To V.S.

To V.S.

Reflections of what was....

They follow closely on my heels, as my own shadow would had it not run away long ago. A single thought of you passes through my mind and lasts but a brief second and, yet, in that instant, you change everything. Nothing is as it was just a moment before. I no longer feel the warmth of the spring breeze. Instead, it is replaced by the cold glare of your eyes. A chill freezes the blood in my veins, stopping the rapid thumping of my heart. From time to time, I think that maybe you have the answers. If I brought myself to find you again, would you tell me?

You...you have a numbness about you like no one else I've ever known.

Not one salted tear has ever caressed your cheek.

There isn't a match on this earth that could spark the flame of love in your soul.

Not one knife could make you bleed.

Has your stone ever known what it was like to be warm and alive, pumping life through your body?

Tell me, have you ever stood breathless before the setting sun?

Have you ever sat alone in the night and listened to the wise words of silence whispering in your ear?

Has anything ever touched you so deeply that it made you ache inside?

You think saying 'I love you' will make you feel. You think it will make you whole again, but it doesn't and it can't. I bet you lie in bed at night, with no one but your demons by your side. The simple touch of another's hand is something you no longer remember. The soft rhythm of another's heart beating in time with your own...What was that like? Can you feel it anymore? You made me love you and then you ripped my heart out and claimed it as your own, hoping it would make you feel again, but it didn't work, did it? You will never know my emotions. Sometimes I wish I could be a little more like you. Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to no longer feel.

Tell me, how did you forget my name so quickly? Was my body really the only thing that coaxed you to profess your love for me? How did you just turn and walk away, feeling absolutely nothing inside? Was I the one to experience the pain for us both? Was I the only one who begged Father Time for a second chance (however foolishly?)

Tell me, how did the numbness come? Did you call it by name?

Sometimes I question myself. Why did I try to hold onto you?

You can't hold the wind in iron shackles....

May 9, 1999