Chemical Induction

The backyard pool had been empty and a shallow layer of rust and chlorine sludge was what remained. Leeann sat at the other edge of the pool, listening to some sort of screeching cacophony that never should have been uttered, as I went back inside through the sliding doors. My den was connected to the kitchen with a smooth tan counter that was perfect for cutting up lines. My kitchen has random red brushstrokes adorning the walls. Near the Cupboard is a rack of various kitchen knives and a few other utensils.
I take the largest, a fourteen-inch blade used for pot roasts or hacking apart a wily uninvited vagrant that dies in your back yard (Yes I can cite an example). The dimmed bluish light that fills my den looks oddly unsettling from the pool, where Leeann is no doubt approaching the peak of the mescaline. I don’t take the shit. I like my highs and lows to be distinguishable. She likes the chaos and barrage of unidentifiable inhibitions to play with. Hallucinogens only work on what is there. If you have a chaotic sub conscious, the drug will paint the walls with it. She is calm and docile enough to enjoy such raging, tempestuous peaks.
I slide open the door with immense force, clutching the blade which I had erstwhile used to carve epithets into my dad’s trophy case. Bowling trophies, local golf tournament trophies, god I hate the fucker. With his little symbols of atrophy, creating a new depth of achievement. I approach the pool, finally catching Lee’s attention as I jump in the pool, with my grasp on the knife as firm as I could get it. With one swift swoop, I jump atop the low end of the pool, on which she’s resting, watching my every move.
“Do you trust me?” I ask, balancing the knife on the tip of my pinky. “I’m going kind of nuts right now. I don’t think I even believe you’re in front of me….holding a knife……why are you holding a knife??”
“Knife??” I dubiously ask. “To make your trip as menacing as possible, I suppose. “Can you please just leave me alone? Don’t you have any liquor to occupy yourself?” “Good idea. But everything is gone after you brought all those freshmen yesterday. Leeann was a junior in Birchwood High. It was a few blocks away from MLK Jr. Park on West Genesse Street. I lived on Oakwood Place, half a mile away from Humboldt Parkway. Moderately Upper middle class. Humans should rarely go without categorization. It’s pointless to say the rich are better than the poor, but it’s hard to consider them anything else in respect to the down trodden waste of civilization.
“So, I think we need to get away from all these knives and guns.” I suggested. She looked at my house quizzically. Where do you wanna go?” I shrugged. “Somewhere better suited for a peaking creature and her belligerent consort.” She looked at me for a second and got up. “You’re a drug addict, you know that?” she confessed, wiping the rust off her tattered skirt. I took her by the waist and peered my lips into hers, dipping her over the edge of the pool. She pushed me back to attain some balance but ended up just melting into my kiss.
I quickly picked her up and jumped into the pool, crouching just low enough for her to be directly over the aqua marine syncline. She had an undershirt on with an outline of her cross protruding achingly between her breasts. I put her down and we kissed for a bit and rested against the wall of the shallow end. Acquiescent under the pale glow of the lone, lunar satellite, I began to feel the aftershocks of the E. It was the inevitable down draft and I needed to stay awake. Tomorrow afternoon I had to take the dreaded MCAT. I went to State University College by Buffalo State Hospital. My apparent options were deeply stemmed in Neurology, a field where my father became prominent in the late seventies. When he retired, I was 10 or so. He had a nervous breakdown and smashed apart his trophy room, which, incidentally, had some of my trophies for wrestling and fishing. Yeah, I’m white. I can’t really hide it. So I continue the time-frayed legacy of my pasty predecessors.
After a few lines and a few coronas, we decided to escape to my friend Harry’s house. We called him ‘arry cause he had an English cousin who came to visit him and would get all wound up on Bennies and say “Eh, ‘arry, where the fuck is my drink, you cunt!” In the car, Lee drove as I took another bump after I popped two Mitsubishis. Most people feared the drug in single serving quantities but over this past month, I had done two to three at a time on a habitual basis.
