and I will have to put in all this time again, until that spot is filled. But, being positive this guy is going to do great, I'll start having a couple days off each week again by next week. There will be a few long days in there, but having a couple days off will make it a lot better, and easier, to deal with them. I was hoping to have a little more time today, but it's just not panning out that way. I stopped by Facebook, and an old friend had posted pictures of the town I grew up in. She was my neighbor, and best friend back when I was in grade school, until her family moved away. It was nice sharing some pictures together, and having a little time to comment back and forth. What I really would like, is a few extra days off from work so I can travel back to Minnesota and visit my dear old friend. We had lost track of each other for many years, but I always thought of her, and cherished the memories we had made. Our paths crossed a few times in life, but the last time was before I served in the Air Force, a long time ago. Like I had mentioned, I thought of her quite often, and even had thoughts of trying to get in touch. But my life wasn't working out the way I had planned back then, and I soon found myself raising three teenage children alone. One day, a few years ago, I logged into Facebook to see a friend request, and guess who? Yes, she had also remembered me, and did a search, found me and added me as a friend. I have a poem I wrote about this in my portfolio. One day I will be able to travel back to Minnesota and visit her, but for now, it's just a little sharing in Facebook. Once I logged out of there, I logged in here and went through my mail. I found a reply to the letter I had sent out yesterday, and it seems I have found a new friend as well. I read her letter and want to send her a reply, but I want to take my time and write her a full letter, commenting and answering her questions. But, I also needed to get in here and write this since I may not get a chance later. So, I'll have to send off a short letter, explaining I'll write more later, when I get a little time. Of course, we met through my blog, so she may already know this just from reading my entry here. |
| I am so tired! Some of it's not getting enough sleep; I've been getting to bed later than I should. But it's more than just sleepy tired, I need some time off. It's been a long time since I actually had any time off. Sure, I had some days I didn't have to go in and work, but there was still work that needed to be done, phone calls, and problems. I have one of those jobs that makes it difficult to actually get a break from work even when I'm scheduled off or not at work. Normally, it wouldn't be so bad, but we had a person who was a problem child. We are also short on help, and now working everyday. I think the last time I had a real day off we went to Rhonda's moms eightieth birthday. We left that morning, spent the day, and had to be back that night because I had to go in and open the next morning. That was back in October, and there hasn't been any real down time since. It wouldn't be so tiring, but it's preventing me form doing any writing, and that's where I go to escape. I really feel a need to get lost in some story or poem, an essay, anything. But, I need the time to write, without interruption. I also find it almost impossible to write if I know I have to stop in an hour or two and get ready for work, or go someplace, etc... I guess it's because I tend to get so lost into my writing, that I lose track of time and everything else. So, if I have something I have to do, or someplace I have to go, I don't let myself drift off into my writing, and that means I don't write. I stumble through some notes, jot down ideas, and stuff like that, but I just can't lose myself to writing. Also, I'm horrible at spelling and need to learn some basic mechanics. I write good stories, or so I'm told, but they have many mistakes and need a lot of editing. So, I went out and purchased some lesson books in order to improve my mechanics, and so I can learn to edit my work. Less mistakes in the work, and less time needed to proof and fix the ones I miss. Again, I need time to do this. I can find bits and pieces of time, which would work fine for this kind of activity, if I wasn't so tired. I catch myself falling asleep at the computer, watching television, even sitting out on the patio when the weather permits. Just dog tired, that's what I am. I can keep working on getting to bed on time, and that will help, but like I said, I need some serious down time; a real break from work. That's where we were at when the last guy quit. we were setting up a tentative schedule that allowed for me to end my workday at five or six, then relax. It also incorporated me turning off the phones and not working on my days off. I don't think this will go over real well with the office, but if they want me to be on stand-by on my days off, they are going to have to give me some serious pay increase. Well, I have to get ready to go in and pick up Rhonda, fill out some paperwork, fax it to the office, and then it's back home for the night. Hopefully there are no calls or changes to the scheduled training tonight, but the guy we are training in has a child who had a head injury, and may have a concussion. He did make it in today, but only until two. I'm hoping things go well, and he can finish his training tomorrow, and start a regular shift on Saturday. |
