The Misadventures of Isis

The Misadventures of Isis

Prologue

I hate it when anyone has the nerve to tell me that being different from everyone else is a good thing… it makes me want to punch them in the mouth just for being stupid. I’d like to see how they would react if they had my life!

I should take a second here to explain to you that I am the product of an Elements Goddess and a Day-Walker Vampire. What that means in the grand scheme of things is that any way you look at it… I… am… screwed.

On my mom’s side I have to deal with God’s and Goddesses – including my grandparents - who don’t much care for my father or my mixed blood. But, who feel it’s their given right to interfere in my life whenever they get the urge. (Picture my first boyfriend being struck by lightening two minutes after giving me my first French kiss – on a bright sunny day no less!) Grandpa said his arm slipped… accidentally … yeah right!

And my fathers’ side of the family who are all natural born Vampires, are just as bad. You see, they have a penchant for annoying gods and goddesses and enjoy scaring the hell out of teenage girls’ boyfriends’ just for the laughs. You would think that I wouldn’t have to deal with them during the day but Nooo, vampirism is not as simple as most stories would lead you to believe. Like I said before, my father is a Day-walker so most of his family are day-walkers.

What day-walker and nightwalker means is rather simple really. Day-walker vampires get most of their strength from the sun and nightwalkers get most of their strength from the moon. So they tend to work while their powers are at their highest. Yes, most of them do have real jobs. Both types are protectors of the otherworld – in other words they like putting their noses into other peoples business and telling everyone what they should do. Kind of like blood sucking yenta’s with attitudes. Only, they get paid really well to do it where a real yenta gets zip. Oh, and none of them will explode into dust if night or day touches them (I wish!) so erase that thought from your mind.

Oh, and don’t get me started on how hard it is explaining to friends and acquaintances why everyone in your family looks so youthful and none of them seem to age a bit! There are only so many times you can use the old plastic surgery excuse before even the dumbest friend starts looking at you strangely and avoiding you every chance they get.

As you can probably guess, by the time I was in my teens the only friends I invited over to the house were the ones who had magical blood in their veins too. Can you see how deprived I was? How did they expect me to play nice with the “normal” kids when my concept of normal was so totally skewed?

Lets not even mention, when I liked a “normal” boy from school.

I would have to spend the night with my best friend, who is a shape-shifting werewolf, or sneak out, so that I could see the boy without my family’s interference. Which most of the time didn’t work - and they still interfered. There is nothing like having an uncle or cousin ‘appear’ right beside your date while you are necking in the back row of a movie theater and threaten to disembowel him if he doesn’t remove his tongue from your mouth – real mood killer trying to explain first, where the big scary looking guy with the evil stare came from, and then, why the hell he is looking at your date like he’s the next thing on the menu at an all you can eat buffet!

So by the time I was in my mid-twenties I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to stand on my own – away from my family…far…far…away. The problem is though no matter how far I run; something or someone always seems to catch up to me and cause havoc in my life. The fates would call it my destiny…of course I would tell the fates to take a flying leap, but hey that’s just me. I wouldn’t recommend anyone else trying it though... My aunts can be real bitches when they want to be.

Just lately even my parents have begun spouting off about my destiny - which I have been trying to ignore up to this point - I guess I need to start taking them more seriously though after the trouble that found me this year.

Starting with the day of my 24th birthday, when life once again did a one eighty on me and I had to figure out how to save a goddesses pet monkey, find a home for a ownerless hellhound who got kicked out of hell due to good behavior… of course, and keep a hunky DV (Day-walker Vampire) police detective - who is nothing but trouble - at arms length … all while trying to keep my job as a county coroner so that I can at least pretend that I pay my own way in this world and not rely on my parents money to get me through.

My name is Isis Montgomery and my 24th birthday is where this adventure begins.

Chapter 1 – You Want Me to Do WHAT??

There was a nasty buzzing in my ear that I couldn’t get rid of. I’d already tried shoving the pillow over my head but the damn buzzing still grated its’ way through the fluffy barrier. I even tried popping my ears but that only made it louder. It took me a full ten minutes of attempting to ignore the damnable noise and not succeeding very well before I realized the noise that I was hearing was my alarm clock warning me that I was going to be late for work again if I didn’t get my tired butt up and moving.

I had always thought that birthdays were supposed to be a day of rest. You know, like your get out of work free card? You can sleep as long as you want. Eat and drink as much as you want – and not get fat. Spend as much as you want. Party like there’s no tomorrow and celebrate the day you were born as if it was the best day of the year, which in my case it is… at least in my own mind it is. I was born on Halloween so all that candy is made just for me and all those parties are thrown in my honor…. Oh shut up and just go along with me here.

