This book can be summarized as "a suburban housewife goes on a birthday trip with her best friend, spends the first 25% of the book bitching about how unhappy she is in her mundane existence, gets turned into a vampire (along with her best friend), and then spends the last 75% of the book bitching about how unhappy she is in her new paranormal existence." Seriously, that's the book.

The protagonist, Sloane, is whiny, narcissistic, and boring. Nearly every chapter is about her complaining about something or being mad about someone for something. Her best friend Naomi dragged her to the party that got her turned into a vampire... she's the worst! The guy that turned her into a vampire is hot and wants her... what's wrong with him? She thinks maybe she wishes she could go back to her normal life... but her husband is a tool! Okay, maybe being a vampire isn't all that bad... but OMG the need for blood is so annoying and gross! If only she were as cool and fun as she used to be when she was younger... but how can she be cool and fun when she's UGH, in her thirties with a body that's not perfect?

I found this book on some list of "the best horror books of 2024" and I think that might have been overselling it. The book promises a "bloody, seductive novel" but really only delivers a novel about a whiny protagonist whose nagging self-doubt and insecurities leave precious little room for anything salacious or horrifying. Or even decently plotted, since what little narrative there is in this book basically follows the same pattern: Sloane and Naomi get into trouble, and their vampire friends rescue them. Rinse and repeat.

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Created Jan 18, 2025 at 7:10pm • Submit your own review...