Trip N Slip

" Good morning Mr Foster, how can I help you?" Martin said as he welcomed his first new client of the day. He smiled as he listened to Frank Fosters account of how he had come to trip and badly graze his knee, but inside he was groaning.
" It was the shopping mall's fault, they should have removed that bolt as soon as them yobs tore the litter bin from it's fittings," said the fortuitous Mr Foster.
" Right well let me go through our procedure with you," said Martin as he attempted to explain what would happen next .
" So do you think I have a case then?" asked Mr Foster when Martin had finished going through his firms procedure.
" Well we will be getting in touch with you, possibly to arrange a further interview," Martin said, "can we contact you at your place of work?"
" Yes any time the number is on my claim form, I hope to hear from you soon then."
Martin stood and shook Mr Fosters hand, then waved him towards the door. Another claim for the Trip N Slip file he sighed inwardly.
He thought back to a time when he had been happy with his position at Bradshaw and Mitchell. That was when he was married to Catriona, Mitchell's only daughter. Medical negligence claims came his way regularly then, but since his divorce, he had been relegated to Trip n Slip.
Memories of that fateful day came flooding back. He had come home early intending to surprise Cat, he did. He had never intended to surprise Jeremy, as well, though. Jeremy was an affable sort and was not in the least put out by Martin's intrusion into his afternoon delectation. That was two years ago and most medical negligence claims, at Bradshaw and Mitchell, now landed on Jeremy's desk.
His next client of the day was Mr Gregory, who had dislocated his shoulder when falling of a bar stool in the Cock and Cucumber. Apparently he had only imbibed five pints of the amber nectar, before said stool had collapsed.
" Bad workmanship, probably made in Hong Kong," said the extremely overweight Mr Gregory.
Once again he took details, explained procedure and played down his client's hopes of becoming a millionaire.
Mr Gregory stood up and said " Got to rush I have a luncheon appointment," A liquid lunch I shouldn't wonder, Martin thought to himself.
Lucinda popped her head round his door, " I'll have to take a raincheck on our lunch date," she said. " Something's come up on the Industrial scene. " I should be back before five. Bye-ee. "
*
Martin sat in " Sandies Sarnie Bar " where the food was about as inspiring as it's name. He could have gone to the Wig and Gavel or the Dum Sin but the thought of all those sweaty briefs with their inane chatter had made him plump for limp lettuce and stale cheese on wholemeal cardboard. He needed time to think. Should he give up his job and pursue his dream of becoming a writer of crime novels or, should he be even more practical and take that job stacking shelves at Sainsbury's. Decision's, decision's.
Lucinda was probably out there now up to her swan-like neck in the finer details of an Industrial explosion, which had resulted in twenty deaths and numerous loss of limbs. At this moment in time he would have given his right arm for a "Loss of Limb".
Lucinda was everything that Catriona was not. Not over ambitious, just enough to progress without resorting to the Q.C's couch and loyal almost to a fault. She was not outwardly beautiful but, her inner beauty consumed him with a passion. If he had to choose between ambitious lust and loyal passion, the latter would win every time.
" That will be £6.99 sir," said the waitress with the skimpy t-shirt, short skirt and three inch mules. He handed her a Ten Pound note.
" Keep the change," he said. By the state of her underwear she looked as though she could do with some heavy tipping.
That afternoon he had just one interview. Miss Deborah Keane.
*
" Ah come in miss Keane, take a seat," Martin said, motioning towards the chair on the opposite side of his desk.
" Call me Debbie," she said.
Miss Keane, a tall blonde with silicone implants, was prone to wearing tight short skirts and five inch stiletto heels. She had been walking in the Memorial Gardens when she had tripped over an empty soft drinks can that she had failed to notice. Well she wouldn't would she? Not with those Melons
As he was taking down her details he couldn't help noticing, that as she crossed her legs, her skirt rode up to a level that was quite inappropriate for a solicitor's office. Lime green underwear, Catriona used to wear lime green, which was also inappropriate, for somebody involved in Corporate Law. She and Debbie would have got on remarkably well. They both being professional women, in a manner of speaking.
This particular interview took longer than the previous two put together. Partly because Debbie tried to negotiate a "Goods for Services," deal, with the accent heavy on the "vices." He was just about to press the panic button, under his desk, which would have set off the fire alarm (an old estate agents trick), when Lucinda returned.
" So that is what you get up to whilst I'm away, " she said, when Debbie had gone.
" Judge Jeffries save me from tarts of gold," he said, " strewth I need a stiff drink after all that."
" I can't help you with the first one, you're past redemption, but you'll find the second stored under W," she said.
Martin went the filing cabinet and took out the bottle of Glenmorangie which was nearly empty. It had been a bad week. He took two glasses from the cupboard and handed the cracked one to Lucinda.
" Here's to drunks and floozies long may they tumble, " said Martin. Lucinda had heard that one before. Many times.
" Did you see that revolting child in the outer office," she asked when they had both finished their drink.
" That must have been Miss Keane's little brat, I understand that the local school are refusing to take him, " Martin said, " I think Malcolm is representing her on that one."
" Ah yes Malcolm and Debbie's briefs are old friends," said Lucinda with that, " I know something you don't," look on her face.
" That explains it," she said suddenly.
" Explains what?"
" Well when I came into the office, he asked me, " how much darlin?" she said. " I thought he was offering me a bite of the banana which he was eating at the time, when what he really wanted was to get into my briefs."
" Well I hope he put the skin in the bin, I've had enough trip and slip for one day, " said Malcolm.
Just then the 'phone rang. It was Angus. Angus Mackenzie was a partner in Mackenzie and Brown in Edinburgh. Martin had been in contact with him, recently, about his need to move north of the border. He was glad that Lucinda had been sympathetic when he had discussed this with her.
" Martin my dear boy," he boomed. sounding more like an actor than a Solicitor. " I have some good news, I think I've found a place for you here. Do you think you could be with us tomorrow for an interview, " he asked in his best Shakespearian voice. " We need you in our Medical Negligence department."
" Why yes," said Martin, " but I would have to give a month's notice here."
" Of course dear boy, tomorrow is just a formality, we would not be expecting you to start until the fifteenth of next month."
" That would be perfect," said Martin.
" Good see you on the 'morrow then."
As Martin put the 'phone down his mind was racing in formula one time.
" You look like the cat who got the Pelican Brief said Lucinda, " who was that, Ironsides or Perry Mason?"
Martin explained about the call from Mackenzie and Brown.
"Just think I get to see my son every week-end and I don't have to travel four hundred miles to do it," Martin said.
"You will also get to see the adulterous Catriona," Lucinda said jealously.
" Don't worry I was over her a long time ago," he said.
" I'm very glad to hear it," Lucinda said as she walked over to him and slipped her arm through his.
" We must celebrate," she said, " how about you taking a trip under my slip?"
" Perfect end to a lousy day," Martin said as he removed his tie.
###
Martin looked at the claims form. Describing how he came to dislocate his shoulder by tripping over his shoes was easy. However, the difficult part was explaining why, at the time, was he wearing Lucinda's slip?