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 |   Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland |
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Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland  Welcome to the place were I chronicle my own falls down dark holes and adventures chasing white rabbits! Come on In, Take a Bite, You Never Know What You May Find... "Curiouser and curiouser." Alice in Wonderland    |
| Returning to the daily grind is never easy following the extended holiday break. I started the morning with a new workout routine and a good breakfast and sent my daughter back to school with a few extra kisses. Her days will be longer now that the weather has finally turned wintry here, as will mine. I tried to summon more optimism on my drive in for the new year than I actually felt. I always tend to experience a bit of seasonal depression after the holidays wrap up. It’s unwelcome but expected. It’s just that in Southern New England, with the exception of my daughter’s birthday in mid-January, the next few months typically consist of days sporting brutal temps and underwhelming weekends full of hibernation and limited opportunities for socialization. I tried, on my drive in, to convince myself that once I blazed past my daughter’s birthday party the remainder of the winter I would have plenty of time to focus more on my writing. I tried to recall how I tended to be more productive in the stretch from mid-Jan to mid-April, more aggressive in delivering on deadlines and pursuing submissions. I might, I reasoned, even start work again on “the novel,” that wonderfully elusive manuscript I keep tucked selfishly away between my ears. By the time I reached my office door, I had resolved to at least blog once a day to keep my creative juices flowing. The reality is, my biggest commodity is time. Unless I manage to drag myself out of bed by 5am, I can barely get in my much-needed 30 minute workout before I have shower and then extract Jaden from her slumber to get her dressed and out the door by 7:15 each morning. In the evening, by the time I finish dinner and clean-up, I get to make the excruciating choice between spending time with my family or taking myself away to write. I always choose family time, telling myself once she’s sleeping, I’ll get up and do something for me. If I managed to make it out of bed, lately that “something for me”, ends up being binge watching three or four episodes of something scary or dramatic on Netflicks. I imagine it is the same affliction with all working moms…time thinly divided, hard choices made and not enough hours in the day to account for everyone’s needs less of all one’s own. Regardless of how it sounds, I’m not complaining. I do enjoy my family. I do love feeling like the master of a small, chaotic universe where everyone counts on me to keep everyone feed, clothed and cuddled. I don’t always get it right, but I enjoy the quest for my own brand of balanced perfection between work and home. I wish I could find a few more hours to devote to writing that did not come at the expense of my work and home demands but without life, I supposed I would also lack inspiration. Without the chaos, my muse would certainly sit immobile in the corner, berating me to “live a little for Christ’s Sake!” I purposely did not make my standard, “I will write more this year” resolution. I intentionally did not set goals or fill my calendar with deadlines from various publications. I did not update the outline for any one of my phantom novels. This year, I’m leaving it all to chance. In fact, this year Chance will become a new theme for me. I’m going to take a chance that I’ll find more time to work on me, my body, my health, my craft. I’m going to take a chance on new friendships and let go of the ghosts in my life. I’m going to give the chaos of this life a chance to take me where it may; into more PTO meetings and paint nights, into new activities that test me physically, into new feelings of commitment and balance, into more dates nights with my husband, business trips and weekend getaways, the chance to experience more editing sessions with editors and publishing credits. This year I’m going to put my faith in the random beauty of leaving things to chance. I think there might even be a damn good chance that 2016 could end up being a pretty amazing year. |
| Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise Day 668 January 4, 2016 Prompt: Do you believe confidence, even false confidence, can boost a person’s reputation? Confidence is a building block. If you possess even a little confidence, it boosts your self-esteem and can have a snowballing effect, feeling confident allows you to gain more confidence. It emboldens you, it encourages you. Even a false sense of confidence can be helpful to spur us to think and act outside our comfort zones. Our reputations are built on how we act, how we behave so if we are acting and behaving more confidently, then I do think we see a natural boost in reputation follow. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1146: January 4, 2016 Prompt: Write a story or poem containing the following words: sandwich, force, fat, attic, abolish, chubby, pipe, contest The cold blast hit Henry in the face as he flung open the fridge. He had been sitting in front of the damn laptop for hours, desperate for inspiration. His resolution had been to write more in 2016. The contest prompt had arrived in his writing.com inbox in the infantile hours of the new year and still, days later, he had nothing to contribute to the first round of the new session. Henry knew he was facing an epic fail if he could not get the wheels spinning again. When his gut had begun protesting loudly, Henry decided not to force his creativity on an empty stomach. He made his way into the kitchen for a sandwich. The fridge was depressingly devoid of anything appealing. He had aggressively cleared it out on New Years Eve, charged by yet another of his New Year's resolutions, to abolish some of his chubby middle-aged middle. He had ruthlessly thrown away anything that could have contributed to storing more fat while visions of a leaner, more successful him aerobically danced in his