The First Time

It was nothing like
I had expected –
all of my looking and listening,
my wishing and waiting
had prepared me for something
far more earth-shattering than
the first time a boy’s body
covered me, invaded me.
I waited – for an explosion,
a blackout, even the slightest
sensation. But there was
little more than a sputter,
some grunts and a sigh and
dead weight on my chest
and sweat that wasn’t even
mine rolling off my skin as I
fumbled through the sheets
for the underwear I’d so
carefully selected
that morning.