This isn't a joke. I've been kidnapped by two women who spit when they talk. They're forcing me to write really terrible short stories and poems. Both have red hair, but not apple red. More like the red velvet rope you see fencing off artwork in a museum. Museum Rope Red. Is that a color Crayola makes? What am I talking abou... Wasting time. If you don't send someone now I think they're going to kill me. Does this thing have spell check? Good. Now focus! Not much time... When they grabbed me I was hungry. Really hungry. I skipped breakfast and gas station food gives me wicked swamp butt. Oh, no! I think they're coming...the address is