| I want to write something. In fact, I feel I need to write something. It doesn't have to be long, I just need to write out a short story or poem. As a writer, it's how I express myself, and has been for as long as I can remember. If I have a problem, I write about it as a way to think it over. If it's emotional, I write to release the emotions. Writing is also a means of escape. Daily stress, the pressures of work, of all the stuff that goes wrong, it doesn't matter, I can escape for a while when I write. But, I also need time to write. I can't take an hour and say this is my writing time, I need to be able to get lost into my writing and may spend the whole day there. When I was out of work, it was terrific, I could write for a while, or write all day, it didn't matter. But now I find I have way too much of my time spent on work, and no time left to write. Just knowing I have to stop and do something at a set time prevents me from getting lost into my writing, which, in itself stops me from writing at all. I would say writer's block, and in a sense, it is. But it's not writer's block, either. I know, if I had time, I could slip off to where it is I go when I write. I like the term, "In the zone." But, it's going to take some assistance to get there, like a writing prompt, or an interesting circumstance. The biggest thing I need to go into the zone, though, is some time. Time without interruptions. I'm reading a book when I have time at work, by Stephen King, Bag of Bones. It's an interesting story, and I'm enjoying it, even though reading at work means it's stretched over a long period of time. One of the things I enjoy is the character in the story is a writer, and in the same kind of slump I find myself. In fact, the writing process and how this person gets lost in the zone, are much the same as myself. I imagine Mr. King is actually revealing much about how he is when writing, also. It becomes clear to me that I don't write as a hobby, I write because it's a part of me, it's like breathing. When I write, I'm fine, but when life prevents that, I feel as if I'm suffocating. And, that's how I feel right now, like I'm suffocating and need to breath. To many issues going on, and no time to relax and just let myself get lost into my writing. Even as I type, I'm interrupted by the phone --- work, and more than likely, a problem. ----- phone call ----- That's my break to return a phone call. I tried to ignore it, but they called back and left a voice mail. We start training a new guard tomorrow, and we have had shitty luck with training this spring. In fact, two of the three we started training quit after the first day, the third person was willing, and did his best, but his disability prevented him from being able to perform the job. So, when I seen it's the person I just interviewed and hired, who is to start training tomorrow, I assumed the worst. I mean, after all the bad luck, it just has to be something similar. I thought he was calling to say he no longer wanted the job, to be serious. This would at least be a step in a better direction since we have not put a lot of time into this person, yet. But, it was something different. He was calling to confirm his training time, and to find out where he was suppose to go to. I had told him at the interview, but we all know how stressful it is to be interviewed. We covered a lot of material during our short time together, and it's only to be expected that he wasn't sure on much of it. In fact, it's normal for new trainees to show up at the site instead of waiting to meet the trainer in the store. This person just impressed me by calling to double check and find out what and where, instead of just showing up at the wrong place. There may be hope yet, hope that we will get a good worker, and I can get some much needed time off. Then, one more part-time person to fill in when needed and pick up a few more of my hours, and I will actually have some time again. Of course, with summer, I know there will be other's who want to take up some of that time, but we will deal with that as we need to. If, or I should say when, I have the means to afford it, I will have to purchase a remote little cabin or place where I can go to write. Someplace where I can get lost in the zone and write until I'm done with what ever item I'm writing. Then, I can come back to the real world and deal with it until the next time around. |
| Missed yesterday, so I better get an entry in here today. That makes two days so far this month, not bad, but I would really like to have a better excuse for missing than just running out of time. For example, if I missed a couple of days here because I was out camping and having fun, with no internet access, or even just didn't have time because I was doing something fun. But, that's not the case. I'm running short on time because of work, and related problems. Today should have been better, since I got done an hour early. But, I was having some issues with my vehicle, so I stopped by the local garage and got some ideas from the mechanic. He didn't really check it out in depth, just kind of looked and listened, then decided it was the catalytic converter plugged up. It's an older vehicle, and I can't afford to