Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" . I am delighted to offer you my review of your story beginning, "my paradise" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is very nice so far. You are wanting to know if you should continue or chunk it, I say please continue! You made me journey out to a secluded area of the beach where I could almost, but not quite, smell the taste of salt in the air!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The first paragraph may be just a bit too long. Generally, but not always, the first paragraph is supposed to be short and concise - just enough information to attract the reader and make them want more. This is only a suggestion.
...only these ones were more distinct. 'these' needs to be omitted.
As more things bacame apparent... 'became'
...unfathomable distance in the sky I realized... I would insert a comma after 'sky'.
OVERALL OPINION
I am quite certain that if you kept going with this, that you would end up with an extremely good book! You should never doubt yourself and once you get started keep going until you just can't possibly go any further. Don't stop to ask yourself, or anyone else, about the current worth because it makes it that much more difficult to start back again. So, pick that pen back up, or grab your wireless keyboard, and get busy! I think you will be surprised at how well the results will be liked by you and most everybody else!! I will be sure to be watching for new additions!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your piece, "A Powerful Idea " . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
One question that I usually ask myself when reviewing is whether or not the first paragraph successfully provoked me to continue reading to the second. I would say that about half of them do and out of that half, maybe a quarter of them convince me to read further in a very professional and powerful manner. The first paragraph in this piece falls under the very professional and powerful group! Styled and worded very gracefully! Another question I tend to ask is whether or not the item still had my attention at the mid-way point. Again, a resounding yes. Your piece definitely held my attention right up to the last word.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
It’s been almost five years since I have come across that idea. And I am glad... Would this sentence sound better as, 'It's been almost five years since I came across that idea'? Also, would it be better to combine the sentence that follows to make just one?
...we don't deal with mathematics but a whole lot of ambiguities. It may sound better to include 'rather' directly after 'but'.
And this is the genesis of most of human conflict throughout ages. I think '...the genesis of most human conflict throughout the ages.' sounds a tad better. Read both aloud and see which you prefer.
Interestingly people who are most unsure... I would insert a comma after 'Interestingly'.
...that can be universally proved To me, and that doesn't etch it in stone, 'proven' fits better than 'proved'.
OVERALL OPINION
While I may not necessarily agree one hundred percent with the idea that you have proposed, I am not going to argue about it! (ha ha ha) Original, thought provoking writes such as this are absolutely my favorite. So much in fact, I could read them all day, providing I had only a couple short breaks to stretch my legs and rest my eyes. I have come across pieces that attempted to relay a certain message but, instead created more confusion for me than I had before I read it. That is not the case with this piece. This one will have me testing its theory for some time to come! I, personally, thank you for sharing this and can't wait to read more (so I hope you submit at least five new items daily! Just kidding! I will settle for three!) Keep up the awesome work and if the ink in your pen begins to run low, let me know and we will get you a newer, much bigger one!
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story, "Abuse, My short story" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I believe that you have taken a very important step in the process of self-recovery by writing and sharing your feelings concerning your abusive childhood. While it is very important and therapeutic, it is also very difficult and painful. You couldn't have selected a better place or a better group of people to share with than you did. So, take advantage of what the people here have to offer and couple that with your writing skills, talents and desires to rise above the painful memories and begin living the life that you are worthy of living (and not as a recluse!)
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The second paragraph is not indented while the others are.
As a child And an adult... 'And' should be lower case.
...being to scared to speak... 'to' should be 'too'.
I know now it wasn't my falt...
I thought that I Must have done Something to
cause this to happen... Both 'Must' and 'Something' should be lower case.
...that you may think will cause... Did you mean, 'that you think may cause' or 'that you think will cause'?
OVERALL OPINION
I am very glad that you shared a piece of you with us through your writing skills. I hope as you progress further with your writings, you also progress further with your healing. I, personally, can not think of a better way to do either or both than collecting thoughts and feelings and connecting them with words to put on paper just as you have done here. I hope you continue to write, as there are plenty of people here who love to read. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have written very soon. And always remember to never let your pen run dry!
