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571 Public Reviews Given
586 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give comprehensive reviews.
I'm good at...
I like reviewing poetry and short stories.
Favorite Item Types
I really love structured poems with good rhythm and rhyme.
Least Favorite Item Types
I don't enjoy reading long stories riddled with grammar or spelling mistakes because these distract me.
I will not review...
If I don't enjoy reading it on some level, then I won't review it. So if you got a review from me, even one with a low rating, I enjoyed the read.
Public Reviews
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Review of Poetry Forms  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello b_boonstra,


*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* I love π! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


Description :: 2.5 stars

As a former mathematician, I have a special affinity for this entry. I've been wondering if you can insert the lower case Greek Pi symbol into your text, so I'm giving that a try in my review (π) to see if the result is worth the effort.

Since typos take a reader's attention away from the story, here's the list of what distracted me:

*Note1* "sixteent" -- sixteenth

*Note1* "Greek alphabeth. But Pi is " -- alphabet, but

*Note1* "The Pi is built up in words and follows the mathematical number that stands for Pi" -- Delete The. Pi stands for the number, not the other way around. Consider: Pi is a transcendental mathematical number, which means it never ends. The first few digits are written as Pi = 3.141592653589793.... You can use this text if you like.

Your Poem :: 5 stars

I like the theme of painting. Math and art are very related so it is a good choice. And indeed, when painting, the picture seems to paint itself. You give very good visualization and your thoughts are clear.

No grammar or spelling errors distracted me while I was reading your work. (I love being able to say that! *Wink*) I do have a request:

*Note1* "a landscape finished." -- Would you consider removing the '.' since Pi never ends? *Smile*

Entry Rating: (2.5 + 5) / 2 = 4 (after round up)

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
貞幬 Credits Writing.Com

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Review of Poetry Forms  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello b_boonstra,

A friendly reminder to me and everyone who reads this review: the star rating is for this entry only. When I'm done, the book will get the average of these star ratings.


*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* What a Interesting Poetry Form! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


It's going to take me a little while to get the hang of how I'm going to review these entries. Each entry has two parts: your explanation of a new form, and an example.

Your explanation is clear but has some room for improvement in grammar and flow.

Your poem makes me see the storm you chose to write about. It's very clear.

I do like how well your book is organized and want these reviews to start to reflect the same. *Wink*

Since typos take a reader's attention away from the story, I'll list only those instances in which your writing reminded me that I had to work at reading.

*Snow1* These *Down* aren't sentences *Snow1*

*Note1* "Another Englyn form."

*Note1* "Only an unspeakable name, I’m afraid for this Welsh form." -- Perhaps, "I'm afraid, for". Without this, it sounds as though you're afraid for the form, making me wonder what danger the form is in! *Delight* I know that isn't what you meant, and that's why I think the comma helps.

*Note1* "Why?"

*Snow2* This *Down* was confusing. *Snow2*

I can't see your ML colors or highlights. Please check your ML. *Smile*
*Note1* "The green part in the third sentence is the gair cyrch!
I also highlighted the A rhyme in the poem, so you can see the actual place." -- You don't have a single-spaced paragraph in between these two sentences, do you?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
貞幬 Credits Writing.Com

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Review of Poetry Forms  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello b_boonstra,



*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* A cool form! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


I like this form, but was disappointed to find it's one of the ones for which you haven't written your own poem yet.

This is a rating of your text, not Trisha MacQueen's poem. (I should also state it's a review of your entry, not your book.)

The visual presentation of this entry is clear and your explanation is good. I also like the historical note. However, I think it would be better to put all the information into at most two paragraphs.

No grammar or spelling errors distracted me while I was reading your work. (I love being able to say that! *Wink*)

This entry is getting a lower rating because it doesn't include your own poetry.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
貞幬 Credits Writing.Com

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Review of Poetry Forms  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello b_boonstra


*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* I like how your mind works! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*



There are very few people in this world who can read an ancient estimate of Pi and think, That's a poem! *Smile*

While I do enjoy your collection of poetry forms, you will find me a picky reviewer. This is because I want your book of poetry forms to be the best that it can be.

