10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind |
Making sure everything goes down with a yank before someone has to sit where I've been at. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost | I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me This poet’s words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The experience of discovery through writing is the truest reward that has allowed me to grow and learn who/what I am — what other people get naturally, immediately, while I stomp around in it. Been blessed, but pushing it — envelope, world and all inhabitants away. Push buttons, find boundaries to trip traps. No clue why cat curiosity, living in your dark. (Bored, perhaps?) Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me how I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was). Cryptic, yes. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid strange, virtual, wonderful walls that tower above, tempt me to scale. Been more than I could imagine or expect here. But, achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall . I dig deeper than I should, often without forethought. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets? Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations here. Not fair? No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do best with what’s in hand. My Pluggers: You are an icon here. You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer. It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Poetic Referendum(s) On Life" Your poetic muse is on fire! Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. Published four times with one a literary journal, including… "The Tender Core (Sedona)" I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing. August 28, 2006 this blog opened ▼
No specific aim going forward (2014) ▼ This is old…. What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on. Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting. If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I? …just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself. What Was NEW Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily. Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego. #amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY? Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door ▼ |
Something I struggle with is my yearly review. It boils down to: did I meet expectations, did I exceed expectations. I never thought to ask what is your idea of exceeding expectations, since year-in-year-out I'm told I meet them. I go above and beyond my station many times, fulfilling the needs of others before my own. They don't seem to acknowledge it for whatever reasons. Self-satisfaction in my own performance can only go so far. Eventually, a thank you and a pat on the back feel like nothing more than patronizing. So, I stop and ask myself why I toil only to realize there is no true oversight or acknowledgement of performance. It's just a rubber stamp for someone taken for granted. What's important is pursuing what fulfills you. If you have to dial it back and put the focus on the true prize, what's stopping you? Get the psychology degree. Take that three month excursion to a place exotic, spend more time with family. Actually put away the mental dishes and get your house in order, put your feet up and appreciate your true domain. You don't have to tell your employer to suck it. Smile. Tell them they are doing a good job when you see through their ignorance and deceit, because you don't have time to piddle around with what small people think. Bigger fish to fry here. So what if they only flip you an extra quarter. Take it. Put out in your pocket. Then, scheme on a real dream. Decide what will be worthy of your time and passion. |
Through 12-plus years I've enjoyed sharing tributes to my family...especially my children. They have taught me patience and understanding in ways no other could:
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Gnarled Giants plucked Of Autumn hair Greet the seldom seen Outside a festive door Where hollow echoes of Tapping on cement stoops Alerts of first arrivals. Blind doorsmen with their Sunken orange faces Gaze upon these visitors With woolen garb adorned By Winter's wily truants: Tiny white kisses that wet Scented warming trays And deliverances of cheer. The door unsealed, Quick to open afresh -- Embraces ignore the chill Behind each one, then closed Before the encumbered relief. A wet clutter drapes, lingers Beneath, the lone chairs. Renewed hearts gather: Men at the hearth, Women at the table. Only the voices Of children do not disappear. The accumulated din -- A harvest of messages To and from each chin, And why It's been so long Since the last greeting season. |
30DBC asks why I write... I've only written about this since I could blog here. Hypergraphia? I can tell you inspiration fires the engine. Knowing you have an audience adds fuel for one who can construct thoughts into readable, understandable sentences. But if you are on an island shouting messages to the wind, think again. You can go crazy opining to the tree. The dream isn't to self publish. You want people to pry to read your words. But, lacking status in a community that awards motivated people, it's hard to elbow your way past to be read. So, instead, I write to make sense of these thoughts. Write to find truth, beauty in expressions through language. Serendipity will find a straggler or two who will drop back to view one who toils in this dark...lend comment...move on. I'm not too welcoming, reciprocating, I suppose...my flaw. The novel is the true goal. Desire, ignorance and loneliness drive the engine that has made several runs. The vehicle returns to the shop, new journeys come along...and the distraction of poetry, blogs and news feeds. I feel it's getting nearer the older my children get, the nearer my freedom to tether myself to some word machine to tap these Salinger experiences into my one last fling before permanently retiring misunderstood and under-appreciated. Sorry, it's me, not you. |