But, that’s not the case when you are a working girl trying to pay your own way through life so that you won’t be called a trust fund baby.

Trust fund baby! Ha!

The miser that I have guarding my trust fund wouldn’t know a good thing to spend money on if it walked up and kicked him in the head! Let alone make me look like I’m a trust fund baby!

Shamus O’Neal, the leprechaun who guards my trust fund like it was his own money, granted me a birthday gift this year of $1,000 lousy dollars. - That won’t even pay the rent on my house let alone get me a nice piece of jewelry to wear and admire!
It’s a shame that leprechauns are impervious to any magic but their own because otherwise he would have been a toad a long time ago! I think that’s the reason why my parents put him in charge. Because the only thing that can get to a leprechaun is someone stealing his pot of gold.

To steal a leprechauns’ pot and destroy it will kill the leprechaun. Finding said leprechauns’ pot is next to impossible. In fact, the last leprechaun that I know of that lost his pot died more then two hundred years ago…did I forget to mention they are very protective of their money and the money they are put in charge of? No, I’m sure I mentioned it…. stupid leprechaun.

So here I am, on my 24th birthday, stumbling out of bed and into the shower at an ungodly time of the morning just so I can drag myself into the morgue and spend my day with dead people … woo … hoo … par-ty… I hate my life.

After a quick shower and jumping into a pair of old green scrubs, I left my hair in a French braid down my back so that I didn’t have to bother with it. I headed down the hall past my dark frontroom, which boasts a flat screen t.v. and a really comfortable couch bed…. ooh… couch… bed…sleep… - sorry – got side tracked - and straight into my kitchen for my morning wake up: A can of Pepsi and pack of chocolate HoHo’s – the breakfast of champions!

The way I eat you would think I would weigh a ton but I guess I am blessed in that both of my parents are super naturals by birth and their metabolisms, which I inherited from them, are so fast that there is no need to worry about how many calories you eat a day because it all just burns away. In fact I generally stay hungry all day long and tend to eat like a 300-pound truck driver after a ten-hour trip every couple of hours. And I’m still a size six - I know… sick isn’t it? That’s the good thing about having a goddess and a vampire for parents… honestly…have you ever heard of a fat goddess or a fat natural born vampire? It’s genetically impossible. Yeah me!

Anyway, I finished up my breakfast, ok, two packs of HoHo’s, but who’s counting? and popped over to the morgue to begin my shift. Before you ask, no, I don’t own a car. I mean what’s the use? I can generally get where I want to go ten times quicker just by teleporting there. It sure beats looking for a parking space or driving in rush hour to get where I need to go and I’m usually on time for work this way too. It also works great when I’m out shopping. Because once I pay for what I want I just ‘port it back to my house and continue shopping without carrying packages. Neat huh?

I followed the hospital’s basement corridor from the cafeteria down to the left where the county morgue is housed. I find it amusing that the cafeteria is so close to the morgue and the smell of hospital food floats down our way all day long. It makes for interesting situations when the detectives with homicide come down to observe autopsies. There is nothing like watching a grown man who claims to “have seen it all” turn green when the smell of cooking liver and onions floats in while you have a victims’ chest and stomach sliced open and you are showing them where bullets or stab wounds caused the most damage to the body. It’s a good thing the morgue boasts its’ own restroom or the janitorial staff would be kept very busy with clean up.

Once inside the morgue doors I cut to the left and headed into my office - more like my walk in closet - and checked my desk and phone for any messages. Since I share my desk with two other coroners, Jack Rodgers and Beth Brody, we all will write each other notes and check each others messages so that everyone stays in the loop with what new cases and bodies we are currently housing. Working in a large county, we tend to have a lot of bodies and messages to respond back to on a daily basis.

Beth is the second shift coroner and Jack handles third shift so first shift is left to me. Since the hospital has strict safety rules, Jack being a man, got put into the third shift position so that neither Beth nor I would have to handle the graveyard shift. Since Jack is a Nightwalker there were no complaints by Beth, who is a werewolf and my best friend from high school, or I about the sexism of the work shift setup. Besides, who wants to work graveyard shift anyway? Well, besides Jack?

