Alice In

its so disheartening
to have your feelings created by a capsule
a tiny oblong shape
that will change your whole outlook on life
right when you are in the middle
of a beautiful, terrible bout of madness
and you can’t breathe because it hurts so much
right when you feel your whole body heaving
with buried emotions that begin to spill out
you step back
and you can’t get any farther
for what took you over the edge before is gone now
in its place some sort of equilibrium that’s not quite as sufficient
it leaves some sort of void
some obstruction you cant get around
no matter how you feel yourself careening out of control
and you crave that sudden rush of feeling
that quick release
and then calm waters
the waters barely ripple
and you can’t comprehend why you cant get the satisfaction
that you used to have without the malevolent tablet
that steals away your passion
and wonderful crash and burn
so all you are left with
is a feeling of incompleteness
never quite one way or the other
but to them
you are better
and teetering back and forth on the edge
never off or on
seems to resemble a better way to live.