%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |    Not for the faint of art. |
|
Complex Numbers A complex number is expressed in the standard form a + bi, where a and b are real numbers and i is defined by i^2 = -1 (that is, i is the square root of -1). For example, 3 + 2i is a complex number. The bi term is often referred to as an imaginary number (though this may be misleading, as it is no more "imaginary" than the symbolic abstractions we know as the "real" numbers). Thus, every complex number has a real part, a, and an imaginary part, bi. Complex numbers are often represented on a graph known as the "complex plane," where the horizontal axis represents the infinity of real numbers, and the vertical axis represents the infinity of imaginary numbers. Thus, each complex number has a unique representation on the complex plane: some closer to real; others, more imaginary. If a = b, the number is equal parts real and imaginary. Very simple transformations applied to numbers in the complex plane can lead to fractal structures of enormous intricacy and astonishing beauty. ![Merit Badge in Quill Award
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations on winning Best Blog in the 2021 edition of [Link To Item #quills] !](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Quill_Award-1375927_6.gif) ![Merit Badge in Quill Award 2
[Click For More Info]
2022 Quill Award - Best Blog - [Link To Item #1196512] . Congratulations!!!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Quill_Award_2-1375927_6.gif) ![Merit Badge in 30DBC Winner
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations on winning the Jan. 2019 [Link To Item #30dbc] !!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-30DBC_Winner-2064535_14.gif) ![Merit Badge in Blogging
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations on winning an honorable mention for Best Blog at the 2018 Quill Awards for [Link To Item #1196512] . *^*Smile*^* This award was sponsored by the blogging consortium including [Link To Item #30dbc] , [Link To Item #blogcity] , [Link To Item #bcof] and [Link To Item #1953629] . For more details, see [Link To Item #quills] .](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Blogging-2180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Highly Recommended
[Click For More Info]
I highly recommend your blog.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/Kudos-Highly_Recommended.gif) ![Merit Badge in Opinion
[Click For More Info]
For diving into the prompts for Journalistic Intentions- thanks for joining the fun!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Opinion-1150.gif) ![Merit Badge in High Five
[Click For More Info]
For your inventive entries in [Link To Item #2213121] ! Thanks for the great read!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/Kudos-High_Five.gif) ![Merit Badge in Enlightening
[Click For More Info]
For winning 3rd Place in [Link To Item #2213121] . Congratulations!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Enlightening.gif) ![Merit Badge in Quarks Bar
[Click For More Info]
For your awesome Klingon Bloodwine recipe from [Link to Book Entry #1016079] that deserves to be on the topmost shelf at Quark's.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Quarks_Bar-2046190_12.gif)       |
Don't we have enough crazy conspiracy "theories" in the world already?   PROMPT November 20th In your blog tonight/today, write about a story you've been told, or use a newscast story and CREATE a conspiracy theory. Tell us why you chose this subject, and of course, provide 'evidence' that your theory could be rooted in truth. Earth is flat, the moon landing never happened, JFK was assassinated so Johnson could take office, 9/11 was an inside job, the Holocaust never happened, aliens built the pyramids, and Santa Claus isn't real. While planning for the 2017 solar eclipse trip, I noticed that the path of totality crossed Yellowstone, so I got an idea. Other people start crazy just-barely-plausible rumors that get repeated as fact (such as the one where you can only balance an egg on its small end on the equinoxes -- sorry if you bought that one, but it's utter tripe), why not start one of my own? So I started putting out there that during the eclipse, the combined gravity of the sun and moon would be just enough to trigger the Yellowstone Supervolcano. I felt dirty doing it, though. It's complete nonsense couched in semi-plausible astronomical language. True, an eclipse can only happen during a conjunction, and during conjunctions (eclipse or not) ocean tides are measurably higher. But there's no way it could be strong enough to trigger a supervolcano, at least not particularly during an eclipse. The gravitational effect isn't significantly different than during any new moon (or full moon for that matter). Unfortunately (actually, fortunately), I don't have nearly enough influence online for that to catch on, and it didn't "go viral." But... that's not really a conspiracy theory; that's just more spreading bullshit, and I've since sworn off that particular method of trolling. So. This is one I've been knocking around in my head for a while: Consider PETA. Buncha loonies, trying to move the center by being so extreme that "middle ground" gives more rights to animals. But what if, at the top, they're not actually animal rights activists, but instead have a more honest motive? Like money. See, everything about PETA starts to make perfect sense if you accept that it's being directed by business interests -- specifically, companies such as soybean growers and fake fur manufacturers. If they can push veganism more into the mainstream, we'll need more soybeans, right? For tofu and other disgusting concoctions. And the fake fur thing is obvious; I mean, hardly anyone wears fur anymore anyway, but they still need to grow their business, right? I'm sure you can think of other business interests that would be aided by such a shift. Why do I choose this subject? Well, I like animals -- some of them are delicious. And PETA is, shamefully, based here in Virginia. Also it was simply the first thing that came to mind after my failed attempt at eclipse fearmongering. As for more evidence, well, consider that PETA operates an animal shelter with an abnormally high kill rate.  Does that sound like an organization that truly believes animals have the same rights as humans? So there must be another agenda at work. We don't eat dogs or cats (usually), so they're not competing with the tofu industry; therefore, it doesn't matter to the organization if they're alive or not.Still, I have to admit I miss their naked protests. Those always made me hungry, and I'd have to go out and get a big thick juicy steak whenever I saw one. Anyway, I should note that I have not one single shred of evidence that business interests are behind their craziness. But it wouldn't surprise me in the least if I turned out to be right. |
| I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but it's been a while and I've been thinking about it a bit recently. PROMPT November 19th We've all had one or several epiphany's in our lives. Tonight, write about a moment in your life that changed the way you view the world. And I touched on it in this week's Fantasy newsletter, but most people don't bother to read editorials. I know I don't. I've heard people describe creation and destruction as opposites, or as two sides of the same coin. But one night, driving alone (which is one reason I like to drive alone), it hit me like a truck: they're not opposites, they're not two sides of the same coin... they are the exact same thing. Of course, there is one distinction, and that's local entropy. As we all know, the total entropy of a closed system has to stay the same or increase (you do know that, right?) But the key there is "closed system." We can construct a building, for instance, which has lower entropy (at least at first) because we're putting energy into it, causing entropy to increase elsewhere. So for what I'm talking about here, entropy is local and irrelevant. I'm talking about the inability to make a truly objective decision as to whether a thing or system was created or destroyed. Any such label applies only to the value we put on the things that have changed. Take the building I just used as an example. You can speak of creating it, building it, which is usually a massive coordinated effort between many different specialists, not just onsite, but all of the people who make the individual items that go into the building's construction. So you chop down a tree, which destroys the tree -- but you make lumber from it. One could even say that putting the lumber together into the building's frame destroys it; it's no longer lumber but studs or joists or whatever. The value we put on what is created or destroyed is subjective. One might object, "sure, but if you drop a bomb on something, it's destroyed." Yes, it destroys the bomb and the target, from one point of view. From another, it creates debris and rubble and... well, at the risk of getting morbid, maybe corpses. Sure, the people getting bombed would consider that a bad thing, but to the ones doing the bombing, that's the desired outcome. They've created what they set out to create, as chaotic as that is. Right now, I'm creating a blog entry, but in order to do so I'm destroying the previous arrangement of atoms on a semiconductor chip. You can't write a book without destroying blank paper. Now, before someone comments about it, yes, I'm fully aware that in the larger picture, nothing can actually be created or destroyed, only transformed, but that's not the point, either. The point is, like I said, "creation" and "destruction" are mere value judgements slapped onto the larger concept of change. And that was the epiphany I had maybe a quarter-century ago for no particular reason except that I was driving, it was night, and it was my birthday. |
