In a Heartbeat

Bill had no reason to do what he did, and he knew it. He had nothing to complain about. He really did have an ideal life. He could not possibly have imagined things working out for him better than they did when he chose to be a business major on the down side of his freshman year. When he took this job, he couldn't have seen himself rising up so fast through the company. He started work with a cubicle and meager $30k stipend but in thirteen years found himself boasting a large window office and a six-figure income.

He needed it, too, because he and his wife, Amanda, had four kids already with another on the way and they would not be finished there. The kids meant everything to both of them. God, they were gorgeous. Brad and Alex were twins, almost identical except for that freckle beneath Brad's left eye. Only eight years old, they had already starred together in four different television commercials. Alecia was the athlete. She played soccer and baseball in the boys' leagues – and she was better than most of them. Tommy was their baby. Four years old and he could already read the Cat in the Hat by himself. They were the ideal American family.

So Bill sat, staring blankly down at his desk, trying to find a reason, any justification for what he did. He knew there was none, but for the sake of his self-respect he had to find one. He had planned on telling Amanda, he only had to find the right words. He laughed to himself. It's funny how easy it is to cheat but so hard to admit you've done it. It was made easy for him though when the other woman's husband called the house that morning and spoke to Amanda.

"The sex wasn't even that good," was the only thing he could manage to say. It hadn't even occurred to him to say that he was sorry.

The two sat in silence at the breakfast table for what seemed like an eternity. Amanda let the steady stream of tears do her talking. To Bill, words seemed worthless. He couldn't explain how sorry he felt and any attempt would be in vain. He just didn't know the words.

Bill couldn't take it anymore. He kissed his wife on the forehead. "I have to get going. I'll be late."

As he walked out the door, Amanda finally spoke. "I trusted you."

He continued out the door, unwilling to let Amanda see his own tears streaming down his face.


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His secretary walked in. "Sir, your wife is on line one."

He picked up the receiver and pressed it against his ear. "Hello."

"Hi."

Neither spoke for a few moments before Bill began the apology he'd recited over and over again on the drive to work this morning. "Look, I know it's got to—"

"Honey, you don't need to say anything. I don't want to even know who the other girl was. I think I'm just as guilty here as you. Maybe I just haven't been as affectionate as I should have been lately. I don't know. I had to have--"

"No. Don't think that. I screwed up and I know it. It had nothing to do with what you'd been doing wrong or hadn't been. This is all on my shoulders. I'm ready to take the blame for this. If you never wanted to see me again, I would understand."

"NO! I love you more than anything and this doesn't change that. I will always love you. What we have is stronger than that...I thought..."

Bill started crying again. "Baby...Baby I'm so sorry for everything."

"Me too."

Nobody spoke again for a minute.

"Hey, when you come home today," Amanda said, "let's just start this whole thing over. We can pretend it never happened. Everybody's allowed a mulligan, right?"

Bill laughed and wiped his eyes. "Yeah...yeah I suppose so. I'd like that—"

Something outside the Manhattan skyscraper's windows claimed Bill's attention. His eyes widened.

"Baby I love you. I'm sorry for anything I've ever done to make you think otherwise."

There was a loud bang and the phone went dead. Amanda pushed the hook up and down frantically. "Hello? HELLO?" No answer.

She put the phone on the hook and sat down again in silence. The only sound in the house was the television. She heard it from the other room.

"One of the World Trade Center towers was struck moments ago by what is believed to be a commercial airliner..."