put a lot of money into it, so I set about seeing what would be needed to do this work myself. I spent the better part of the afternoon under the thing, didn't get as much done as I would have liked, and then discovered something that would indicate it's not the converter at all. He assumed it was plugged by the way it's running, and because there's no exhaust pressure. But, there's a big hole in the muffler, and all the exhaust is leaking out there. It's showing plenty of pressure, so it's not likely the converter at all. It could be the spark plug wires are bad, they have not been changed in a long time, if ever. Also, the distributor cap and rotor were pretty fouled, which could be the problem, and could be caused by faulty wires. But, it could also be a failing fuel pump, or a fuel regulator. It could even be a vacuum leak or something similar. There is just no way for me to tell. I will try the wires, cap, and rotor, just because I know they need changing, but if it still isn't running right, I will have to take it in to another mechanic who will at least diagnose the problem a little further. What this means, however, is more time burned up, and I'm already so short on this commodity that I'm having a tough time getting in here, or even getting enough sleep. |
| I'm late getting in here again; I should be in bed already. But, Rhonda closes tonight, and won't be home for another half hour, and I wanted to wait up for her. Besides, even if I had gone to bed, the dogs would have kept me up running back and forth watching for her. And we won't even mention the kind of wake up I would have when she pulls in the drive and they both start barking. Some brighter news is that when I talked to her on the phone, she said that we have already gotten one person to stop by for an application from the advertisement in the paper. He only wants part time, but that may be the best route to go, a couple of part time people. Now, if he can work the days and times we need, and if he finishes the two day training part and sticks with us, I may just be able to get a day off again. Other than this, it was a nice day, just too windy. But, that's been the norm for a long time now. It's dry, warm, and we are under red flag conditions for fire. Not only us, but all the way into Minnesota. It's just dry all over. I had a guest talking about how so many people around here have removed the irrigation systems because it's been so wet for the last twenty years or better. Now, we are getting hit with a dry spell, and they may just need to irrigate again. In fact, not only have a lot of farmers removed the irrigation systems, they have been putting in drainage systems to dry out their fields. So, even if we get a little rain, they won't be able to hold the water. It's just a sad situation for so many people around here. But, it's not like they didn't get warned, for the last few years they have been predicting a severe drought for us. But, when it didn't dry out, everyone thought they had it wrong. As it turns out, they may have just forecast it a little early. A gentleman stopped and talked for a while, telling me about a friend of his who is a meteorologist, and who has been studying the weather patterns for the last one hundred years, or in some cases, more. He has looked back as far as he can find records of the weather patterns for this reg eon as well as other areas around us. It seems we are in a pattern that matches almost exactly the weather leading up to and into the dust bowl years. He thinks we are going to get it again, possibly even worse than before. I don't know about that, but I do know they have been cutting down shelter belts, draining wetlands, and putting in drainage systems all over. If we do get hit with an extended drought, it's going to be bad. The winds have been blowing twenty to forty miles per hour quite often, with gusts as high as fifty and sixty miles per hour. I can imagine just how bad things will get if we don't get some rain soon. In fact, we had a week of rainy weather that just ended, and I don't think we ended up with a quarter of an inch total out of it. What we did get, dried right up in the winds and low humidity that followed it. Water levels are dropping fast, not only in the slews and wetlands, but even the rivers and lakes having dropping water levels. |
| I went and let it get kind of late again, so I won't be writing much. Not that I had much choice, work tends to get in the way quite often. But, as long as everyday isn't as long as this one was. Not that it was a bad day, just a long and tiring one. See, I haven't been getting enough sleep for a long, long time. The result is my body being programmed to wake after so many hours, and now I'm trying to reprogram my body clock. I've been so tired, and feeling burned out, that I'm not getting anything done. So, we have started trying to get to bed earlier, since sleeping later isn't a choice. But, the schedule changed at work and kind of messed it all up. Now we are back to the start, on day three of getting to bed a bit earlier each night. The problem is, I still wake up after my programmed amount of sleep. At first, it was waking a half hour before the alarm, and not getting back to sleep. I didn't help solve this problem by taking a nap in the afternoon, but I was so tired, I was falling asleep at the computer. Last