Plain Brown Wrapper

Plain Brown Wrapper


I was ten when I discovered where my dad hid his Playboy magazines. I knew that something interesting had to be inside those plain brown wrappers, because when they came, my mother always put it on top of the dresser in their room immediately. One day when my brother was babysitting and had told me for the thousandth time to find something to do and quit bothering him, I snuck up to my parent's room to look around.

There was always lots of really neat stuff to paw through up in their room. My mother's dresser was a treasure trove of jewelry and pretty glass boxes. I found out where the tooth-fairy put all my lost teeth that way and where all my Mother's Day gifts disappeared to. Mom hid Christmas presents in her bottom drawer underneath Great-grandmothers needlepoint tablecloths.

That day, I decided to poke around in Dad's dresser, even though there was nothing more exciting than fly-hooks or spare change usually. I found nothing exciting until I got to his bottom drawer. There, under neatly folded underwear, was a stack of Playboy magazines!

I carefully pulled one out and opened it! Wow! That's what I'd look like when I got older? We got hair down there? Neat! I put that one back since it was the most recent one and dug down deeper. I pulled out May 1964 and slid it down my pants and under my shirt. I quietly closed the drawer and stealthily crept downstairs to my room where I hid it under my mattress to look at later that night.

I couldn't wait to be told it was 'time for bed' that night. My dad looked so disappointed when I told him he didn't need to read me the next chapter of King Arthur, that I told him okay, he could read to me after all. I know I squirmed around a lot while he read it to me. Just about underneath where Dad was sitting was the hidden magazine. I hoped it wouldn't rustle or anything. Could he feel the lump it made?
I was so glad when he finally kissed me goodnight! All I had to do then was wait until after they checked on me to be sure I was asleep and then I could look at it. I didn't even want to contemplate what would happen if I got caught. Dead. I'd be dead for sure!

After what seemed like hours, I lit the flashlight and retrieved the Playboy from its hiding place. First I devoured all the pictures. Someday I would finally get something on top and look like Miss May. It had her measurements, 36-24-36. Perfect measurements the magazine said. I remember Lauren Kowalski and I measuring ourselves the last time she slept over. 36? Try 26! Oh well. Soon...soon.

Then I read every word from cover to cover. I didn't get most of the jokes but I got the idea that love and sex were the same thing which seemed strange, but what did I know?

In a section called the 'Playboy Advisor' there were a lot of letters about erections and orgasms. I'd have to ask Lauren about those. I didn't know what they were except that guys got one and girls got the other and I guessed they both felt pretty good. Maybe better even than when Gary Westfield kissed me. The cartoons showed guys naked and something big sticking out in front of them. I'd have to ask Lauren about that too. She had lots of little brothers and I only had a big brother who hit me when I tried to sneak in on him when he was in the shower.

The next time Lauren slept over, we managed to sneak three more Playboys out of my Dad's underwear drawer. All night long we looked and giggled and wondered and read. That night we figured out what orgasms were and how to have one. This was even better than looking at the magazines and now Lauren and I had discovered something of Great Importance that we decided had to be kept a Major Secret.

By this time I knew that the newest Playboy would arrive on the 12th or 13th of every month and could hardly wait to see the next one. I decided that when I grew boobs that I'd have big ones, but not really big ones because they sort of hung there looking heavy. I also decided I wanted a tiny waist and that I would grow my hair really long. I also wished I didn't have to wear glasses because the centerfolds never wore glasses. I couldn't go too long without them though because everything was blurry. I liked looking at myself in the mirror without them though, because when I squinted and posed, I looked like the models, sort of, only flatter. It helped the imagination not to be able to see myself clearly.

That Christmas my Grandfather gave me my first set of lingerie. How embarrassing to open it in front of everyone and pull out a bra. A scarlet red one at that! Secretly I loved it, but not in front of people! The set included a bra, panties and a slip...all the same glorious red! Later that afternoon I brought it into my room where I could really check it over. Size 36C. Perfect. Well, not for now of course, but for when I was ready.

I tried it on and stuffed socks into the bra part. When I took my glasses off and looked in the mirror, I looked just like Miss December! With my glasses on, of course, I looked like a 10 year old with socks stuffed in a bra that was miles too big. Did I dare wear it to school? I could look just like Amy Truevey. I mean, hers were real. At least I didn't think she stuffed herself with socks, but then...well anyway, I didn't have the guts so it didn't matter. Besides, I'd never get past Mom.

Lauren got a bra that Christmas too. Only hers was a training bra that she could wear right away even though she didn't have hardly anything yet. I asked her why it was called a training bra, but she didn't know either and that sort of question wasn't one that Playboy was likely to answer.

That summer I committed a fatal error that drove me crazy all summer. I left for two months of summer camp without putting all the Playboys that were under my mattress back in Dad's underwear drawer! There had to be at least five of them there. What if Mom cleaned my room and turned the mattress over? For that matter, she couldn't hardly change the sheets and not notice! I knew I'd be grounded for life when I got home.

The end of camp arrived. I couldn't wait to get home and show Lauren what had grown during the summer, but I was scared of how much trouble I was in. Nothing in any letter ever suggested anything, but I knew they had to know.
First thing I did when I got home was check my room. Clean. Uh-oh. Soon as I could I checked under the mattress. Nothing. Uh-oh twice over. Yet no one said a word. First chance I got I checked Dad's underwear drawer. Nothing. Darn.

Never did find out where Dad hid them after that. My brother told me that he was mad at me because it was all my fault that Dad moved them and now he couldn't look at them either. He'd found them too? That sneak!