| I swear the site's running faster after the switch. PROMPT November 18th An easy prompt for tonight. I'm tired, don't want to think much, so an easy one. What did you do during the 'Great Shutdown For The Upgrade' of WDC today? Tell us all the 'gory' details!  Not much to tell. Charity Marie - <3  wanted to host a server-party Zoom meeting, so she did, but what with one thing and another it didn't get promoted enough so it was only a few of us attending. I think everyone had a good time, though.Of course, I had some beers. Hopefully everyone knows we have regular Zoom parties every other week. The next one is this coming Saturday. Watch my newsfeed for details; I'll try to remember to promote it later today. Anyway, like I said, it seems to me that pages are loading faster now, but I don't know for sure. All this server migration, website coding, and hosting stuff might as well be sorcery as far as I'm concerned. I mean, yeah, I have a vague idea about how it all works, but it's really vague and it's certainly not something I could do. It's not as if I'm not curious about it; it's just that, like everyone else, I only have 24 hours in a day, and I need to sleep for a good chunk of that, so, much to my eternal frustration, I can't learn everything. I'm just glad someone knows what they're doing. I think most of us have things like that - specialties that, to other people, seem like magic. I mean, could you design a drainage and stormwater management system for a shopping center? I guess, probably, if you'd had some of the same training I did, just like if I'd had a different education I'd probably understand more about website coding, brain surgery, electricity, or human interaction. Besides, I'd rather learn about beer. Preferably through hands-on experience. |
| Yeah, I'm going with the cliché here. Or am I? PROMPT November 17th You have been invited to a posh dinner party hosted by one of the wealthiest people in your small town. When you arrive, your host is does not greet you, and the butler informs you they have been missing last night. A quick search by all the party goers finds him/her dead. Their body is in a small clearing in the woods behind the mansion. Being a modern day Nancy Drew/Joe Hardy type of person, you begin your own investigation. What do you find that leads you to the murderer. Who is the murderer? How was the host killed? I mean, come on, everyone knows the butler did it. But since everyone knows that, obviously the butler wouldn't have done it because he'd be the prime suspect. But knowing that everyone knows the butler did it, thus removing suspicion from the butler, brings suspicion back on the butler because they know that he knows that they know that he knows... Obviously, this is fiction, because I don't get invited to those sorts of parties. But see, the host was trying to make nice to me because he wanted to hire me as a ghost writer. What Mr. Grabcash didn't remember was that, about ten years ago, he hired me to do some web design work, which I did, and it was remarkable (for the time). And the cheap bastard stiffed me out of my fee. Since then, I've been waiting for a chance to exact revenge, but Grabcash is surrounded by flunkies, minions, and bodyguards, so what could I do? Well, I took a page out of the disinformation playbook, and started spreading rumors. This was only partially successful, at first, as Grabcash became convinced that the gardener, Elrod, was boning Mrs. Grabcash. I was hoping to hear about a divorce, but no, all he did was fire Elrod, which wasn't my intent (I made sure to hook him up with a venture capitalist in another town, but he really did shag that one's wife and I have no idea what happened to him after that). Thing is, though, I believe in asymmetric warfare and nuclear revenge -- provided, of course, that I'm on the giving end and not the receiving end. Still salty about the $799.95 he owed me -- closer to $1000 now, because of interest and late fees -- I had to hatch the perfect plan. Grabcash liked to take a stroll around the grounds most evenings. I know in stories you always hear about "oh, so-and-so goes out at the same time every single day and does the exact same thing, so that's when we move." This is often the most unrealistic part of heist or mystery dramas, because seriously, no one is that regular, even if they eat nothing but Fiber One. Mr. G's evening constitutional schedule was nowhere near predictable, except that it was always sometime after 3 pm and before whatever time sunset happened to be at that time of year. If, of course, he bothered to go out at all. Oh, yeah, how did I know this? Because I was boning Mrs. Grabcash, and she told me. Anyway, the whole thing was her idea, which was a good thing, because she was the only one able to stash the silver and some of her jewelry in a secret compartment in the butler's quarters that even the butler didn't know about. After what happened to Elrod, clearly Mr. G would, upon finding out about the butler's secret stash (which of course even the butler wasn't aware of), fire the butler, and of course the butler (I suppose I should note that his name was Aragorn, because even his parents hated him) didn't want to be fired, so he did the only thing that made any sense, which was to wait in hiding with Torgo the bodyguard's sniper rifle from Afghanistan. One shot to the head, bam, no more threat of being fired and Torgo (not his real name; he got it from a movie) gets fingered. Only problem is Torgo didn't do it; that's an obvious setup. Once Aragorn's secret stash is discovered - much to everyone's surprise, especially Aragorn's, though everyone will think he's faking it - it will be absolutely clear that the butler did it, using Torgo's rifle which happened to have Aragorn's fingerprints all over the barrel because Mrs. G had put them there late one night while Aragorn slept. No one knew I had sniper training; that was a different life and I've changed names three times since then. And no one could possibly suspect that anyone would off Mr. Grabcash over a measly $1000 unpaid bill, but hey, it's the principle of the thing. Plus now me and the former Mrs. G can scramble off to Tahiti once the dust settles. I'll even give Torgo a raise. |
| Hey, it's one of my favorite subjects, too! What a coincidence! PROMPT November 16th This one will cover one of my favorite subjects, Food. Do you follow a certain regimen/diet when it comes to eating? Other than something you might be allergic to, are there any foods you avoid or limit yourself to? What's your favorite meal to prepare. Share your recipe if you like. (I have a 'killer' chocolate recipe!) Tonight, I made my beer chili again. Normally I use ground beef, but there was some ground pork in the fridge for whatever reason, so I blended the two in an unholy blasphemous union, and it worked. The chili is something I like to do when it starts getting colder. I'll get tired of it after a while and put the recipe away until next fall. I don't accept the existence of "comfort food," but there are certainly things I like for certain times of year or moods. Do you follow a certain regimen/diet when it comes to eating? Yep, a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it. I followed what you might call a diet or eating regimen for two years. I lost over a hundred pounds. Then I reached a point of diminishing returns. Then it got to where I was eating 1200-1300 calories a day and not drinking, and I was still gaining weight. So I said fuck that, if I'm going to become a cliché and regain the weight anyway, I might as well enjoy what I'm eating. Hence the return of my cooking. Other than something you might be allergic to, are there any foods