night we managed to get to bed an hour earlier than normal, and I was awake an hour before the alarm. That had me awake at two this morning, and I could have slept till three. Yep, a long day. Tomorrow, I get to sleep in until five in the morning, so I don't want to nap, and I don't want to go to bed too early, but I'm hoping I will sleep through to the alarm since I'm so tired today. I know if I manage to sleep through, I will have broken the cycle, and that means better sleep, and more of it. That means more productive most days of the week. Of course, we need to get at least one person, preferably two, hired and trained in so I can get a couple of days off each week. But for now, even working seven days a week, I'm home early and can get quite a lot done most days, if I'm not falling asleep in my chair. Weekends are the worst right now, and soon it will be Friday through Monday as the long days. Once we have more help, I can shorten some of them, but right now they are ten to twelve hours long. That's why I didn't log in sooner, I didn't get home until four this afternoon, then it was time to make dinner, eat, and then just relax a little. Hopefully tomorrow isn't as busy and I can leave a little earlier. Then, Tuesday through Thursday, I have very short days, and if I'm not so tired out I can't stay awake, I can get a lot done; hopefully, in here. |
| Wow, I'm home from work, and not dead tired. Also, I have the chili cooked and just need to reheat for dinner, the bread dough is rising, and it's not even two in the afternoon yet. It's been so long since I had any spare time, I'm not sure what to do. I may be going into shock! Of course, I do have some things I could be doing for work. But, they will still be here tomorrow, and they are not really very pressing. Besides, I may have a ten hour day tomorrow. I doubt it, but it's possible. No matter what, I'll have at least seven, more probable to count on eight. It will be the same for Sunday, and who knows what next week will bring. Hopefully we will be hiring someone by then, which means more long days. On top of this, I've been working for the last nine days without a day off, and I don't anticipate one for a while. If we get someone hired and trained in the first part of next week, I may get a day off by the end of the week, but it would be more likely not until the week after. And, that's only if we get someone hired and trained. So, in anticipation of having a long day tomorrow and another on Sunday, as well as no day off for another week or more, I'm procrastinating work and enjoying a relaxing afternoon. My only plans are to finish the bread, and take the dogs out for a while. the bread needs to be punched down again, then left to rise. This will be my opportunity to take the dogs out for a while, then it's back in for all of us, into the oven for the bread, and back in here for me. I need to clean up my e-mail, and I may even read something and do a review. Then again, I may look at a prompt and write something... It's been a long time and it would really do me a world of good to write something, even if it's short and pointless!  Okay, so I didn't get any reviews written, I didn't read anything, and I didn't write anything. I did look at some poems; I thought I may be able to handle a short one, but didn't see anything that pulled me in. I got too tired to read anything of length, knowing it would put me right to sleep. I did get something accomplished, though. I changed my briefcase image, and I also changed my page skin. In addition, I have my e-mail all cleaned up, and I even thought about renewing my membership. I may still go in and do that, while I have the money. It seems if I wait, something will come along and eat up all my dough. Besides spending a little time in here, which was a nice change from my usually rush in, write my journal entry, and then on to other pressing things. I know, sometimes I'm not pressed, but just too tired to do anything; there have been many times I've dozed off at the keyboard. My younger brother dozes off regularly in front of the television, but I seldom do. Sure, once in a great while I will doze off, but not more than once in a blue moon. No, for me it's the computer; I get going with something and the next thing I know my head is bobbing and dropping. I wake up, but one of these times I'm sure I'll doze off long enough to bonk my head on the keyboard; yes, I'll be a forehead typist instead of a two finger typist. Besides spending some time in here, I finished my homemade bread, from scratch. I rolled it out into a kind of flat and wide loaf, and coated it down with a spicy garlic butter. For Dinner, I'll split it down the center, coat the cut side with more goarlic butter and then grill it until it's golden brown. Then, it's going to get topped with shredded cheese and popped into the oven until the cheese is melted, starting to brown, and beginning to bubble. We are having it with a vegetable beef chili. I also spent a good deal of time outside with the dogs, since it's so nice out. It's only fifty-eight degrees, but on the south side of the house, it's out of the wind, and warmer in the sunshine. It felt great to sit out in a t-shirt and get some sun. I also cleaned up the Oriole feeder and filled it, since Rhonda said she seen one out there yesterday. I also moved