The description of how to make this kind of poem is clear. The Genre surprised me because when I went to check I had this idea that I'd find: Writing :: Poetry. Afterall, this is a book on how to write poetry. I found "Educational :: Research :: Writing.Com". Let's look at this:
Educational Yes, your book is Educational, but so are books on doing tantric sex, yet these two books won't be found side-by-side in a book shop.
Research You are doing great research, finding all these poetry forms. I am doing no research, as I am using your research. If I lose your book and need to find it again, research is going to be the last thing on my mind.
Writing.Com Great art brings people together, as do useful resources. But bringing people together isn't its primary purpose.

I really like the poem itself. To stretch your mind from math through poetry to other art, it does wind up feeling like you've got more than one brain, doesn't it?

What some authors find the least helpful is a focus on grammar and spelling, however, typos take a reader's attention away from the story. I'll list only those instances in which your writing reminded me that I had to work at reading.

*Note1* "the description of the Archimedes' Pi:
I quote:" -- too many ':'. How about, 'Pi, I quote:'?

*Note1* "line 6: 6 words." -- You had no punctuation on the previous lines, so I think it looks cleaner if you have no punctuation on the last line. (delete '.')

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
貞幬 Credits Writing.Com

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Review of A different view  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* What a Thoughtful Poem! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


You're obviously taking time to consider world issues and that's commendable. Do you have a theory as to how all the kinds of behaviour you list got started? For example, do you think it's our nature? Do you think it's something we started doing in the process of creating civilization? Whichever you think, I think your opinion would add to your poem.

You've touched on some of life's experience but a lot is still missing. Consider the tropical storms happening in the world now, the submarine stuck on a sea floor with people trapped inside, or other top headlines. Do you see people still helping each other?

I like the visual presentation of your poem. Your ideas are clear, but I think they can be developed more.

Your Static Item Type makes sense to me, but your Genre is Philosophy :: Action/Adventure. I don't understand Action/Adventure, are you sure?

I think the content rating could be lifted to ASR, because some of what you touch on (weapons, torture) isn't for young children. Please see "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window. for details.

I like your title and brief description.

You used free verse, which is fine. If you like writing poetry then you might like taking a look at "Poetry Forms"  Open in new Window. by Bianca Author Icon .

I saw only two typos that took my attention away from your writing:

*Note1* "stableize" -- stabilize

*Note1* "ever- disillusioning " -- ever-disillusioning (remove the space)

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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256
256
Review of Noticed  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another absolutely wonderful poem - I really am impressed. The genre works as well as everything else.

This one line doesn't seem to me to flow quite as well as the rest: "The Grisly Bear sleeps through winter."

And I found myself wondering, why did you end the poem with a comma?

Write on! (& publish your work, it's that good)

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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Review of Maelstrom  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello T.L.Finch,

Have you considered publishing your poetry? It is that good.

There are two lines in this poem that didn't flow perfectly for me, although they are very good and my opinion is subjective. I am including these two lines here so that you can take a look at them if you want to. I have no suggestions for improvement; I am truly impressed with your writing.

*Flower1*Feared by silently brooding soldiers

*Flower2*So, be it by the gun or by the bomb.

Now, to genre: You classify your work as Fantasy :: Entertainment :: Artistic, but I think it is a war poem. To me, 'fantasy' conjures happy images of unicorns and other similar creatures. Would you consider changing the genres you've chosen to War :: none :: none ?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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258
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ann Ticipation,

This is a well written poem describing a certain kind of horror some of us unfortunately face. I like the flow and the haunting qualities expressed. Some comments on writing:

*Note1* "Not quite useless, but like a favourite glove used" -- this would be stronger with a : after glove ("glove: used")

*Note1* "cant remember" -- can't

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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259
259
Review of Alice In  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great work.

Usually I start with 'hello'. *Wink*

What I really enjoy about this poem is how well the emotions are expressed. I admire this because I find it challenging to express emotion in my writing.

What distracts me while reading is a couple of typos:
*item1* "why you cant get the" -- can't
*item1* "you cant get around" -- can't

Just so you know, there are some cultures on Earth in which it is perfectly normal and healthy to feel and express emotions very strongly. What is 'ill' and medicatable in North American culture is 'healthy and normal behaviour' somewhere else.

