I can hear the faint strains my writer's voice calling me. After years of silence, she is starting to speak to me again. I find I can hear her more clearly everyday. As I listen to the words she softly whispers to me, I want to sing them for the world. But, to make them heard, they must be more than lyrics. They must be the music of the heart. This is my hunt for the melody.
If you want to learn more about me, I have an extended bio
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Aundria (E) Want to know more about me? This is a peek into what makes me tick. #1976487 by Angels in my Ear
You're not alone. I get these feelings. Depression messes with perception. Hard to reach out, be understood. Writing is a great way to process these feelings.
I support you.
Brian
I want to thank you all for your kind comments. And not just that, but for reading it in the first place. As I read over my blog I can't believe how many of my entries focus around my loneliness. And then, every time I think I've found a new friend or new purpose, something gets in the way, my efforts fail, and my depression gets reinforced. I've been practically non-existent this year and have not communicated with so many of my friends here. It's heartwarming to know that you're all still around and here for me. Even after my neglect and lack of communication. It's nice to know that there are people who care about you and not what they will get out of it In these days of social media, I feel even more alone. People care less about the substance than do about the numbers. Thanks for listening. I hope I find a way to get back to writing.
I don't have a lot of experience with depression, but I thought I might throw this idea out there...
Maybe, since your family is big on family history, ask your children questions about their childhood and their parents. Ask in the context of family history, and about both parents, so it is less biased then if you just ask 'Was I good mom?' Get them to recount happy memories. Then you can read or listen to those happy memories and remind yourself how happy and well adjusted your children are, and that comes from knowing they are loved and having good support.
Please try to remember that your fears are most likely a symptom of your illness and that they aren't facts, it feels that they are, but they're sneaky and very convincing. I know it's really hard (honestly, I completely get how hard it is) but try to keep doing things that normally help. Talk to people, on WDC if not in your 'real life'. Know that we're here for you. There will be blue skies again. Honestly
I'm an ENTJ to your ENFJ... Thinking not Feeling. That's where we differ most, Angels in my Ear. Clearly... you totally view the world through feelings, and they're just not that important to me I guess. I would be introverted, which I am sooooo not. Wish I was sometimes... a little more so anyway.
Looks like we actually just have one in common, Elle - on hiatus. But hey, extroverted counts for lots. I think we make a good team... and Aundria and I are like totally in-sync with our methods but with different perspectives. Totally weird.
Oh, and you can call me whatever you want. You know you just think I'm a wicked Cinner. Even Charlie still calls me CinnFrin sometimes, and how much shorter is "Ky"? He actually types more than needed sometimes just because it fits me I guess.
Riot is the laziest of all. She just calls me K. Which works... since I usually call her J. Pfft. We're just a lazy, and that's no JK.
Anyway, I still think of you as "Elle" rather than "Ellie". I say "Elle" and then correct it to "Ellie" because... I know better. I just thought of it one way for so long that it sorta stuck. And yes, I have mentioned you with real words before! And Aundria too, for that matter.
You wanna know what's wired? One of my daughters is named Kylee! It pretty cosmic right? She may not believe in God, but I see him in orchestrating my friendship with both of you.
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