Castles of Love

         Evan’s palms glistened with perspiration and the letter in his hands quivered in tune with a phantom breeze.

         Dear Evan, I hate doing this, but I don’t feel I have a choice. I’ve tried every way I know to explain my feelings to you, but you never seem to listen. I’m tired, Evan. I’m tired of coming in second-place to your job, I’m tired of being married to your pager and your voice-mail, and I’m tired of waiting for you to finish conquering the world before we can start our family. I’m staying at my brother’s in Annapolis while my parents are in town, and I’ll be flying back to Reno with them tomorrow morning. I’m sorry to have to do this with a letter, Evan, I just wanted you to hear me. Love, Mia.

         The harder he tried to understand his wife, the more confused he became. She has everything, he thought; this big house, that seven-series BMW, enough jewelry to satiate a princess–it’s never enough for that woman.

          Suddenly his pager began vibrating on his hip, interrupting his thought. The letter drifted to the kitchen counter as Evan dialed the telephone.

         “O.R. Dianne,” she answered in one word.

         “Hey Dianne, it’s Evan Kane, with Summit Orthopaedics. I was paged,” he said, forcing a modicum of joy into his voice; this is a customer, after all.

         “Yeah, Evan, Doctor Marland has an emergency surgery...,” the sound of shuffling papers, “it’s an open tibia fracture and he wants to use your implants.”

         “What time?”

         “They just rolled the patient in the room.”

         “Thanks Dianne. I’ll be there in a half an hour,” Evan said and ran out cursing his eminent tardiness.

         Doctor Barry Marland, wearing a blue surgical-gown leopard-spotted with blood and reaming out the intra-medullary canal of the patient’s leg with a power-drill, looked up as the operating-room door opened and Evan walked in.

         “You didn’t need to come in for this,” Barry said.

         “I wouldn’t think of missing one of your cases, sir,” Evan said as he stepped up to the table in front of him. It was covered by an assortment of surgical instruments, sponges, and several large pans of instruments. A young woman, no more than twenty-five, stood on the
other side, her mouth and nose hidden by a surgical-mask, her hair by a bonnet-style hat, but her eyes, like dazzling emerald jewels, made these late-night cases worth coming in for.

         “Hi Shannon.”

         “Hey Evan,” she replied. “What do I need next?”

         “Grab the curved metal piece right there, and that long bolt next to it in the tray, right. Now, see the hole on top of the curved metal piece? put the skinny end of the bolt through that hole, and that’s where you’ll connect the nail when I give it to you.”

         “Like this?” she asked, her hand sliding the bolt through the hole in a suggestive rhythm.

         “Were you and Mia having dinner?” Barry’s question cut through their innuendo.

         “What? Tonight? No, she uh...she went to Reno with her parents. I was just sitting at home bored. Speaking of which,” Evan redirected, “they finally finished my house.”

         “Great. I know you’ve been dying to get that mansion built.”

         “It’s not quite a mansion, but thanks. Anyway, we moved in last week and our phone
number’s changed. I’ll leave it here for you,” he said, dropping a business card on the counter.

         The dashboard clock read 2:47am, and the roads were nearly empty as Evan merged onto I-695 on the north side of Baltimore. Switching on the radio, he checked his pre-set stations, hoping to delay thoughts of Mia and Reno, divorce and alimony payments; but there was nothing worth listening to, so he turned it off. Other than the steady hum of the engine, it was deadly quiet inside the car.

         She’s really going to leave me, he thought and his stomach twisted and burned like he’d swallowed a fistful of habanero peppers. He pressed hard on the gas pedal, wanting to get home, needing to talk to Mia, desperate to convince her to stay in Maryland, and a couple Tums from the medicine cabinet.

         Standing in his kitchen, a ringing telephone in his hand and a bitter taste in his mouth, Evan shifted his weight from foot to foot, counting the rings, awaiting an answer.

         “Hello?” It was Mia’s brother Fred, his voice husky from interrupted sleep.

         “Fred? Hey, it’s Evan. Sorry to be calling so late, but can I talk to Mia for a second?”

         “You’ve got some nerve, Evan. Are you trying to wake everyone in the house, you inconsiderate prick?”

         “Come on, Fred. I’m sorry it’s late, but I really need to talk to her. Please?”

         “Hold on.”

         Evan heard muffled voices as the phone switched hands.

         “Evan, this is Mia’s father...”

         “Randy, please. I don’t want any trouble, I just want to talk to Mia before she leaves.”

         “Why? So you can try and convince her to stay?”

         “Yes, so I can convince her–she’s my goddamned wife!”

         “Don’t raise your voice to me, Evan. She’s my daughter too, and I’m going to protect her. Don’t call back or I’ll get a restraining order.”

         “Randy, listen...” But it was no good. No one was there.

