Bank Minimums

“Next in line, please. Next in line please!”

“Mister, Mister! It’s my turn, here I am!”

“George, can you get a chair for our small customer to stand on? Thanks. Now what can I do for you at the Great Big Bank of America?”

“Well, I got a letter with my name on it. It wasn’t even my birthday, or Christmas, and those are the only times I get anything in the mail. It was from this bank, where I keep all of my money.”

“Okay, let me get your name so I can look it up on our computer.”

“My name is William Samuel Adams, and I live at 9471 Wysteria Lane, and my phone number is 497-4476.”

“I’ve got your account here, let me see... is your Mom or Dad with you William?”

“No, my Dad is outside in the car. He said he couldn’t bear to watch me learn about “Corporate America”. But he said we could go get ice cream later!”

“Let me see if I can explain this. At the beginning of the year there was withdrawal of fifty dollars and that dropped you below our new minimum balance.”

“I remember that, that was my donation to the tidal wave victims.”

“Oh, that was nice of you. Um, well, each month since then we had to take five dollars from your account and now you seem to owe us $9.47.”

“Isn’t that stealing? My mom told me stealing was bad. Is that one of those things that adults can do but kids can’t, like staying up late and drinking beer?”

“No, no, its not stealing, it just part of doing business. Oh my. You see we have to take some of your money to help keep the rest safe, and pay George and me, and lots of other things. Do you know about subtraction?”

“I just finished the third grade and Ms Race taught us all about addition and subtraction and dollars and cents. Is the bank the person who “takes away” when we do subtraction?”

“Oh no, that's not us, at least most of the time. Let me see if I can explain. You need to have at least ten thousand dollars in the bank so we don’t have to charge you the five dollars.”

“How much is that? We’ve only got to “hundreds”, maybe we do those next year. I’m selling lemonade for fifty cents a cup, how many cups is that?”

“Er, lots. You would have to sell two hundred tables of one hundred cups each to make ten thousand dollars.”

“WOW! That’s a lot of lemonade! Maybe if its really hot this summer. How many teeth do I have? The Tooth Fairy gives me a silver dollar for every one I put under my pillow!”

“Hmm. Direct deposit, mortgage, car loan... okay, I’m sorry this just isn’t going to work. Here. Twenty, forty... fifty-five dollars. Go next door to the Happy Valley Credit Union and open an account there.”