the seed feeder a little, and filled it. I took a break here and there to throw the dogs toys for them, so they could enjoy some outside exercise for a change, too. Now, it's almost time for Rhonda to call, and I doubt I'll hear the phone, since I have music playing pretty loud over the sound system. I haven't listened to music very much in a long time, which is kind of strange for me. But then, I have not been doing much of any of my normal activities for a long time. I've been so busy with work, sick, and just plain tired from everything. I got sick last fall, during the soybean harvest, possibly an allergy or sensitivity to them, and have not really recovered all winter. I would start to get well, but then catch something else. It seems like it's been one thing or another all winter. I don't remember ever being sick so often in my life. Of course, it was a bad winter for everyone around here, and it seems like everyone has been sick with one thing or another since last fall. On top of that, it was a long winter. We got hit with bitter cold temperatures in November, and are just getting into spring now. Oh sure, we get a day or two of nice weather, but then it's windy as hell and right back into the cold. In fact, we had snow yesterday; it didn't' stick, but it was coming down pretty good for a while. We hit thirty degrees last night, and will again tonight, but we may get into the seventies by tomorrow afternoon. That's why everyone has been sick, the weather has been so extreme. Also, work has had me very busy. Not as bad as it's been the last month, but busy. It seems like I was getting calls on my days off, having to run in off the clock, and there was just always something going on, usually bad. Once the problem child quit, it wasn't nearly so bad, but it left us short on help, so I went down to one day niff a week. I also had to put in more time with interviews and trying to hire someone, even though that 's also been a bomb. Now, we have lost another person, and at the same time, picked up more hours, so no days off, and about fifty hours a week. In another week, it will be closer to sixty hours for the week, if we don't get someone hired soon. It's no wonder I'm always so tired, and never have much for time. But, at the same time, Rhonda is picking up some of the extra hours, which means I get home earlier some days, like today. And, we are getting to bed sooner, so I'm getting more sleep time. I can't say I get more sleep, at least not yet, but more time to sleep. What happens is this, I go to bed with the intention of getting six to seven hours of sleep, instead of four to five. But, instead of sleeping through, I wake up about an hour before the alarm and can't get back to sleep. My body has become programmed for about five hours of sleep. at night, and then a couple hours of sleep in the afternoon. I have been working at cutting out the naps, since that burns up all my free time. At the same time, I've been working at getting to bed even earlier. I'm getting about six hours now, and I'm waking up about a half hour before the alarm, so I'm doing better. It's a slow process of reprogramming, but it's working. tonight, we are shooting for seven hours, and I'm hoping I will sleep through the night. I know it's not very likely, since I have been waking up at night for years, but if I can go to the bathroom, then back to bed and then fall right back to sleep, as is normal for me, I'll be happy. And, if I get seven hours of sleep, I'm good to go. Eight hours is like sleeping in, and seven is plenty for me to function on without getting so tired I can't think straight. Now, we just need to get someone hired at work, maybe even two people, so we can get some time off. And, speaking of time off, it's time I get off of here and get ready for Rhonda's call. Then it's dinner when she gets home, relax for an hour or so, and off to bed by eight. |
| Another late entry, I'm going to have to work on getting in here earlier. I tried something different today, and it backfired on me. Even so, I suppose it's for the best, but it definitely did not work out the way I had intended. Things have gone from busy at work to hectic, now, we have topped that at frantic,and in another two weeks, it will be damn near impossible. I had just gotten things set up so we could start a regular routine, when one of the guards started needing every Sunday off. Only, instead of stating this, he would wait, then put in for a Sunday off. Since he was already a problem, I just assumed his Sunday shift, planning on him either taking the hint and getting his shit together, or I would just hire another guard and reduce his hours until he quit. But, this kind of messed up our routine, and I had to make some last minute adjustments. We had no more than started our new routine, when this guy bombs out and quits. No forewarning, no nothing. Now, because of some of his problems, he could have been fired before right before Christmas. Instead, I talked to him and gave him another chance. I didn't think it would do any good, but I just didn't want to fire him during the holidays. He did good for a couple of weeks, then got another right up during an audit for the same stupid shit. On top of that, he again showed up for work over thirty minutes late the following day. Again, I should have just went in and terminated