Why do i deserve to cry?

Hi my name is Sampson and…. I hate to cry... I really do but for this story that i hate to tell so much because i cant stop my self from crying after wards must be told. it is the only way i can really tell this story, the story of my love that I hope to find one day, in my sleep or in the beautiful flesh that he was.

The story has changed over the years and I have forgotten the exact date, but I know it was in October 1940‘s. It was late in the fall, the leaves have fallen and fog has covered the ground. I was in a old shabby boarding school for boys thirteen through nineteen. It was red brick and pretty small but a good home. A home for me because of the war that had took my parents and brother. I did not have many friends there actually I only had one, his name was Derek. I have grown attached to Derek in the past year that I have been here, he was my bunk mate, there was two boys dorms, each that had fourteen bunk beds that could hold two in each bed.

Derek, he was like a big brother to me. I knew that he loved me like a brother too and I cherished it… I cherished every bit of and would not trade it back for any thing in the world. I knew that he loved me like a brother because of how he protected me from right and wrong, and every thing else in between. And I do wish that I could just spend one more day even for a brief minute in his company. To tell him how I really felt and how he had really changed my life.

A war was being fought in the streets of my town, solders walked up and down the streets parading how superior and powerful they were. a lot of them kept to them selves and left the children alone. Like the American solders, but others like the German soldiers left no one alone, killing innocents and leaving families separated.

On the night that had sparked the beginning of my journey alone I remember so clearly so vividly and so perfect I can relive it in my mind over and over again causing more and more pain to me. I had only been Thirteen at the time still a boy and still scared to be in a new place, scared of sleeping in a new bed. A violant lightning storm had been passing by and I could not sleep. I lay in my bed clutching my pillow and sobbing, like a little baby I was crying because I was scared. More scared than I had ever been in my whole life. And for a long time I needed some one to hold on to and to comfort me. Slowly climbing out of bed I crawled up to Derek’s bunk and silently crawled into his bed, and when I got in I laid my head on his extra pillow and faced away from him and laid there back to back.

“what are you doing?” Derek whispered “you do have your own bed you know.”

Still with slight sobbing noises I replied “I…I….I cant sleep.”

“ ohh.” a brief moment of silence fell upon me and him until he turned around and put his arms around me “well then stay here as long as you like.” and as he said that he gave me a soft and gentle kiss on my forehead and held me until I fell asleep. Falling asleep did not take me long to do at all, I was in the loving arms of a friend and that’s all I needed and I so wish that I would have cherished for a longer time.

Hours went by but the storm ragged on, I was awoken by the sound of a brick going through the window and hearing Derek’s hurried voice

“Sampson get up, come on get up we have to get going now!”

As I awoke I heard more and more things, every thing started to become clear to me, solders were coming into the school and either taking hostages or killing innocents.

“Come on Sampson get your ass moving!” I heard Derek say again.

He literally dragged me out of bed and onto the ground, the sounds of solders stomping and yelling could be heard. The sounds of them trying to break down the doors, and trying to break the windows.

“Come on fallow me.” Derek had again said and this time grabbed my hand and pulled me in his direction.

He led me to the door at the end of the dormitory and then we took a right down towards the kitchen and then a left to the main dining hall and then another right down a short corridor that led to the back door where we would exit to the playground. As soon as Derek put his hand on the door knob it was kicked open by a german soldier.

“you there boy where are you going do you think that im going to let your sins go unpunished?” and at that poin t the german soldier lifted his ruger and pointed it at us.

Firmly grabbing my hand again Derek led me back down the corridor, hearing four gunshots behind me and then hearing four bullets pass by my head I was thankful for that germans poor aim. Derek led me back the way we had came. We ran and ran as fast as we both could and we could here the german soldier behind us. we ended up going into the kitchen and then into a small pantry at the back corner of the kitchen. There was a small window up at the top of the pantry big enough for me and Derek to get through. Derek had tried to board off the door so that the soldier could not get in and we both knew that I would not hold him for long.

Derek looked at me and said in a very low tone and sereous voice “Sampson I want you to climb up there and run. Run as fast as you can and you get out of this place you hear me?”

I slowly nodded my head up and down. He gave me a big hug and told me on last time in a small boyish tone “I love you Sammy and don’t you EVER forget it.” then we heard it, the sound of the German soldier trying to get in the pantry. Derek rushed to the door and held it there and looked at me and screamed “GO SAMPSON GO!”

so I did I abandoned the last person that I loved for my own safety I reached the window and jumped out. I landed hard on the ground next to the wall and heard over the thunder of the lighting a fight break out between the Soldier and Derek, and then three gunshots. At that moment I ran.. I ran as fast and as far as I could, through the streets and into the woods I ran and when I was finally away from every body I sat underneath a tree , folded my arms over my eyes and cried… I cried again because of god who had to be so jealous of my brief moment of happiness, he had to take away the last person that I loved, why don’t I deserve love I thought in the back of my mind, why do I only deserve to cry…

I know deep in my heart that Derek loved me, like a friend, like a brother, and like a father. So I live on and tell my story that is so filled with my pain and sorrow just so I can remember my time with Derek.