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Hey, it's me once again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your article, "The Happiness Mantra" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
The morals in which you write about are very important and your messages so full of lessons. This particular piece really caused me to re-evaluate myself and the way that I perceive certain things, such as my worth. I learned from reading this article that "worth" is non-existent if comparisons are not made. Wow! What an eye-opening realization!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
He immediately called the Genie and ordered him to fulfill his wishes. The Genie warned the man... ...Finally he decided to ask for one more wish from genie. He asked the genie to make him blind You capitalized 'Genie' the first two times but didn't the third and fourth. Also, 'the' needs to be included before the third 'genie'.
Isn't it time we thanked god for whatever he has given us 'god' and 'he' should both be capitalized.
OVERALL OPINION
I absolutely loved this piece for all of the valuable, life-living lessons that it contains. Thank you for sharing with us your "more than obvious" wise perspectives on issues that surround us all. I have reminded you before to not let the ink in your pen run dry, but now I beg this of you. It would be quite a shame to never have the opportunity again to read your writings!
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Hey, it's me again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your article, "The Economics of Life" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I absolutely love the book in which you have referenced! I have the hard copy as well as the e-book version! Do you know that professors now use this as the preferred text book in college economic courses? Very interesting topic you have chosen to write about with a very intelligent viewpoint! I enjoyed reading this article very much!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Steven Levitt in his book... A comma should be placed after 'Levitt'.
...defines Economics as... 'Economics' does not need to be capitalized.
...the existence of human being. 'being' should be 'beings'.
Economics is the one of the most important... There is one 'the' too many. I would remove the first instance.
Thus if we extend the logic A comma should be placed after 'Thus'.
But do these people really don't want anything? Grammatically speaking, this question should be: 'But do these people really not want anything?'.
Most of them seek the highest form of learning, The comma after 'learning' is not necessary because it is followed by 'and'.
OVERALL OPINION
As I said before, I really liked this article of yours. What I like the most is the way you have incorporated what is usually viewed as a monetary subject into more of a moralistic issue. Superb!!! Now, I am on my way to your next article! Thank you for sharing such a delightful and witty perspective! Always remember to never let the ink in your pen run dry!
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Hey, it's me again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your non-fiction piece, "Adam's Apple: A Moral Dilemma" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
Another very compelling issue you have raised. I appreciate your straight forwardness that is evident throughout your writings. This is an easily read and followable piece that questions an otherwise "unquestionable" belief. I would consider placing this under the 'opinion' genre instead of 'non-fiction'. Although it is non-fiction, it is more suitable to being considered as an opinion. Just a thought and a suggestion.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Is ignorance a bliss then? I would remove 'a' to make it 'Is ignorance bliss then?'.
If we believe Bible it is. 'the' should be inserted after 'believe'.
Now you may dismiss me by saying that I am not a believer of God. But then I am not an atheist either. I would remove the period after 'God' and insert a comma converting the two sentences into one. If you do this, 'But' will have to be changed to lower case.
OVERALL OPINION
Once again, I commend you on your courage to speak out about a topic that is considered taboo in most areas of the world. You raise an interesting view and ask important, valid questions. Overall, I enjoyed reading this. You have enticed me to continue reading your works through your easily read style. Remember, never let the ink in your pen run dry!
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Hey, it's Kristi on behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your item "What is Real Education?" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
The point you make is a very valid one. This is a well thought out and thorough piece and is written very professionally. It is easy and enjoyable to read, which makes the message contained within even easier to focus on and grasp.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
...which I must say was very less. Did you mean to say 'little'?
...during those moments basking in my moment of glory. The occurrences of both 'moments' and 'moment' seem a bit redundant.
...in the name of educating me... I think a comma should be inserted after 'me'.
"The prevention of free enquiry is unavoidable 'inquiry'.
assume more significance that the person himself or herself Did you mean 'than'?