you avoid or limit yourself to? For a long time, I wasn't allergic to any food or medicine. I mean, nothing. I'd go to the hospital and they'd ask me again and again, and each time I said "nothing," they had a look of shock and disbelief on their faces, just like when I said I have no more than one alcoholic beverage a day (which at the time was true). I was pretty proud of my lack of allergies, too. Everyone else has an allergy, mostly so they can be unique, and I didn't, which made me actually unique. It's a superpower! Until a couple of years ago when I ate a protein bar with an obscure spice from India called moringa, and my skin turned red in patches and my lips puffed up and my tongue blew up and everything went numb and my heart started racing and my vision faded and I could feel my blood pressure plummet as I collapsed. I survived. Obviously. But I had discovered my Kryptonite. Fortunately, it lives on almost the exact opposite side of the planet from me. Except when they put it in goddamn energy bars. Anyway. Apart from that, I only have one hard and fast rule: I never eat anything smarter than I am. Why? Because anything smarter than I am would find a way to take revenge. We know that corvids will remember a wrong done unto them and exact a hundredfold vengeance upon the perpetrator. How much worse, then, for the genius eldritch horrors of the deep such as squids and octopodes? Granted, they might have a problem tracking me down on land, but as soon as I get into the water, Boom! Hentai city.I do make an exception for pigs, though, because they're just so damn tasty. So I guess it's not that hard and fast a rule. What's your favorite meal to prepare. Share your recipe if you like. The great thing about being single is I can cook whatever I want, without worrying about picky eaters not liking my mushrooms or complaining about the ghost pepper. The crappy thing about being single is that either I cook something that keeps, like the chili, or a lot of food gets wasted, because there are no recipes for single-serving things. And even if there were, shit's not sold in single-person portions at the supermarket. Anyway, what would be the point? I'm not trying to impress anyone. So here's the recipe for my favorite meal: 1) Pull box from freezer 2) Partially unwrap and shove into microwave. 3) Nuke and eat. Okay, it's not my favorite recipe, unless by "favorite" you mean what I do most often. And yes, I exaggerate. I don't actually do a lot of microwave meals. I admit to a fondness for Marie Callender's pot pies, but those flat-out suck if you nuke them; I (uncharacteristically) take the time to bake them in the oven. Fortunately, I ate before writing this so it didn't make me hungry. Might have some of that chocolate, though. |
| Well, at least I have some experience with this one. PROMPT November 15th You and your two best friends are going on a month-long road trip. Where are you going? What three items must be in your luggage for this trip to be a great experience for you. While I normally road-trip alone, in August of 2017, two of my closest friends and I traveled halfway across the country to see the solar eclipse. It's something I'd always wanted to see, and Missouri is a bit more accessible than Svalbard, which was where the previous eclipse had been visible from. And we could have gone someplace closer, but I wanted to reduce the risk of cloud cover. That trip wasn't a month, though; it was more like four days. My limit for being in close quarters with someone, in order for us to remain friends, is something like two weeks. But okay, according to the prompt, I'm going on a month-long road trip. Let's set the trip in 2024, because that's when the next solar eclipse crosses parts of the US. Since an eclipse takes about two minutes, and we need the day before to get there and the day after to get back (solar eclipses tend to not be visible at night), that leaves four weeks to do other stuff. You know what would be fun? To roughly trace the path of that eclipse as a road trip. Obviously, you wouldn't be able to chase the shadow. Even jets have a hard time chasing the shadow. But just taking the time to do it for the hell of it. Pick the spot where you want to actually see the eclipse, and plan accordingly, but also trace the path as best you can while the sun's actually shining. And visit breweries along the way, of course, because that's what I do. The path of totality across the US can be seen here.  As you can see, the center of the shadow crosses the border from Mexico just southwest of San Antonio (and no wall is going to keep it out). It kisses Oklahoma (ew), darkens Arkansas, then swings through southeast Misery, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio, before skipping across the Great Lakes, western New York, a bit of Vermont (saying hi to Canada too) and thence across Maine.Just for comparison, there's also a map that shows both the 2017 and 2024 eclipses here.  So... "What three items must be in your luggage for this trip to be a great experience for you?" Well, clearly there will need to be more than three items. Hell, I'll need at least three pairs of underpants alone. But okay, fine, apart from the obvious. 1. Eclipse Glasses. I still have a crapton of these from the 2017 eclipse. Seriously, folks, don't be an utter idiot and look at the sun before or after an eclipse. Or anytime, really. No, the reason I need eye surgery now isn't because I didn't take that advice. 2. Camera. The last time I saw an eclipse, I wanted to simply experience it, not fuck around with camera settings or have anything between my eyeballs and the conjunction (except for Item #1 above). Next time, I want to try to get pictures. No, the camera on a mobile phone won't cut it. 3. GPS. Unbelievably, there are still people who freak out about GPS. Is it perfect? No. Neither are paper maps. But it's freakin' sorcery, and yes, it will even work during a solar eclipse (if the sun spits out a flare, though, all bets are off, which is why I also always carry a road atlas as backup). Like I said, though, I'll need way more than just those three things, like earplugs so I don't have to listen to my travel companions snoring (I'll bring spares so they don't have to listen to me snoring). And money. And maybe a change of underwear. ...and everything under the sun is in tune but the sun is eclipsed by the moon... |
| PROMPT November 14th A Mystery Genre prompt tonight. You are researching your genealogy and find that ancestors from a different generations and different countries made visits to the same remote place. Tell us about this remote place. Why were your ancestors going there? I don't much care about genealogy. This is not to say that I think people who do are wrong. Everyone needs a hobby, and if that's yours, great. I'm only talking about my own proclivities here. I know a bit about my adoptive family's ancestry. They shaped who I am just as surely as genetics must have (when it comes to the ancient nature vs. nurture debate, I'm firmly on the side of "both"). I know about it because my parents, aunts and uncles told me about it. I know, for instance, that my father's mother died when he was very young; later I put two and two together and realized that she was a victim of the Spanish Flu epidemic of the late 1910s / early twenties. I've even tried to find records of them, out of curiosity, but ran into brick walls after grandparents (only one of whom I ever knew, and she died the day after I turned seven). But I didn't care enough to dig deeper. As for my biological family, I have no interest in finding out about them at all. I am who I am, and I prefer to think of myself as unbound from any ancestral shackles. Go back far enough, and we all come from the same place anyway. It always bugs me in shows and movies when a character is like, "Oh, I need to find out who my REAL parents are" when they've been raised by perfectly acceptable human beings, people who cared about them. And they're going to snub all that for the family who gave them away? Rude. In one of them, the character was a law enforcement official; she discovered that her biological father was a criminal, so she started acting like a criminal because she thought that was a part of who she was. Turns out (plot twist) he wasn't her bio father after all, so that was all her, not genetically programmed. I know that's just a story, but stories reflect attitudes, and that was an attitude I didn't appreciate. So, to address the actual prompt, I'll write a story of my own, something I rarely do in this blog, but it fits. The only thing I'll preface this with is to keep in mind that every place on Earth is remote from somewhere. "So, Dad, I was looking into family history." Ted spooned another morsel of chili into his face. "Oh?" The older man