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poems-thanksgiving 'Twas twilight in your hair The parting in my scalp Hidden beneath waves of Autumn Summer flowing freely away To a fading sun collecting All our warmth From marrow wracked By black, persistent Winter Yearning hunger sated At our final feast Harvest's remainder Shelved 'til Spring In the chilled alcoves A gray screen sputters Yesteryear's colors, huddled Beneath quilts on lazy chairs Reclined, sallow limbs pale Mints and marshmallow dreams Fill our pillared heads. |
I've written more than a few essays with my blog(s) here, but I'm not about to again. An essay should require thought, necessary research, time to craft, etc. I could whip one up in a day, but lightening would have to strike for it to be one I'd be proud of. And to quote a sassy...um...color-ful lady, 'I ain't got time for that.' Oh, it could be done in an hour or less. We write essays on tests for subjects we've been studying. I'm not in school anymore. I could link a few past 'essays' written here that were the result of much reflection before opining. But I won't. Nature abhors a vacuum. No molecules. Space. Vacuum. Done. |
The Sugar Dispensary Like my mother. Should I hide chocolate gems Like the ones we found hidden In her musty armoire, Beneath socks and hosiery in the drawer, Behind the screening flour and sugar canisters Low on recessed shelf in packages dusted white Or share Watch eager looks broaden to smiles with each morsel dispensed into grasping, clutching hands, the cellophane wrappers a trail back to their caves, the playrooms, on the grass below the swing of a littered set, Watch them grow sick Ail before meals pushed away Without surprise Their chocolate or sugar blob rewards for nothing But burgeoning indignance spills into teenaged years of truer freedom, when they Make the most pointed, defiant experts if proven false whether right or wrong, the ignorance of adults who share their tender morsels. 11.4.2018 7.19.21 edit, second half needs more work |
From the Journal of Whatever the Hell Medicine I'm Dispensing: (I made that up) In response to the 'depressed' girl who got my DNA: It takes a good support system to overcome bouts with depression. You can say and do all the right things dealing but no one is capable of doing it alone 24/7. Knowing you can depend on someone gives assurances. Being able to open up about what you feel and not be judged makes you stronger. Thinking you are the only one who struggles alone and shut the world out and you are right back to square one. Life's ills have a way of sneaking up on you, outright hit you right out of left field. If you don't recognize signs, prepare, you carry an immeasurable weight that will make a comeback seem impossible, possibly hopeless. What you want to be able to do is be ready to face life head on. That might not always be easy. If something is holding you back from calling out, it has you. You locked your mind up and swallowed the key. It feels like you should be able to do something, lack desire to get yourself out. Your strength is suppressed, your mind blocked from answers it seeks. Having someone who can recognize the signs, know what works best for you, can get you out. We struggle with why we feel this way. Accept the disadvantage your DNA provides. If medication doesn't work, there is exercise. Going outside and getting sunlight is important. Fresh air and new vistas for the mind's eye are important. The more creative outlet, the more rewarding how energy is spent, and the better you'll begin to feel. There's more. Eat right. Good food can help. Avoid sugar and carbs that will affect your desire for more. Snack less. Get help finding best foods, meal plans to help. Obviously, substance abuse affects depression. So does the wrong foods. Be careful what you put in your body. If you have setbacks with diet, acknowledge and start over again. There are no failures and plenty of do-overs. Find an outlet to be the best version of you. What are your interests? Writing, art or something more functional like cooking, knitting, or maybe, reading. When you are being creative, exploring new worlds, you can build as a person. You can try a new activity, do it with friend or family. Experiencing what you like and sharing passions at home and in the community creates extra reward and incentive. You develop interests and grow as an individual. With depression comes feeling overwhelmed. Doing something like a task and mentally checking it off can feel good. When you reward yourself with an hour of something you like to do, take a break to do a chore. It doesn't require a planner or reminders. When you are ready to reward yourself, think of something to do afterward as payment. You get two rewards in this way, maybe more. As you find yourself getting things done and enjoying yourself, those rewards earn interest. You may feel inspired to get a lot done. It's important to take breaks from things you enjoy. Be sure to get a breath of fresh air and a new perspective. Now, there are times we get in a rut. Don't blame yourself if you got off track. The moment you recognize is the moment you have that wheel in your hands. Gently return to doing the things that reward and do not bother with that rear view mirror. You can even ask your co-pilots and navigators for help. They say it takes a village. Supporting one another keeps us all strong and happy. It's important to remember we are human. Our feelings count. We can learn to rely on ourselves. We can have fun and enjoy life. If we can't deal with problems head on, ask for help. Understand, we all have obstacles in our life, just not all the same. We can come together to support one another. BTW, this is in response to an essay her eighth grade teacher wants to see published, unable to know the true drama we have witnessed that comes from bad habits, not wanting to do chores/homework and hormones uniquely befitting a 13-year-old girl struggling with becoming a woman. Hang in there baby. You emote well, even on paper. Maddie's article not provided, her copyright. |
Just noticed my latest poem was featured in this week's Spiritual Newsletter...