         Evan dropped the receiver in the cradle. For just a moment he stood at the edge of sanity’s cliff looking into an abyss so black it appeared solid, so deep he knew he’d never reach the bottom, thinking about jumping. Then the phone rang.

         “Hello?” Evan breathed into the mouthpiece.

         “Hey Evan.”

         “Shannon, uh, what’s going on? Do we have another case?”

         “No. Barry forgot your card, so I grabbed it. I thought I’d give you a call since you said you were bored, I hope that’s okay. You weren’t asleep or anything, were you?”

         “No, I can’t go right to bed after getting called in. I need a couple hours to relax.”

         “I wish I could relax.”

         “What’s wrong?”

         “My car died. I’m waiting for a cab.”

         “You want me to give you a ride? I mean, it’d be silly to spend money on a taxi when
I’m not doing anything; plus I’m only a half hour away.”

         “Really? Oh Evan, that’d be great. I’ll be in front of the hospital, okay?”

         When he pulled up to the hospital he saw Shannon standing on the sidewalk, a white tank-top shirt stretched across her saline-filled chest, and the cool night air drawing her nipples out against the fabric. Pink running shorts hung a scant two inches down her leg revealing sculpted thighs persistently tanned under ultra-violet lights. Her chemically-blonde hair was pulled back in a loose pony-tail framing a smooth face, thick lips, and those emerald eyes. Evan felt his prostate flutter as he leaned across the passenger-seat and opened the door.

         “Hi. Thank you so much for the ride,” Shannon said, slipping into the seat, her shorts pulling even farther up her leg. “The dispatcher said it was going to be forty dollars for cab fare, can you believe that?”

         Evan tried to catch a glimpse of the lower curve of her left buttock as she spoke.

         “And I only live downtown on Charles Street. Cab fares have gotten crazy with these high gas prices,” she said and pulled the seat-belt over her shoulder, cinching it down between her breasts.

         “Well relax,” Evan said with a smile. “I’m only going to charge you half that.”

         “What I’m giving you when we get to my place is worth more than forty dollars,” she said, taking the smile from his face, the words from his lips, the breath from his lungs.

         “You mind?” she asked, pointing to the car stereo, then turned it on and dialed in the oldies station without awaiting his response; she knew one wasn’t coming.

         The commercial ended and within two beats, Shannon was turning the volume louder.

All this time,

I’ve been building my castle of love.

Just for two,

though you never knew you were my reason.

         “Don’t you just love Stevie Wonder?” she said.

         “Yeah,” Evan replied, used to anyway.

         He remembered ten years ago when he and Mia were laying on the bed, newlyweds in their small apartment, the down comforter rumpled at their feet, a thin sheet pasted to the exhausted and sweaty lovers. A radio played softy in the background at Mia’s request.

         “We’re building our castle of love,” she said as her fingertips traced the strip of hair below his navel, his skin jumping with each pass.

         “Huh?”

         “Are you listening?” she asked.

         “Sorry, that tickles.”

         “Listen to the words of the song, Evan. He’s singing about us.”

And though you don’t believe that they do,

they do come true.

For did my dreams,

come true when I looked at you.

         “That’s us,” Mia said resting her head on his bare chest. “My dreams have come true.”

         That was us, Evan thought, but now that song was just words, noise, vibrations traveling across his inner-ear. His dreams had become nightmares and now he found himself on the precipice of disaster. What am I doing? he thought. What I had with Mia isn’t going to be found in my passenger seat at a quarter-to-six in the morning. What I had with Mia isn’t going to be found anywhere other than with Mia.

         “The brown and green one on the left is mine,” Shannon said.

         It was as Evan suspected, a house in an endless series of houses whose only distinguishing characteristic was the color of paint on their facades.

         “I wouldn’t leave it running while we’re inside,” Shannon said. “This is a pretty good neighborhood, but we’re still in Baltimore. Plus, I was hoping you’d take your time in there.” Her knees came apart about three inches, just enough to get his attention and convey her meaning.

         “Sorry, Shannon, but I really have to run,” Evan said. “Thanks for the invitation though.”

         Now it was her turn to have her smile taken from her face and her breath evaporated from her lungs. “Oh, okay. Well, thanks for the ride but not much else,” she said and threw the door open.

         The sun was just starting to break over the horizon when Evan saw the dirty orange sedan blocking his garage. A rail-thin man sat the driver’s seat puffing repeatedly on the remnants of a stubby cigarette.

         “What’s going on, buddy?” Evan asked as he approached the taxi.

         “Waitin’ for da lady,” the man said with a Nigerian accent so thick the words of his
second language struggled to form in his mouth.

         “What lady?”

         “The lady I brought.”

         “Describe her for me.”

         “White lady, brown hair, pretty.”

         “That’s my wife. I’ll take her to the airport, what’s she owe you?” Evan said.