dabbed his napkin at the corners of his mouth. "Find any skeletons?" Ted swallowed. "Just one weird thing I don't understand. Seems like everyone on your side was born in Baltimore." Ted's father leaned back in his chair. "Yep," he acknowledged. "I was. You were. Your father, his father... not sure about great-grandpa, but even his father was born in Baltimore, and they were still living in England at the time. And we've always lived here in California." "Well." Dad pressed his lips together. "That's all because of the prophecy." Ted blinked. "No, really, what's the deal with that?" "I'm not kidding, son. There was a prophecy. Let's see." His eyes searched the ceiling. "Nope, I don't remember the exact wording. Something about how a son born in Baltimore would one day save the family." Ted snorted. "Right." "My dad thought I might be the one, so he took your grandmother to Baltimore to have me. His dad thought he would be the one, so, same deal. And on back as far as I'm aware." "And none of you fulfilled the prophecy?" Dad shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. What exactly is saving the family?" "Maybe it's about me," said Ted. It was Dad's turn to snort. "Son, I love you, but you're 45 years old, single, childless, working at Wal-Mart, and living above my garage. You're the last Thistlethwaite. You ain't savin' nothin'. Prophecy's bullshit." "I'm 47," Ted corrected him. "Whatever." Dad stood with a grunt and picked up his empty bowl. He headed toward the kitchen. "Doesn't change my point." "Hey, at least I have a job. What do you do all night while I'm at work, anyway?" Dad raised his voice from the kitchen. "Sleep, like a normal person. And I worked for thirty damn years to put food on the table for you and your no-good mother." "You call this food?" Ted mumbled, pushing the chili around the half-empty bowl. "What was that?" Ted cleared his throat. "I said, at least Mom could cook." "You're a disappointment, son." "You're disappointed now? Wait 'til you see your nursing home." |
| Oh man, I thought I had that first draft of a story set on private. PROMPT November 13th A Science-Fiction type prompt tonight. In your world, all citizens are temporarily neutered at birth. When you want to become a parent, you must prove to the government that you’ll be suitable caretakers and providers before you are allowed to procreate. How do you 'prove to the government' that you'll be a good caretaker/parent. Oh, yeah, it is set on private. But I can't have been the only person to think of this, because... This is an excellent idea. I have long thought that one of life's great injustices is that in order to adopt a child, prospective parents have to jump through all sorts of fiery hoops, balance on a tightrope across a pool of smoking acid, and juggle chainsaws. Meanwhile, any two idiots can (and often do) get together and procreate with impunity. There are at least two ways to fix this. One, just let anyone adopt who wants to. Yes, this risks people adopting kids for nefarious purposes, but as there are biological parents who use their offspring for nefarious purposes, I don't think this is a good argument against it. Two, go the other direction and make everyone who wants kids do the circus act. There are certainly other solutions, but for the sake of (relative) brevity here, I won't consider them; the prompt goes with option 2. This would, in theory, ensure that everyone who raises a kid has some minimum qualifications for the job, just like any job has certain minimum qualifications. Result: happier, healthier, better-adjusted population. It would be utopian. Like I said, in theory. Because... This is a horrible idea. In reality, such a system would be rife with corruption. Around the time when I was born, there was really only one way to adopt a child, which was to go through an adoption agency. Those agencies would vet potential parents and make the decision for them. All of the adoption agencies in the US were Christian, and so they only placed kids with Christian families. My parents, being Jewish, had to do an end run around this to get me. Religious discrimination is only one of many ways the system would fail. There would be racism, too. And if whoever's making those decisions doesn't like homosexuality, then gay couples would never be able to adopt or even make arrangements to procreate. There is scientifically no way to design a fair system of deciding who is and is not allowed to have kids. Want to make sure they're well provided for? Discriminates against poor people. Want to have only the most intelligent people reproducing? Well, that's eugenics, and we all know how that works out. Whoever is in power would use the system to punish anyone who doesn't fall in line. That's just the way politics works. Wrote something criticizing the government? No Procreation Pass for you. Participated in a strike against your employer? We only want citizens who are willing to work for low pay, so rejected. Have that one social media post where you got drunk and peed on a cop car? Sexual deviancy; no kids for you. No, it would be dystopian. The closest thing to a perfect system would be to find a way to ensure that anyone who wants a kid gets one, and anyone who doesn't, doesn't get saddled with any. No more accidents. I mean, if you're talking science fiction, I could see something like the setup in the prompt happening on a temporary basis, say on a generation ship where resources are limited and tightly controlled. It would still end up causing conflict. Which is great for stories, but not so wonderful in real life. But that doesn't address the prompt. "How do you 'prove to the government' that you'll be a good caretaker/parent." Answer: I don't. I never wanted kids. But if I did, I'd demonstrate that I'm not abusive, that I'm stable, and that I have the means and ability to care for a larval human. However, I can demonstrate all these things in real life — I've been able to do that for a while — and I still don't want kids. It's not like there's a shortage of them right now. |
| Hey, what's wrong with negativity? Nothing. PROMPT November 11th A reminder I could say to myself before I’m tempted to respond to anger with anger, to fear with fear, to negativity with negativity is... "It just doesn't matter." I need to make that into a motivational poster. I wonder what the picture would be? A mushroom cloud? Nah, too violent. Maybe that iconic image of the black hole that astronomers managed to obtain, to remind me of the ultimate fate of everything. No, everything is probably not going to get sucked into some black hole or other, but there's no image I can think of to represent the eventual and inevitable heat death of the universe. Hell, over a long enough time scale, even black holes dissipate. But I'm not usually tempted to respond in such ways. I've developed coping mechanisms over time. Mostly these coping mechanisms consist of avoidance. It works for me. Someone gets angry, I leave. Someone gets fearful, I leave. And when someone gets negative... well, okay, you got me there; I'm already a black hole of negativity. ("Are you positive?" "No.") But on the rare occasion when I can't leave, I remember that soon enough, one or the other of us will be dead, and what little time we have left isn't worth spending on anger and fear. That's why negativity is such a wonderful thing: it makes me realize that nothing matters unless I want it to. Of course, I dislike it in other people, but hey, who doesn't have internal contradictions?   One-Sentence Movie Review: Eternals Eternals distinguishes itself well from other comics-derived team movies; it's gorgeous with plentiful effects, solid camera work, and decent acting, with each character well-defined, and it earns its extended runtime (cue "eternal" jokes) by giving us time to get to know each player in the large cast, but somehow it manages to fail to live up to its hype — though that's probably more a fault of the hype than of the film itself. Rating: 4/5 |