I bet it hasn’t escaped your notice that I said Jack is a vampire who is also a coroner. Well what better job can you think of for a vampire? Heck, half the coroners in the state are vampires. They have easy access to a great blood supply without raising suspicion, and they are better equipped to say exactly what killed a person then any mere mortal ever could. Because most vampires can just look at a body and ‘see’ what killed the person it makes for easier and more complete autopsies. A vampire can look at a human and see exactly what is ailing them, which is another reason why so many day-walkers are doctors as well – but don’t let the average mortal know that. It will really freak them out. - It’s believed that since vampires have an affinity for blood that anything with blood in it should be an open book to them. This might be the reason some vampires are homicide detectives as well because they have a leg up on the mortals because they can “see” what killed the victim. Just like werewolves make better Narcotics and White Collar crime detectives because their heightened sense of smell allow them to track better and smell when someone is on drugs, scared, or lying. Makes sense to me.

Usually when I come into work in the morning Jack is still on duty and we overlap shifts by a couple of hours and I am able to get any updates directly from him. Just like I do for Beth in the afternoons. But this morning he had to leave early to appear in court to testify about an autopsy he had performed a month ago on a homicide case currently going to trial this week. So he had ended up leaving me a list of phone messages and a scribbled note about a Jane Doe brought in earlier in the morning and a chocolate cupcake with a candle and fake vampire teeth with candy blood on top with a happy birthday sign propped up against it. Halloween birthday humor from a vampire… How original.

Smiling slightly and rubbing more sleep out of my eyes I quickly reviewed the Jane Doe file while eating the cupcake. – I was hungry again…. so sue me. – Anyway, Jack had not had a chance to look the body over as an ambulance crew had brought it in just a few minutes before he had had to leave for court. They had placed her in locker 4 and Jack had signed off on the proper paperwork and tossed it on the desk before dissolving and heading over to his place to get showered and changed for court.

Maybe I should say now that vampires cannot teleport from one place to the next like gods and goddesses (and their children-me included) can. They can however, dissolve into mist and get to where they want to go almost as quickly as most gods and goddesses can, they just have to re-materialize which takes a little bit longer. I can do both (thanks mom and dad) but prefer popping to dissolving – it’s a yucky feeling seeping through walls or under doors - I wouldn’t recommend it. Besides, dissolving is for short distances whereas popping will get me anywhere I want to go – did someone say Bahamas for the weekend? The only drawback is that long range travel like that will wear a half god or goddess out and they have to recharge before popping back which usually takes a day or two. But, at least it saves on airfare and rental cars.

Where was I? Oh yeah, back to Jane Doe. Anyway, the file was extremely short. It was one page long in fact. Jane Doe was white, early to mid-twenties, blonde haired, blue eyed, found dead in an alley off of Princess Ann Street downtown near the library. No obvious cause of death. No gunshot wound. No knife wounds. No strangulation marks. Nothing. The detective on duty suspected drugs as the cause of death but by looking at the name of the officer on the scene last night I knew that he was human so the real determination of what killed her would be left up to me to figure out.

Setting the file aside I grabbed my lab coat and shrugged into it then made a pit stop by the tape recorder to place a new tape into it for recording my findings. Then made a beeline to the sink to scrub up and put gloves on before walking over to locker four to retrieve the body for autopsy. Our hospital morgue houses an impressive 65 holding lockers, what most would refer to as meat lockers. It’s where we house bodies until an autopsy has been performed and the body has been released into the custody of family members, more often then not, funeral parlor workers, for burial or cremation. We currently have 22 lockers full but we were hoping to clear out a few this week. Jane Doe made 23.

When I gave a tug on locker fours’ handle it stuck. It never occurred to me that it might have been a sign for me to just forget this particular autopsy and save it for Jack to do tonight. Looking back now I should have made an abrupt U-turn and ran as far and as fast as I could in the other direction. But, no, I had to be stubborn and just yank harder on the handle until it gave, mumbling to myself about getting maintenance to fix the door the next time that I saw them. I swung the door wide until a sheet draped figure could be clearly seen. I grabbed a hold of the sliding table that we refer to as the sled and yanked it out of the locker lining it up with the autopsy table.

I had grabbed onto either side of the bottom plastic sheet by the head of the body and began to slide the body from the sled onto the table when my hands and arms started to tingle. Again, hindsight is really kicking me in the ass right now. Because I just thought to myself that I must have strained my shoulders tugging open the locker door. As soon as the body was completely on the autopsy table I shoved the sled back and slammed the locker door shut mumbling to myself about sticking her in locker seven after I was done.

Grasping a hold of the autopsy table near the feet of Jane Doe I started to shove it over into position below the ceiling mounted mike unit for dictation.

By this time my feet and legs were tingling and the temperature in my body started to rise quickly. Since fast moving colds are not common in my family tree – duh – I started to get an inkling that something was not right about Jane Doe. Yanking back the sheet on the body caused my entire body to shake uncontrollably and I grasped the edge of the table and looked down at a beautiful blond that was glowing a pale yellow color mixed with swirling green and black. Just as I thought I was about to black out a wisp of smoke curled itself from the woman’s mouth and the back of a head started to take shape within the smoke.