My nose and lips felt slightly cool and pliable as I wondered why I let her drive. She was too fearful of going above 20, considering the lights must have been extending into fluorescent snakes fucking each other……..I felt my neck and jaw tighten…This was the bitter backlash before the resurgence……the emergent clouds overtook what was left of the moon and swallowed her refracted light away from me…my fingers expertly worked through her purse to find her Camels…..despite my brain’s protests, I licked my lips and inhaled the ripples, careening towards my insides………each breath…..slowly convulsing…….the systole seemingly apparent now approaching a brittle coherence……..I imagine for a brief second what her body would look…..like…rightnowNowItMadeSenseHer;PlanWasToPutOnTheRadioWithAlotOfThreateningSubtextUnderneathTheRoteOfTheDJ; ItWasQuiteEnoughAsIGrabbedTheVolumeKnobAndToreItOffThrowingItOutOnTheStreet;AreYouOkay;TheFigmentStartedAsking;IdidntAnswer; AsIfIWasGonnaAnswerThisPrimitiveBeast;GGNNNNN;ItriedToPronounceASortOfSilentConcurrenceButItWasFutile;ThisGameWasNotFun;ItsFingersFoundMyNeckAndRestedAsIDemonicallyShudderedAtTheInstanceOfSexAtThisPoint;and…….it……all……coalesced…..for……us………..
Kensington.Parkway.took.us.where.we.needed.to.go.which.was.Winslow.Avenue………….”’Arry”.I.Decided.to.announce.when.we.got.off.the.highway.and.she.looked.at.me.like.i.was.nuts.her.with.a.Mercedes.monster.growing.from.her.hands.and.encysting.us.to.this.amniotic.cell.fuck.i.need.another.cigarette.one.was.in.my.mouth.but.was.somehow.extinguished….. “What.the.fuck.are.those.Es.doing.to.you.are.you.sure.you.should.have.taken.more.than.one.”……….ItValiantlySpokeAsIShudderedAwayIntoWhatWasEssentiallyMe………gnnnnnnn!!!……ILetOutSomeMoreSoundBeforeExitingTheVehicleStopStopSTOP……
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This Might Be The Ecstacy Speaking But This Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This………….IWasSupposedToGetThisShitOutOfMySystemInsteadItHasPervadedTheOnlyUntouchedReachesFUCKIDontWantToSeeWhatLiesIHorrificWaitIThinKImSpeakinGOuTLouDDD…DD…D
NowSheNoticesSomethingWrong
ShesDefinitelyLooking……ShouldWeJustGoBackHome…..SheSomehowAsksWithoutStuttering……HOME…..Iask…..No……WheresArryINeedAFuckingDrinkAndACouchIDemandedInThePassiveAggressiveLanguorBefittingAnAddictInTheEarlyStagesOFAnINtenseRoll___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________XXXXXXXXXXXXXX_________XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX____XX_XXXXXXX_______ITBEGANASANIMMOBILETRACTSURGINGWITHEUPHORICPAINTHEKINDOFANXIETYTHATCREATESULCERSTHESIZEOFQUARTERSYOUKNOWARRYTHEKINDOFESTHATWEUSEDTODOBACKINTHEISLANDYOUREMEMBERINFUCKINGMONTAUKWITHTHOSEFILTHYSLUTSANDTHEIRFUCKINGMANSIONSSHITMANLETMEGETTHATBEER_______X_XXXX_X___X_XX_X_________YEAHSOIGOTTHISSHITFROMYOUREXSHESAIDSHEHADAFEWLEFTANDWASSELLINGTHEMFORTENAPIECEIWASLIKESHITHOWMANYDOYOUHAVEANDSHESAID4OR5ASIFSHEDIDNTFUCKINGKNOWBUTSHEKNEWSHEFUCKINGKNEWSHEHAD12LEFTANDICOPPEDTHEMALLFORABILLSHESAIDSHEWASGETTINGFIVEHUNDREDMORETOMORROW___________XXX_XXX___XX_X___ITSPRETTYFUCKINGGOODANYOFTHESEKIDSWANTANYYOUTHINK__________(arry