| I'm almost sorry to go comic on this one, because it's a shitty situation to be in. Er. So to speak. PROMPT November 11th You are desperate to use the bathroom. But, you share this with several others. It's down the hall (waaaay down the hall), and it's cold despite the heat being set to the 'normal' temperature. Being an older person, your legs and ability to hold it ain't what it used to be. How do you handle this dire situation? Depends. In a sane world, I'd end this blog entry right there, but we live in the actual world, so I'll just give it a minute for everyone to get that joke. There are a few benefits to being a dude, and this situation is one of them. I'm reminded of an old joke: Adam and Eve are chilling in the Garden one day when God appears. "Hey, listen," he says. "I'm almost done here, just have two things left to Create. And I figured I'd give one to each of you." They nod. "That's fair." "Okay." He checks his notes. "First we have: the ability to pee standing up." Adam jumps up and raises his hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Oh, man, that would be awesome. I could be out in the fields and, boom, just let go right where I am. Pick me, pick me!" God looks at Eve. She shrugs. "Okay, that one's all yours, Adam." God makes a check mark on the list. "And finally, we have: multiple orgasms." Where I went to college, not far from where I live now, one of the greatest honors bestowed upon a fourth-year student who had great grades and participated in many different activities (e.g., not me) is to live in the original lodging at the University, rooms designed by Thomas Jefferson himself and built in the early 1800s. As these rooms predated many modern conveniences, none of them include bathrooms; one has the honor of going outside, along a covered but otherwise very open walkway, down a steep flight of stairs, and into a communal restroom/shower. And in case you don't know, it gets cold in central Virginia in the winter. The Lawn rooms (for that is what they're called) do have sinks, but the rules forbade Lawnies from using the sink for anything apart from hand-washing and teeth-brushing, even during the cold and sleety season. People being people, that rule was frequently broken. Hence a graffito I saw in an actual restroom near the Lawn one day while I was enrolled there: Roses are red Violets are pink If you can't find a toilet Pee in the sink None of which is very useful to about half the population, though. Or the other half about 1/4 of the time. But keep in mind that indoor plumbing is fairly new as far as civilization is concerned, and for a lot of our history, they mostly used, essentially, buckets. Therefore, to prepare for the situation described in the prompt, one of my priority purchases would be a bucket. I mean, if you want to get fancy about it, this thing goes for about 20 bucks new (and I don't want to know what it sells for on the used market).It'd be the only thing on the list, really. An actual, literal bucket list. |
| This would depend upon their political affiliation. PROMPT November 10th Your neighbor’s hay crop is ready to harvest. Everyone in their family is sick and their Combine is broken. How do you respond to this situation? Okay, no, not really. I'd help out regardless. I'm actually not unfamiliar with combines or the process of harvesting field crops... though my experience is likely outdated now. First of all, if my neighbor's a farmer, then I'm a farmer. In reality, this is too much work, which is the reason I'm not a farmer. But in this hypothetical situation, then I have farm equipment and I'd just use that. Often, small farmers don't own their harvesters -- they'd have a tractor, because that's useful year-round, but a combine is something most farmers use once a year for a couple of days, and it makes more sense to rent one or participate in a cooperative. You know, like communism. Or, maybe I could fix the combine. Like I said, I'm not without experience in that area, though a) the latest models have to be fixed by the company that sold them, which is bullshit and b) that's too much like work, too. The real issue here, though, is: it's a hay crop, not wheat or barley or corn. The main purpose of a combine is to separate grain from straw (basically). No grain, no need for a combine. Hay-making is usually done by a reaper (basically a giant lawnmower), rake (also a giant one that you pull behind a tractor), and baler. First the mower does its work, then the hay needs to cure for a couple of days; the rake organizes the hay into windrows, and then the baler picks it up and poops out bales. All of that sounds like a lot of work, but you're basically just sitting on your ass driving a tractor, so unless something breaks, it's just time-consuming. Picking up the bales, though... well. That's a major reason I got off the farm as soon as humanly possible. You might say it was... *puts on sunglasses* ...the last straw. |
| It's hard for me not to think of a certain scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail with this one. PROMPT November 9th You are having a very realistic dream. In this dream, you are approaching a castle. What unusual reason do you have to be at this castle? What do you say to the two guards standing outside it to gain entrance? And yes, I was referring to Castle Anthrax. You are having a very realistic dream. I have two kinds of realistic dreams: ones where I know it's a dream, and ones where I don't. I know people have wondered whether their actual waking life is, in fact, a dream, but in my experience, if I end up asking myself, then either it's reality, or I'm about to wake into reality. While I'm in the dream, I either know it or I don't. In other words, no, I'm not a butterfly dreaming I'm a man. That's just silly. Zhuangzi must have scored some of the really good opium.Still, dreams are weird. In this dream, you are approaching a castle. I've seen mock castles here in the US, and seen (and toured) real ones in the UK. Obviously, the latter are more impressive. There was one somewhere in the North, but I don't recall the name, that was rumored to be haunted. I had a feeling I knew exactly who started these rumors, because inside this castle, there was a sign up: "See for yourself if the castle is haunted... if you dare! Spend the night, 100 quid." I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it. Hey, British peers have to make money somehow, and telling everyone your castle is haunted is one of the better ideas I've seen. Beats working for a living, I suppose. Haunted or not, 100 quid (at the time about $140) really isn't that steep for the experience of staying in an actual castle. (Of course it's not actually haunted; nothing is. But people can convince themselves of just about anything in the stony darkness.) I didn't do it, though; I was staying with friends. And yet, my main experience with castles has been in the fantasy realm. D&D, mostly. I can't count the number of times a character of mine approached a castle. Usually using stealth, under cover of darkness. That said, I can't recall ever actually dreaming about a castle. I suppose it would have some subconscious significance. Power, wealth, protection, something of that sort. What unusual reason do you have to be at this castle? The way my dreams usually work, it'd be something completely unrelated to what we think of as the normal uses of a castle. Let's go with "getting a haircut." If you've seen me recently, you'll recognize that this would be the kind of dream known as a "nightmare." So in this hypothetical dream, there's a succubus bound to the castle who makes extra money by providing barber services. Hopefully, she can trim my goatee, too. That is not a euphemism; this isn't that kind of dream. What do you say to the two guards standing outside it to gain entrance? So I'm approaching this dream castle to get a haircut and beard trim from the millennia-old succubus who resides therein. Again, since this is one of my dreams, I'd be going up to the guards and saying something completely unrelated to castles, haircuts, or succubi. Something like... I don't know... "The falcon cries at dawn." Fortunately, that just happens to be the day's passphrase. Unfortunately, the succubus ends up stealing all my vital energy. Which, in retrospect, I really should have seen coming. After all, who the hell gets a haircut from a succubus in a well-guarded British castle? I wake up just as the demon shoves my withered body out one of the castle's murder holes. Dreams are weird. But then, so is my imagination. |
| Any answer to a question like this just cries out for a follow-up question: "So why haven't you already done it?" That is annoying. PROMPT November 8th What would you have to start doing now so that in 10 years you feel like you just had the best decade of your life? Drugs. Okay, no, seriously, I've already had the best decade of my life. There's a reason they call it being "over the hill" — it's all downhill from that point. The biggest thing I still want to do over the next ten years is travel. "So why haven't you already done it?" Fucking read the room, okay? It won't give me the best decade of my life, though; all it will do is provide new experiences (and, most importantly, new beer). Which is, of course, good enough for me. But it's not like I'd be "starting" it, anyway; I've taken the odd trip here and there. I just want to take a few more. I won't rehash the places I want to go right now. I've banged on enough about it in the past. First, though, let me get past this eye surgery thing. Not a lot of point in traveling if I can't see well enough to appreciate the scenery. |