         “Twen-tree dolla.”

         A ribbon of smoke caught Evan in the face. He stood, eyes burning, and pulled a fifty-dollar bill from his wallet.

         Mia was stuffing clothes into a suitcase which lay open on the bed when Evan walked into the master bedroom.

         “Can’t we talk about this?” he said.

         She continued packing, unwilling to look up at him as she spoke. “I know you saw the cab in the driveway, and you know his meter’s running.”

         “Not anymore.”

         She looked up at him. “What are you saying, Evan?” A strand of hair fell over her left eye and she brushed it behind her ear. “What did you do? Did you let him go?”

         “I’ll take you to the airport when we’re done talking. I promise.”

         She dumped out the suitcase on the bed, then began neatly folding and stacking the
clothes back in the bag. “There’s nothing to talk about, Evan. I’m all talked out.”

         “What do you mean talked out? We haven’t discussed anything.”

         “That’s exactly the problem, Evan. You don’t listen.”

         “You haven’t told me anything, so how can you just pack your clothes and leave?”

         “I’ve been telling you how unhappy I’ve been for at least a year, now. You’re always too busy to hear me. I’ve been telling you how I hate eating dinner by myself, how I hate going to bed alone, waking up in the morning with you not there.”

         “And I keep telling you that this house, your car, your art classes,”

         “I’m done talking, Evan.”

         “They all cost money.”

         “I said I’m done.”

         “Long hours and late nights are what my job is all about, Mia. You know that.”

         “Yes, I do know that, and that’s why I’m leaving.”

         “Because I work late?”

         “Quit trying to simplify this, Evan. I married you, not your job.” She zipped the suitcase closed and dragged it off the bed. “Let’s go,” she said, lurching toward the door.

         “Hold on,” Evan said with his hands up. “I’m sorry things got out of hand. I don’t want to fight with you, I just want to see if there’s something I can do to make this better. Moving to Reno is a big step. I hoped our problems could be resolved with you still in Maryland.”

         “Evan, you’re not going to change. I’m not mad anymore; you are who you are. I thought once you reached a predetermined monetary goal, or won some sales award, you’d settle down and become a family man. I was wrong, and that’s my fault. I’m disappointed because I feel like I should’ve known better than to hope you’d change for me. I’m not mad at you Evan, just myself.”

         “Please don’t go, Mia. I promise things will be different from now on.”

         “How. When your doctors call, you’ll still leave; no matter what time it is, no matter what we’re doing. That’s what you’ve always done.”

         “I’ll start letting some cases go uncovered. In fact, I’ll hire an assistant to help cover some of the work. I don’t want everything you and I have worked so hard for to be thrown away because of my stupidity. I don’t want you to get on that plane, Mia, because if you do, I know I’ll never see you again.”

         “Why should I believe you this time?”

         “I’ve finally realized what’s really important in life.”

         “And what’s that?”

         “You.”

         “Come on, Evan. What happened? Really. People don’t just make such a drastic,”

         “Hold on,” Evan said and pulled his pager from his belt.

         “Let me guess,” Mia said with sarcasm running down her chin.

         He quickly dialed the telephone. “Hello,” he said. “This is Evan Kane, with Summit Orthopaedics, I was paged.”

         Mia dragged her suitcase down the hall and out the front door. When she reached the car she leaned the bag against the rear bumper and waited, her eyes red from a night of crying and no sleep, while Evan talked to one of his many customers. She guessed they’d be red for several more days before all this was behind her.

         Evan appeared in the doorway. “Doctor Hammond has a total hip replacement at eight o’clock,” he said looking at his wristwatch. “An hour and a half from now.”

         “You should have plenty of time to drop me off at the airport on your way to the hospital. Just help me get my bag in the trunk please.”

         “I told him he’d have to get through it without me,” Evan said

         “I’m sorry?”

         “I told him that my wife and I had plans.”

         “Is that supposed to make everything better? Am I supposed to forget that this has gone on for the better part of our marriage? Am I supposed to believe that this is a new you? Sorry Evan, I’m not that nieve anymore.”

         “And I’m not that stupid anymore. Like I said before, I know what’s important now. Money, this house, that car, it all means nothing if you get on that plane. I only wanted to give you a good life, and I’ve failed at that. But give me another chance and things’ll be better, I promise. I’ll help you with your bag if you want, but I’d rather take it inside and unpack it.”

         Evan crossed the driveway and stood in front of her. “I mean it, Mia. I had an awakening. This experience showed me where I was going wrong.”

         Evan held up the pager. “And this was a big part of the problem.” He threw it into the street where it exploded into hundreds of tiny plastic pieces. He took the handle of her suitcase in his left hand, her hand in his right, and they started for the house. The process of healing his marriage would be long he knew, though it was a journey he was happy to begin.