I am really glad you joined Writing.Com and I look forward to seeing more of your writing. You have a strong style and I like that.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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260
Review of If God was a tree  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Angie,

This is a warm poem with a comforting image, and I like that. However, there is a gammatical error in the title and first line: If God were a tree...

I'm loking forward to reading more of your work.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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261
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Pony Tail,

This is a very strong, well-written poem I really like the imagery. And I learned a new word: griseous.

However, the second verse has too many comparisons for me to maintain my sense of the real image, and more specifically uses the word 'like' too often.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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262
Review of Become  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Odoyle,

Welcome to Writing.Com!

This poem captures your feeling of disillusionment very well, and the genre is well chosen. I have difficulty parsing the line, "For all we are but monsters"; do you mean, "For we are all but monsters"?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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263
Review of A What?  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Pony Tail,

I like this poem! You have paid a lot of attention to details, including the genre. It's a very pleasant read and makes me want to have my own experiences with this kind of animal.

The last line didn't flow for me, though. It reads, "and where the heck it is you went" and I'd prefer, "and where the heck you went". But that's me and you don't need to make this change if you like the original flow better.

Oh, no, now I see the problem. "What wonders when..." this is the same as a habitual conditional clause and the habitual conditional is always expressed in the present tense. So the word that doesn't work is "went" (it should be "go"). But "went" rhymes.

Okay, this is a grammar problem that I don't know how to fix. Whence a lower rating. But here's my promise: if you can fix the grammar and let me know, I'll give this work a higher rating. Deal? *Smile*

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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264
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very nice poem in which the author describes what it can be like to miss one's muse.

*Bigsmile* Yes, writing is just like it's described sometimes! *Laugh* I didn't know what quintilla poetry was so I had to look it up. I think I found the same instructions on the internet that the author used, and we can all be happy to know that Google puts this Writing.Com poem higher on the results list than the instructions on writing in this form.

*Flower1* The only thing that made me feel that this poem wasn't written for me was the flow - the rhythm could still use some work.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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265
Review of The Free Fall  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a nice feel-good story about facing one's fears. I found no errors in the writing, but these two things jumped out at me:

*Flower3* The sentence, "Just quietly, I asked Normie if he had chickened out." works better for me with the word 'just' removed.

*Flower5* The ending, "Normie was proud of me, too. It was a good feeling." would I think be stronger and more touching if the last sentence were deleted.

Can you convey more of the fear that everyone was feeling? This is potentially a powerfully emotional story.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm rating this high inspite of typos & such because this is a truly remarkable piece. Yes, there is a certain grit which polite society avoids, and without that grit life just isn't real.

Technical stuff:

Please double space all paragraphs - it makes reading your work much easier *Smile*

Typo: "a problem that is finally solved and resolved, create a score of others?" -- creates

Typo: "I didn't want to go too far in." -- want to go in too far.

Typo: "wanted to burst forth from me." -- delete from me


Typo: "I ran fast too." -- fast, too

Typo?: "tears of grief and the words" -- grief as the ?

Typo: "the words of life ran through my head with me." -- delete with me

Typo: "they're deep breaths" -- breaths. (missing period)

Peace & power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com
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Review of the balance  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi!

This is a tough one to rate and review because your writing style is unusual. Here's my thought process: I'm not going to comment on typos (spelling, grammar or punctuation errors) because I think all the typos give your writing a unique and appealing style. I do wish you had finished this story - I found it interesting and was really looking forward to the twists!

Oh: people on writing.com have different opinions about this: I think a mystery should be a mystery until you choose to reveal it (including at the end, if that's your choice). You gave your story away in the Brief Description - is this what you really want to do?

My reason for the 3.0 rating: Had you finished this story I would have given it a much higher rating. This is still high in light of the typos, which I'm overlooking.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi!

I've been experimenting with links in my pieces - some people like them and some don't. I think it's the younger generation that supports this - the ones who have been reading the web/internet for 9 years. Anyway, I think your reference, 'Excerpt from "The Amazing Adventures of K. Kelly"' should be an item link.