| "Don't believe everything you read on the internet." -Abraham Lincoln PROMPT November 7th Today's prompt is taken from a book I own. "Great Quotes From Great Leaders", published by Motorola, my employer. This one is from Norman Vincent Peale. "The trouble with most of us, is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." Do you feel this is a valid statement? Tell us why you feel the way you do. The trouble with quotes is that they give the unwarranted weight of fame to questionable opinions. Which is not to say I disagree with the quote, but I'll get to that in a minute. Well, okay, more like an hour. What I mean is... well, consider the following quote: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Sounds kind of simple, right? An almost trite comparison. Think about it, though, and a couple of things come to mind: First, most people who ride bikes are perfectly capable of keeping their balance when they're not on the bike, so you're adding a needless level of complexity to life. Perhaps the reason you're riding the bike is to get to a particular destination, in which case that alone is reason to keep moving; balance is irrelevant to that. Further, however balanced you might be on a bike, there's always the possibility that you'll hit something and wreck, or something will hit you and you'll wreck. These possibilities are greatly diminished if you stay sitting at home instead. In other words, scratch the surface a bit and it's not really a great metaphor. What gives it weight? What enabled me to find it in a quick search on the internet? Well, it's that the quote is attributed to Albert Einstein. The point being not that the quote is bad -- it's got a certain cleverness to it -- but that if Al Smith of Poughkeepsie had said it instead of the great genius Albert Einstein, it would never had survived. Oh, someone else might have said it eventually, because it's really fairly obvious (unlike the things Einstein is rightfully famous for, such as the Theories of Relativity, which are absolutely not obvious, but someone else would have worked them out eventually too). But someone famous says something, and boom, it's suddenly received wisdom. "The trouble with most of us," then, is actually that we attach an unwarranted profundity to random sayings of people we've heard of and admire. I'll call it the Einstein trap. That said, I have no admiration for Norman Vincent Peale and, in actuality, I'm far less likely to consider anything that he wrote to be useful. He was, after all, one of the founders, if not the founder, of Toxic Positivity. Almost worse, it's very likely that he just made everything up, including, ironically, all the quotes and anecdotes of unnamed Great Men in his writing.But... the best (by which I mean the worst, that is, the most successful) con men don't lie all the time; they sprinkle in just enough truth and/or common sense (which is not the same thing as truth) to persuade people that everything they say is truthful. So by mentally devaluing the quote simply on the basis of who it's attributed to, I fall into the reverse of the Einstein trap; that is, giving words of figures that I don't like less consideration on the basis of that dislike. I'll admit that this is just as wrong as the Einstein trap itself, so let's consider the quote by itself, stripped of attribution: The trouble with most of us, is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. "The trouble" -- this would seem to imply that it's the only trouble, which obviously it's not. But as a rhetorical device, okay, fine. "with most of us" -- kind of a weasel phrase. How "most" is "most?" And who's "us?" I'm going to go with "greater than 50%" and "humans in general" "is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." More rhetoric, in this case the... crap, I don't remember the Greek name for it. All rhetorical devices have Greek names. It's the one where you contrast two different states of being: "ruined" and "saved" in this case. So, can one be ruined by praise? Yes, I think so. Absolutely. It's like when you show your writing to your family and they go "Yes, dear, this is wonderful," and so you gather up the courage to send it to a publisher, who sends back a note like "This isn't fit to line my birdcage." The family's praise isn't helpful. And can one be saved by criticism? Oh, I think it's obvious that we can, if it's given in good faith and taken without anger. So I think the quality of the quote hinges on the word "most." And that's the part I dispute. Where are the psychological studies backing up, or negating, the majority assertion? Did anyone to a poll? Has some grad student made it their thesis? I think "most of us" certainly feel good when praised. Like dogs, we're just made that way. And criticism can be tough to take, but I know I appreciate it if it's not mean-spirited, and I try to use it to improve. But again, I don't have much evidence to generalize that to others. So. If he'd said "some" or "many" instead of "most," I would be less inclined to be critical of the quote, regardless of its source. And that's my criticism. |
| Explore the limits of employee productivity. PROMPT November 6th You work alone from home, logged on to your work PC. One day you log on, and start your routine. You look at the clock on your desktop and eight hours have passed, but you have no memory of getting any tasks done. Tell us what might have happened to you during those eight hours. In today's work-from-home economy, nothing terrifies managers more than not knowing what their subordinates are doing at every moment. And for good reason: employees tend to have irrelevant attributes such as families, interests outside of work, and minds of their own. You've probably implemented some solutions to this problem already: keystroke loggers, active surveillance, resource verification... all of these productivity tools, and more, have been essential to ensure that your lowest-level employees are sitting down in front of the computer and working from nine to five — and beyond. Your shareholders demand nothing less. But even the most dedicated, productive employees suffer from an essential flaw: they are under their own control. No matter how much they try to focus on the task at hand, you can never know if they are thinking about work, as they are paid to do, or if their mind is wandering to thoughts of their kids, their pets, their health, or what they plan to do with their authorized two hours of weekend free time. Or, worst of all, if they are using company time to search for a job with a different organization. Enter iProd. iProd is a custom-designed, all-inclusive software package that takes over an employee's autonomous nervous system through the use of MesmerEyes, our advanced, proprietary, custom-made hypnosis software that works through existing computer screens and webcams. From the moment they log on to their work computer in the morning to the moment you allow them to leave work — if ever — you have complete control over their thoughts, their words, and their actions, ensuring that never again will they daydream, take an unnecessary restroom break, have a nap, spend too long cooking and/or eating lunch, or think about anything except their assigned tasks. Utilizing the latest advances in productivity technology, iProd ensures that work gets done faster, smarter, and distraction-free. Best of all, your employees won't even remember their activities — nor will they have to; iProd integrates the latest in event recording and time-management solutions, so there's no need for them to fill out productivity-sapping timesheets. iProd: Guaranteed to create value for shareholders. Sign up for our free 7-day trial today! |