him on the spot. I did go in, but instead of firing him, I talked to him. I explained that by all standards, it appeared he wanted to get fired, and was doing his absolute best to accomplish this. Then, I just asked him flat out if he wanted to keep his job, quit his job, or have me terminate his job. Before he answered, I told him he could have any of the three, but to think it over and make the decision he truly wanted. He told me he wanted to keep his job, and actually wanted more hours. I told him that by every rule and company policy, he should have already been fired. But, if he was serious and wanted the job, and if he was willing to do things right and hold the job, I would give him one last chance. I also told him that by March or April, we would have more hours available. If, by then he was doing things right, he could take as many hours as he wanted, as long as he didn't go into overtime. Then, two weeks later, he leaves me a voice message stating he is quitting. He called right at the time he should have been clocking in for his shift, and tells me he is done. It's also the first day of another guards vacation, so we are now short two people, and cannot cover the shifts without putting someone into overtime. That's when it went hectic. We tried to hire someone in, but just did not have any luck at all. Then, on April first, another guard exited his position, after giving me ample notice. Again, we had been trying to get another guard hired and trained, but they all just bombed. They would work one four hour training session, then quit. So, we ended up short another person, and at the same time, started the extra coverage, so it's frantic. In two more weeks we go into full double coverage, and will add in another two shifts. We will be filling six positions with three guards. Now, if everyone wanted hours, we could fill it with five. At full time hours, we could even scrape by with four guards, as long as no one takes time off. but with three, there isn't any way we can cover the hours. Right now we are at ten hours a week over time, in two weeks that will increase to twenty two, possibly even twenty six, if they want all the hours of double coverage filled. That is going to be completely insane, since the night guard does not want any more than twenty to thirty hours max. He is now at thirty-nine and a half, and has only one day off a week. Rhonda and I have no days off, and she is at forty-one and I am at forty seven. Next week I'll jump to forty-nine, and then in two weeks... Well, I don't even want to think about that. |
| It's interesting how things transgress. Monday we finished training a new employee, and then he tested. The way this works is dictated by the store we work at as eight hours of training then test. If the person fails the test, they have two hours to study and then test again. If they fail the second time, they cannot be a security guard at the store. But, if you look at a previous page in the procedure and policy book, it states that ten hours of training are mandatory for all security guards. Now, based on this information, the person we trained on Monday should have been tested after two hours, since he had trained for six hours on Thursday of last week. But, the store manager did not test him until shortly before the end of his twelve hours. Yes, he worked for almost twelve hours, not ten. He tested somewhere around eleven hours, not eight, and he did not get a retest, even though he failed. The procedure is clear, test and if the person does not pass, they have two hours more to study and then must test the same day. What's interesting with this, is the fact that we have to perform by the book. But, the very store that dictates policy did not follow it at all! Of course, the policy is written at the corporate level, and this was a store manager not a corporate manager. But, if I had asked for more time, or tried to veer even an inch from policy, I would have been turned down, and possibly even reprimanded. Also, at the time of the test, the store manager is suppose to notify our office with the results. At least, that's policy. They never have, but they at least notify me. Rhonda does the training, and also assists with some of the supervisory tasks, as needed. She can relay information to me, make most decisions if I'm not there, and fill in for me if I'm sick or injured. But, even after the test, the store manager did not tell her if this person passed or failed. I worked today and still did not know for sure if it was a pass or fail, and Rhonda worked after me, and she was not notified. It's nice to notify our corporate office, since it's out of state, but I can't do that if no one tells me the results. I finally had to call and ask if the person passed or failed. It's crazy stuff, and really doesn't make any sense. But, that's the way it goes... |