Thanks Sophy Also, my 2018 Quill Award nominee "Lost In The Shuttle" earned a great honor from "Second Time Around ~ Birthday Special" Thanks Choconut Great opportunity for those who have contest items that earned honorable mention or less...poems or stories. Was a pleasure! Brian |
I might share a poem with you feeling like I shoved it in your face You might say, it's nice When did you write it? Thirty years ago But, you look as though you thought I wrote it this morning in response to something the way I always respond And, I learn from our little interactions you don't know me like you say I tell the same stories until they're cliche But, what you know is what you chose to see hidden between those lines in your reality -- fiction imposed on me of original glances without deeper introspect I desire, maybe don't deserve from one as discerning as you But, I'm watching learning how you observe knee-jerk reactions you've culled from one so unwitting -- realize, you changed me And yet, I'm the same after thirty years but, not exactly the person you envisioned me to be Because, I'm escaping on a horizon -- a ghost searching without you looking for a man I was thirty years ago once so amazing want to introduce you to when I find him I'll write again tomorrow and tomorrow hoping I'll get me right -- that you'll catch a glimpse catch on so I can begin again anew Thirty years -- a long time to be stuck in that frame happy to smile back for you even knowing I'm not me. |
It wasn't just mom at the table, It was five mothers who entreated a child With baked goods and compliments, While men, gruff, killed animals in their tales By the glowing mantle of the living room. It was cozy and bright at the round table. Some knitted, wore shawls by the cold wall. Something warm formed a smell enticing From our nearby oven, coffee aroma tempted. If you spoke, each scented lady responded. The men never noticed, took time to feed A curious child's ego should he near. But, There was a knowing boy, much younger, Sitting on our father's lap. Allowed to touch The stock of a long-barreled gun. And, When he hungered, the moms would come Entreat with their adoring haloes, present gifts Of fresh baked goods from our round table. And when they exited the door, his cheeks Pinched, protruding belly prodded, hair Rubbed a mess, with a smile all too knowing, As I stood empty, deflecting a lifetime. |
Sacrifice a dog ate its own testicles it was so hungry |
Do the crickets know All the commotion began At 1 pm With the village tornado Siren A front moved in Our song would pause Windows cracked Kill humid Air trapped In our halls Ushered past closets Walls Journey out Meet the fate Of sweet violinists Their wings still Huddled under Shrubs, logs The uneven path Long about dusk And the gale And harsh fall thrust Crushing Hammers the silence comes Do the crickets know They die tonight We must wait long beyond The next cherry blossom Greet humecate symphonies Mild 10.10.2018 |
I can grow as a writer but not as a person? Rewrite of "Efflorescence Song" should show how I can improve as a poet. At least to me. *pats back* Am I Loved? My efflorescence sings on the ground. A loathsome tree leans low to hear aching branches hang heavy with love's burden leaves unfurl, spiral breathless fan glory burst and fade, tumble dutifully down crumble, feed life back to the giver. Am I loved? Transparent wind, soft brushes, chafes the tender skin Have I lived if I don't dance amid beauty and immortality knowing certain death? Shall I shine like the song some lover sent? Am I loved if I shelter myself from heaven's miraculous droplets of clear purity, knowing I'm an unrepentant sinner 'til the day I spoil the ground with my own decay? Am I loved if I don't lend my instrument harmonize with your golden voice a wholesome symphony cascading over mountains to spare my dry, forgotten valley? I will stand on my heart just to hear your proclamations lifted higher by faintest of nurturing words gravitate to hopeful heaven know I will commune with lasting felicity But, I am as simple as dirt pale as death with two pink lungs ordinary, dull-eyed a farm hand toiling some hard land seek shelter, your offer of refreshing lemonade. I have known love of the most immaculent perfection unlike oily, piteous contempt in veil slithering about I tell you I'm not worthy of you, return 'heartfelt,' echoing praises return to sit on scorched grass beneath that most withered tree thriving on your craggy mount like thread roots still yearn God's tender mercies, know the most ugly verses from tongues peel our bark, lack true beauty and the only reward one man can earn. ...maybe, it's you. No, for sure, it's me. Child of OCD, perpetually distrustful, hesitant, in doubt, unable to break the cycle of life's punitive, unrelenting dramas (my imagination? Get inside my head..been writing about the stigma). Getting there, though. Not coming to my aid? I've hurt you. Maybe, WE have OCD together? |
