My own dad passed away in the middle of the night when his heart simply stopped beating. He had a smile on his face.
He was, in many ways, like your Jeffrey with dark-brown eyes and an angel-like sweetness.
We liked to go on a drive on New Year's Eve and end up driving into the new year after spending the evening looking at Christmas lights.
The first New Year's Eve after his passing, my mom and I were both thinking about how much we missed having him with us when this tiny red light began to dance around on the dashboard for just a few minutes!
Jeffrey surely must be a very sensitive person to pick up on things like this. Your son is nothing less than amazing from all I've read about him here, and your dad sounds really amazing, too.
Of course, you also are because you can tell these stories so well!
To me, he's deserving of celebrity status for being such a wonderful role-model!
Some woman is going to be awfully blessed when she lands this treasure!
Is Jeff taken?
I have an e-pal who told me that she keeps attracting frogs in her search for a prince.
I think I'll share a link to your port with her so that she will not give up hope, because Jeff is living proof that single (if he is) princes still exist!
What a blessing your son has always been to you! No wonder that you were so brokenhearted when you had to leave him behind at college.
I'm so hungry to know more and more about your son!
This story has me in tears, and I'm going to put it on my website ( "Invalid Item" ) here as a permanent fixture for as long as both it and my website are available!
This is such a sweet story! Go back over it and proofread, and you'll catch some errors. Please hurry up and do this, because this story is just far too good to be blighted in the least bit with typos, etc.
This sounds like it would be a great Hallmark commercial--the same story...only, at the end when Jeff comes home, he will also hand you a Hallmark Card.
What's Jeff up to now?
Will have to snoop around in your port (found this story thanks to that great idea called "The Shameless "Plug" Page" ) and see what else is waiting there!
I gave you a 4 for this. It isn't a perfect piece in the technical way, so it wouldn't be fair for me to give it a five. With the 4, I'm averaging a 2-3 points for the lack of organization, some forced rhyming, etc. with a score that goes way off the charts (even above a perfect 5) for the heart and soul this contains.
Actually, what you have written here is perfect for the purpose that it has served: to be therapy to you in your grieving.
It is like a kind of freewriting exercise to get you in touch with yourself.
When you're ready to, you'll be able to write your feelings down in a way that turns out professional poetry.
However, always keep and cherish this first bit of rambling, because it's a very personal recording of your feelings and has a lot of value as that alone.
This is 9/6/06, so I'm going to celebrate by sending you 9606 GPs your way in celebration of Writing.com's 6th Birthday. What an occasion!
Everytime I look at it, it looks better and better, and you're always figuring out ways to make it better yet!
So glad that things are going well for you here after six years, and I hope to see things continuing to go well when six MORE years have passed.
If anyone happens to be reading this review, I hope that it will remind you to participate in some way in celebration of this important milestone and to give lots of hugs and kudos to the dynamic duo behind this endeavor and all who have helped them out--which, of course, would be ALL of us!!!
This is truly an eerie piece of poetry that does an outstanding job of painting a worst-case scenario re: cigarettes.
At the very least, cigarettes are extremely expensive and not at all worth what you pay for them--and, as this poem points out, sometimes the price for smoking them is very high even beyond money alone.
I don't think that the last line really belongs with the others, because it's so negative while the others are positive and comforting. But that's just a matter of opinion and doesn't take away from the fact that this is a beautiful and inspirational poem!
This is an ugly picture painted beautifully--and just goes to show what a talented, young lady you are and how courageous in how you're able to share this story!
I'm so glad that faithforever directed me your way in her blog!
I'll be back for more in the near future--in fact, I'm currently building a website, and you're going to be part of it!
I know of this woman who had her daughter as her shadow. She wasn't happy in her marriage, and she had gotten her daughter to believe that the two of them ruled the household and what the husband/father wanted out of life made no difference.
When the girl and someone who had been a platonic friend became serious, it wasn't long before the mother had come up with a flimsy excuse for not having the girls' boyfriend come around there or call any more.
The girl had a mind of her own, saw her boyfriend on the side, etc. and, when her mother found out, she kicked her out of the house (hoping, of course, that she would return and do her bidding).
The girl married the boy. In time, the marriage ended, and the girl came to the conclusion that she was gay and has been in a same-sex union for over 16 years.
Of course, her mother refers to them as a couple of filthy queers who spread disease. But this isn't all she does. She has said that her daughter ended up with a well-paying job by sleeping herself up the corporation ladder (which isn't true).
But, in short, this was a woman who wanted her daughter to always be her shadow, and she resented anyone who stood in the way of that.
The only one I couldn't figure out was 19 across, because I'm not a part of IM enough to be that familiar with it. As soon as I get a better motherboard, I should be better able to participate in that, too!
This game is a wonderful addition to our community. I think I'm going to go make one now!
This is a catchy, little story about young love, but there are a few things that need to be smoothed up some in order to make it easier to read and to know more about the characters.
Let me give you some suggestions:
1. First, proofread this story. There are a number of typos in it.
2. You might want to put a list of the cast members at the top with more description of them, such as their ages, appearance, etc.
3. Is the very loud whistle a teacher blowing a whistle for them to come in? Or, is it some kind of electronic signaling devise that serves the same purpose as a school bell? If it's a whistle blown by a teacher, that would mean that this is probably a grade-school romance. Do kids act like this in grade school? Would they be allowed to kiss?