struggled through his methaqualone daze to piece together the string of madness I just shouted at him over the trance movements taking place within his split level shit box;Maybe, I think that Donn and his people are in the back smoking you should go;…)MAYBEISHOULDNTHAVEBROUGHTUPHISEXBUTIWASINMIDFUCKINGSENTENCEFUCKHIMANDHISLANGUIDDEMEANORSTUPIDTRANKEDASSHOLEHEDOESNTUNDERSTANDTHENEEDTOINTERACTANDACTUALLYMOVEEVENWHENHISHOUSEISFILLEDWITHKIDSFULLOFTASTYCANDIESTODELIGHTTHEEYESANDENSCONCETHEBODYIWALKEDDOWNSTAIRSFROMTHEKITCHENINTOTHEBACKYARDWHERETHEREWEREMORETHAN20KIdsSURROUNDINGATAPPEDKEGDONNATTHEFOREFRONTWITHACUPFILLEDWITHSURPRISINGLYSOOTHINGSUDSBUTONLYTOMEISUPPOSE___X_XXXX_X_XXXX_______DONN______YODONN____________(;holy…fucking.Christ.man.where’ve…you…been..I.Just.Saw.Lee.She.Was.All.feeling.Up.OnKrista.)ISHUDDEREDATTHETHOUGHTOFWHATTHEIRDRUGINDUCEDFINGERSAREDOINGTOEACHOTHERATTHISVERYMOMENT___(You.Still.Hitting.That.)__IKNOWWHATANSWERHEWANTEDSOIVEEREDTHESUBJECTTOWARDSMYEMPTYWALLET______XXX_X___XX___YOUGOTTATRYTHESEMITSUBISHISMANIMFUCKINGGONEMANIMRACINGACROSSTHISFUCKINGPLACEYOUGOTACIGARETTEICOULDSTEAL_______X_XX_XX_X_______THANKSMANSOIGOTTHESEPILLSTHATIMPUMPINGFOR20BUTYOUCOULDHAVEONEFOR15MANYOUWANTONE(;What.about.Ursula.doesn’t.she.have.some.Es.my.boy.bought.one.last.night.for.10;)FUCKTHATBITCHMANSHESBEENDRYALLDAYIGOTTHEPREMIUMSHITSRIGHTHEREMANYOUWANNABUYONEMAN__XX_XXX_XX_XXX______(Shit.i’m.on.some.fucking.ludes.now.but.in3.hours.or.so.i.might.be.looking.for.some.E.catch.me.then)___ILLTELLYOURIGHTNOWIDONTEVENKNOWIFILLBEHEREINTHREEHOURSJUSTASKANYONEIFTHEYNEEDSOMEEEEEE_____X_XX___X_XXXXX____XXX_X__X___X__X__X__X__((((((((((isupposemymindshouldbesometwistedformoflucidrightnowbuticanbarelyputtogetherthebitsandpiecesofwhatthisweirdfuckistryingtosayneverthelessidontthinkhellbuyonerightnow)))))))))))))
THISFUCKINGHARROWINGROLLINEEDSOMEFUCKINGREST____XXX__X__X_____X__XX__X____X__X__X___(((((((((arryscouchwastofarawayandthegrasswastooinvitingsoisatforhourssmokingwithyounggirlstwoofwhichboughttwopillseachattwentyfiveahit))))))))JUSTSMOKESOMEMORETAMARAITWILLMAKETHEROLLEASYTOMANAGEINTHESTARTINGWATCHITSGONNABEFUCKINGNUTS(((((((((whyisshestaringlikethatidontthinkthisgirlshouldhaveanyebutthemoneymadeithardtopassupsheseemstobealittletoointomeherfriendishoweverintosomekindofkaleidoscopethroughwhichshewatchesourjaggedconversation))))))))))____tHIs Is a GreaT sONg don’t You think____((((((no!!!!!))))))ITSPRETTYGOODBUTILIKELESSINTRUSIVETECHNO____XXX_X_X_X__X__X_XXX___X_X_____
WhaT Do yOU MeAN?