I took a big gasping breath, still not able to move my limbs from where they were locked on the floor and clinging to the table as the head slowly began to rotate in my direction. When it came to a halt I was looking into the eyes of one of Nemesis’ generals. Roki.

Roki is one of the vengeance god Nemesis’ top generals. He oversees the handling of extremely important cases as relating to vengeance for gods and goddesses currently in favor with Nemesis. As Roki’s black-eyed stare connected with mine the surprise on both of our faces was quite obvious except there was no recognition in Roki’s eyes as to who I was only that he knew I was other then human. But, still Roki’s vengeance trap which, he should have released the minute he realized that I was no mere human, kept me immobile which was really starting to piss me off. So of course my mouth got away from me and I said in a deadly calm voice.

“Remove your twisted little parlor trick from this body and me before I do something you’ll regret!”

Roki’s startled laugh boomed in the air around the autopsy room before he said in a drawling tone of voice “And just what do you think an inferior little nothing like you can do to a god like me?”

“Maybe you don’t recognize who you have trapped here, but if you don’t release me in the next ten seconds you’re going to find out how much an inferior little thing like me can really do.” I snarled.

“I’ll take my chances.” He said smugly, then, “Where is Molitiki?”

I decided as the shaking in my body began to get worse and my head started to throb that I wasn’t going to play his little game of question torture and did the only thing any self-respecting independent 24 year-old woman would do…

“GRANDPA!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “HELP!!”

I know that sounded really childish of me, but you don’t know who my grandpa is and it appeared neither did Roki. Who snorted and sent a zinging pain directly to my brain that almost buckled my knees. Before demanding again “Where is Molitiki?”

Before I could tell him to do something anatomically impossible, even for a god to do, there was a loud clap of thunder and a brilliant white light that flashed behind and to the left of me and I heard my grandfather’s booming voice say “Release my granddaughter Roki or I will be frying your worthless hide on a spit this evening!”

Roki’s astral projected head and eyes swerved to the left and when he saw who was standing behind me his eyes grew very wide and the pressure that had been keeping me in place immediately disappeared causing me to sag ungainly and clutch at the table.

“Forgive me your highness. I did not know the girl was your granddaughter.”

“That is no excuse for your behavior!” said the deep voice behind me “It is quite obvious that her blood is of goddess born and our laws are very clear on this! No god or goddess born child will be handled in this manner without first approval from the council, of which I am ruler over and I gave no such approval!”

After steadying my shaky legs I turned and took the two steps necessary to step into my grandfathers arms and was enfolded into his warmth and his calmness as he hugged me to him but I still said somewhat crossly “ Just a little bolt up his ass would make me feel SO much better grandpa.” To which Roki winced at hearing and my grandfather promptly laughed and squeezed me tightly to him.

“My sincere apologies your highness. I am only doing what Castiglis has asked of Nemesis. Which is to find Molitiki who is currently missing and presumed kidnapped, by any means possible.” Roki said in a groveling tone of voice.

I should probably mention here that my grandfather is none other then Zeus, the ruler of the Gods and Goddesses, and that he generally dotes on me. So I was hoping he would zap Roki just on general purpose alone, but to no avail.

“When did Molitiki go missing and why did Cas not contact the council regarding this matter?” Zeus demanded.

“The body you see before you is one of Castiglis’ aides. Her name was Riann and she was charged with Molitiki’s care. As you can see she no longer is fulfilling her duties. She was murdered but a short time ago and I was immediately dispatched by Nemesis to guard the body and hopefully catch the perpetrators and get them to lead me to Molitiki so that I may return him to Castiglis.”

I glanced up at my grandfather, who was more then a foot taller then me, then over at the young woman on the table, then at Roki’s floating head before turning back to my grandfather and asking “Who is Molitiki and why would he need a vengeance god to find him? Why not just summon his whereabouts?”

“Molitiki is your great Aunt Cas’ pet monkey.” Her grandfather said.

“Again, Why does he need a vengeance god to find him?”

“Molitiki is not only a pet. He is one of the Life monkeys.” Her grandfather said.

I started to get a bad feeling about where this was heading. “What does a Life monkey do exactly?” I asked.

“He can manipulate the Life and Death of humans within his reach. He is often used by your aunt Atropos, one of the Fates, to see that her will is done.”

“I don’t understand. How is he Aunt Cas’ pet then?”