4. Why are the other kids in trouble and out n the hall?
In short, flesh this story out a little more to make it easy to visualize. Even though this is a play where it doesn't have to be fleshed out like a story would because it's meant to be acted out, those in the play will need some more direction so that they'll have a handle and be able to play them as they're meant to be played.
This is very movingly written. Just as you've done with your tsunami poem, you refuse to let the reader simply lurk but bring him/her in with your words that give a play-by-play feel to the poem!
This story is tons of fun (no pun intended)! I'm going to put a link to it on my profile page to give it a little attention--as well as making this a public review!
There are so many ways to go with this story!
In time, it's going to become a part of my blog in order to get even more participants!
I'm glad that you're writing fiction here--though, sadly, these kinds of things happen, and it isn't fiction.
This happened to someone I know online--right down to the drunk driver and the rain. He was quite young (college age) when it happened, and he's in his early forties now and still carries so much pain with him from that time.
A wonderfully-written story! So glad that you've decided to become a part of the neighborhood here!
Do you know what's missing from your story series?
Well! It certainly isn't quality, because it's overflowing with that.
What's missing is a link at the end of each story that will take you right to the next one.
How about adding them in order to make navigation a little easier. So...sue me! I'm lazy! LOL
Oh yes!
This will be the last public review I give of your series--that is, unless I have a way of doing it for the entire series--because I want for people to come and get right into this bunch of stories instead of getting spoilers, which would eventually happen as I go from one story to another reviewing it.
But this is just one more reminder to come and read this series--and it's also a public suggestion from me when it comes to doing a series:
People--always add a link to the next chapter for easier navigation! It makes a world of difference! As with this one, I like to gobble through the chapters like Ms. PacMan with as little hesitation as possible during those times when I have a big block of reading time. Having convenient links makes all of the difference in the world!
This is a really wonderful story! The ending brought tears to my eyes--and it was a very unexpected ending. I didn't see it coming until it hit me right between the eyes.
I'm anxious to read more of your stories about this family, because I'm sure that every single one of them will be a gift well worth the unwrapping!
How can I complain about a system such as this where I actually get rewarded for wordiness instead of simply being told things such as "You talk too much!" or "Shut your blankity-blank pie-hole!"?
This is definitely an amazing site you have here. One question: Since you seem to operate it 24/7, do you ever deal with your upper and lower eyelids trying to stick together from lack of sleep?
One of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to get back to keeping more regular bedtime hours--and not necessarily waiting for 2006 to begin before starting!
If not, I'm going to end up with the eyelids of a toad. It's a wonder that I still have all of my eyelashes (or new ones have grown in or not enough missing to count yet).
P.S. I'm intentionally inviting eavesdroppers to this review and encouraging them to send a few GPs your way in order to keep these little perks going!
I have mixed feelings about our involvement in Iraq.
I definitely thought that we should go in there as we did and that Bush made the right decision--but I still hope that there will be some kind of cutting off point so that it doesn't just drag on and on the way that Vietnam did.
The dragging on of Vietnam is nothing that I'd blame on a single one of the soldiers, and they fought a good fight. It was depressing how they came home to no big parades when they had every right to come home to big parades and richly deserved them.
I really like your story a lot and could picture the different characters.
One of my instructors in college went through something like Vince did during World War II.
He and his buddy were in a jeep, and he was driving. But he was starting to get tired of driving and asked his buddy to take over. Not long after they'd switched places and traveled on up the road, shrapnel entered from the front and aimed at the driver.
Every part of his body above the protection of the dashboard was no longer in existence.
My instructor could be grouchy as a bear and all macho and tough--and knowing this about him, I can understand why.
I found your wonderful story when I entered the word "Biloxi" into the site search.
A short time ago, I finished setting up a forum for discussing both Hurricane Katrina and the people and places affected by it, and I'm inviting people to come there and share their thoughts/memories/information/ etc.
Your writing shows you to be familiar with this place, so I'm next going to check out your port and see where you're from.
Anyway, I want you to share a bitem to this story here:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1006935 by Not Available.
Do this along with any other thoughts/memories/etc. you have of the area. Visit there as often as you wish, and invite others to come, too.
I have so many memories of being like the little kids mentioned in your story, and I also remember the seagulls there (as well as back in 1983 when part of the beach was set aside to be the nesting grounds for the least terns--who turned out to be extremely territorial).
There have been countless nights of riding along Hwy. 90 with my folks, uncle, and cousins after going somewhere to eat and looking at the reflection of the moon making the waters of the Gulf of Mexico shimmer.
I'm just glad that the lighthouse is still standing!
(Note: Be warned that it's at least slightly-gross and a tad bawdy. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!)
Just think! If the kids had decided to take the money, they could have gone around telling people that they won it in a crap game!!! LOLOLOL
To all of those reading this public review, I just wanted to let you know that I met this guy at
the "Invalid Item" , which just goes to show that you never know what/whom you might find hanging around over there!
This is the first piece I've read by this clown, and I have a feeling--both judging by this piece and how he describes himself in his public profile--that he's going to be an interesting person to read more of!!!
Not only am I going to feature this in a blog-entry I'm about to do now but, also, I'm making this a public review in order to get more of an audience for it.
My motives for doing this aren't entirely unselfish, because I've just taken advantage of your service in order to give out Terri Schindler-Schiavo related information, and I'm sure that I'll be using this in the future, too, for other things (e.g. promoting my soon-to-be-opened website, etc.).
You had mentioned not having a lot of hits to this as of now. Hopefully, that will change as more and more people realize what a great place for sharing this is!
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