| Sometimes, a solution does not exist. Most of the time, though, several solutions exist. PROMPT November 4th You arrive at work today with five donuts and five coffees for the people who are scheduled to be there. But you have a problem. Counting you, six people are there, and all of you love coffee and donuts! How do you and your friends resolve this? 1. Math: You might have sat there in math class, bored, going, "When will I ever use this crap?" Fortunately for you, I did not. The fair and egalitarian solution is actually quite simple, but it does require doing some math. Forget the donuts for the moment and focus on the coffee. You have five coffees. You have six people. Ideally, you'd need to divide the coffee into 30 equal parts, and then recombine them into six, but that presents logistical challenges. So here's the proposed solution: Find another cup. Since this is an office, you can presume there's a cup, or glass, or some sort of receptacle available. Take 1/6 of each coffee and pour it into the empty cup. Assuming a fairly standard (in the US anyway) 12 ounces of coffee, that means two ounces of each. 2 ounces out of 12 leaves 10 in each and, magically, you end up with 10 ounces in the formerly empty cup as well. Fair, because everyone gets the same amount. Maybe, like me, you suck at determining how much 2 ounces actually is. Well, one standard US tablespoon is half an ounce. Four tablespoons is therefore 2 ounces. Again, this is an office, so some utensils are certainly present; just use a large spoon; it will be close enough. Unfortunately, the office cup is probably going to be a different shape than the coffee shop cups, so it won't be easy to check, visually, if it contains the same amount of disgustinglife-sustaining fluid -- in which case you'll need to borrow one more cup from the office kitchenette. Empty one of the paper cups into that one, then transfer the contents of the first office cup to the empty one. Then you can visually check if the quantities are close enough, then adjust accordingly. There's probably a more elegant mathematical solution, but can you really expect us to come up with it before the morning coffee? With the donuts, it's even simpler to cut 1/6 of each one, leaving 5/6 of a donut for five people, and five 1/6ths of a donut for one person. It may not be ideal to eat pieces of a donut instead of one larger piece of a donut, but hey, it tastes the same and it's all going to the same place. 2. You snooze, you lose: Who the hell shows up unannounced to work, without anyone texting me to bring six coffee/donut combinations instead of five? Shit, ordering six donuts would earn me fewer weird looks than just ordering five, because six is half a dozen and the donut vendor is just going to assume I'm trying to cut back. Probably cheaper on a per-unit basis, too. Point being, whoever showed up without notice simply doesn't get a coffee or a donut. Maybe next time they'll figure out they have to text me. 3. Drawing Straws: Classic survival dilemma solution. Take the coffee stirrers that you no doubt got from the coffee shop. Break them all in half. Break one of them in half again. Take five half-stirrers and one quarter-stirrer and hold them in your hand so only the very end shows. Everyone gets to pick one. Whoever's stuck with the short stirrer is shit out of luck for the day. If you want, you can do separate lots for the coffee and for the donuts. 4. In Reality: I hate coffee. With five other people, I'm sure at least one of them is trying to lose weight and could be convinced to give up their donut to me in exchange for my coffee. I can even promise to buy them some kale later. Actually, in reality, this wouldn't happen because I'm retired. 5. Screw You Guys, Then: Didn't text me to pick up an extra coffee and donut? Screw you guys, I'm drinking all the coffee and eating all the donuts myself. That'll teach ya. Should have paid more attention in math class, or you could have come up with the fair solution, yourself. Astute readers will note that in exactly zero of the above scenarios do I voluntarily decide to give up all the goodies. I've made peace with that, and you can too. One-Sentence Movie Review: Last Night in Soho: It is rare to find a movie outside of one of my preferred genres that is so well-made; it's artistic without being pretentious and tells a great story that's suspenseful and twisty but not gimmicky -- other reviewers might hedge their reviews, knowing that someone out there is going to disagree with them, but that's not a problem for me. Rating: 5/5 |
| I vaguely remember when they posted grainy pictures of missing sprogs on milk cartons. I liked to call them the Hide-And-Seek World Champions, because I'm an asshole. PROMPT November 4th We've all heard of people who mysteriously 'go missing'. Tonight, write about a person who 'goes missing'. Someone that you read about in the newspaper or online, but nobody seems to know them, or remember them. But of course, anyone (not just kids) "going missing" is a serious matter. Sometimes it turns out to be a misunderstanding. Often, especially with older kids or adults, they seem to disappear (I mean, they know where they are) because they want to. Most of the time, with kids, it's another family member; on occasion, it's an actual case of "stranger danger." And I think most of us have noted a certain bias in local and international reporting when it comes to missing people. Specifically, attractive young white women get all the attention (as with everything else in life), while everyone else is, at best, mentioned somewhere between the obituaries and detergent ads or, at worst, never. This is not just observation bias on our part, either; someone did an actual study. I'll call Missing White Woman Syndrome MWWS here. Honestly, the only thing about the study that surprised me was that the disparity they found seemed less than I expected. But that's why we do science - to try to systematically eliminate subjective biases.The latest example of this was Gabby Petito, who the news just. Would. Not. Stop. Talking. About. And I don't even watch cable news, or have cable; I just caught the edges of the stories here on the internet, and that was enough to make me wonder what real news they were distracting us from. I mean, sure, the case had sensational elements, but I just couldn't help thinking it was an obvious instance of MWWS. On Maui, a few years ago, this chick went missing, it made national news, everyone was freaking out about it, and fortunately it ended relatively well. But earlier the same year, these dudes disappeared. You've never heard of them. Hell, the link I just posted is Maui local news.Or right here in my town, a hot blonde chick, Morgan Harrington, disappeared from a Metallica concert like 12 years ago now. I don't know; maybe you remember this one, too. Hell, Cosmopolitan magazine did a bit about it, with the headline, and I'm including the link here so you know I'm not joking in any way, A Beautiful Girl Gone Missing . I mean, you expect "beauty" language from Cosmo, I suppose, but what in the acid fuck does it have to do with anything?Especially since a couple of years later, Sage Smith disappeared from another part of Charlottesville. Never heard of her? Not surprised. Marginalized trans woman. To their credit, the cops continued to work the case, and from what I can tell it ends just as tragically (though it certainly took a lot longer), but as far as I know, it didn't receive national attention at the time. Now, I'm not saying that missing human cases must always be treated equally. There are always going to be some more salacious, or mysterious, or disturbing than others -- which was part of the reason for the constant focus on Gabby Petito. Several thousand people "go missing" every year (the exact number depends on definition), and that's a lot to follow. If someone is missing, and there's a chance the public can help, sure - but why make a hiker's disappearance on Maui national news, for instance? It's not like you might accidentally run into her unless you happen to be walking around Hale'akala. I'm also not saying any missing person case is trivial. All I am saying is that all human life has value; sure, it's worse when kids go missing because they're not as self-sufficient, but everyone who goes missing is going to be missed by someone -- by definition. |
| I get the impression that today's prompt is meant to inspire fiction. I'm certainly not above writing fiction, but this hits a little too close to home. PROMPT November 3rd You live in a tourist town. There's always an 'interesting' mix of visitors. But this year they are especially... different. In what way? A few years ago, my city decided to remove one of the Confederate participation trophies that stood in a prominent location, taunting, among others, descendants of the people freed after the Civil War. This decision pissed off all the right people (pun intended), who descended upon my town from other parts of the country (including, amusingly, the North) and protested. If it had stayed in the realm of protest, fine. One major founding principle of the US, promoted by someone who lived just outside of town at the time, is the guarantee of freedom of speech. I'm a fan. As much as I disagree with the ideologies of the protestors, they have the right to express their opinions and, in fact, I want them to speak up so I know who to avoid. But of course, it got violent, several people were injured, and three died. I'm sure you heard about the event, even if you're not in the US. It made my town a household word the world over, a representation of the beginnings of the New Civil War: Charlottesville. What doesn't get mentioned enough is that almost everyone involved in being a racist asshole back then was from out of town. Tourists. Thing is, I'm usually inclined to consider