Would we ever let the impressionable young minds form their own independent opinion instead of compelling them to accept what we believe is the truth. This question needs a question mark instead of a period.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I think that this is a very nice editorial piece and I admire your courage to speak up and out on a topic that is important to you as well as many others. Thank you for not only allowing me to read, but also to offer you my personal thoughts and views as to your work. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to offer very soon! Never let the ink in your pen run dry!
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Hello! My name is Kristi and I am happy to offer you my review of your short story "11 - 19" .
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph, not the first two sentences, provoked me to continue reading. The first two sentences threw me off a bit.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? The opening was extremely adequate for describing the scene.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style was very cleverly used and the entire short story flowed very smoothly.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? The story probably had more of my attention at the mid-way point than it did in the beginning.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Like my blessed Mother said... 'Mother' should not be capitalized since it is not being used as her name but as a noun.
I was more alive then ever before... I believe you meant 'than'.
Question: Did the main character purchase the bullet or did he/she have engineers build it? A tad confusing.
III. OVERALL OPINION My overall opinion of this short story is "WOW"! What a vivid imagination that so easily convinced me it was all real! Although I was confused by the very first two sentences and about the bullet, I was hanging on the edge of my seat thinking, "Geez, this is crazy!" But, I like crazy! If not for the confusion, this would be a perfect piece. I realize that I may not have read it from the correct perspective; that is why I read it three times! Still confused. But all in all, a very riveting piece of art you have here!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to not only read your creation, but also to express my thoughts and views. I am eager to read more that you have to offer!
Note: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph was successful in making me want to continue reading, although I found it to be quite long. Usually, not always, the first paragraph should be short and concise.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? This piece did not seem to follow any "recognized" style. I perceived it to be what I consider "freestyle"; just writing thoughts as they present themselves. Nothing at all wrong with this; I actually enjoy an author writing from the head rather than the heart at times.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Yes, it still had my full attention mid-way through.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Brings up the question of wehter or not I believe you mean 'whether'.
Or without purpose would we waste away and just nonchalantly go about life. Is this a question or a statement? I believe you meant to use a question mark instead of a period.
If I can acheive that in my life 'achieve'
Its an idea 'It's'
III. OVERALL OPINION
I am highly impressed with the wonderings of a young woman your age! When I was nineteen I could have cared less about any purpose in life. Now, at 37, the questions you ask seem to fill my days and nights. There are answers, I think, but they will present themselves only when the time is right, and that is not for us as individuals to decide. The universe is in control of these matters. I enjoyed the visit into your world of musings; I only wish you would have had the answer!
Thank you for sharing your questions and thoughts with us. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to offer!
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Note: Please be aware that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph or verse successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph or verse? The philosophical nature of the first verse provoked me to read further.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The style, as is with all of your works that I have read, was very pleasant to read.
Did the poem still have my full attention mid-way through? The poem held my attention all the way up the flight of stairs and through to the end!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this poem? I experienced quite a bit of laughter while reading this poem. Afterwards, I experienced a little apprehension about getting older. But then I just began laughing again!
Was the imagery vivid enough to spark my imagination? Imagery becomes a working factor in the fourth verse, which is good since the first three actually set the mood of the images.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Am I truly getting older? The rhythm is off just a beat. I think there is two too many syllables, but maybe only one.
The next thing I knew I was 40 Same as above; rhythm off by one syllable.
How my laugh has turned to cackle 'my laugh has become a cackle' sounds better to me.
III. WHAT I LIKED BEST
But worse than all these problems,
Like watching what I eat,
Is something I've just discovered,
I have my mother's feet!
IV. OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is a satire piece created through individuality and belongs to either the Realism or Naturalism literary movements, if any. Instead of using metaphoric methods of comparison, you directly told of the opposing correlations which set the tone as a light-hearted, comical piece. I can appreciate this style more than I can the style of, let's say, Shakespeare. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it ten or twelve times! When we are able to laugh at the difficult realities of life, those realities become less difficult. You did a marvelous job (and I stress the marvelous)!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express my views and most of all, thank you for sharing your personal work with us.