head. Henry sighed. His loaf of soft, white bread had apparently been a casualty of his pre-2016 fridge cleanse. There would be no sandwich after all. Henry slammed the fridge closed and reluctantly snagged a still green banana from the overflowing fruit bowl. He hated fruit yet he had still resolved to eat more of it in 2016. Henry thought of all his new resolutions; to eat more fruit and veggies, to write more regularly, to finally clean out his attic, to start dating physically, to stop cursing his ex-wife's name each month he wrote out his alimony check...all promises to promote him living a more positive and productive life. They suddenly all seemed so daunting and oppressive now in the harsh light of the new year. He returned to his office, the offensive banana clutched in his fist. Henry sat down in front of the laptop screen and stared longingly at the blinking cursor. He looked at the banana for a moment before tossing it aside. He reached for his grandfather's old mahogany finished smoking pipe, packed with sweet apple tobacco. Henry struck a match and lit the pipe, sucking on the filter, hearing the satisfying crackle of the dry tobacco catching. He filled his lungs and expelled the sweet, ripe smoke. Henry smiled, thanking God and his 2015 self, that "stop smoking" had not made the list of resolutions for 2016. After a few highly satisfying moments, Henry sat up with a new sense of purpose. "Now about that prompt," he thought, as his fingers descended on the keys. THE END ***I think I got them all!**** |
| Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise DAY 661 December 29, 2015 Prompt: What do you doubt the most? With the New Year fast approaching, I would say what I doubt the most is ever writing anything remotely resembling an actual novel. I know that realistically I need to produce novel-length fiction to ever really consider myself a legitimate author and to present myself to any publishing house. I lack the word count to entertain most of the submissions I should pursue, the caliber of submissions that could materialize into real book deal of any kind. I doubt that I will ever find the time and the discipline to make those dreams a reality sadly. Not that I am ungrateful for my short story submission acceptances...I rejoice with every single publishing cred, token pay or not! Its jut that I know, in my own ambitious dreams, I see more for myself. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1140 December 29, 2015 Create a riddle or a story using a mouse, a wheel, a rose and pencil. Have fun! Looking forward to seeing where your creative minds take you! Greta sat, sadly contemplating the withered rose in the cream-colored chipped vase. How quickly love had faded for them, not unlike the rapid decline of the once beautiful bloom before her. It had been an sun-filled summer romance. Malcolm had swept her off her mousy feet that day he collided with her in the surf of Brighton Beach. She had been so serious that day, working on her novel, a pencil tucked behind one ear, a few loose pages tucked under her arm. She was walking, running passages through her head as she walked along the water's edge. All of a sudden, there was impact and she was ass down in the sand. Malcolm had been so apologetic. He had helped her up, then went right ahead and helped himself to her unguarded heart. Greta sighed, a sad and resigned sound that echoed off the walls in the empty classroom. She pulled another stack of papers in front of her and began to read through her fifth graders essays on summer vacation, her heart heavier that she would have thought possible. Squeakers, the classroom pet, as if sensing her agitation, began to run about in his cage, making noise in a bid for her affection. He set upon his wheel with a vengeance, filling the room with its metallic chiming. Greta abandoned the homework assignment. She crossed the room and slipped her hand inside the cage, scooping the mouse up in her delicate hands. Squeakers stared at her with tiny, black eyes, his twitching whiskers tickling her fingertips. "Looks like you are the only man in my life now Squeakers, " she said, smiling sadly down at the little brown animal. Greta heard the bell signally the end of recess. She returned Squeakers and made her way back to her desk. The kids would be filing back soon. At least, thought Greta, she could listen to their stories about summer vacation and try to forget about her own. |
| Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1132: December 21, 2015 Prompt: “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” ― Plato Have you ever seen anything that you thought was beautiful which someone else thought was ugly or just plain? What was it about the object that made it beautiful to you? I spent a fair amount of time traveling to and around Mexico during the time I was with my ex-husband. My first trip there was while we were dating in college. I had many moments In Mexico in which I found beauty in landscapes and in the elements that might otherwise be considered ugly. Looking back, I think I fell in love with Mexico almost as immediately as the lights of Mexico City rose like a rolling ocean of light on the horizon. Mexico city is a sprawling urban empire as as such, there is a fair amount of things about its crowded, throbbing streets that one could say are ugly. There is crime, brutality, poverty. I saw many street children and women with emaciated infants begging outside cathedrals that could have been covered in gold. It was almost obscene that in the shadow of all that opulence, you could find some of the most devastated souls. There was beauty there too, in the open faces of the young street vendors and in the market stalls filled with bursting, bright chile peppers of every shape, size and color. Outside the city, there was an amazing peace and serenity in the cacti dotting the rolls hills and flat plains on the drive out to Veracruz. There was beauty in that wide open isolation and it took my breath away. In the smaller, colonial villages the crumbling facades of buildings were storybook lovely. High above Cuernavaca from the flat roof of my in-laws, the mismatched rooftops with their flapping clotheslines and the winding alleys and gated yards were randomly beautiful in a haphazard way. Beauty is where you look but also how you look. |
| Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise DAY 648 December 15, 2015 Prompt: Do you prescribe to the idea that everything imaginable is a skill that can be learned or do you think there are exceptions to that rule? I would never dispute the notion that we can learn to do anything and likely can, with determination and commitment. I do however believe some things come more naturally to some people and that certain people may be better suited to learn a skill than others. For example, I work in sales. Its a high yield, low volume luxury sales industry. I started in sales but realized I was better suited to manage our companies sales resources rather than be out in the field making deals. I have supported a lot of different sales people over the years. I have seen those I would say have the natural ability and others who do not. I can train them on rules of the road, contracts, negotiations but I can't make them great sales professionals - the kind that inspire confidence and trust, the kind that build relationships over years...that has to come from within. They have to posses an infinity for it. I think that is true across many industries. As humans our capacity for knowledge and our ability to self-teach is remarkable but that doesn't mean we all have the destiny to become masters of our crafts. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1126 December 15, 2015 You have the opportunity to write an etiquette primer for everyone dealing with the holidays or another celebration. What does it say? This prompt was very easy for me. My etiquette primer for the holidays, and any mixed gathering or celebration, is simple. NO POLITICS. I feel so bombarded by the political jargon and agendas on social media that I need to disconnect. The political divide has taken its toll on my own extended family already, so when we come together this year we need to focus on family first and leave our political leanings at the door. |
| Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1125: December 14, 2015 Prompt: It's blue Monday. Write something funny to make me laugh. Write a poem (good or bad), tell a funny story. Just write something funny. I have a taste for watching spooky shows...Ghost Hunters, American Horror Story, Hemlock Grove and the like. I typically have to catch up on them well after my daughter and husband go to sleep. I tend to overdue it, watching three or four episodes at a stretch and before I know it, its often after Midnight. I should be writing of course but these days I need to escape more and nothing expedites that better than some horror-themed, totally implausible drama that will get my heart pumping and heart jumping at every noise. Last night, I was on the fourth episode of Hemlock Grove. It was a particularly graphic episode, apparently Werewolves are messing eaters, and I was feeling more tired than I was intrigued. I headed up to bed, at least semi-conscious of how dark and silent my old house was at the late hour. I made my way up the stairs turning off the lights in my wake, trying, I realized, to race the rising darkness up the stairwell before it swallowed me. My husband had put our daughter to bed. The video monitor sat glowing on the wide, wood mantel of the bedroom fireplace. The room was so dark it barely illuminated the space, I crossed the room to get a closer look at my sleeping daughter. She often pulled the blankets over her head in sleep, a habit that made me nervous still. I stood about a foot back from the screen, then leaned forward to peer at her image. There, three inches from my noise, just to the right of the monitor box, was a dark furry face and two dead, black eyes staring directly back at me. I thought "rat", swallowed my scream but fell backwards, landing hard on the bed frame with my right hip taking the brunt of the weight. The "rat" turned out to be a stuffed raccoon my daughter must have left on the mantel on her way to bed. In my state of heightened alarm, it took me several more minutes to work that out than it should have. So, as a result of my ridiculous habits, I am now starting off my blue Monday with a bruise the size of a sausage patty on my hip! |
| Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise DAY 644 December 11, 2015 http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/06/opinion/sunday/born-to-be-conned.html?_r=0 I read an interesting article this weekend and would like your opinion. "Honesty and greed are beside the point. We get ourselves into trouble because we're suckers for belief. What matters instead is greed of a different sort: a deep need to believe in a version of the world where everything really is for the best-- at least when it comes to us.." Do you agree or disagree? Are we born to be conned! I completely agree with the ideas the author has presented here. I believe that we crave the world to be one way, respective of our personal beliefs and desires, and that we are prone to accept anything as true that supports our version of that world. I have experienced this same tendency myself, countless times. I am most vulnerable to gullibility the more I want something to be true. I think that may be one of the most insidious trappings of human nature, our ability to con and manipulate each other so expertly. I found the part about "no one joins a cult" particularly insightful. No one starts out on a path without believing something about the journey and the end destination, believing someone about it being intrinsically important to them. I believe however that the majority of us do things out of our nature to be better, to believe in a better world for ourselves and our children. The fact that we fall prey to deceit because of our nature to seek out and believe a better truth, gives me hope. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1122 December 11, 2015 Hi, Two articles this past weekend struck a chord with me, I saved them to use for my turn with the prompts. Here is the link http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/06/opinion/the-arithmetic-of-compassion.html "We can all relate to the saying ' One death is a tragedy: a million deaths is a statistic.'" "Why do we struggle to sympathize with large numbers of victims?" Are we psychologically numb? Simply desensitized? Or is simply people cannot relate to large numbers of deaths? Another really insightful article that leaves one feeling less than happy about some of our ingrained human tendencies. I do think that it is easy to become overwhelmed in face of a crisis or event that effects millions. I believe we like to know our acts of charity and generosity matter, that they go to the good and that's easier to manage when its more localized, more personal. I still believe we experience tragedy in a very relative and personal space in our lives though. I think of Newtown for example, when I spent that morning watching the new footage and thinking of my own daughter, so close in age to those little ones who were taken away. For me it was less about the number of casualties that make it so very horrific but rather the young age of the majority of the victims and the fact that they were so helpless in their exposure. I would like to think the nation would have been appalled with those events if it had been only two or three children but I know it would never had garnered the media coverage either. That fact says ugly things about our society. I would like to believe we are not desensitized but we are bombarded with so much bad news, so much violence and unrest each day with social media and the news that things don't register on our radar's until they have reach a level of sensation that allow it to rise above the rest of the tide - until it comes a louder scream in a room full of ambient noise. |
| Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise DAY 641 December 8, 2015 Prompt: Does a human being’s urge to compete have anything to do with his narcissism, and why do people enjoy competitions so much? What are your thoughts on the subject? I'm a fan of competitions...let's be honest, writers all have a little bit of narcissistic leanings or how else would be know our stories are worth reading? Are worth telling? I'll say a dose of narcissism is healthy, much like competition can be healthy. It challenges us to be better, not just better than our fellow competitors but better versions of ourselves as well. Who hasn't felt a boost after winning a contest here on WDC, especially after reading all the other entries and knowing you are among a pool of talent? Its a great feeling. I'll admit, some people can get addicted to competing, to winning and then life becomes something different...the pursuit of something empty and hollow. Narcissism can drive excess, compulsion, greed which are not attractive qualities in human beings by any stretch of the imagination in my opinion. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1119 December 08, 2015 If you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what would it be? Who would sing your song? This one required more thought that I would have originally thought...and I think its ironic that the prompt for Blog City dealt with Narcissism, since having a theme song does seem a tad narcissistic to me. I think mine would be "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve and actually, performed by the Verve since their version seems to have the right balance of melodic haunting vocals, passionate angst and lyrical irony that I comfortably identify with. I really do find life to be a bittersweet symphony, a balance of sorrow and joy, beautiful and tragic, promising and elusive. The song is compelling and complex, much like my life has been at times. |
| b}Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1115 December 4, 2015 Do you believe you need to know sadness in order to appreciate happiness?{/b} I have known times of infinite sadness which have had a profound affect on how much more vividly I could appreciate times of happiness. I believe it is an important part of our human condition that we can experience both emotions in equal and powerful balance. I take comfort in my own understanding that as as sadly as I can feel, I will also know joy and happiness one day in the same measure. |
| Still struggling this morning with fallout of having watched Racing Extinction last night..such brutal images and alarming statistics transposed against breathtaking cinematography - I'm still processing and digesting it. The filmmakers did an excellent job of asserting that it was a lot to take in and while the reality is very disturbing, it is important to still have hope. The call to action of Startwith1Thing has the power and credibility to become a social moment, a sweeping social movement that can affect real change. Awareness and education is the first step to significantly slowing the rate of our planet's overall decline. I know it has made an impression on me, turning on a switch I always knew was there. There is more inside me to write about this but as I said, I'm still processing... Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise Day 636 December 3, 2015 Prompt: Do you agree that the weather alters a person's mood? Does the weather affect your mood? I believe that seasonal shifts and weather patterns came radically affect moods. I know I tend to become more musing, more introspective during raining and overcast weather - for whatever reason. Seasonal depression is a real thing although I tend to be much more upbeat in the winter months for some reason. I like the cold New England winters, I feel energized by the cold whereas the summer heat and humidity can often leave me feeling restless and oppressed. Blogging Circle of Friends DAY 1114: December 3, 2015 Prompt: How do you stay creative with your writing? Staying creative with my writing is always a challenge. Wally Lamb, Author of, "She's Come Undone", among other titles, was a writing professor of mine in high school. I remember his advice to me was, "write what you know" and I've found that if I stick to that concept, I tend to product a better quality of writing, even fiction. There are elements of who I am and what I know in everything I write and I think that personal connection helps keep my material creative. |
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