Roki answered instead of my grandfather. “Castiglis is one of the keepers of Life. She is often called upon to stand sway in life and death situations, to rule for or against. Her pet, Molitiki, is the servant of the decision. He fulfills the sentence.”

“So why kidnap or should I say monkey nap him? What possible benefit is it to the kidnappers?” I asked my grandfather.

“Because Molitiki follows the orders and whims of whoever is in possession of him and because a god cannot summon his whereabouts.”

“Why not?”

“Since he possess the ability to give life and to take it away the Fates decided that all Life animals would be protected from summoning so their whereabouts at any given time would be well guarded.”

“So how was he found and monkey napped this time?” I asked both of them, my head swinging back and forth between the two.

My grandfather shrugged his massive shoulders and looked toward Roki.

“Nemesis believes that someone may have been tracking Riann’s activities and the moment she appeared on earth with Molitiki they were attacked and Molitiki was taken.” Roki said. “It is imperative that we locate him as soon as possible.”

“You are correct Roki.” Zeus said solemnly. Then he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye “And I know just the person to help us locate him.”

I started to get that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that always warned me when I was being drawn into something I really didn’t want to be drawn into. I slowly started to ease my way out of my grandfathers’ arms, shaking my head and making forget it motions with my arms, thinking furiously about how I could deter my grandfather from asking me what I did NOT want him to ask me to do.

“No! Uhn Uh! No way!” I said a little too loudly. I wanted to stomp my foot when I said it too but I caught myself before I did because I knew it would look childish and I was SO not trying to look childish at this moment.

“Yes.” My grandfather said quietly with finality.

I glanced quickly at Roki who was nodding his floating head and grinning widely at my grandfather. “Excellent idea your highness.”

“No. No. No. No!” I shouted. “Why can’t Roki do it?”

“Roki is a minor vengeance god who can only materialize on the human plain to enact vengeance so he is unable to investigate this matter.” Roki nodded his head in agreement.

“Then why is he here right now?” I asked.

“He is not really here. He is only projecting onto the earthly plain and he can do no real harm.”

“No real harm!” I wailed. “What do mean no real harm? Did he or did he not just have me immobilized and in enough pain to yell for you?”

“Yes dear, but he did not and cannot materialize completely unless he comes into the presence of the ones who took Molitiki. Then you will see exactly how much harm a vengeance god can do.” Zeus waved his hands as if in dismissal of the subject. “Now, I think you are the perfect choice to look into the disappearance of Molitiki.”

“No grandpa! I have a job to do as it is and a life to live and I’m only half goddess or hadn’t you noticed?”

“Of course I noticed.” He mumbled something under his breath that I am sure was unflattering to my father then continued, “But, your job is the perfect beginning to the investigation and being half goddess will come in handy for you.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Why, the body sweetheart. The body. You should be able to pick up some clues from Riann’s body that no full god or goddess can do which will lead you in the right direction.” He paused. Gave me a kiss on the forehead, and before I could protest some more said: “Now, I have to run. Your grandmother is waiting for me in Tahiti. We are trying to take a little vacation.”

“I won’t do it grandpa!” I shouted, this time stamping my foot... So, call me a baby…. I dare you to.

“Yes. You will.” He said firmly. “Besides I know of a Harry Winston necklace that would look beautiful on you. If, that is, I am in the right frame of mind to give it to you, otherwise I know a little elf who might enjoy it more.”

“Low blow grandpa.” I said through clenched teeth while my heart pounded out a happy tattoo at the thought of getting the necklace and not having to save for six months to get it.

“ You will get it once you find Molitiki for me. Happy Birthday darling.”

With a loud pop my grandfather disappeared and I turned and glared at Roki’s floating head. “Do you have anything useful to say?” when he just shook his head and smiled a self satisfied smile I said through gritted teeth “Then remove yourself from the body and out of my morgue and leave me the hell alone so I can get some work done!”

Roki smiled and before he popped out of site said “If you need me, and I know you probably will, just yell.”

“Not likely you jerk.” I said under my breath and headed back over to the sink to wash my hands and replace my gloves again before turning around and marching back to Riann’s body to begin the autopsy that I really didn’t want to do. How I was supposed to figure out where a monkey got to by looking at a dead body was beyond me. I think my grandfather gives me entirely too much credit at times.

The only thing Riann’s autopsy gave me was a headache. I could tell she had been as healthy as any other handmaiden to a goddess I had ever seen before. (Like I had examined very many of those in my life!) What her body did convey to me was she had apparently died of a massive heart attack. My extra vampire sense told me the heart just shut down. As if a light switch had been thrown to the off position. So, I concluded the dictation of the autopsy with the findings of heart failure, for the official record, and closed her back up again.