...and it's why I'm conceited...or boosts an ordinarily low self-esteem borne out of my OCD that needs ego gratification...that I'm still attractive. Just today, I get the pretty Latino receptionist at hospital for a blood draw. She's always been indifferent, doesn't seem to feign a smile until she tells me someone will be with me in short order, my cue to smile back, which I do...all formality. I scan the room before I sit down. Never know who you might find waiting. Non-descript setting, as I take my place. I'm playing Words with Friends, finish and turn my attention to writing when I look up. We are in direct line of vision when our eyes lock. She looks away quick to her computer, while I'm turned back to my writing. (Not a Pam Beasley moment) I finally decided to Google what these little eye interventions mean. Am I picking up some transmission I can't translate? My impression is she did not want to give the indication looking at me when I looked up meant anything. Given her demeanor, it made me wonder if she did what I and all do...evaluate people's looks. Now, I can recall looking at older people when I was young to understand their appearance. Anyone uninteresting didn't get a second thought. But, anyone who could have been attractive or could have done more with their appearance got special study. Sad that they didn't try more or how beautiful they must have been. I can write off these visual interferences as nothing more than I'm pretty enough for study by a young person who wonders. I wasn't dressed well. Hooded raincoat and sweat pants with ball cap covering unkempt hair. I haven't been wearing my glasses, so my shaded face is good for study. I think she saw something but didn't want me to misunderstand, maybe, a little embarrassed at being caught. Given her demeanor, not wanting to seem weak, needed to feel superior because -- youth trumps my looks. Conceit tells me she would have been lucky with a pairing, if I was her age. The website I googled supports my conjecture but leaves out things like age factor. Or, that people cannot look away from something hideous, too. I'm going to say I'm not an ogre, though the way I dress suggests I'd be more comfortable in a swamp. https://markmanson.net/the-levels-of-eye-contact One week later, I return to the window for my follow-up appointment and she's helping someone at a terminal next to me. I'm greeted by the woman next to her who asks me how she can help. I tell her who I came to see. Name please, I comply and she turns and immediately looks up from her adjacent station to look at me, only I do not turn to greet her eyes. She returns to her work while I'm smiling inside. |
I miss the tiny faces, shadowed, round, smudging our kitchen window waiting impatiently until mother said I'd eaten enough, skip the dishes to aim cap guns in each other's faces in our deciduous escape, unconditional. I'll be back tomorrows forever seemed unending. Hot sun baked the seats of banana-seat bikes, handles burdened with leather gloves -- one hand cycling with lumbered shoulders standing on pedals in cleats somehow never falling that summer. Endless fun shouting, mimicking our immortals. I look out now for those prying eyes. No surprise. We're all dead. IDEA FOR ANOTHER POEM... How about a poem that stops short of making obvious rhymes to intone what need not be said? Cause we know, |
...I ever wrote. Few can comprehend its obtuse meaning...
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Find Me A Dollar (In This Mud) where is your coat warm me where I lay on sodden ground i danced the lonely dance with a stripper she needed my comfort felt my warmth she lays here somewhere close beside where is your solace beyond this late hour the sainthood that could give us honor lost in this mud where I wallow trudge like I have purpose a beauty queen now shove me your dollar ?? My scars are my own I'm not willing to try That is why I hand you the knife You're so willing to wield |
Boxes of Cornflakes Neatly Displayed Reside on Shelves Next to Bottles of Bourbon and Whiskey Full and Reflecting in Recessed Lighting the Amber Stock their Flat Friends from Seed to Spoon Repurposed, Rejoined in Morning Bowl on Table Cloth what Truckers Eat? |