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Howdy! I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem "World Trade Center, Revisited" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
You know what? You make rhyming a story look as if you were created with that purpose in mind! I could not detect any struggle at all. There may be two places that seem just a bit choppy, but with the surrounding beauty, they become trivial matters that dissipate quicker than they formed. This is a true masterpiece depicting such a horrid sight for one's eyes to have to behold. Of course, my heart and prayers go out to every victim, survivor, emergency response personnel, and friends, family and loved ones of those lost that early fall day. Likewise, I feel for all of the crushed hearts belonging to the eyes that gazed upon such unfathomable destruction. I can only hope that time will heal all shattered dreams for every single person traumatized by the unnecessary acts that were bestowed upon our country, our people.
Thank you for your pure reflections delivered so nicely. Although time may heal all that was broken, the memory will never fade.
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Hello! My name is Kristi and I am happy to offer you my review of your work.
Note: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph did, indeed, make me want to continue reading. It seems a bit long, though. You may want to consider the following suggestion.
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a common, recurrent, and debilitating mood disorder which causes extreme shifts in energy and mood. The word bipolar indicates the two main polar extremes which a person with the disorder experiences. This essay will discuss the underlying causes of bipolar disorder, study it’s symptoms and the different forms that it takes, look into it’s treatments and possible cures, and finally, examine it’s supposed link with artistic creativity.
Then, take the rest of the paragraph and turn it into the second one.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style was very professional and pleasant to read.
Did the essay still have my full attention mid-way through? The essay was extremely informative and had my full attention from start to finish.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
The word bipolar indicates the two main polar extremes which a person with the disorder experiences. Consider changing 'which' to 'that'.
...will speak in quick, run-on sentences. People don't speak 'in' run-on sentences. We speak 'using' run-on sentences.
...known as hypersexualtiy. hypersexuality
During these manic episodes people will... I would place a comma between 'episodes' and 'people'.
...are usually not perceptible to others, and do not impair... The comma is not necessary.
Even more alarming is the fact... An extra space between 'more' and 'alarming'.
It is very important to diagnose hypomania because as a stage of bipolar disorder... I would place a comma after 'because'.
During this time, people with bipolar will become deeply depressed... Should 'disorder' be placed after 'bipolar'?
...the most dangerous time for people who suffer from bipolar disorder, because it is the time... The comma is not necessary.
Usually speaking, people with bipolar will usually be depressed... Again, should 'disorder' be included after 'bipolar'? If so, a couple more instances occur through the rest of the essay.
Between these episodes, there tend to be periods of normal functioning. I believe 'tend' should be 'tends', but I am not absolutely sure.
...mistakenly prescribing a doseage which exceeds... 'dosage'
Thankfully these manic symptoms are usually reported... A comma should be inserted after 'Thankfully'.
All throughout history, there are examples of intensely creative... I would omit 'All'.
III. OVERALL OPINION This essay was well thought out and carefully designed, providing a vast resource of accurate information for the reader. I am very impressed with the professional quality of which this essay is composed. It may seem that many typo's or mistakes were made, but due to the length of the essay, the instances I found are minimal. I greatly benefited from reading this essay and encourage you to recognize your awesome ability in delivering important, factual information to the reading public. BRAVO to a tremendously well done job!!!!
Thank you for sharing your work with us. I am looking very forward to reading more that you have to offer!
Hey there! My name is Kristi Love and after having just read your chapter, I would like to offer you a “Rate & Review”!
DISCLAIMER: Please keep in mind that I review in the same manner I hope to be reviewed. Any suggestion I may offer is just that, a suggestion and is there for you to do with as you please.
Do any unnecessary sentences and/or paragraphs exist? There are not any unnecessary sentences or paragraphs.
Are there too many subplots? No, there are not too many subplots.