I had placed the sheet back over her body and put her back into locker four because, the door was working fine now that it did not have a pesky god messing with it, and shut the door. But, as I turned to trek back into my office I heard a pop from the locker and I swung around quickly and jerked the door open again to stare in at an empty locker.

“Roki!” I shouted at the ceiling “where the hell did Riann’s body go?”

Roki’s disembodied voice floated out “No supernatural is permitted to remain on the earthly plain once they have gone beyond. It is for our protection, you should know that.”

“What the hell do I say to the detective who will no doubt be stopping in here to view the body and get the autopsy report for his files?” I demanded angrily.

“Tell him the body disappeared after you did the autopsy.” Came the snide reply.

“Ha Ha very funny you jerk!” I yelled.

“Who might you be calling a jerk?” a deep baritone sexy drawling voice asked from behind me.
I whirled around so fast that I lost my balance and had to grab the door handle to locker four to steady myself. Standing in the doorway to the morgue with his left hand propping open the door stood the most gorgeous man I had seen in a long time. He had to stand 6’5”. Seeing as how I am 5’6” and he was at least a full foot taller then me I knew I couldn’t be that far off. An inch either way but not more then that and the man had a body that wouldn’t quit. I mean really, the Rock didn’t have as good a body as this guy and this guy had all his clothes on!

He had long black hair that was so dark it looked like it swallowed the light where he stood and the brightest green eyes I had seen in a long while. Those eyes are what gave him away. There was no human on earth with that intense of a color of green eyes unless they were store bought and I knew his were all natural just by looking at them. So, what was a vampire that I had never met before doing in my morgue asking questions…. What had he asked? Oh, yeah. Who had I called a jerk?

“Um. Hello. Can I help you?” I hoped by not answering the question the question would be forgotten. Wrong.

“Whom were you calling a jerk when I first walked in?” he asked again.

“You answer my question and I’ll answer your question.” I evaded as I slammed the door to locker four again and moved closer to him and the door trying to distract him from looking at the locker.

“I’m Detective Rick Cavanaugh with Homicide and I’m looking for Dr. Rodgers or Dr. Montgomery.” He stepped into the morgue letting the door close softly behind him.

“I’m Dr. Montgomery. What can I do for you detective?” I tried to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

“Nope. It’s your turn. I answered your question now you answer mine.” When he spoke I could hear the nuances of compulsion he was sending toward me trying to get me to answer his question.

I cocked my head to the right and my braid swung forward and draped over my shoulder to my waist. He followed the movement with intent eyes before once again looking me directly in the eyes and trying the compulsion thing again. I grinned and wrinkled my nose up at him.

“So, do you actually think that’s going to work on me?” I asked him.

He sighed and moved closer till he was less then an arms length away from me and I had to tilt my head way back to look up at him. Then he bent forward and sniffed me! I felt my mouth gape open at his audacity! “Did you just smell me?”

“Well it was worth a try.” He said. “You smell … off.”

“Off!” I huffed. “What kind of crack is that? I smell off! Do you mean I stink?” I demanded placing my hands on my hips and glaring up at him.

Puzzlement lit his brilliant eyes and he leaned closer and smelled me again. “You smell neither vampire nor otherworld but rather both vampire and otherworld. Why is that?” he asked.

“None of your business detective. Now, why are you here?”

Shaking his head he straightened up and looked down at me. “Who were you calling a jerk?” he asked again.

“No one!” I threw up my hands then pushed them into the pockets of my lab coat. “I sometimes talk to myself to break up the quiet.”

He acted like he didn’t believe me but I could see by the expression on his face that he thought better of what he was going to say and decided to get back to the business at hand. “I’ve been assigned a possible homicide from last night. The paramedics said the body was brought in this morning. Dr. Rodgers signed the body in and I was told that Dr. Montgomery, you, would probably be doing the autopsy this morning. So I am here to witness it.”

“That’s not possible.” I said.

“Why not?” The intense look was back in his eyes.

“The autopsy is done.”

“Ok. Then I would like to look at the body while you tell me your findings”

“I’ll say it again. That’s not possible.” I said through clenched teeth.

He quirked one black eyebrow at me then his face went very serious and he growled. “Why not?”

I bent my head toward the floor and mumbled. “There’s no body to look at.”

“Where is the body Dr. Montgomery?” The deathly calm way he asked the question made the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end and I took an involuntary step backwards.

“It disappeared. But, I can tell you that she died because her heart stopped.” I said in a rush hoping he wouldn’t notice the beginning of what I said. No such luck.

