"Til Death Do Us Part"

'Til Death Do Us Part'

         Those are the most painful words I have ever had to say. Death, is forever and so real. Divorce is too close to death. You feel the same way about both. You love, hate, cry, laugh, and you want all of your emotions to go away for good. To be fully numb towards everything and one.

         For some, it is a matter of months or years, others never get over love. You find the nights are colder and longer. You find the days with out end. You put on a "game face" for friends and family, but all you want to do is run and hide. If I had to hear, "it will be alright", one more time, I may rip that persons head off. At the time, it only seems that bad!

         For some, love may find them again and others get lost in a vast sea of endless dates and one night stands. It is tough to get back in the saddle of life, after a divorce. For one, all wanted is to be loved and cared for. Is that such a hard order to fill? I think not!

         When you find someone to spend time with, is it the soul mate you thought you had before? Or just another casulity in the dating wars? Will it be the one to restore all of your hopes and dreams, or someone to put your hearts back on the shelf forever? How does one person find the other in life? How does one know? Does it sneak up on you, or does it stand in front of you, face to face?

         Meeting someone new, oh boy!! First, you try to get a feel for this new person that wants to spend time with you. A few e-mails, phone calls, and a meeting here and there. You find yourself this question, where and why is this going? A few more times together, you maybe start to get a little more comfortable, a little more close. But it still leaves you wondering, could this person be the "one"? Of course you do, it is a part of being human nature to wonder. If you stop and think, you wonder all through life.

         Then you think, are we right for each other? What can both of us bring to a relationship, that we haven't tried in the past? What is really "right" for one person, is it right for everyone else? You have to have a friendship. You have to want to be with one another, sometimes at all costs! You have to spend time and energy with the other to know how they feel. I say it is in the eyes, I can look into the eyes and know what they are feeling. There is happiness, sorrow, love, pain, and sadness in your eyes. If you feel it, it will show. For me, my eyes sparkle and shine when I am the happiest, and they are dark and clouded, when feeling pain and sadness.

         For now, I am happy with my life. There has been alot of hurting and heartache in the last two years. I have found good healthy ways of dealing with those pains. The pain of my father dying, will never leave me. But today, I am a wiser, healthier, growing person, I can manage it! I have grown oh so much, just in the last year. I have dealt with those obstacles and taken some blows. I have learned to stop and play with my children. I have also learned, I can't control everything and everybody. I can only control me!!!

         I have found my one true love now. And I thank God for him each and everyday. He has helped me so very much, to grow, love and learn. Kactus has brought me back to my faith, now I read my Bible and pray each day and night, and I thank him so much for that. We complete each other, we give to the relationship, what we have been missing all of our lives. Our relationship isn't perfect by all means, I don't think any one has a "perfect" relationship. We have our ups and downs, we learn from them, and overcome. We love and live every moment and every day for each other!

I love you, Kactus, oh so very much and this is for you!

Silk