SIMPLE CORRECTIONS
...He looked at me as if he knew me and I knew him. He looked at you as if you knew him? That doesn't make sense to me. Maybe, 'He looked at me as if we knew each other.'
Like waking up from a dream I suddenly felt two people... I would place a comma between 'dream' and 'I'.
I was alive but I couldn’t move except open my eyes. I would re-word this to something like 'I was alive but the only movement I could make was opening my eyes.'.
...but soon I would bee free from it’s tightening grasp. 'bee' should be 'be'.
OVERALL OPINION You did an awesome job of describing everything you mentioned! I would have liked knowing what his crime was, but I am okay without the knowledge. You have a wonderful way with words and a vivid imagination. I am impressed!
Keep up the good work and thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work!
Hey Judy. This is the fourth item of yours that I am reviewing on behalf of "Invalid Item" . I have one to go before making my selection and awarding you with a special awardicon!
Disclaimer: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer as a result of this review is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? It did, but I was going to continue anyhow since I already knew what the subject was concerning.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? Yes.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Absolutely. I love your style because it has your personal voice and tone all in it!
Did the article still have my full attention mid-way through? It probably had more of my attention mid-way through than it did in the beginning.
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this article? Again, I cried like a baby.
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this article? I was relieved but only because it meant I would stop crying! I was not relieved in the sense that I was glad I had come to the end because it was not a good article.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Perceived Intent The intent is obvious. You, the author, have clearly set out to describe a more appropriate and effective way for us to deal with and accept the death of a friend or loved one. I very much appreciate the time you have taken to reach out and offer your great insight and encouragement to those of us that need it!
Hey Judy. Kristi again! As before, I am reviewing this item on behalf of "Invalid Item" who asked me to go out and find a great author, review his/her works, and present him/her with an awardicon for my favorite piece!!
Disclaimer: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer as a result of this review is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph successfully urged me to continue reading.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? I would not have objected had it been a little longer and a bit more descriptive.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Just as the other items I have read by you, the style is uniquely yours and narrated nicely!
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Oh, Heavens yes!!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this item? Oh, Heavens yes! I cried like a little baby, and a big one too!
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this ITEM? I was relieved for Ken but only after being inspired by Judy to be able to look at Ken's passing in a different light.
II. TECHNICAL
...with pupils fixed and dialated. 'dialated' should be dilated.
...the answers to those questions... I would consider changing 'those' to 'these'.
II. OVERALL
This more than touched my heart and opened my eyes. Now, I can only hope that if and when I must undergo such an ordeal, I will handle it just as you did with Ken. While reading this, I could vividly imagine Ken crossing the threshold, very contentedly! You are a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. Always be thankful for being you!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
Hello, I'm Kristi Love and I am excited to offer this review on behalf of BSFU (Bipolar Special Forces Unit) which has asked me to raid your port so that they can present you with a special awardicon for the item that I like best!
INTERPRETATION
It is obvious from the beginning that the author is speaking of her hands; what they have seen, what they have experienced, what they have performed and what they mean to the author.
EVALUATION
I really appreciated the style in which this is written. Very unique style coupled with an equally unique theme! The time line aspect is very appropriate for the message that is being relayed.
SUGGESTIONS
Only one part caused me to stumble and re-read before being able to continue... "...for nigh unto 35 years!
MY FAVORITE PART
"As a granny...these hands still love to bring smiles, but
As a granny...these hands aren't quite as strong, yet
As a granny...these hands will have to do!"
Thank you for sharing your personal work with me, with us!
Hey there! My name is Kristi Love and on behalf of the BSFU (Bipolar Special Forces Unit) I am here to review a few of your items! After I select my favorite piece, you will be honored with an awardicon from BSFU!
DISCLAIMER: Please keep in mind that I review in the same manner I hope to be reviewed. Any suggestion I may offer is just that, a suggestion and is there for you to do with as you please.
I. ALL ABOUT ME
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph definitely convinced me to continue to the second. ..."there was also a dark side to them." was the part that did it for me!
