Shudder

Shudder
In the cold I walk
Alone
I prefer the cold
My hands are numb,
My face is red
Streaked with blood-hot tears
If I keep walking,
The chill will make everything go away
I want to cleanse my soul
Of the deep and dark secrets and thoughts that
Haunt
My mind everyday
I want it to go away
Some part of me longs for the sweet scent of spring
But it always seems so distant
For no amount of laughter, or of love,
Can truly end the pain.
I am afraid
I breathe in deeply, hoping that my lungs will explode
And that I will die quickly,
Not slowly, my life stagnating, freezing into place
I wanted freedom, to fly,
To truly live
But I haven’t found it
My demons I cant escape
The darkness of the setting sun invokes
in me a quiet and empty chill
there is no one else around
no one else to break through the ice that has
held me trapped for so long.
the snow blows eerily across the field
that is covered only with deadened branches
and I long for a sense of life,
of life other than myself.
I can end everything, if I truly wanted to
But yet I hold out for the thaw
For the blossom of a new day,
A new hope
It must come soon,
I have tried to pretend,
But the weight of it all
Is crushing my soul, freezing it until
It is so brittle, a simple touch will break it,
Smash it into small pieces of ice,
Cutting those upon which my shadow has fallen.