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Friday, Apr. 4, 2025

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Voice Lessons

by Angels in my Ear

Rated: E · Book · Personal · #1909095

My journey to find my writer's voice and the lessons I have learned on the way.

I can hear the faint strains my writer's voice calling me. After years of silence, she is starting to speak to me again. I find I can hear her more clearly everyday. As I listen to the words she softly whispers to me, I want to sing them for the world. But, to make them heard, they must be more than lyrics. They must be the music of the heart. This is my hunt for the melody.

If you want to learn more about me, I have an extended bio

STATIC

Aundria

(E)
Want to know more about me? This is a peek into what makes me tick.
#1976487 by Angels in my Ear

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Brian K Compton Quantum Soul

Feb 7, 2020 at 11:25pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

You're not alone. I get these feelings. Depression messes with perception. Hard to reach out, be understood. Writing is a great way to process these feelings.
I support you.
Brian

1 Like

Angels in my Ear

Nov 2, 2016 at 4:08pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

I want to thank you all for your kind comments. And not just that, but for reading it in the first place. As I read over my blog I can't believe how many of my entries focus around my loneliness. And then, every time I think I've found a new friend or new purpose, something gets in the way, my efforts fail, and my depression gets reinforced. I've been practically non-existent this year and have not communicated with so many of my friends here. It's heartwarming to know that you're all still around and here for me. Even after my neglect and lack of communication. It's nice to know that there are people who care about you and not what they will get out of it In these days of social media, I feel even more alone. People care less about the substance than do about the numbers. Thanks for listening. I hope I find a way to get back to writing.

2 Like

Elle

Oct 31, 2016 at 10:58pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

I don't have a lot of experience with depression, but I thought I might throw this idea out there...

Maybe, since your family is big on family history, ask your children questions about their childhood and their parents. Ask in the context of family history, and about both parents, so it is less biased then if you just ask 'Was I good mom?'

Get them to recount happy memories. Then you can read or listen to those happy memories and remind yourself how happy and well adjusted your children are, and that comes from knowing they are loved and having good support.

2 Like

Choconut

Sep 21, 2015 at 5:43pm
In response to "Melancholy"

Please try to remember that your fears are most likely a symptom of your illness and that they aren't facts, it feels that they are, but they're sneaky and very convincing. I know it's really hard (honestly, I completely get how hard it is) but try to keep doing things that normally help. Talk to people, on WDC if not in your 'real life'. Know that we're here for you. There will be blue skies again. Honestly

~Minja~

Sep 21, 2015 at 4:55pm
In response to "Melancholy"

I don't know what to say except

Cinn

Jul 2, 2015 at 1:07am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

God and the Friend-Finder Ochestra! My mind totally saw marquee there for some reason. Too tired.

I'm cool with your God making sneaky covert hookups behind my back. I like my friends, right?

Cinn

Jul 2, 2015 at 1:04am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

Oh yeah! We totally took over your blog here.

I'm an ENTJ to your ENFJ... Thinking not Feeling. That's where we differ most, Angels in my Ear

. Clearly... you totally view the world through feelings, and they're just not that important to me I guess.

I would be introverted, which I am sooooo not. Wish I was sometimes... a little more so anyway.

Looks like we actually just have one in common, Elle

. But hey, extroverted counts for lots. I think we make a good team... and Aundria and I are like totally in-sync with our methods but with different perspectives. Totally weird.

Oh, and you can call me whatever you want.

You know you just think I'm a wicked Cinner.

Even Charlie still calls me CinnFrin sometimes, and how much shorter is "Ky"? He actually types more than needed sometimes just because it fits me I guess.

Riot

is the laziest of all. She just calls me K.

Which works... since I usually call her J. Pfft. We're just a lazy, and that's no JK.

Anyway, I still think of you as "Elle" rather than "Ellie". I say "Elle" and then correct it to "Ellie" because... I know better. I just thought of it one way for so long that it sorta stuck. And yes, I have mentioned you with real words before!

And Aundria too, for that matter.

Angels in my Ear

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:55am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

You wanna know what's wired? One of my daughters is named Kylee! It pretty cosmic right? She may not believe in God, but I see him in orchestrating my friendship with both of you.

Take that Cinn.

Elle

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:45am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

We still haven't made that contest, Cinn. We totally should. Would be epic. One entrant for each personality type.

Elle

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:23am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

Whereas you and I only have one letter in common, and Kylie and I have two.

Calling her Kylie feels weird. I usually use people's real names far more than I use handles, but she feels like Cinn to me!

April 4, 2025 at 9:46am

#1086554

Vulnerability

I know a lot of writing is getting it on paper while it’s on your mind. I seem to reflect a lot at night or in the morning. So let’s try doing this every morning and see if we can make it a habit. For some reason I feel it isn’t writing if I don’t actually write it physically. Does it still count if I don’t?

Either way it’s better to get the thoughts down while they’re fresh. I have an app that will give me a new topic to write about every day. Today’s topic is vulnerability. “I feel vulnerable when…”. That’s funny. The question is when don’tI feel vulnerable. I feel vulnerable. every day.

But today the first thing that came to mind is when I think about what a hypocrite I am. And how now my children can see it. No wonder why they’re so woke. They don’t want to end up like me. And they equate Christian values and Mormonism to depression and disapproval. If this is what being a Mormon and Christian gets you, they want no part of it. When I put myself in their position, when they don’t know why I did the things I did, I can see why they don’t respect me.

I need to pull out of this somehow to earn their respect. I guess I don’t really respect myself, and since my husband makes no request of me if he holds me to no standard, why should ? If it doesn’t matter to anyone else why put in the effort? Why suffer through those feelings of guilt and remorse if doing so won’t make a difference to anyone anyway. Why would the opinion of a cloistered housewife with no knowledge of the world that large really be important.

It’s not going to change the way. Anyone feels about the subject. It’s not going to change the way people see me. I’ve already screwed that up. I need to earn the respect if I don’t I am proving to them that they’re right and then my negative side says “But what if they are?”

I don’t know that I’m going to like what I see when I try to answer that question when I do answer it I’m going to have to deal with a horrible decisions I’ve made. And even worse learn to deal with the guilt. I parented out of guilt I feel like I have no room to talk, so I don’t I discipline them so instead, I wanted them to like me. once I stopped going to church that got even easier and it proved to my children at the church is just too strict and that it asks too much of its members. They blame my bad decisions on the church. They don’t know that it weren’t more of the church. I’d probably be a crack addict somewhere and that where I am as a product of my own making.

Comment

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