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? The opening informed me that I was about to learn of some negative aspects about the "Good Ol' Days". It may could have been a bit longer with a bit more detail, but it is fine and does the trick.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style is genuine and captured my attention from start to finish!
Did the ITEM still have my full attention mid-way through? Absolutely!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this ITEM? Absolutely. My heart broke when the house was lost.
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this ITEM? No, I would have loved to read more.
TECHNICALITIES
There may have been a couple of typos or tiny grammatical mistakes, but, in all honesty, it added to the character! Believe me, I wouldn't say this if it weren't true - I am a major stickler when it comes to these things. I wouldn't change a thing!
Hello, my name is Kristi Love and I am excited to review your writing. Please note that my reviewing process is based on honesty and any suggestion I may offer is yours to do with as you please. Also, I am performing this review as part of an assignment for a class I am taking here at WDC. The main focus is going to be on the point of view and style used.
POINT OF VIEW
The first paragraph is presented well via the author's point of view. Good selection of words to grab the attention of the reader.
STYLE
The style is easy to follow and agrees with the tone that was set in the beginning. Very good job of maintaining the same style and tone throughout the article.
SUGGESTIONS
...and drag so low in the next. (Maybe include 'you' after 'drag' and before 'so' just to keep the flow of the sentence steady.)
...and on that intriguing emotion I wish to speak. (I think the sentence sounds a bit better as '...and it is on that intriguing emotion that I wish to speak.)
Love is a risk and as it is in gamble, so it is with love. (I am not sure that I follow the point in this sentence.)
...loosing appetite and sleep. ('loosing' should be 'losing'.)
...fall out oflove. (A space is needed between 'of' and 'love'.)
...i ponder... ('i' should be capitalized.)
...have been reason he left? (The word 'the' should be inserted between 'been' and 'reason'.)
Well as they say... (A comma should be placed after 'Well'.)
Maybe Johnny left, because he had to! (The comma after 'left' is unnecessary.)
And James withdrew; as he couldn't possibly give me... (The semicolon after 'withdrew' is unnecessary.)
Maybe mark lied and cheated, because he was only human, underneath the guise of wealth and arrogance he carried around. ('mark' needs to be capitalized and the comma after 'cheated' should be removed as well as the comma after 'human'.)
...for now I know that, a break up is not totally wrong. (The comma after 'that' is not needed.)
These are the thoughts that run through my mind (A period should be placed after 'mind'.)
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The fact that this article began with a problem and ended with a solution is perfect in my opinion! Some articles just keep with the conflict involved and never do reach a resolution. I also liked the subject matter, as I can never get enough "love"!
I am impressed with your philosophical side! Don't be afraid to delve deeper into it; the things you will find will both intrigue and amaze you!
Thank you for the opportunity to read your work and for the chance to offer my suggestions and thoughts. I will be looking forward to reading more that you have in the near future!
Hello. My name is Kristi and I am offering you a review of your short story. Please be aware that any suggestion I may make is merely a suggestion and it is yours to do with as you please. I would also like to mention that I am currently taking a Basic Reviewing course here at WDC and I will use this review as one of my weekly assignments. Okay, on to the reviewing!
This weeks class lesson is involving Characters and Dialogue, so that will be the main focus in my review, but not the only area in which I will be concentrating on.
I believe that you adequately introduced the main character and did a good job of including the conflict at the same time. You easily caused me to ‘become’ the old lady and it did not take long for my own joints to begin aching!
As for the dialogue aspect, you did not feel the need to incorporate many conversations, which is perfect since this is the old lady’s reflection of her life. She is not sitting around with all of the grandchildren relaying stories of the ‘good ol’ days’, she is looking back on her life through her thoughts as she is struggling with health issues and the possibility of dying.
I was confused about whether or not she wanted to live . In the beginning of the story, it is made clear that she wanted to live: And that is a destination she wants to avoid at all costs., but in the last two sentences of the story, Not unless the good doctor had a pistol waiting for her. Now, there’s a thought. she is toying with the idea of death. Was this intentional? If, so, maybe a bit more explanation somewhere is needed to help the reader in determining that fact.