“Disappeared? What do you mean disappeared?” He asked.

The hell with it! I figured since he was a vampire he would understand what was going on so I told him the truth. “The body was a handmaiden to a goddess and once the body had been examined it was transported to the otherworld for disposal.”

“Disposal! This is an ongoing homicide investigation!” He thundered. “Get that body back right now!”

“I can’t.” I said glaring at his too handsome face and crossed my arms in a protective gesture over my body. I started thinking I should probably get an astrophysical shield ready just incase he decided to go fang face on me.

His green eyes started to glow an even brighter green as he leaned toward me until our noses were almost touching. “That wasn’t a request it was an order.”

I stood up on the tip of my toes and glared right back at him. “I… CAN’T!” I said through clenched teeth.

“Why not?”

“Because a vengeance god took her body. What do you want me to do? Ask nicely for it back?” I said sarcastically.

“Yes, precisely. Ask for it back.” He demanded.

I threw up my hands and tilted my head back and looked at the ceiling and shouted. “Roki! This moron, excuse me, detective wants Riann’s body back!”

Roki’s disembodied voice thundered through the morgue. “No.”

“Yes!” shouted Rick right back at the ceiling.

“Isis, tell the vampire to mind his own business.” Roki said sarcastically. Making the word vampire sound like he was saying dung heap instead “I have better things to do then to keep answering your summons. Only contact me again when you have found Molitiki.”

I glared at Detective Rick as he glared right back at me. “Told you.” I said mulishly.

Rick blew out an exasperated breath. “What the hell is going on around here? Is this how you run your morgue doctor? Allowing anyone to just walk in and waltz away with any body they want?”

“Now wait just a damn minute! I didn’t and I don’t just let anyone walk in here and take bodies out of this morgue! It’s not like I can tell a god that he can’t do what he wants to do! How the hell do you expect me to keep the body in the morgue when it disappears in a poof of smoke?” I seethed.

Where did this guy get off disparaging the way I run the morgue on my shift? Who the hell does he think he is? I’d like to see how he would handle gods popping in and out and bodies disappearing before his eyes! Just because he’s a vampire and higher up the food chain then a mere mortal doesn’t mean he can act like an ass and think he can get away with it!

“I expect you to do your damn job and protect the evidence!” he roared.

“That’s it! I’ve had it with you!” Before he could utter another word I god smacked him through the morgue doors and into the hospital corridor. “And stay the hell out until you can keep a civil tongue in your mouth!” I shouted as I put a vampire ward on the doors so he could not enter them again.

If you are wondering what a god smack is, it’s simple really. A god smack is a full on blast of energy that would knock a charging elephant back twenty feet. Mine threw Detective Rick Cavanaugh through the morgue doors and half way down the hallway flat on his back. I never could hold my temper very well.

As for the vampire ward, it’s a simple spell that prohibits a given vampire from entering a given location. Since the old fable that vampires cannot enter unless invited is just that… a fable… Wiccan priestesses and gods invented wards to keep vampires from going where they were not invited. The ward can be tailored to specific vampires or as a blanket ward against all vampires and in fact most otherworld creatures kept the blanket wards on their homes as a precaution. Because otherworld blood is ten times more powerful then human blood it is always safer to have the wards in places where you are most vulnerable. Besides, most otherworlders have no problem lowering the ward when vampire detectives come to visit or to aid on cases. In fact some vampires are paid by otherworlders in blood instead of cash to solve crimes. It’s just good business.

This particular vampire hit the ward full force and was singed and thrown back from the doors a second time, cursing at the top of his lungs the entire way.

“This isn’t over Doctor Montgomery!” Rick shouted.

“Come back when you learn some manners Detective Cavanaugh, then we’ll talk!’ I shouted right back.

The sound of feet retreating down the hall had me peering out the door window to watch Detective Cavanaugh’s retreating backside. And what a beautiful backside it was. Too bad his attitude really sucked. He might be fun to get to know, if it wasn’t for the attitude.

Happy birthday to me…. How the hell do I get myself into these situations?

And where the hell am I supposed to find a missing monkey?

You think that was bad? Wait till you hear about what happened later on that night! I can’t win for losing anymore these days.

I should have just stayed in bed.



Chapter 2 – Where the hell are my presents?