((((((uhoh))))))
LIKEAMBIENTJAZZORSOMETHINGIDUNNOYOUWANNAGOINSIDE____XX_X__X__X__X_(((((((thatsallittookafewminutesofpettybanterandhereweareinarrysparentsroomwherethebedseemstoemanatefromthegoldenwallsandthetvhidinanookaboutafootdeepgodthisgirlisamazingidontwanttoknowhowoldsheisbutforthefuckinglifeofmeiask)))))))SOHOWOLDAREYOU____X_XXX_X__I’m gonNa be seventeen in a Few weeks_____XXX_X_X_XXXX____((((((goodenoughliethatwasreallyallineeded)))))))YOUFEELITYET____XX__X___XXX__ a little_____X_XX__X__X__(((((imoveinfortheproverbialkill)))))___XX_XXX_________X_X___X_X_XX__XXXX_XX_____X_X___X_X__X_X_XXX_XX__X_X____X____X______……___…..XX___X_X____X_X__X__X___X_XXX__X_X__X___this FeeLS SO FuckinG GoOD_____XX_______X_X___X__X____X_X_X___X____X____X_X___X(((((((((whatareliefshejustwantstofoolaroundcauseifeelpetrifiednotsurprisinglythisfuckingemustbealittledownerheavy))))))))___XX___X___X_X_X___X_XX_X___X______X_X_X__XXXX__X____XX____XXX__X______X_XX____X_______X_X__X____X_X__XXXX__X____X_XXXXXXX__X_______X_XXXX_X___X_______X_X_X___X_____XX_X__X_XXX__(((((((((((shesfuckingbuggingoutiveneverhadagirlreactlikethistotwoofmydigitshasthisgirlevercumbeforewhatthefuckamidoinggodshestooyoung))))))))))___XX_X___X____YOULIKETHAT________X_X___X_X(((((((((dontevenanswersweetheart)))))))))____X_X___XX_X_____XX____X__ohhhHhhHH___XX__X___XX__d-dddont sToP___X___X___Oh FuCK_____X__X_XX___X_____X__XX___Will you EaT MY puSSY___XXX___X_X_X__________(((((((((((((inmyfouryearsinthistownihaven’tmetasinglevirginandithinkshemightbeitshemustbeiveneverfeltapussylikethisevenifiwasabletoicouldntfuckhersheinsanelytightgodshesmellsperfectlikeajollyrancherfactory)))))))___XXX___X_X___XX__X_X___X_X__X__X__X_X___X__X_________X_X__X__X____X_X__XXXXX_X____XXX_XX_XXX___XxxxxxxXXXXXXXXX_XXX___XXX__XXX_XXX_XXXxxxxxXXXXXX_XXXXxxx_XXXXXXxxxxXXXXXXX_XXxxxxxxxXXXX_XXXX_XXxxXXXxxxxxXXxxXXXX_XX__XXXX_XXX_X_X_XXX__X____XX_X___X_XX____X_X________X____X__X_____X_____X______X_____X__X_________________X_____________X__________X____________(((((((((((((((damnshecamequickjesusfuckinghellthatwasmadnesswhatthefuckisshereachingfor)))))))))))______XX___________X_________yoU WaNT onE____XXX___________(((((((((idoneedacigarettewevebeeninherelikefortyfiveminutesandihaventhadonehereyeshavethisinsanedarknesstothemherpupilsarefuckinghugeandherdarkbrowneyesholdthemwell))))))))))))))))SOYOUMUSTFEELITYOUREEYEsAREFUCKINGROLLINGOUTOFTHEIRSOCKETS____X_X__XXX_______X______(((((((((thestogedartsperiodicallyinandoutofhermouthlikemad)))))))) I ThiNK So THEse Es ArE GREaT WHEREDIDYOUGETTHEMICOULDASKSOMEOFMYFRIENDSORMYBOYFRIENDIFHEWANTSANYYOUHAVEMORETOSELL;___XXX____X_X________XX(((((((((yeahsheisfuckingfeelingit)))))))))SUREIGOTACOUPLEOFMOREPILLSIMSUREIFTHEYSEEYOUORMETHEYLLBUYONEQUICKLY____XX__XX________X__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________whatthefuckamidoing__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________