| Nothings changed but the weather. It's cold, windy and wet; except for a day or two here and there it's been cold, and it's almost always windy, but it's been very dry, now we are finally getting some moisture. I don't think it's a lot, but it's enough to turn things green and lower the fire danger. I just wish it would be a bit nicer with the rain, if we could get rid of the hurricane force gales, it would be much nicer. Like the weather, the same is true at work, not much has changed. We had our trainee test today, but I won't know until tomorrow if he passed or failed. I suspect he failed, but it may be such a thing as they are going to slip past with a low score as long as he is not working alone. If that's the case, I agree whole heatedly, and would be happy with that decission. I had already decided that for the time being, he would only work when he has someone else there, and when it's not real busy. I was hoping that with time he would become more proficient. But, like I said, there was nothing said about his score or if he passed or failed. The store manager who tested him will talk to me tomorrow. The way I see it, he either did well enough to pass, or he just can't do the job. But, it may be a matter of test anxiety that has him messed up, and if that's the case, he is entitled to a retest. That leaves a lot of questions, no answers, and only time will tell. I will talk to Rhonda, who trained him, and ask her what her opinion is, then I will talk to the manager who tested him and see what he has to say. Then, if there is an option for me to choose from, I will give him my opinion along with Rhonda's. Her's is most important, she would be working with him and she knows his capabilities, she trained him. Now, it's time to finish watching television. We checked out the new Hawaii 5-0 and it was alright. They should have come up with new names instead of trying to ride on the characters from the old show. But, they show a lot more females in skimpy swimwear, have more action, and have a pretty good plot to the few shows we have seen. So far, so good. |
| I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a wonderful day, and for those who don't, I hope you also had a great Sunday. Even though I do celebrate Easter, it was not a real holiday for either Rhonda or myself. We work Sundays, and today wasn't anything different. We are on a different schedule, but it's just flipped around, I work opening and she works closing. That means I get done when she comes on, so there isn't really any time for us today, or any Sunday for that matter. Even so, it was a pretty good day. It was slow at work, and those who were out shopping all thought it was terrible we have to work on Easter. It's funny, because we are there because of our jobs, they are there because they wanted to be. Yet, they think it's terrible that we have to work on Easter instead of getting the day off and getting to stay home with family. Of course, I don't tell them if they stayed home, I wouldn't have to work. It's also funny just how many people were out and about today. I know some were going or coming from friends and family, but others were out looking for stores to shop at. Tough luck today, just about everything was closed, except for us. Even we weren't very busy, as I mentioned. By two this afternoon, we had about twenty people come through the yard. In talking with them, most stated they did not have to be there, and wouldn't have come but they seen the store was open. This is sad. Why were they out and about to even see the store was open, and just because it was, why stop? Because they don't want to spend time with friends and family? I know there are some who don't have much for family, and for them, I really do feel bad. But most of the people today had family with; at least a spouse. Now, why not take a day and spend it with your partner? I asked one person who came in for some sheet rock if he was putting this up today. He said no, not on Easter. His tone indicated he thought I was nuts for even asking. Another was getting some shingles and tar-paper. Being terribly windy today, I jokingly stated that he should tie himself to the chimney when he puts them on. He looked at me like I had lost my mind, then stated, "I'm not putting these on until the temperature is into the seventies." I suppose not, but then why are these people out getting this stuff on Easter? It's sad to think that so many people cannot stay home and enjoy family. It's sad to think that so many people cannot stay home and enjoy self. It comes down to having to go someplace and find some kind of stimulation because they just can't enjoy life anymore. It seems like more and more people have to be doing something all the time, or they are miserable. Me, I would have loved to have the day off and just spent it with Rhonda and the dogs. It doesn't matter what we are doing, or if we are doing anything at all. We can talk for hours, we can enjoy cards, or games. Watching a television show or a movie is good if we just want to vegetate and relax, but even then we are snuggled up to each other and more in tune to the other than the show. Sometimes we just sit and snuggle up, listen to music, and talk, or sing along. Other times it may be cooking something together, or just sitting out by a fire and watching the evening sky. Of course, working so many hours again, and being so tired has me unable to do what I would like to do when I'm home alone. No, I don't want to go socialize, or watch television, I want to write. I can spend hours writing. I also like to just putz around with stuff, and can spend a lot of time in many different projects, alone, content, and totally absorbed in my task. But, my passion is to write, and I would love to have the time to do just that. |
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