Beth came in around 2:00 to start her shift a bundle of hyperactivity. As I said before, Beth is a shape-shifter whose other form is a werewolf. Her fur is almost the same exact color of her hair, a mix between dark brown and bright red. Anyone that first meets her thinks that the beauty salon she goes to streaks it that way but it is all 100% Beth. She is this cute little bundle of nerves. And when I say little I mean she is five foot even. No one or two inches in there - anywhere. Her big dark brown eyes are about the only thing on her that is big. She has this dainty little nose and tiny little mouth and chin that is always jutted out like she is spoiling for a fight. Although her eyes twinkle like a little girls’ after she has opened her first present on Christmas, which makes you think she couldn’t hurt a fly. But don’t underestimate her. If the chips are down and I am in serious danger she is like a lion with a cub. She’d rip out anyone’s throat and do it happily to protect her friend – that would be me. Since she shape-shifts into a 6 foot tall werewolf that job is all the more easy for her to do.

So when she came through the double doors like a puppy on steroids, due no doubt to the closeness of the full moon, and came to a screeching halt after one look at my expression and gave me the ‘who do I need to kill’ look I knew I would have to think up something fast. Because the last thing I wanted Beth to get involved with was angry gods and goddesses. They barely tolerated vampires let alone shape-shifters, which they see as inferior because they are tainted by animal DNA. I think it’s a crock but I don’t want my best friend to get in the middle of something that could really hurt her.

“What’s going on?” Beth asked.

I pinned a weary smile on my face. “Nothing, I’m just tired. It’s been a long morning.”

Beth’s nose lifted and she squinted her eyes at me. “You’re lying. Why?” she demanded.

“It’s nothing. Really. Just drop it for now and I will explain all of it later. O.K.?”

“Fine. Don’t tell me. “ She growled. “I’ll find out soon anyway.”
I took a deep breath and let it out in relief when she dropped it and asked me for the rundown of the morning. I told her everything while omitting all the otherworld crap that had happened and we worked in companionable silence on the closeouts from the morning.

I had just gathered my things in anticipation of going off work when Beth asked “Are we still on for your birthday party tonight?”

It had completely slipped my mind that I had agreed to go out with the gang and celebrate my birthday at ‘Up All Night’, a local nightclub later this evening. I hesitated then thought ‘why the hell not’ and said “You know we are.” “Don’t forget to bring my presents.”

Beth laughed and smiled for the first time that afternoon. “What presents?” she asked “You actually think you’re getting anything for your birthday?”

I laughed and waved goodbye as I was heading out the door shouting over my shoulder “No presents, no Isis.”

I heard her chuckling as the doors slipped closed behind me. I’m glad I deflected her attention but I knew come tonight she would be grilling me about what was really going on so I had better come up with something plausible and hope it was convincing enough that she couldn’t smell the lie.

I walked down the corridor to the alcove that I usually use to come and go and ported myself home.

My house was just as I left it. I trudged into the bedroom and stripped out of my clothes and took another quick shower before throwing on a pair of soft jeans and an old sweatshirt with “I’m the girl your mom warned you about” stenciled across the front before trudging back down the hall to the living room. That’s when I noticed there was something different about the room.

There appeared to be a dark shape on my couch. When I flipped the overhead light on the dark shaped turned out to be a huge dog about the size of a small horse. It resembled the mixture of a Rotweiler and a Doberman Pincher with the size of a full grown Great Dane tossed into the mix. It was coal black with dark brown spots above its eyes and on its’ ears and paws and it was……sound asleep snoring on my couch!

I cleared my throat and waited to see if it would wake up. All the while wondering how it got into my house in the first place. I wondered if it was a gift from my dad? He’s always saying that he thinks I need more protection living on my own and all but this huge beast is a little much!

When clearing my throat didn’t work I took a few steps closer to it and said quietly “Hey…doggy….wake up.” All the while hoping it wouldn’t wake up and decide I could be it’s evening kibble.

The massive head stirred a little and its’ ears perked as it slowly opened its’ eyes and blinked at me. One look at his eyes just like one look at Detective Rick’s eyes is all it took for me. This was no ordinary dog. The dogs’ irises were a dark blood red while the rest of his eye was an inky black color. I knew immediately that I was staring at an honest to God hellhound! Now what the hell was it doing snoozing on my couch? And was it going to eat me for dinner? Were the questions foremost in my mind.

The hellhound cocked his head to the right and its’ bright pink tongue flopped out while he sized me up.

“What are you doing on my couch?” I asked as calmly as I could at the moment without shrieking like a girl.

“Taking a nap.” The hellhound said in a mild English male voice. So IT was a HE… goodie for me for figuring that out…yeah right.

“No, that’s not the answer I was looking for.” I said. “What are you doing on MY particular couch in MY particular house?”

"Just what I said...taking a nap."

I got the feeling we were going to be here for a while. Damn... I knew I should have hid under the covers today.