all sides (there are always more than just two) of any issue, but in this case, one side wants people to try to get along, while another side would like to see me and others dead or, at the very least, marginalized.. Oh, sure, I can pass as one of them, but if they got to know me, they would know I am the Enemy. "Jews will not replace us," they chanted, tiki torches held high as they marched on the grounds of UVA. Then they have the chutzpah to accuse me of intolerance for condemning them for racism. That kind of rhetoric is alarming, but how much more dread was felt, every freaking day, by descendants of slaves walking by a statue honoring Robert E. Lee? "You don't matter," said the statue, its lips resolutely mute. "I worked in life to own your ancestors, and behold, people put me on a pedestal." It'd be like putting up a heroic statue of Heinrich Himmler. The carpetbaggers called for the preservation of the statue in its prominent location, saying, among other things, that to remove it is to erase history. Erase history? Hardly. History is still in books -- oh, wait, I forgot, a lot of them don't bother to read. Okay, it's still in videos online. If anything, removing it is one step in erasing the worship of the losers on the wrong side of history. I live in a country that's weirdly prudish. All it usually takes is one complaint, if it's from the right person, and a book is banned, a statue is draped to cover its stony genitals, or an art exhibit is closed because a child might see a *gasp* female nipple. But if you have a problem with seeing a statue of someone who fought for the ability of people of one race to own people of another race? Oh, suck it up, that was in the past. And the war was indeed about slavery. Oh, I've heard the bullshit about "it was over states' rights." Yeah, states' rights to enable slavery. Four years after the protests, war drums still echo. This year, the statue finally came down, quietly and without further bloodshed. I have no idea what happened to it, and honestly, I don't give a shit. Someone posted a meme of a picture of it getting hauled away, with the caption: "Virgil, quick come see, there goes Robert E. Lee." If you don't get the reference, look it up. I'm not in the mood to post music right now. So yeah, come see lovely Charlottesville sometime. We like an interesting mix of visitors. Just leave your bigotry at home. |
| I don't like being predictable, but this time I just couldn't resist. Besides, if I were always unpredictable, you could predict that I will be unpredictable. Paradox! PROMPT November 2nd You are curator of a museum. This museum has an area of interest to you. Take us on a guided tour of your latest exhibition. Hello, and welcome to the Museum of Beer. As you know, beer was one of the earliest and greatest inventions of civilization. While its exact origins are unknown, there is evidence of beer production dating back about seven thousand years. But you can find more about that in another exhibit. Over the millennia, brewing improved and evolved, and by the 7th century C.E., European monasteries got in on the act. Many of them still produce fine fermented malt beverages, most notably the abbeys of Belgium, and it's that country we're focusing on in this exhibit. There is a wide variety of Belgian beer styles, not all of them produced by monks; the country has its share of microbreweries and industrial-level beer manufacturers. Now, we all know that AB/InBev, the corporate successor to Anheueser-Busch, producers of such disgusting swill as Budweiser and Bud Light, is based in Belgium. Do not allow this to confuse you. Yes, some of their corporate history includes Belgian breweries, but they do not make Belgian beer. Okay, yes, they do manufacture Stella Artois, but that hardly counts. No, when I speak of Belgian beers, I mean the saisons; I mean the Trappist styles like the dubbel, the tripel, the quadrupel; I mean the delicious and hilariously-labeled Delirium Tremens beer produced by Brouwerij Huyghe -- here, you can see the pink elephants  adorning the bottle. I mean the strong golden ales, the blondes, the ever-present darks. And even the sours: the lambics and the Flemish reds.But one of the most interesting things about Belgian beers, besides the taste of the brew itself, is the artistry involved in crafting specific glassware for each beer. While Germany has its steins and the US and UK have their pint glasses and handled mugs, many premium Belgian beers have dedicated vessels for pouring and consumption. The most common of these is some variation on the tulip glass  , almost like a wine glass but with a flared rim and wider bowl. But other types exist, such as the tall, thermometer-like glass used by Pauwel Kwak  , that has to be served on a wooden rack because it won't stand up by itself. You know. Much like Kwak drinkers ourselves.Eventually, perhaps even next year, I hope to visit the country myself and experience Belgian beer culture in all its funky glory. Until then, I can but enjoy the occasional import -- and this wing of the Beer Museum. |
| Well, it's November. Two more months until the end of the year. Somewhat less than that and, if nothing catastrophic happens, I'll have written in this thing every day for two years. Hey, I don't have many accomplishments in life; give me that one. For those of you peeking in for the first time from the November edition of "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" [13+]: Hi, I'm Waltz. This is my blog. I'm a dedicated indoorsman and I live an alcohol-positive lifestyle. PROMPT November 1st We all have possessions of some type. Tell us five possessions you can’t live without, and why they are on this list. I'm just going to go ahead and assume this is metaphorical and not literal, otherwise everyone would be like "air, water, food, clothing, shelter," and that would be boring. I'm also going to exclude consumables such as beer, which is only in my possession for a few minutes before it becomes a part of me; and also semi-sentient entities such as cats and friends. But the funny thing about possessions is that, often, we think we can't live without them but it turns out life goes on when they break, someone steals them, or they run into a deer and get totaled. So without further ado, The Five Possessions I Can't (Or, Technically, Wouldn't Want To) Live Without. 5. House Yeah, yeah, I know, that's part of the "shelter" necessity above. But while "shelter" in general may be a necessity for human life, I'm talking about my house in particular. I acquired it half a lifetime ago, and it's paid off, so it really is my possession. It's about the right size for me and a housemate and the cats; the location is terrific (I can easily walk to at least four different bars and stagger back); and it usually doesn't leak. While I love to travel, I don't think I'd be happy living anywhere else for an extended period. 4. Laptop I spend most of my waking hours on the laptop -- writing, working, learning shit, playing video games, watching shows and movies, laughing at cat videos. I could probably get by without my dumbphone, but not the laptop. It's getting old now and probably needs to be replaced soon, at which point the new laptop will be what I can't live without. In other words, it's not necessarily this computer, but a computer that I need to lead a fulfilling life. 3. Chair Really, almost any chair will do as long as it's not too uncomfortable. A chair is essential for #4 above. Standing while using the computer would get really old really fast. 2. The Bed When I'm not on my laptop (or at a movie theater or bar), I'm in the bed. It's comfortable and adjustable so I can sit up and read in it. Since I spend at least a third of my life there, it makes the list. 1. Money Of all the things on this list, this is the most important (hence its position at #1; I'm stealing the format from Cracked here and doing the whole countdown thing). Why is it the most important? Obviously, because if I ever found myself in the position of being without any of the above things, or the 99,996 other things I don't want to live without, money would be there to replace it. So really, of all the things on this list, it's the one thing I truly can't live without. "But Waltz, money can't buy happiness!" Maybe not, but it can buy beer, and that's good enough for me. There are, of course, myriad other items that could have made the list: books, water heater, stove, toilet, refrigerator, washer/dryer, plunger, shower curtain, sunglasses... life would be annoying and/or boring without a lot of that stuff. And this is one reason why I am not, and don't think I ever could be, a minimalist. I have managed to live without a car for four months now, though, so you never know. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