Your poem is good. I saw no typos in spelling or punctuation and I like the flow. But I didn't feel anything. I think feeling something is an important part of poetry.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

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Review of in that order  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very accurate. I saw / heard this happen just a few days ago and, yes, popping a paper bag makes more noise than the splooph with which a life is extinguished by a truck. You have written a very accurate poem, and a very touching one.

I would make only one change (for you to consider, forget what I say if you want): "the puddle of blood remains" I think the word pool (pool of blood) flows better. The analogy between the blood and the crowd is clear enough with the words pool and puddle.

(In the real life one I witnessed, there was no crowd, I didn't know her, and it was inevitable. Splooph. Makes me happy to be alive.)

*Flower1* Write on *Flower1*

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything
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Review of Symbols of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
For me the rhythm and flow isn't perfect, but I know that is a subjective thing. Also, I like all your images, but it makes me wonder: Is this how you have experienced love? Have you ever had any other experience of love? Perhaps something more visceral?

I really like that you end with the question, "How can one define love?" That's an excellent question to ask your readers. Kudos.

I saw no typos or other errors.

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for writing this. It was exactly what I needed to read after receiving several rude comments from one of our members. Your writing soothes me and reminds me of what I came here to do.

Thank you so much,
Zhen
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was purrfect for me.

Am I allowed to rate and review contest entries? I haven't got a clue - never been a contest judge before.

I think you may have one too many or one to few (paragraph) returns in:

"...be quite fun.
So the three of us hop in the car and take off. "

Oh - you win!
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Typo: "to any effected by my error" effect is a noun; affect is a verb.

Typo: "for the passed week" past

"For seven days he had slept for at most an hour each night, he’d wake up, light a cigarette, and stare at the gun." Motivated by Navy SEALs' "Hell Week"? (kidding) :)

If you want a pun, "squeezing the trigger thus far", change thus to so. :)

Say it once, not twice: "paid just enough for rent, food, and booze and barely enough for that anyway"

For me, this is an awkward sentence: "The only thing he had left in life were alcohol and the couple of friends he had whom he went and drank with every weekend." ..with whom.. sometimes flows better. We ususally say 'a couple', and such friends as these have many alternate names depending on where you live. In Nova Scotia, for example, they are buddies. In South England they are mates. In Vancouver, well, anything goes there, but I've actually heard them called skanks - Minority Usage! Here in China they are called 'bad people'.

"the barrel combined with his sweat chilled him." Huh?

Typo: "Judd was next in line to succeed Herald" no next.

"two hours later... no longer drunk" from stupor to sobriety in 2 hours? Is that possible?

Typo: "wallet in tact," intact

Typo? Or Tanya can't spell? "'Salvation and love awaits you'" (sic?) await. (I have a character who can't spell.)

"drive-up road" driveway?

"He’ll talk to you and see if you’re what we’re looking for." Nice psyche-trip; well done.

"replied simply" consider deleting simply, and all -ly words for that matter.

Please spell Fr. consistently - as Father or as Fr. .

I like where I think you're going. We'll see...

Have you read any of the books listed in (below) about cults:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/apologist/CultAp...

Or this about relativism:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/apologist/CultAp...

I'll keep reading your work, and reviewing. Just curious to know, how "into" mind ownership are you?

Write on!

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen Dao Credits Writing.Com

Member of The Ultimate Writing Challenge, and Simply Everything

DISCLAIMER: I am still learning to review by the guidelines set out in "How Should I Rate Items on Writing.Com?" Open in new Window. and "Comment-In-A-Box" Open in new Window..
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Review of Never Die  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
I think "dark with a hint of positive" is more apt.

Is it a song? Just wondering. Sometimes when I write poetry I hear music in my head.

Even the most dead heart can love again. So long as the body still breathes. Is this what you are saying in the lines:
"But your love kept me alive
Now I know I will never die
Never ever die"

Sorry I need to ask. It is a little unclear to me.

Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.

Peace and power to you, always,
Zhen
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this! I teach kids English and this story really brightened my day. May I read it to my students to brighten their day, too?

Jenn
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