I give you fair warning: this book is one big subject that is kind of hard to summerize. I'll do my best to be brief.

John Holzmann's book, Dating with Integrity, is aimed at the Christian populace. This does not mean that it is inapplicable to others, simply that the suggested dating model has a biblical and practical base, and that the auther will mention his faith.

Dating with Integrity begins by stating that their is a current main relationship: boyfriend-girlfriend in the dating world. The author examines this relationship, and explains why he believes there is a better way to date.

It's called "Integrity Dating" and the goal is to find a marriage partner, and create possitive relationships with those around you.

The author begins by talking about the phrase, "the body of Christ" which is interpreted to mean that all Christians are brothers and sisters to one another. The Bible says we are, and Holzmann says that he's translated this to mean that all are his brothers and sisters, and should be treated in the same why he would treat his biological brothers and sisters.

His dating system is facinating; that the people around you should be treated equally, as brothers and sisters, and you should work toward friendships alone with these people.

He suggests that you go on dates, but not dates where you dress to impress, or treat anyone as a boyfriend/girlfriend-- only as a friend. A brother or sister.

So how do you get to what the world commonly thinks of as dating? Well, you consider what you want in a marriage partner, and when you find yourself ready to make a commitment to someone, and then a person to make it to (and a commitment to marriage, to forever) then you move forward and express your interest. The next step of the relationship would be when the couple both agree to a marriage. The engagement is the closest part of the model to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The couple does things that a boyfriend/girlfriend would do with each other before they are married.

The whole goal of the system is to create friendships; friendships with people you may and may not marry, creating behavior then and there that you wouldn't be embarrassed to have after marriage-- to someone else. And for the person you do choose to marry, you have a solid friendship (we hope!) with that person before you marry them. You've both established trust and known each other well before you moved into a relationship-- and by the time you get the relationship, you mean it. There is little to no fear of 'breaking up'.

I could go deeper into detail, and I'm almost sorry to quit the explaination; but there is already a book out there to do it for me. There are things I've skimmed over, and left out, but that happens in summeries. ;)

Understanding dating, engagement, marriage, and personal relationships. Even if you don't take up the author's model, or aren't a Christian, the ideas are fascinating in themselves.

The way relationships seemed to result. It seems wonderful to have the goal be making friends, and to be able to commit to a friend. That seems to be a big thing: everyone is a friend first. The clarity of actions is also stressed; to be truthful, not lead people on, and try to learn and prepare for the person you will one day settle down with.

How hard it was to write the summery! His ideas are too complex to accurately be brief.

THINK. It's very different from how I originally viewed dating. And there were areas where I wanted to struggle against the whole thing. To say," No, you're crazy!" But to be truthful, I think he is very right.

There are sections at the end of the chapters so that this book can be used in a study group, or give a greater understanding of the principles to an individual reader.

*** I want to note that I have a more recently published version of this book. I don't know why Amazon doesn't have the most recently published version on their website, but I don't think the text differs. I just thought I would mention this. If you want to buy a new version of this book (Amazon only has used) this is the main website: http://www.sonlight.com/ and this is the dirrect page: http://www.sonlight.com/RR11.html ***

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Created Jul 15, 2004 at 2:30am • Submit your own review...