As far as technicalities, only a few small ones exist.
He wanted to continue his work at the Dairy Farm... I don’t believe that this needs to be capitalized.
... she was answered with a split lips and a bloody nose. Lips should be singular since “a” preceded it and “a” is singular.
She remembers having to where a black veil to hide her face. Where should actually be wear.
suffer through Chemo Therapy and Radiation Therapy... should be chemotherapy and radiation therapy. (I referred to several grammar rule books to make sure of this before suggesting it).
Although the subject matter is a bit of a grim one, I enjoyed your story. We all need to realize, and more than just once, that we will have to face this aspect of our lives and refusing to think about it now and then will not help us to prepare as best we can. I am concerned for the old lady and am quite curious about the final prognosis; it did not sound too positive.
Thank you for sharing this work with us and I hope that I was able to offer you some solid recommendations that you may find useful.
Hi. I am offering my review of your item as an assignment for a class I am taking here at WDC. I am allowed to choose the work that I review, and after perusing the Shameless Plug Page, I am selecting yours, as it is the only one that evoked in me any emotion at all!
The plot of this writing is a bit fuzzy at the beginning which is perfect for capturing a readers attention. I had to read further in order to determine that the "culprit" was on a mission of assistance, if you will.
I believe that the intention of the author was to create a humorous take on a subject not spoken much about. It is beyond me how the author was able to come up with such a topic; I wish that my imagination could come close in comparison.
What would I change about this particular piece? Nothing at all. What did I dislike about it? Nothing at all. What did I like best about it? The subtle rhyming that could be found throughout although it is not a poem. The rhyming added a spice and caused me to keep reading while incorporating a little jig!
I really enjoyed this and am planning on sharing it with my friends and loved ones for some time to come!
This is what true poetry is all about. I, although not a poet, know what beautiful poetry can do to a soul. I know it because of writings like this one. As I sit here, amazed, the meaning from your words replay in my mind while the vision of a tired, hopeless being walks slowly down a nighttime street; head hanging down, high heel shoes dangling from her fingers wrapped around the heel straps. I literally feel her pain and want to reach out and comfort her.
This is a remarkable piece of poetry and I thank you for sharing it with us!
What an awesome skill you have to take a tragic event and incorporate a different perspective that enables the reader to venture from a feeling of grief to a sense of hope. The ability to provoke a realization for someone is a marvelous feat in which you have mastered well.
Please add more writings like this,soon and always, as I believe them to be essential for all of mankind!
I can so relate to this! I know a lot of people and have most of them around me just about every day. But I only have two friends. Ahh, they all claim to be friends, except for my friends; they don't have to say a word; it's understood and felt. I truly do not have a clue as to why the fake people even claim to like me, for I am outspoken and don't offer a fake smile back to accentuate theirs. But, sometimes, when I take a minute to really think openly about them, I realize that without them my real friends would not be as valuable and priceless as they are.
Very nice, honest poem you have here. Thank you for sharing it with me, with us!
Wow! I sure do wish I had the talent to create such a work of art as is this. I was intrigued with the three-line stanzas and the alternating last lines of each. Also, the inclusion of the stanza type explanation at the end was very thoughtful and informative. The last stanza caught my eye, obviously, which is more than likely the aim of the author or poet. Very nice, thought provoking poem.
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Love and after having just read your chapter, I would like to offer you a “Rate & Review”!
There are not any unnecessary sentences or paragraphs.
He wanted to continue his work at the Dairy Farm... I don’t believe that this needs to be capitalized.
... she was answered with a split lips and a bloody nose. Lips should be singular since “a” preceded it and “a” is singular.
She remembers having to where a black veil to hide her face. Where should actually be wear.
suffer through Chemo Therapy and Radiation Therapy... should be chemotherapy and radiation therapy. (I referred to several grammar rule books to make sure of this before suggesting it).